40. Superpowers

forty

Cam

If I could choose any superpower in the world, it would be to never throw up.

"Oh god, I think it's coming again," I say, leaning over the miniature garbage can next to me. Dr, Burton looks awkwardly away from the screen, and I retch loudly, gagging but nothing comes out. My eyes water, and I pant, wiping them. He sucks in a breath and clears his throat.

"Cam, if we need to call back later, we can."

I shake my head.

"No! No, sorry. I'm..." I gag, then swallow. "I'm fine. I really need this appointment."

Dr. Burton nods, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Okay," he says, adjusting his position. "Then take your time."

I nod, taking a long sip of water before continuing.

"I'm ready."

Dr. Burton clears his throat, still avoiding eye contact with the screen. He continues.

"The important thing to remember when confessing feelings for someone, no matter the circumstance, is to eliminate expectation. Even though she expressed those feelings for you in the past, after rejection, she could be hurt, or simply have changed her mind."

I raise an eyebrow at his words, not because they don't have meaning, but because he knows I hate it when he talks like a doctor and not like a regular person. He chuckles, then relaxes in his seat.

"Okay. You know those sweet proposal videos, where the guy is like, singing Bruno Mars in front of a crowd?"

I nod, knowing exactly what part of my brain cringes when I see them.

"Yeah. And they're like, at Disney World or something, surrounded by every person she's ever loved and also a million random people?" I ask.

A smile breaks across his face.

"Exactly."

I frown.

"If you think that I'm the type of person to do that, I don't think you should be my therapist."

He chuckles again. I like when I make Dr. Burton laugh. It makes me feel like I've won at therapy. Like I'm his favorite patient.

"I am well aware that isn't your speed," he says. "But what I'm getting at is the intensity of the moment. You want Violet to feel like she isn't trapped. Like she can leave the conversation at any point, and like you aren't suffocating her with what you want to say. That you're also giving her a chance to express how she feels."

Ever since talking to Dr. Burton about what Avery said that day, he's been very helpful in keeping me self-aware. I think it was an easy thing for him to miss, because I was good at leaving out details that didn't concern me, or things I didn't want to talk about. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to focus on all the bad things that could happen, because the truth is, anything could. I of all people know that. You could get crushed by an avalanche. You could accidentally almost hookup with your boss. You could accidentally fall for her.

And no matter how much you try to have control over it, you absolutely don't. All you can control is your reaction to what does happen.

I nod.

"That makes sense," I sigh. "So, what should I do?"

Dr. Burton chuckles, shaking his head.

"Cam, there is no should. Not past releasing expectation and opening communication. Other than that—" He sighs. "I can't tell you what to do. But I don't think I need to. I think we wouldn't be having this conversation if you hadn't already thought about it."

My cheeks flush, knowing that he's right. It's all I've been thinking about, actually, since the moment I confessed to Adrian. I stopped thinking about Angela and about Furry Friends. About that stupid fucking contract. I can find another job. I will knock on people's doors offering to groom their dog in their goddamn bathroom before I let some stupid rule prevent me from loving Violet Wolfe.

I nod.

"Do you get paid more for being right?"

Violet came back from her Christmas vacation a day late. I thought more about what Dr. Burton said, about making sure she doesn't feel trapped. So I decided to wait a few more days to ask her to meet me. I don't know why she was late coming back, but I know whatever happened in Clarkston, that it was hard.

So now, I'm here. Sitting in Luigi's driver's seat parked in the Furry Friends parking lot. I tried to think of the best place to do it, but it all felt like too much pressure, even in private. At her house, I would be invading space. At mine, she would be somewhere uncomfortable. In public is never a good idea, but somewhere too secluded could feel overly intense.

I don't know what Violet is thinking. I have no idea what she's feeling, and I have no idea if she's going to believe a single word coming from my mouth. All I do know is that I have to try. Life is too short not to tell someone you love them.

I could get crushed in an avalanche tomorrow.

Violet could be in a fatal car crash.

The world could catch on fire, and everything could turn to ash.

Whatever happens, it will happen with Violet knowing how I feel.

I swallow hard, tapping my fingers on the wooden steering wheel anxiously. Three minutes has never felt so long, and so fast at the same time. Violet turns the corner, looking down at her phone as she does it.

Her hair is pulled back into its usual, perfectly messy bun. Her lashes are in their usual perfect thick rows. Her piercings sit perfectly crooked on her perfect face. Everything about her is usual and perfect.

I take a staggered breath, unlocking the passenger door. Hopefully I can get through this without going into an anxiety attack.

"Hey," Violet says softly, sliding into the passenger seat. Everything is dancing on my tongue, trying not to spill out of my mouth the moment I see her, as I remember what Dr. Burton said. But it's hard, staring at this woman, knowing I don't want to go another day without her by my side. Knowing that she has no earthly idea how much I want her.

"Hey."

She pulls the door closed gently, looking at me for a brief moment, and then away.

"I hope you're not planning on driving me somewhere," she jokes softly, patting the dashboard. "Because last I heard, he wouldn't make it up Maple Hill."

My cheeks flush, and I roll my eyes, my mouth tugging into a slight smile.

"Adrian will take any chance to shit on him, won't they?"

Violet chuckles softly, then her expression drops. She swallows and looks up at me.

"Look, Cam, I just want to say—"

"I—" I start to cut her off, then shake my head. No. Let her talk. Give her space. "Sorry. Go ahead."

She smiles softly.

"This entire thing got completely out of hand. Monsey's, the contract, it was all extremely unprofessional of me. And I realize that now, the position I put you in and—"

34I don't want to interrupt her. I keep hearing Dr. Burton's voice replaying in my head to just let her say how she feels. But I can't when none of it is true. I mean, sure, it was unprofessional. But Violet didn't put me in a bad position. I created the contract. I wanted to continue it. And I knew what the risks were. Violet was never in a position of power over me, at least it never felt that way. She isn't that kind of boss, the one who sits there and delegates while they watch. She's the one you forget is in charge at all because she treats everyone like a friend.

"You didn't." I grab her hands, and Violet's eyes flick up to me. "Violet, this wasn't a position you put me in. And it isn't just a fucking contract. Fuck the contract. Forget about it. I don't care about that anymore. You—" My voice breaks, and I clear my throat. "You changed me. And I know what a fucking cliché that is, believe me. But I was terrified of change. I was scared of anything being different than it was. I was scared that the slightest alter in my routine could be the one thing that ruined my life. Or ended it. And I wasn't wrong to think that. It's the truth."

Violet blinks at me, tears filling her eyes, but she nods for me to continue.

"I'm rambling, I know. I'll get to it in a second, just bear with me." I take a slow deep breath, just like she showed me, and continue. "I was scared of everything, and I still am. And it would be romantic to say that the only thing I'm not scared of is how I feel about you, but if I said it, it would be bullshit. Violet—"

She blinks, tears spilling down her face.

"I am terrified by how I feel about you." She swallows, and I take another shaky breath. "I am terrified by how I feel about you, but I am telling you anyway. Because you make me want to try new things."

Violet's lip quivers, and I rub the back of my neck.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to..."

But Violet cuts me off, pressing her lips against mine. I melt into the tender kiss, warm and loving. She pulls back, looking at me.

"You are the first person that has ever made me cry."

I hold my breath for a moment before blowing it out awkwardly.

"Yeah well, sorry about that. Not my proudest moment but—"

Violet shakes her head.

"Thank you for making me cry."

Her lips press back into mine in a body-melting kiss.* But they part quickly. Startled separation forms between us when a loud knock rings inside of the car. We look out the window, a dissatisfied beach blonde woman standing there tapping her acrylics on her arm.

I recognize that woman from her photo in the work group chat and her Facebook Friend Request. It's Angela.

"Oh fuck."

I swallow, opening the door of the car, and we both get out. Angela lets out a maniacal laugh.

"So imagine this," she snaps, waving her hands in the air dramatically. "I end my trip early to come check on my business, to congratulate my manager for exceeding the monetary and rating goals we had set earlier in the year. And when I pull up—" her voice heightens now, to an unpleasant screech. "I see her making out with her newest employee!"

My breath hitches, my chest rising and falling in a panic.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I mean, I was ready to give up this job, but I didn't think it would happen so soon.

In.

Hold.

Out.

"And I hope you don't have too much shit to pack because you, Cameron Miller, are fired!"

I swallow, tears filling my eyes as I nod. Angela turns to Violet, her thin eyebrows arched angrily.

"And you?! Well, you're lucky you reached those goals because they just saved your ass. If I get any word from anyone that you fail to do a single task, I swear—"

"Wait," Violet cuts her off, stepping in front of me. "You're firing Cam, but you aren't going to fire me?"

Angela's chest heaves angrily, her nostrils flared wide. "Don't make me regret it, Violet."

Violet scoffs and rolls her eyes.

"You can't fire Cam, Angela. The customers love her. Look at the reviews. Look at—"

Angela's eyes light up with fire, her finger pointing aggressively at Violet.

"Do you forget who owns this business Violet? I can fire whoever I want."

Violet props her hand on her hip and looks at Angela unfazed. "You can't fire Cam for violating policy because she isn't violating policy anymore. I fucking quit!"