23. Jase

My blood is like a raging flame that courses through my veins. I want to run after Trevor, grab him by the back of the head, and slam his face into the broken brick wall on the side of the building. Over and over again until he begs me to stop or I knock him out.

It's bad enough he said that shit to my face, but to say it in front of Lucas, too? Dismemberment is rapidly becoming my preferred punishment for that sniveling little asshat.

"Don't give in to him, Jase," Lucas says. "He wants you to go after him. He practically begged you to take a swing at him so he could incinerate your contract. Don't give him the satisfaction."

The ringing between my ears makes my temples throb. A sharp pain shoots down my cast right arm and into my fingers. I wince from the sudden assault of agony.

"He fucking tore me down in front of everyone." My voice shakes with rage.

"Yes, because he wanted to incite you and it worked. You're out here stewing over what just happened, and he's walking around like he won. All because you gave him that power."

I grab my phone from my pocket and stalk toward the street. My pulse jabs the side of my throat, white noise drowning out all sound. Holy fuck, is this what a panic attack feels like?

I take a few deep breaths and pull up the Uber app. My finger trembles over the screen as I bring up the address of Project Renewal. Just before I hit the button to call for the car, someone reaches for me. My body stills, my heart still galloping wildly.

I can't even look at him.

"Let me go," I rasp. "I need to get the fuck out of here before I do something that will get me fired on the spot."

"He's an ignorant guy who has nothing meaningful in his life. He lives in the shadow of his father because he's got nothing of his own to focus on." Lucas walks around and stops when he's standing right in front of me. "It's actually really sad. He doesn't know you, Jase. He said that stuff to get to you."

"It worked."

"You're Jase fucking Maxwell. Famous NFL superstar, accomplished athlete." Lucas's green eyes warm my insides, fizzling out the anger. "Don't give him that kind of power over you. Take it back. He can't hurt you unless you let him."

My jaw drops and I give my head a shake. "Why the fuck do you do this shit?"

Lucas's brows furrow and he recoils the smallest bit. "Do what shit?"

"You keep coming back and I don't get it. Why do you give a damn about me after I've been such a dick to you?"

His face relaxes into a smile. "Like I said, I know who you really are, even if you can't see it. There's a lot more to you than meets the eye. You're a good person, Jase. I've seen it, heard it. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who wasn't worthy of my attention. Because even though you have absolutely been a dick, you're not a lost cause."

"You're probably the only person on the planet who feels like I'm worthy of anything."

"Then I guess it's my gain and everyone else's loss, yeah?"

"That or you're just a glutton for punishment." A hint of a smile quirks my lips upward.

He shrugs. "Maybe I feel like the reward is worth all the work."

"Trust me, it's not."

"I think you're wrong. But you still have a lot of work to do on yourself because for whatever I believe, it doesn't mean anything unless you believe it, too."

We stand on the sidewalk, silent. I'm lost in his needy gaze, pulled in deep and locked on the desire flickering in the depths. And it jars the fuck out of me when I realize I don't want to be saved.

At least, not by anyone else.

Just by him.

"I'm taking you home," Lucas says in a husky voice. "You shouldn't be alone. You don't have to talk to me. We don't ever have to speak again. But right now, let me be your friend."

We don't speak the entire way back to my condo. Lucas doesn't even turn on the radio. It's silent, but in a weirdly comforting kind of way, like he knows I need to process what just happened and is giving me the chance to do it with him as moral support.

Maybe he really does want to be my friend.

I sneak a look at his profile when he pulls up to my building. His face is clean-cut and shaven, as always. Even being on suspension doesn't kill his GQ look. His dark hair looks like it was just freshly cut, trimmed perfectly around his ears. The enticing scent of his cologne tangles with my senses, permeating all the protests my mind keeps throwing out when the idea of inviting him inside percolates.

The truck rolls to a stop next to the curb and Lucas turns to look at me. Fuck, he's gorgeous. Kind of like Zac Efron, but way sexier. And too hard to resist.

The sun dips low in the sky as dusk falls over the city. The horizon is a mix of blue, pink, purple, and orange. It's a chaotic mix of bold color that blends perfectly to produce a breathtaking view.

It's a view that screams anything is possible, that anything can be beautiful, even things that wouldn't be thought of fitting together normally.

Like us.

I drop my hand on top of his where it grips the gear shift. Uncertainty shadows his face.

"I want you to come inside."

He shakes his head. "That's not why I'm here."

"It must've crossed your mind." My chest tightens when he pulls his eyes away, focusing on the windshield instead.

Lucas sighs. "Look, whatever you're going through… it has to be something you work out on your own. I told you I hoped we could be friends. You're not ready for anything more, and regardless of what I feel, I don't want to get caught up in something you think you want to try out. For some guys, it'd be fine. But it isn't for me." He nods his head toward the door. "And anything more than friendship is too much of a risk, Jase."

"You're a fucking liar," I bite out, grabbing the door handle. "You want this. You did from the second you cornered me in that bar weeks ago. Now that I'm ready to give it to you, you wanna run away?"

"You're right. I did want it." He turns toward me, his eyes glittering with pent-up fury. "Then you walked out on me, remember? You couldn't handle my mouth on your cock, my lips on yours. And all of a sudden I'm supposed to believe you're good with this?"

"I know I handled things the wrong way last time. I'm sorry. It's just that I've never done this before… any of it. The whole fucking world thinks I'm a homophobe, for Christ's sake. Dealing with these feelings and what happened outside the bar and then at your place… fuck, it feels like my head has been in a constant tailspin. And no matter what I do, no matter how many distractions I try to use, I can't stop thinking about you." My breath stills. "I don't want to, either. But I want to do more than just think about you."

"Look, I've been where you are and it took me a while to accept who I am and what I want. It's not easy, but I believed that my happiness was worth it. It wasn't an easy decision to come out, but I knew that to live the life I wanted, I had to be true to myself. You'll never find true happiness with anyone until you've come to terms with the person inside and learned to accept him first."

Lucas brings a hand to the back of his neck. He rubs it as he stares out at the street. "I won't be someone's dirty little secret, and that's all I'd ever be to you because you're not ready to accept the truth about yourself. And if that's the case, how could I ever expect you to accept me as anything more?"

My heart aches harder with each word that hits the air. I've buried every chance I've gotten to come to terms with the person I really am, dug a deep hole to store all the angst, fear, and doubt. And the one person who managed to break through the barricade surrounding all of that, the guy I finally want to share it with, doesn't want to take the risk.

Because he doesn't trust that I will take care of his heart if I can't even take care of my own.