Chapter 30

Eliza

Tears prick my eyes, but I fight them back. I didn’t cry the whole time I told Coleson about my past. I’m not saying I’m completely healed, not by a long shot since I’ll always have that trauma in the back of my mind, and I know that. I’ve accepted that. But the tears that want to escape are for the Eliza I’ll be in eleven months. When I watch the man I love walk away from me. I don’t know if telling him my past was a good idea. I hadn’t intended on opening up to Coleson like that. I did expect him to react the way he did, because Coleson is a good man. No one can tell me any differently.

I love him.

Past, present, and future.

He is worthy of my love.

As I fight back my tears, he holds me close, kissing my temple and rubbing my back. He hasn’t let me go, and I really don’t know why. We both know the truth, but even so, I can’t stop how I feel for him. I close my eyes, leaning against his head, and I blow out a breath. He squeezes me, and I can’t keep my lips from tipping up at one side at his tight hold. Seconds turn into minutes, and neither of us moves, sitting on the side of the road while traffic whooshes by.

Despite the fact that I know he probably won’t answer, I ask, “What are you thinking?”

He swallows hard, and as I expected, he doesn’t answer right away. It takes a whole minute before he admits, “I’m trying to figure out how not to hurt you.” I don’t move, surprised by his honesty. “As I said before, I don’t want that to happen. But surely you can see why we can’t be together after a year.”

“I honestly don’t.”

He wavers, his eyes searching mine. “I don’t deserve someone who sticks up for me, who comes to my games, or who looks at me like you do. I’m not a good man.”

“I don’t agree,” I inform him, not allowing him to look away. I take his jaw in my hand, rubbing my thumb along it. “You are kind, giving, and funny when you allow yourself to be. You are letting people make you feel some kind of way about mistakes you made?—”

“It was more than one mistake, Wife. I’ll always be the guy who slept with my teammate’s wife, even when I didn’t sleep with her. You need someone who is better than that.”

“I am a grown-ass adult, and I know what I need. It’s you, Coleson. Only you.”

He shakes his head. “No. Didn’t you see the way my teammates looked at us? They felt sorry for you. They’re waiting for me to cheat on you.”

“I don’t give two fucks. I know you won’t.”

“I know that.”

“Then why does it fucking matter what they think!” I exclaim, searching his gaze. He pulls his jaw from my hand, and I let my hands fall to my lap, a bit defeated by his reaction. “You’ve got to let go of this, Coleson. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I know who you are, and I want you.” He only shakes his head, his jaw so tight, I’m sure he is grinding his teeth. “So, you’re shutting down?”

He looks out the window, not answering me, and I roll my eyes. I ease myself off his lap, and it only pisses me off more that he allows me to go. Instantly, I feel cold without his heat, but I won’t stand for him shutting down on me. He throws the truck into drive and pulls onto the road. I look out the window as he drives, my body shaking with anger. I don’t know why he is holding back. I showed him the deepest part of myself, but he can’t show me his?

Neither of us utters a word as we head home. Once he parks, I don’t wait for him, and I get out. I shut the door and head toward the back of the coffeehouse. Drippy Drip is busy, with a line out the door, so I take that as an opportunity to put space between Coleson and me. Just as I go to pitch in, Coleson catches my bicep in his hand. I look back at him, my brows furrowing. “Let me go, so I can help.”

“They don’t need us. There are plenty of people on staff to work.”

“Oh, so your voice works now?”

He gives me a look. “All right, sassy pants, relax.”

“Relax?” I laugh. “I poured out my soul to you and then told you I want you, and you shut down on me. But I should relax?”

He flinches. “I’m sorry. That was a poor choice of words. Can we talk upstairs?”

“Poor choice of words,” I mutter, shaking my head. “Let me go help.”

“There isn’t enough room for another person. You scheduled everyone to work since we’d be gone all weekend. I promise they’re fine.”

I look back at the counter at the same time as Janie meets my gaze. She waves with a wide smile and then yells out, “Wow, you look hot!”

I couldn’t fight back the grin if I tried. “Thanks.”

She waves again, and then Coleson is pulling me toward the stairs that lead to our home. Once we’re in the stairwell, I tug my arm from his grip and head up the stairs without looking back at him. Unfortunately, I don’t have my keys, so I have to wait for him to make it to the door to unlock it. He takes his sweet time, finding the key and then leaning in to put it in the lock. As he turns it, he says, “She’s right. You are hot.”

I don’t even look at him. “I am well aware.”

His chuckle sends heat right to my gut, and I don’t miss how he mutters, “So damn spicy.”

Bastard.

I ignore his cute little endearment and push through the door to go in. I walk to the closet to place my sandals inside before heading toward the bathroom. I feel his gaze on me, but I ignore him. I slam the door shut for good measure and then lean into the counter. He’s fucking frustrating, and I don’t understand why he is allowing the actions of others to warp his mind into thinking I don’t want him as he is. I know it’s only been a short time, but I care for him. All of him. Even his mistakes. I know there is a reason he made them, and I wish he would just tell me so I could reassure him.

I reach for the zipper of my dress to take it off so I can shower. I’m pretty sure I have pink shit in my hair, and I feel grimy, like the chalk got on my skin. Even with me unzipping it a little, I still can’t reach the zipper from below to pull it all the way down. I refuse to ask for Coleson’s help. He’ll more than likely kiss my shoulder or grab my ass, and the next thing I know, I’ll be fucking naked.

God, I want him.

I don’t want to fight with him. I want to get lost in us, but I don’t know if that’ll ever happen again. Fucking hell, he drives me crazy.

I pull the dress up, but of course, it’s not unzipped enough to get over my head. I try to turn it around to unzip it myself, but with the way the back is made, I can’t get my arms out of the sleeves. I’m tempted to rip the damn thing, but I love the dress so much. I’m basically out of breath as I gather the fabric and throw it up on one shoulder, so my arm is free. Before I can grab the zipper, though, Coleson’s voice seeps through the door. “I can hear you in there struggling. Can I help?” When I unzip it, I almost cry out in excitement, but I contain myself. Before I can answer him, the door handle moves but then stops. “Can I come in?”

My heart melts. Before he knew about my past, I bet he would have come in to confront me, but now that he knows, he respects my boundaries. Why doesn’t he realize I’d do the exact same thing for him? My heart swells, and I fall for him even more. I wish he realized how fucking good he is. Emotion clogs my throat as I say, “I got it. I’m about to jump in the shower.”

I don’t move, waiting to hear him walk away. Instead, he says, “Since I know there is room for two in there, can I join you?”

Pure, hot desire courses through my body. I hold on to the counter, closing my eyes as I try to fight back my need for him. “In the shower?”

“Yes.”

“Is that what you want?” I ask, my pussy throbbing and every bit of my anger faltering at the thought of his body against mine.

I’m a horny little thing.

I hear the thunk of something against the door and then his voice. “Will you open the door? Please.”

My stomach clenches, and I open the door to find his hands braced on the doorframe, his eyes dropping to mine. His eyes are pools of crystal blue as he drinks me in. I feel the heat of his gaze as it moves down my body and then back up to meet my eyes. His voice is husky, dangerous, as he grinds out, “My thirst for you leaves me fucking drowning, Wife.”

My breath catches as he steps closer to me, filling the space with his huge body before he takes my hips in his hands, bringing me flush against his body with ease. When he leans in, his mouth is only a breath away before his eyes burn into mine, and he whispers, “So don’t ever question how badly I want you.”

Then he kisses me.

And gone is the restraint I already didn’t have a hold on.