Chapter 13

Coleson

The question hangs between us, but I don’t think either of us will ask it.

This isn’t going the way I wanted it to. I wanted her to just say yes—boom, bam, married, and I’m on my way to the NHL. I hadn’t expected her to ask me what I wanted from this. Or even what about outside relationships. I’ll be damned if she is gonna cheat on me. Even if it is a marriage of convenience, she’s mine. Er. I mean, she’ll be mine. My wife.

Jesus Christ on a cracker.

I look out at the horizon as the sun rises over the mountains ahead, trying desperately to calm my thoughts and my breathing. It’s beautiful and, honestly, my favorite time to hike. It cracks me up that she truly thinks a bear will come for her. She’s so damn cute. A grin pulls at my lips, though I don’t let it form.

While this view is picturesque, nothing compares to the beauty who stands beside me. I glance over as we walk, taking in her red cheeks and how she has her drink in a death grip. She’ll probably hurl it at a bear, or me, so she can get away to let me get eaten.

I’d let her.

I’d get eaten for her.

What the hell? What kind of thought is that? Why would I even think that? She hasn’t even agreed to be my wife, and I’m willing to die for her? I’m insane. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as she smiles up at the sky, the sun kissing her jaw and throat. It’s like the rays are outlining where I should run my lips, and fucking hell, I want to. I swallow, gripping the straps of the backpack so I don’t grab her and do what I want.

What I need to.

“Do you want to have sex with me?”

Her question catches me off guard, and I trip over my own damn feet. I right myself before I eat dirt and bark out a bit of laughter, shaking my head. “Damn, McDavid, trying to kill me?”

Her face is bright red, even the tips of her ears. God, she’s pretty. “My bad,” she snorts. “I just mean, if we don’t have outside relationships, what will be the expectations of sex?”

My cock springs to life, and I groan inwardly as it forces itself against the zipper of my jeans. I’m not a fan of boxers, but in moments like this, I wish I were. I run my hand down over my mouth, trying to will my cock to stand down. It doesn’t work. I don’t know what to say, but before I can even come up with something, she adds, “A year without sex is a long time.”

“It is,” I agree. “I’ve gone six months already, and it sucks.”

She eyes me incredulously. “Six months?”

“Yeah, reformed manwhore,” I say, pointing my thumb at myself. “It sucks, but I’ll follow your lead. I’m not sure how to navigate that.”

It’s a fucking lie. I know what I want. I want to slam her into the nearest tree and fuck her until neither of us remembers our name. I want to drown between her legs. I want to hear her scream my name as she gushes around my cock. I want her lips on me, around me, against me. I want her. My voice is ragged as I say, “Like I said, I haven’t had a relationship. I’ve only ever fucked, and I don’t want to complicate things with you even more with sex.”

She nods, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth the way I’d love to do. “And by complicate things, you mean developing feelings for me.”

“That won’t happen,” I say as strongly as I can. “I don’t want this, McDavid.”

I instantly regret my comment when she recoils. I suck at communication. “For someone trying to convince me to do something, you’re doing an awful job,” she throws at me, her voice sharp. “Every girl wants to hear that the guy she’s going to marry doesn’t want her.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want you,” I correct, and I don’t know why I said that. I’m supposed to be aloof to her. I don’t want to make her think I want more than I’m asking for. Her eyes lock with mine, and I’m breathless at the sight of the beautiful heat swirling in her hazel depths. With the way the sun shines on her eyes, they sparkle. It’s as easy as breathing to be honest with her. “I said I didn’t want to be married.” She looks away and shakes her head. God, I suck at this. I take a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “What would you want from this…marriage?”

Her eyes cut to me, though she doesn’t turn her head. She looks away, crossing one arm over her stomach as she exhales. “I’m going to be one hundred percent honest with you,” she says, still not looking at me. “I haven’t had luck in the dating world. It’s been shitshow after shitshow. I like the idea of a constant companion, someone I can share my life with and who will offer me a chance to live a great life for a change. I didn’t grow up in the best environment, and I yearn to be settled. But that’s not what you want. You want a friend. And while I want the coffeehouse, I don’t know if this is doable without me catching feelings.”

I have questions, but if she wanted to elaborate, she would have. So I don’t ask as my heart falls into my gut. “I understand.”

“I want to help you, though,” she says quietly, and hope burns in my chest. “I believe in you, and I want you to get to the NHL.”

I look over at her, stunned. “You do?”

“I do, because you deserve it. You’ve worked hard. Yeah, you fucked up at the beginning, but everyone messes up in their lives. If I can help you, I want to, but I feel like we haven’t even agreed to this and it’s already complicated.”

“I don’t want it to be,” I say quickly, my heart slamming into my ribs. “I want this to be as easy as it can be.”

“It won’t be, though,” she says simply. “We’re two different people with two different views on how this should go.”

But doesn’t she feel the chemistry? I know this can work. We can make this good.

“Okay, how do we meet in the middle?”

When she stops, I do too. We turn to face each other, and I grip the straps of my backpack tighter when she looks up to meet my gaze. She’s so small, so fucking adorable. As I stare into her eyes, I want to give her whatever she wants. I want to make her happy because she wants to help me. I swallow nervously and wait. I don’t know why she stopped, and I sure as hell don’t know what to say.

“I want to confirm some things, just so we have nothing unsaid.”

“Okay.”

Her gaze is dark, serious, as she gazes up at me. “The marriage will be legal?”

“Yes.”

“And we won’t step out on each other.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Nor would I.” She nods. “I’ll move in. We’ll share a bed because you can’t play good hockey when you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“I would do that if it’d make you comfortable.”

She waves me off. “I want to learn everything there is to know about the coffeehouse, but I’ll have to be at the bookshop too.”

I nod. “Not a problem. If you want to stay with your sister when I’m on road trips, that would be fine with me as long as you can open the coffeehouse for me.”

“I can do that,” she agrees. “I don’t want to be just roommates. I want to be friends.”

“Agreed.”

“I want to know you.”

My heart swells. “I want the same.”

“Is there anything you want?”

You. “You agreeing to this will give me what I want.”

Her eyes darken to brown, and fuck, I want to kiss her. She swallows, her chest rising and falling. “I told you I haven’t had the best dating life, and when I tell you it’s been rough, I’m not lying.” I don’t know how that’s possible, but I’m thankful every other dude was a dud. If they had locked her down, I wouldn’t have this chance. I wouldn’t have this woman. “I want to come every day.”

Well, fuck me sideways.

My eyes widen at her confession, and my cock roars to life, throbbing the instant the words leave her mouth. “Excuse me?” I somehow get out, though my voice sounds like gravel being crunched in a parking lot. “Come where?”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t be dense,” she demands, almost proudly. Her little chin is jutted toward me. “I want to come daily. I don’t care how you make it happen, but you have to make it happen for me to agree to this.”

My voice is strained. “I gotta travel.”

“There is FaceTime.” Just the thought of watching her get herself off under my gaze and from my words has me burning from the inside out.

“You want me to be in control of your pleasure?” I ask through my teeth, willing myself not to tackle her and do just that.

Her eyes dance with mine, burning with desire. “Yes, every day.”

I run my fingers through my hair, speechless. This is no hardship, and I know I would enjoy myself, so why am I not agreeing? “Sex can bring feelings, McDavid. You sure?”

“I’m gonna catch them anyway,” she says with a shrug. “At least I’ll enjoy it until my heart is broken.”

The sadness in her voice kills me. I don’t want to break her heart, but I need her. I meet her gaze, and I swear I can hear her heart pounding. Or maybe it’s mine. I don’t know, but I want this. Her. Us.

“It would be a privilege to make you come. Every. Single. Day.”

Her eyes widen a bit before they become hooded, her breathing labored as her gaze stays locked with mine. “Should we shake on it?”

I shake my head, and without hesitation, I snake my arm around her waist and bring her to me. I have to bend down to reach her mouth, but I don’t mind. “No, McDavid. We kiss to seal this deal.”

“Now?”

“Right now,” I murmur before I capture her lips with mine. Her lips are lovely, soft, and…fuck, I like kissing her. I almost try to deepen it, I yearn to run my tongue along hers, but I know if I do, I won’t stop.

And we need to get married.

I pull away and bask in her dazed look. Her lashes kissing her cheeks, her mouth parted, her lips swollen and pink. She leaves me breathless, fully fucking breathless. I cup her jaw, running my thumb along her bottom lip. “Okay, McDavid, let’s go get married.”