Chapter Eight

Hugo: I made it home. Storm drove me and is refusing to leave. I hope you liked your present.

Hugo: I hope you not answering my texts or calls is just you sleeping off everything.

Hugo: I see. You could at least be man enough to dump me in person, or even any way at all other than ghosting me. I knew better than to send that gift with no explanation. That’s what I get for just assuming you love me as much as I love you. No matter what, I hope you have an amazing life and all that. I don’t regret loving you.

I don’t regret loving you . Those words haunted Tavey. Every day he didn’t speak to Hugo was hell. He saw from the news Hugo had been unable to play for several weeks due to “an unspecified injury.” Tavey tiptoed around the gift bag on his dresser, unable to look inside. Each time he thought about Hugo, he could only rub his chest and ache. Since they met, they had never been apart this long. Knowing it was forever was like being trapped in a nightmare. Travis’s comment about the gift being important to Hugo kept gnawing at the back of his mind. He couldn’t stop looking at the bright red bag.

They had easily hunted down the low-level drug dealer who had targeted Hugo with their now-dead errand boy. The guy had been bitter about Tavey’s family shutting him down. His drugs weren’t pure, and they were killing people. That was bad business they didn’t want in their town. He had conveniently disappeared—the way all Len Cattaneo’s enemies always did.

Tavey rolled from the bed and moved toward the bag that sat taunting him on his dresser. His chest already hurt all hours of the day. He already wasn’t speaking to anyone any longer. What did it matter if he broke what was left of his heart and looked inside? This gift had obviously mattered to Hugo. Tavey deserved the pain of knowing what was inside. He peeked inside. Tavey curled his nose at chocolate covered strawberries that had started to mold thanks to his refusal to open the gift. He pulled the container out and set it aside next to the dead roses. Tavey knew both things needed to be thrown away. He just didn’t have the strength. Tavey pulled out the bottle of wine and checked the label. A sad smile pulled at his lips. It was the same brand they had shared one night while spending the whole night awake and talking. That night had been one of the best in his life. Hugo knew how to tug at his heartstrings. Nothing about the gift aligned with the wording of Hugo’s text. Tavey didn’t understand why Hugo thought he needed to explain the gift before it upset Tavey. He picked up the bag. It still felt a little too heavy for only having tissue paper inside. He set it back down and dug through the paper. His heart stopped when he spotted a black velvet box at the bottom. Tavey’s hand shook as he lifted the box. He carried it to bed. After sitting on the edge of the mattress, Tavey stared at it, wondering if he had the strength to open it. Whatever was inside, he hadn’t earned. It was built on lies. Hugo didn’t know the real him. He loved a fake man.

He flipped open the box. The amount of pain that hit him nearly stopped his heart. Tavey didn’t know how a person could hurt so much and keep living. It was a wedding set. Tavey traced the line of diamonds set inside each ring. They were beautiful. The most horrible truth hit Tavey. Hugo was out there somewhere thinking Tavey stopped talking to him because he wanted to marry him. He hadn’t thought there was anything left of his heart to break. Tavey needed to at least hear about him. Even if he couldn’t be with Hugo, he needed to know how he was. He grabbed his phone and called Storm.

Storm answered on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, man.”

A moment of silence met his words before Storm responded. “Hey.” Storm didn’t sound happy to hear from him.

Tavey cleared his throat. “How have you been?”

“All right, and you?”

Words stuck in Tavey’s throat. He couldn’t claim he was fine. “How is he?”

A slow, tired-sounding breath met his question. “Hmm. Well, considering he almost died for a guy who had no trouble immediately stomping on his heart, I’d say he’s about as well as can be expected.”

Tavey didn’t respond.

Silence grew.

Storm broke first. “He’s quiet. I mean, he killed someone. Then he came home to weeks of being completely alone, unable to work, in pain, and ignored by the man he loves. He doesn’t smile anymore.”

It was like getting stabbed in the chest. Hugo’s nonstop huge grin and contagious happiness was an integral part of who he was. Tavey had killed that.

“It’s my fault.”

“I know,” Storm said, showing no mercy. “He needed you and you walked away.”

“No. I mean, yeah, I did that. But no, I mean, him getting stabbed is my fault. He almost died, and I didn’t prepare him to watch for danger. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about our family. He walked into this blind and I deserve his hatred for that.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Tavey growled in frustration. He shouldn’t have to spell things out to Storm. “I didn’t tell him who we really are. He’s not from here. Hugo doesn’t know about the Cattaneo family.”

“Yes, he does.”

Tavey blinked. “What?”

“He does. Back when you first became official, we talked about it in passing. I emphasized he needed to understand this family was dangerous. He made it clear he doesn’t care. Hugo just wants to be with you.”

Tavey couldn’t breathe. “He’s known this whole time. How? ”

“I don’t know. It’s not like it’s a secret. Hell, all he had to do was Google your dad.”

He hadn’t considered that. Not once had he thought Hugo knew. A memory hit. He had tried to tell Hugo at Christmas. Before he could get the words out, Hugo had silenced him with a kiss. At the time, he hadn’t realized Hugo had intentionally cut off his words. He knew. Hugo hadn’t wanted him to be forced into confessing what he already knew and accepted. Fuck.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, whatever you decide, I wouldn’t take too much longer to figure it out. Hurt turns to hate. Pain hardens the heart. I would know.”

He would. Barrett had almost destroyed Storm before loving him the way he deserved. Tavey couldn’t do that. He couldn’t wreck Hugo, stealing the amazing man he used to be away from the world.

Tavey pulled the dual rings from the box and slipped one on his ring finger and the larger one on his thumb. He would wear Hugo’s and his until Hugo agreed to wear his. Tavey had to get back his man before he lost him forever. There was no time to waste. There was no time like right now.

Loud music assaulted Hugo’s ears. He stayed plastered to the bar stool, nursing his fifth drink while staring at nothing. Hugo hadn’t been to the hotel bar since the night Tavey broke up his latest hookup. He didn’t know why he was there now. Everything got on his nerves. The sound of people, the smell in the air, and even the taste of the liquor made him want to puke. Looking around, he had no idea how or why he had spent so many nights here. What kind of person had he been?

“Hey.”

Hugo looked over at the blonde woman who snagged the stool beside him. “Hey.” He made sure to keep the interest from his voice. Hugo wanted to be alone in a crowd.

“Do you remember me?”

He barely spared a glance for her long hair and perfect body. Hugo definitely did not remember her. “Sure, chérie.”

A bright smile lit her face. She twirled her hair around her finger. “Good. Hopefully, that means you remember giving me a rain check.”

“Get lost.”

Hugo’s spine stiffened and his blood ran cold at the sound of Tavey’s voice.

“Jesus. You again?”

“It’s nothing personal, chérie,” Tavey said, mocking Hugo’s accent. “He’s mine.”

Hugo didn’t bother glancing behind him. He tossed back his drink, determined to take the girl upstairs just to prove a point.

She glanced between them. “Oh. Oooh.” He recognized the moment she realized what Tavey meant. She turned her irritation on Hugo. “It’s not right for you to be here, picking up women when you’re taken.” She practically leapt from the stool. She paused next to Tavey. “You deserve better.” With that proclamation, she stormed off.

Hugo rolled his eyes. She had been the one picking him up. He had been minding his business. Hugo stood and put money in the tip jar. He still didn’t look Tavey’s way as he headed for the door. Hugo couldn’t set eyes on him. He was weak. Hugo started to turn left toward the door. Before he made it, Tavey took his arm and steered him to the right, toward the elevators. Hugo looked down at where Tavey held his arm. It was safer than seeing his face, except it wasn’t. Hugo’s heart stopped. Tavey wore one wedding ring on his ring finger and Hugo’s on his thumb. A lump formed in his throat. Why had Tavey come to do this thing to him? Hugo had just started to accept he would have to let him go.

He let Tavey drag him into the elevator. Hugo couldn’t find the words to fight. In his heart, he had thought he would never see Tavey again. Now here he was. Hugo hadn’t practiced for this. The moment the door closed, leaving them alone, Tavey crowded his space. Hugo moved away, still refusing to look at Tavey. His voice still didn’t work .

Tavey didn’t give up. “I deserve that.” He pressed his forehead against Hugo’s chest. The scent of his cologne hit Hugo. His pain doubled. He had begun planning his future around Tavey. Being ghosted by him was the cruelest thing Tavey could have done. The silence had been torture. He fucking hated that he loved him and couldn’t stop. Hugo belonged to Tavey and didn’t want it. Yet he couldn’t shove Tavey away the way he deserved.

Tavey’s left hand rested on Hugo’s chest. He lightly stroked as if it was an unconscious motion. Hugo covered Tavey’s hand with his and worked the ring from his thumb. Tavey turned his head and watched. “Please don’t take it back.”

Hugo didn’t respond. He was afraid of unlocking his back teeth. If he did, he might start screaming at the top of his lungs. Then he might not stop. Instead, he put the ring on his ring finger and turned away. He leaned his shoulder against the wall and waited for the elevator to stop. When the door slid open, Tavey took his hand and led him down the hall. They didn’t speak as Tavey let him inside a room. Hugo went, even though he still wanted to run. He didn’t know why he kept allowing Tavey to drag him around. That wasn’t true. Hugo knew they weren’t over. He knew he couldn’t quit Tavey. But Hugo still wished he had the strength to walk out and make Tavey chase him. He wanted Tavey to feel the echoing silence he had experienced since Valentine’s Day. They wouldn’t be okay until Tavey fully grasped what he had done.

Once they were alone inside the room, Hugo didn’t budge. He made no attempt to move deeper into the room. Tavey turned on every light before he returned to Hugo’s side. He tugged at his shirt .

“Let me see. I need to see.”

Like a puppet, Hugo let Tavey control him. Tavey pulled off his shirt and Hugo didn’t fight. The wounds were still raw and healing. His stitches had only been gone a week. Internally, he still felt like everything tore and pulled each time he moved certain ways. None of it compared to the pains in his chest. He had been too distracted by his heartache to feel anything else.

Tavey inspected his side and back. Suddenly, he dropped to his knees and kissed the wounds. Hugo’s eyes closed. It was as if his emotions stole his vision. Pain made it impossible for him to continue watching the scene. His heart tried harder to protect itself. Tavey kept his lips pressed against Hugo’s body. Then he felt it. Hugo felt Tavey’s tears hit his skin.

The breath stuttered from his lungs. He was on the verge of losing his shit. Hugo crossed his arms over his chest, trying to hold in the hurt. “I couldn’t get to you fast enough that night.” Even to Hugo’s ears, he sounded rough—like it had been years since he used his voice. “There was this whole scene in my head where I would seduce you and ask you to marry me. If you said yes, then I could tell you all about how I had been in talks to retire after this season and take over for a retiring game analyst in Toronto. I really thought I had it all figured out. All for you.” Hugo’s voice broke. He cleared his throat. “I really thought I meant something to you.”

With another light kiss against his wounds, Tavey stood. He avoided Hugo’s stare, making it easier for Hugo to look at him. He genuinely appeared every bit as wrecked as Hugo.

“All I could think about was how this was my fault. I did this to you. In the past year, I’ve had a million opportunities to tell you about my family and give you the chance to run from me.” Tavey’s gaze finally collided with Hugo’s. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked broken. “You should’ve run from me. I did this.”

It had never crossed his mind Tavey might blame himself. “I could’ve walked away. From the moment I learned about your family, I could have made that choice. When I went to lunch with Lennox, and he realized who I was dating, he told me about you. Warned me, actually. Right then, I could’ve gone straight to the airport and never looked back. But I went back to you, and I looked into your eyes. I saw something I couldn’t walk away from. That was me. I chose to stay. I chose us over the risks. You didn’t do this. I chose love.” Hugo swallowed. It hurt. “Then you chose silence.” Hugo swallowed again. He was scared as hell he might cry. “How dare you?” His voice came out in a shaky whisper. He couldn’t stop. “How fucking dare you?”

A tear slid down Tavey’s cheek. “I didn’t know how else to save you from me.”

“Then why are you here?” The bark and anger in his voice couldn’t be contained. The fury in his heart had nowhere to go.

Tavey didn’t flinch away from the rage. “Because I’m selfish. I love you and I don’t know how to stop. Because every single day without you has been like being trapped inside a nightmare. It’s a hell I can’t escape. I need you to fix it. I need you to forgive me and love me or I’m pretty sure my heart will stop beating. Each breath is too hard without you. I’m suffocating.”

Hugo was too. There was no air. “Tell me how I’m supposed to let go of the way you left me to drown. When everything happened that night, all I could think about was you. I didn’t call for help. It was you I reached for. All I got was some lawyer who shoved me on a plane while I was drugged and confused. Still, I believed in you. I honestly thought you’d show up any second. At the lowest moment of my life, you failed me.”

“I know.”

Hugo’s anger surged. “Even knowing everything about you, I loved you and believed in you. I thought you—” The wind left Hugo’s sails, leaving him empty. “I thought you would always be by my side.” Hugo sounded defeated. He couldn’t help it. Life had beaten him.

“Hit me.” Tavey looked totally serious.

Hugo fought an eye roll. “I’m not going to hit you.”

Tavey’s body shifted, as if preparing to take a blow. “Hit me. You’re furious and it’s not going away without an outlet, so just hit me. I can take it.”

Hugo shook his head. He couldn’t believe his ears. “You’re an idiot. Not only would it fucking kill you if I hit you, but I’m also not some abusive boyfriend.”

Tavey didn’t back down. “You won’t forgive me until you hurt me back, even though I broke my own heart too. I need you. I can’t live without you. So wipe the floor with me.” He gave Hugo’s shoulder a small shove. “Make me hurt the way you do.” He pushed Hugo’s shoulder again, trying to start a physical fight. “Don’t let me get away with this. I hurt you. I abandoned you when you needed me the most. Make me feel your pain.” He shoved Hugo again. This time, Tavey put some real force behind it.

Hugo snapped. He grabbed two handfuls of Tavey’s shirt and hauled him forward. Nose to nose, Hugo spoke through gritted teeth. “ You’re not a punching bag. I’m not either. Don’t ever put your hands on me in anger again.”

“It’s not anger. It’s desperation, You have to make me hurt.”

Tavey’s broken-sounding whisper shattered something inside Hugo. His lips touched Tavey’s. They clung. Hugo’s breathing turned rapid. Now was the time to shove Tavey away. Punish him. Make him feel the gulf between them. Instead, Hugo shuffled even closer. Tavey’s hands slid across his sides. Hugo hissed as Tavey’s fingers dug into his still healing skin.

Tavey leapt backward. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He looked so sincere. Hugo couldn’t resist him.

The space between them vanished. Hugo reclaimed his lips. This time, their tongues met, and they caught fire. The passion that built them reignited, saving them. Hugo pulled at Tavey’s clothes while Tavey tugged at Hugo’s while they moved toward the bed. They didn’t make it. Hugo spun Tavey and bent him over the desk. He scrambled for his wallet and the small sample-sized packet of lube inside. His patience was gone. The hurt and rage that had driven him the past few weeks drove him again now. With the bare minimum of preparation, Hugo impaled him. He held Tavey’s hair and took him.

“You’re mine. Forever. Understand?”

“Yes.” Tavey’s answer came out in a breathless-sounding pant.

“No one else will ever use this hole or any part of this body.” He slammed hard against Tavey’s body, taking him roughly. “This entire body belongs to me. You’ll marry me and you’ll never vanish again.”

“I know.”

It wasn’t good enough. Hugo pulled out and snatched Tavey from his feet.

“No, Hugo. You’re still heal—” The words died as Hugo tossed Tavey on the bed and followed him down. His mouth covered Tavey’s even as he pushed Tavey’s legs up and shoved his way inside again. He used Tavey. Their kiss was violent as Hugo consumed him, showing him what he almost lost. Tavey had stolen this from them. Never again. They were one person. They weren’t whole without each other. Tavey couldn’t disappear again. Hugo would die.

Tavey’s moans turned desperate beneath him. He clawed at Hugo’s skin. Hugo focused everything on making Tavey come. He needed Tavey to remember them. Tavey couldn’t forget him again. His body tensed. Hugo held his breath. Then Tavey jerked and his hole convulsed. Hugo reveled in his cries. He pumped faster, savoring Tavey’s orgasm as his built. Hugo had barely held out long enough for Tavey. His teeth sank into Tavey’s shoulder. He whimpered against Tavey’s skin as the first wave hit. He rode Tavey’s ass, dragging out every ounce of ecstasy.

Tavey whispered praises against his ear. “That’s so fucking sexy. Pump me full of cum. I want to feel you later. Make me sorry for everything I’ve done. I love you so fucking much. If I lose you, it’ll kill me. You’re my everything. Every fucking thing.”

Hugo covered Tavey’s mouth with his, tasting the truth on Tavey’s tongue. They had suffered their first rough patch and endured. He still fully expected this to be the last time Tavey pushed him away, but they were okay. They were great.

The urge to cry still hadn’t passed. Tavey had shown up here with his heart in his hands and everything on the line. For a moment, he thought there had been hatred in Hugo’s eyes. He wouldn’t survive seeing that again. Tavey could never let this happen again.

“We should get married.”

Hugo laughed. It sounded tired. “I thought we’d established that much already.”

Tavey shook his head. “I mean now. Obviously, it can’t be like right this second, but maybe tomorrow or the next day, but no later than that. I can’t feel again the way I’ve felt these past few weeks. My heart needs you to have the protection of my last name, and my soul needs you sleeping next to me every night. I have to know this is forever right this second.”

“Same.”

Tavey’s heart soared. He grabbed Hugo’s face and held it between his hands. The past few weeks hadn’t extinguished a single light. He had no trouble seeing Hugo’s heart in his eyes. “You’re serious.”

It wasn’t a question, but Hugo still nodded. “Call that Pierre guy and figure out what we need. I’ll call Mom and tell her to pack a bag. Things will be easier if we marry in Canada. You have too much family who’d have to make the trip, and I want them there.”

God, he loved this man. He had the most flawless soul Tavey had ever seen. “I don’t deserve this.”

Hugo’s expression turned fierce. “Yes, you do. We do. A rough few weeks means nothing when held against how amazing this relationship has been. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I feel like I’ve spent my entire life working my way toward you. You can’t dilute this with a hiccup.”

He was right. Tavey had lived the wildest of lives, refusing to settle. Now he knew why. It was this man. He had been out there, trying to get to Tavey while Tavey fought to find him.

“We have a million details to iron out, but I don’t care. We can do that as husbands just as easily as not.”

Hugo smiled. It was immediate and huge. “Husbands. That has a nice ring to it.” His smile faltered. “I can’t believe we almost lost this. It would’ve killed me, for real. One way or another. Likely, I would’ve drunk myself into an early grave. I seriously can’t go through that again. ”

Guilt ate at Tavey. “You deserved so much better from me. I’ll never be sorry enough to fix what I did. Fuck, I’ve seriously never been as scared. You could’ve died because of who I am.”

The sweetest of smiles touched Hugo’s lips. “It would’ve been worth it to me. A day of love and happiness with you is more important than anything to me. I’ve never loved anyone so much.”

Tavey nodded. “Same.”

Hugo lowered his head and swiped his lips sweetly across Tavey’s mouth, teasing him. His huge body kept Tavey warm. He felt amazing between Tavey’s thighs. Tavey couldn’t let Hugo distract him. Not yet. He wanted their life together to be perfect. Tavey turned his head, leaving Hugo to kiss his neck.

“Have you talked to anyone about what happened?”

He felt Hugo smile against his skin. “I’m talking to you.”

Tavey fought a laugh, since he obviously wasn’t speaking. He was seducing. Unfortunately, this was too serious. He hated to ruin the moment. “I meant about taking someone’s life. I know that’s not an easy thing to live with.”

Hugo went still. He slowly leaned away until he met Tavey’s stare. “You say that as if it’s something you have a lot of experience with.”

Fuck. He hated this. Tavey couldn’t have secrets between them. “Come on, Hugo. You know who my family is. I can’t let you pretend I go to a normal job. That would eventually eat at you and destroy us. ”

Hugo rolled to his side. On his elbow, he propped up his head and stared at Tavey. He rubbed Tavey’s stomach as if comforting him. “I’m not pretending. This whole time, I’ve known who I love. But do you talk to anyone? It sounds like you need it.”

A sad smile tugged at Tavey’s lips. “I can talk to you, if you’d like. Otherwise, there’s not really anyone. I hate knowing how I’ll likely look in your eyes when I say this, but it needs to be said. I don’t feel guilty. The people my family deals with are bad people. That’s all I can really say. You’re safer that way, but these are bad people.”

Hugo nodded. His sober expression proved how serious he took the matter. “I don’t feel bad. It’s a little strange. That night, I fully expected the shock to go away and leave me a mess. I kept waiting and the guilt never came. That guy meant to kill me, and I didn’t stab him. Truthfully, he stabbed himself. I just twisted the knife away to protect myself and he lunged at me, impaling himself. He was the one holding the knife, and he’s the one who ran at it. I only kept it away from me. Obviously, I don’t feel good or comfortable having watched the guy die. I hope I’m never in that position again, because I recognize he was a person with people who likely loved him. But he made his choices. Not me.”

Tavey searched his face. He was telling the truth. That night didn’t haunt him. “I love you. You’re the most amazing person I know, and I’m sorry about everything.”

“I know.” He kissed Tavey’s cheek. “And I love you too.” His lips moved to Tavey’s mouth. “I refuse to let us fail.”

Tavey buried his fingers in Hugo’s hair and held on while they explored each other’s mouths. He never got enough. Even knowing they had the rest of their lives wasn’t enough to satisfy Tavey’s heart. He would try, though.