30. Emma

I takea deep breath as I knock on the door to Alex, Slade, and Lukas's loft. My chest clenches, knowing everything rides on tonight—our unconventional relationship, the team's performance, all of it.

Slade swings open the door, his sandy hair tousled and gray-blue eyes crinkling as he greets me with a warm smile. "Hey beautiful, come on in."

Slade has a sling on from his injury earlier in the week. Thankfully, the imaging showed that it was minor and he should be back on the ice by end of next week. Still, it makes me ache to see my man hurt like this.

As I step inside, the most incredible aromas hit me—garlic, rosemary, something divine roasting in the oven. I peek into the kitchen to find Alex, sleeves rolled up over his muscular forearms, expertly sautéing vegetables.

"Mm, smells amazing in here," I call out appreciatively. Alex glances up, onyx eyes burning.

"Wait until you taste it," he replies with a wink. I feel myself flush. That man has a way of firing me up with just a look.

The front door opens again, and Ryan walks in, all intensity and weighted silences as usual. "Hey," he greets the room with a nod. Ryan's eyes meet mine, and my stomach flutters.

Things have been building between us. We still haven't had penetrative sex yet; I can tell he's worried about hurting me with his huge cock. But tonight, I'm determined to show Ryan that I'm ready for all of him. Every last thick, throbbing inch.

"Dinner's served!" Alex announces. "Lukas, stop primping and get your ass out here."

Lukas saunters out, golden hair artfully mussed, emerald eyes glinting mischievously. "Like what you see?" he says, catching me staring. I roll my eyes but can't suppress a grin. Lukas is an irrepressible flirt.

We settle around the table, passing dishes brimming with Alex's mouthwatering cooking. But despite the incredible food, the conversation feels stilted, uncomfortable. Lukas and Ryan are clearly trying, but there's still something simmering there.

It has a weirdly different weight to it, tonight.

I feel a pang of guilt, knowing I'm the one who stirred this all up by getting involved with them both. Well, all of them. Slade uncorks the wine, and I take a big gulp of Cabernet.

"So, um, how about that power play in the second period last game?" I offer weakly.

Ryan just grunts. Lukas examines his cuticles. Alex and Slade exchange a meaningful glance. Ugh, I'm usually bubblier than this. Funnier.

But the strain between Lukas and Ryan is so palpable, it's throwing me off, making me question everything.

Under the table, I feel a warm hand cover my knee. I glance over to see Slade giving me a reassuring smile. He leans in, his spicy cologne swirling around me.

"Relax, Emma," he murmurs. "It'll all work out."

I exhale, trying to absorb some of his steadfast calm. Slade's right. We have to push through this awkwardness. The future of the team, not to mention this wild, wonderful, complicated thing blossoming between the five of us—it all hangs in the balance.

Slade clears his throat and sets down his wine glass. "Alright, let's get down to brass tacks," he says, fixing each of us with his serious gaze. "We all know why we're here. Emma."

I feel my cheeks flush as four pairs of eyes turn to me.

Slade continues, "Our connection with her—it's special. Rare. But it's also causing some friction on the ice."

Lukas shifts in his seat, a flicker of defensiveness in his green eyes. "Slade, man, Ryan and I are cool now. Water under the bridge, right?" He looks to Ryan for confirmation.

Ryan nods, but there's a tightness in his jaw. "Yeah, we're good. No hard feelings."

I'm not buying it. There's something still sparking between them like a live wire. I lean forward, my heart hammering against my ribs.

"Guys, I appreciate you trying to smooth things over, but let's be real. This situation, it's complicated as hell. And if we don't address it head-on, it's going to keep messing with your chemistry on the ice."

Alex hums in agreement, his dark eyes thoughtful. "Emma's right. We need to lay it all out there, no holding back. Whatever issues you two have, they need to stay off the rink."

Lukas nods, his expression uncharacteristically serious. "I hear you, coach. I swear to you, Ryan and I, we're good. We've got each other's backs out there, no matter what."

Ryan's jaw clenches, but he gives a curt nod of agreement. "Lukas is right. The team comes first."

I glance between them, sensing the lingering tension beneath their words. It's clear that their history runs deep, and mending those fences will take more than a few apologies and promises.

It's a start. And I think open communication is going to be the ultimate solution here. It's time to bring up the proposal that Slade and I have discussed.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves as I look around at the four devastatingly handsome men seated before me in Slade's penthouse living room.

"Well, in the name of being good team players, then…I propose we officially form a polycule," I say, sounding less nervous than I feel.

I glance around the table, trying to gauge their reactions. Slade gives me an encouraging nod, his gray-blue eyes warm and supportive. He and I have discussed this at length, and I know he's fully on board.

But Alex, Lukas, and Ryan all look varying degrees of surprised and uncertain. I feel a pang of anxiety. Maybe this is too much, too fast.

"A polycule," Ryan repeats slowly, as if testing out the word, his brow furrowed adorably. "So, like, all of us…together?"

I nod, taking a deep breath. "Yes. Officially. Openly. No more sneaking around or feeling guilty or jealous. We'd all be equal partners."

"Let me get this straight," Lukas speaks up from where he's sprawled on the opposite couch, his piercing green eyes glinting mischievously. "You want us all to be one big happy poly family? With you at the center of our hunky hockey man-harem?"

I roll my eyes, even as a blush heats my cheeks. "If you want to put it in the most ridiculous terms possible, then yes, Lukas. I'm suggesting we solidify our arrangement as a polycule."

Lukas grins wolfishly and winks at me. "I'm game, sugar. The more the merrier in my bed."

"Shut it, playboy," Alex chides him, muscular arms crossed over his broad chest. His short black hair is messy as he runs his hands through it. "This is serious. If we're going to make this work, we need to all be on the same page."

"I agree," Slade says, ever the responsible captain. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, fixing me with his intense gray-blue gaze. "Communication and trust will be key. We need complete transparency between all of us."

I nod, feeling a swell of affection for Slade. I know this whole crazy situation was his idea initially, borne out of his desire to make everyone happy, bring his team truly together. What a teddy bear. A sexy, six-foot-something hockey playing teddy bear.

"Exactly," I say. "Ryan and I can keep dating separately, if that's what he wants." I turn to look at him, hoping he can see the sincerity in my eyes. "But I don't want to hide my connection with Slade, Lukas, and Alex from you anymore. I care about all of you so much. I want us to build something real, together."

Ryan is quiet for a long moment, staring down at his hands. I can practically see the wheels turning behind those soulful brown eyes. Finally, he sighs and meets my gaze.

"Okay. I'm in. I want to make this work too, Em. And if this is the way I get to be with you, I'll be a part of it." He takes my hand, his thumb rubbing gentle circles over my skin. "I just have some questions…"

"Of course," I encourage him, squeezing his hand. "Ask me anything."

Ryan's brow furrows again. God, he's cute when he's thinking hard. "How will we handle being in public together? Hockey isn't exactly the most progressive sport. We'll need to be discreet."

"Pfft," Lukas snorts. "Just say we're a bunch of bros being dudes. No one will question it."

Alex shoots him a withering look. "I don't think ‘being dudes' usually involves five-ways, dumbass."

Slade holds up a hand. "We can figure that out as we go. I'm sure if we're careful, no one needs to know the specifics of our relationship."

I nod in agreement, though part of me wants to shout my love for these incredible men from the rooftops. But the logical side of my brain knows we need to be smart about this. Damn heteronormative society and its judgy-ness.

"You're right, we'll be cautious," I assure Ryan. "What else is on your mind, babe?"

Ryan chews on his unfairly kissable bottom lip. "I guess I'm worried about jealousy cropping up, or someone feeling neglected. How do we make sure everyone's needs are being met?"

"By actually talking about our feelings?" Alex suggests drily. "Novel concept, I know."

Lukas gasps in mock horror. "Feelings? What are those?"

I can't help but laugh. These boys, I swear. "Alex is right. We have to be open and honest with each other, always. No bottling things up."

Slade nods sagely. "And we should make time for each of our individual relationships, as well as group hangs. Keep things balanced."

Ryan seems to be considering all this carefully. "Okay. That makes sense. But Em, I did want to share with you that I feel self-conscious about my…size. I don't want to disappoint when we're intimate. It's been a tough thing for other partners."

My stomach twists at his sincerity. "Oh, Ryan. You could never disappoint me. I happen to love the big dick energy you exude. Literally."

That gets a startled laugh out of him, his eyes crinkling adorably at the corners. "Good to know. I'll keep exuding it then."

A thought occurs to me suddenly. "Oh, and what if someone decides they want to leave the polycule down the line? How do we handle that?"

Slade hums thoughtfully. "I suppose we'd have to respect their choice. It would hurt like hell, but we can't force anyone to stay."

"Exactly," Alex agrees. "We're all consenting adults here. If someone's feelings change, we deal with it maturely."

"Like the classy-ass polycule we are," Lukas chimes in. He grins at me. "Face it, Ems. You're stuck with us now. Better get used to this much hotness in your life."

I lean into Ryan's solid warmth beside me, looking around at my boys—my clever, kind goofballs. Damn, I'm lucky. "Oh, trust me, Lukas. I think I'll manage just fine. Should we talk about sexual arrangements, then? Ryan, what are you thinking?"

He stiffens against me. "I think, for right now, I want to keep things between you and me. But…I'm really curious how things work with the rest of you."

I can feel Ryan's hesitation, his natural reserve warring with his curiosity. I give his hand another reassuring squeeze.

"Well," I begin, glancing at the other guys. "Slade, Lukas, Alex, and I have been…exploring things physically. Usually in pairs, occasionally as a group."

Lukas waggles his eyebrows suggestively. "And let me tell you, Ry-guy, our girl here is an absolute freak between the sheets."

"Lukas!" I gasp, my cheeks flaming. "You're going to scare him off before we even get started."

But Ryan just chuckles, shaking his head. "It's fine, Em. I want to know. I like hearing about what makes you feel good." He looks at me intently, pupils slightly dilated. "Have you ever taken all three of them at once?"

I swallow, my nipples going taut as heat flames up my cheeks. "No," I say, the word coming out throaty. "But I'd like to. Do you think that's something you'd want to watch?"

Ryan's eyes darken with unmistakable arousal. "Yeah," he rasps, squeezing my hand tighter. "I think I would. That sounds…really fucking hot, Em."

I lick my lips, heat coursing through me. "Then let's make it happen." I look over at Lukas, Alex, and Slade, my pulse pounding. They're all giving me heavy-lidded, desire-filled looks. "What do you boys say? You want to fill all my holes?"