21. Emma

Ryan stares at me,lips parted, the heat of the moment flushed across his skin. His intense brown eyes bore into mine, darkened with lust. He reaches out, brushing a stray lock of hair from my cheek, his touch igniting sparks across my skin.

He still hasn't answered me, though.

I step closer, pressing my body against his muscular frame. A small gasp escapes my lips as I feel the evidence of his arousal pressing insistently against my hip. I tilt my face up to his, our mouths a mere breath apart.

"I want you," I whisper huskily. "I've wanted this all night."

Ryan's hands skim down my sides to grip my hips, his fingers digging in deliciously. A low groan rumbles in his chest.

"God, Emma. I want you too. So fucking much," he rasps, his voice roughened with need.

I surge up on my tiptoes, capturing his lips in another searing kiss. Our mouths move together hungrily, tongues tangling, breath mingling. I pour all my pent-up longing into the kiss, my entire body lit up like a live wire.

Ryan kisses me back fiercely, desperately, like a man starved. His hands roam my curves, leaving trails of heat in their wake. I mold myself against him, aching to get closer, to feel his skin on mine.

But suddenly, Ryan pulls back, breaking our kiss. He takes a shuddering breath, his forehead resting against mine.

"Emma, wait," he says softly. "I don't think we should do this. Not yet."

I blink up at him, confusion and disappointment piercing through the fog of desire. My brow furrows as I search his conflicted expression.

"Why not?" I ask, my voice small. Vulnerable. "I thought you wanted this too."

My stomach twists with uncertainty. Did I completely misread the situation? The signals? I thought the attraction between us was mutual, undeniable.

Ryan cups my face tenderly, his calloused thumb stroking my cheekbone. The heat in his eyes softens into something deeper. Affection. Care.

"Believe me, I do want this, Emma. More than anything," he says roughly. "But…"

He hesitates, and I hold my breath, both yearning for and dreading his next words. Suddenly, I'm terrified that he's about to reject me, to say this was all a mistake.

Ryan sighs, running a hand through his hair. The action is endearingly boyish, reminding me that beneath the tough hockey exterior, he's just a man. A man who cares about me.

"I don't want to rush into this, not after everything we've been through," he explains softly. "I care about you too much to risk messing this up. I want to do this right, to take our time and build something real."

His words wash over me, soothing the sting of rejection. I'm touched by his sincerity and vulnerability. He's not pushing me away, I realize. He's trying to protect what we have, to nurture it.

As much as my body is screaming for his touch, I know he's right. What's between us…it's special. Worth cherishing. Worth waiting for.

"Okay," I whisper, leaning into his touch. "I understand. And I appreciate you looking out for us, for what we have."

Relief and tenderness flood his handsome face. He dips his head, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. My eyes flutter closed at the sweet contact.

"I should go," Ryan murmurs against my skin, "before I lose my resolve and stay the night anyway."

A laugh bubbles out of me, light and giddy. The heavy moment breaks, replaced by the easy warmth that always flows between us. Hand in hand, I walk him to the end of the hall, already missing his presence.

We pause at the threshold of the stairwell, our eyes locking, unspoken longing between us. Slowly, Ryan leans down, capturing my lips in a burning kiss. It's both a promise and a prelude, hinting at the passion to come.

All too soon, he pulls away. With a wink and a crooked grin, Ryan slips out down the stairs, the door clicking shut behind him. I slump against the wall, my knees weak.

Closing my eyes, I replay the date in my head—every perfect moment, every spark of connection. I'm giddy and frustrated all at once, my body thrumming with pent-up energy.

I know I should be satisfied. The date was everything I could have hoped for and more. But as I stand there in the darkened entryway, I'm keenly aware of the ache pulsing between my thighs, the need Ryan stoked to a fever pitch.

I'm happy. I'm grateful.

But damn, I'm not even close to satisfied.

I head into my apartment. Selena is out for the night, which means I can take care of my needs in peace. In my room, I open up my toy drawer. The drawer is filled to the brim with a colorful array of dildos and vibrators of different shapes, sizes, and colors. There are smooth silicone ones, ribbed ones, ones with realistic veiny textures and ones with bunny ears.

In the middle of the drawer is a giant dildo that Selena's sister Sydney gave me as a college graduation gag gift. It's so large that it's meant to be comedic, but after seeing Ryan's dick, I think it might be about the same size.

If that man's not prepared to fuck me yet, I'm going to have to just make do.

But as I pull the dildo out of my drawer, my phone buzzes with an incoming text. I glance down at the screen, and gasp. It's Lukas.

We talked the day after the hospital, and he told me that he and Alex were still all-in. They didn't care that I was seeing Ryan; they still wanted to explore the potential here. And now, it seems, Lukas was making good on that promise.

Lukas: u up? ;)

Warmth floods my cheeks and pools low in my belly. This is a booty call, loud and clear. I know I shouldn't after my perfect date with Ryan but…I'm only human. And Lukas is temptation incarnate.

Before I can second guess myself, I fire back a text: What's your address?

With slightly shaking hands, I refresh my lipgloss and fluff my hair. My body is thrumming with anticipation…and more than a little guilt. But I push those feelings aside.

Ryan turned me down tonight. He knows I'm seeing Lukas and Alex too.

And I desperately, desperately need someone to take care of me right now.

Thirty minutes later, my heart races as I stand outside Lukas's door. I take a deep breath and rap my knuckles against the wood. The door swings open almost immediately, as if Lukas was waiting for me. My mouth goes dry at the sight of him, his blond hair tousled and eyes blazing with heated intent.

"Emma," he says smoothly, his voice a warm caress up my body. "So glad you could make it."

He reaches for me and I step into his muscular arms, breathing in his intoxicating scent of cedarwood and musk. His lips graze my ear as he murmurs, "We were just talking about you. Wondering when we'd get to see you again."

I pull back slightly, my brow furrowing. "We?"

Lukas nods past me and I turn to see Alex emerge from the shadowy interior of the loft. The skills coach is dressed casually in a dark henley that stretches across his broad chest. His dark eyes widen as they rake over my body appreciatively.

"Alex," I breathe, surprise coloring my tone. "I didn't realize you'd be here."

A moment of uncertainty washes over me. Am I intruding on something between them? My gaze darts back and forth between the two handsome men.

But then Lukas's fingers curl around my wrist, tugging me gently into the loft. "Don't worry, beautiful," he assures me with a roguish wink. "You're exactly where you're supposed to be. With us."

His words fill me with a thrill of anticipation even as a pang of guilt needles my conscience. Am I doing the right thing, seeing these incredible but complicated men?

I know I'm risking everything I've started to build with Ryan. The rational part of my brain screams at me to turn around and leave before I make a huge mistake.

But with Lukas's heated gaze pinning me in place and Alex's dark intensity beckoning me closer, all thoughts of caution melt away, replaced by pulsing need. In that suspended moment, I make my choice.

Desire wins out over doubt. I let Lukas pull me into his arms and kick the door shut behind me, sealing my fate.