18. Emma

My eyes snap open,the fluorescent lights above me coming into focus as a rhythmic beeping fills my ears. The sterile scent of disinfectant tells me exactly where I am before my vision fully clears.

I'm in a hospital room, the walls a muted cream color adorned with generic floral prints that are probably meant to be soothing.

A heart monitor beeps steadily beside the bed, and I feel the tug of an IV line in the back of my hand. As my surroundings sharpen, I make out Lukas and Alex seated in uncomfortable-looking plastic chairs pulled up close to my bedside. Their faces are etched with matching worried expressions, eyes bloodshot and hair mussed like they've been running their fingers through it anxiously.

"Hey, you're awake," Lukas says gently, leaning in closer and taking my hand in his large warm one. The tender gesture makes my heart pound. I open my mouth to speak, but my throat feels as dry and rough as sandpaper. Alex quickly reaches for a plastic cup of water on the rolling tray table and brings the straw to my chapped lips.

"Here, take a small sip," he urges, hazel eyes soft with concern. The cool water is a sweet relief sliding down my parched throat. I want to ask what happened, how I ended up here, but I'm almost afraid of the answer.

But as I drink the water, my mind clears, and the terrifying memories of the asthma attack at the game come flooding back. The panic, the desperate struggle for air, the feeling of my lungs constricting as the world tilted and went dark.

I shudder involuntarily at the recollection.

"What…what happened?" I rasp out, my voice still hoarse and weak. Alex's hand comes to rest gently on my arm, his touch warm and comforting through the thin hospital gown.

"You had a severe asthma attack," he explains, his tone laced with concern. "It was really scary. You collapsed at the game, and we were so worried about you."

I frown, trying to piece together the fragmented memories. "But why am I in the hospital?" The last thing I recall is being at the arena, not being loaded into an ambulance.

Lukas shifts in his seat, his hand tightening around mine. "You hit your head pretty hard when you passed out, babe."

"How long was I out?" I ask, a thread of anxiety winding through my chest. The idea of losing time, of being unconscious and vulnerable, makes me feel off-kilter.

"A few hours," Alex replies, glancing at his watch. "The game ended a while ago. We came straight here to be with you after it ended."

I'm simultaneously touched by their dedication and aghast at the idea of them missing post-game analysis or media, shirking their responsibilities, because of me. "You didn't have to do that," I protest weakly, even as a selfish part of me is glad they're here.

Lukas shakes his head adamantly. "Of course we did. There's nowhere else we'd rather be than right here with you, Emma."

Before I can respond, the door to my hospital room abruptly swings open. My stomach bottoms out as Ryan steps inside, still in his suit from the game. He freezes when he spots Lukas and Alex at my bedside, confusion and a hint of anger flickering across his chiseled features.

"What are you doing here?" Lukas demands, rising to his feet. The two men glare at each other.

Oh god, this is my worst nightmare come to life. All three of the men I'm secretly dating, in the same room, with me stuck in a hospital bed and no way to escape or defuse the situation. I want to sink through the mattress and disappear.

Ryan's jaw clenches as his gaze darts between Lukas and Alex suspiciously. "I heard about what happened to Emma. I had to make sure she was okay." His eyes finally land on me, softening with concern. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

I manage a weak nod, my tongue feeling thick and clumsy in my dry mouth. This is so not how I wanted them to find out about each other. Lukas steps forward, placing himself almost protectively between me and Ryan.

"Why do you care?" he asks Ryan bluntly, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "Last I checked, you barely know Emma."

Ryan bristles at that, drawing himself up to his full impressive height. "I care about her," he retorts, a muscle in his jaw ticking. "Not that it's any of your business, Dvorak."

Alex rises slowly from his chair, placing a restraining hand on Lukas's shoulder. "We all care about Emma," he says firmly. "There's no need for this macho posturing."

But Lukas shrugs him off, too keyed up to let it go. He takes another step towards Ryan, practically vibrating with anger. "Emma is with us," he says pointedly, gesturing between himself and Alex. "So you can take your concern and shove it up your ass, Thompson."

Oh god, oh god, this is spiraling out of control fast. The heart monitor beside my bed starts beeping more rapidly as my pulse pounds in my ears. I struggle to push myself up straighter against the pillows, determined to intercede before this testosterone-fueled standoff ends in thrown punches.

But before I can say a word, Ryan pins me with an intense, almost betrayed look. "Is that true, Emma? Are you with them?" he demands, something vulnerable flickering in his deep brown eyes.

I feel like I might pass out again as three pairs of eyes bore into me, waiting for an answer I'm terrified to give. My palms are slick with sweat, and I resist the urge to mess with my hair, a nervous tell.

Lukas and Alex already know about each other, but Ryan…I never meant for him to find out this way. Never meant to hurt him or make him feel betrayed. Especially not after what he's been through.

I swallow hard, knowing there's no escaping the truth now. It's time to woman up and face the music, even if the song is my own guilty conscience. I take a deep, shuddery breath, looking at each of them in turn.

"Ryan, I…" My voice cracks. "There's something I need to tell you. All of you."

I take a shaky breath, my palms sweating. How did I let things get so messy? Lukas raises an eyebrow expectantly while Alex folds his muscular arms across his chest. I have to come clean.

"Ryan, Lukas, Alex…I've been seeing all of you. At the same time." The words tumble out in a rush. "Ryan and I have started talking recently, and I really like him. But I also really like you two," I say, looking at Lukas and Alex. "I'm so confused. More confused than I've ever been. I'm sorry, I should have been honest from the start. But I just…I don't know what to do."

The silence that follows is deafening, broken only by the accusing beep of the heart monitor and my stuttered breathing.

I search their faces for a reaction. Lukas runs a hand through his wavy blond hair, his jaw clenched tight. The usually playful gleam in his green eyes has vanished, replaced by a stony glare. Alex's face remains impassive, but there's a flicker of something—hurt? disappointment?—in his dark eyes.

But it's Ryan's reaction I'm most worried about. He stares at me for a long moment, jaw working, a myriad of emotions playing out across his face—shock, anger, confusion, hurt. He knew we weren't exclusive, but I'd bet my choice of other partners has sent him into a tailspin. I feel pinned in place by the intensity of his gaze, simultaneously desperate for and dreading his response.

The oppressive silence stretches on, the steady beep of the heart monitor the only sound. What have I done? Have I ruined everything with my selfish indecision?

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but I blink them back. I've made my bed, now I have to lie in it. But god, I wish I knew what they were thinking right now. The suspense is killing me.

Lukas takes a deep breath. "I think we all need some time to process this. It's a lot to take in."

Alex nods in agreement, schooling his features into a neutral expression. "Lukas is right," he says gently. "We should let you rest, Emma. We can talk about this later, when you're feeling better."

Ryan lingers, clearly reluctant to leave. He shoots me one last soulful look before turning to go, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

The door clicks shut behind them, leaving me alone with the weight of what I've done. What happens now? Can we move past this, or have I destroyed potentially the best thing in my life with my foolish indecision? Exhaustion washes over me, and I close my eyes, a single tear sliding down my cheek.

Please, I pray, please let this all work out somehow…

Hours later, I'm discharged from the hospital, feeling wrung out and empty. Selena's waiting for me, her brow creased with worry as she takes in my blotchy face and red-rimmed eyes. She wraps an arm around my shoulders, guiding me to her car.

"Oh, honey," she murmurs. "What happened?"

I collapse into the passenger seat, my breath hitching as I try to find the words. "I…I really messed up, Selena."

As she pulls out of the parking lot, the whole sordid story pours out—how I've been seeing Lukas and Alex, but also started things up with Ryan.

How it all blew up in my face at the hospital.

Selena's eyes widen. "Wait, hold up. You're dating three hockey guys? At the same time?" She lets out a low whistle. "Damn, girl. I'm almost impressed."

"It's not funny!" I wail. "I didn't mean for it to happen, it just…did. And now they all hate me."

"Hey, hey, calm down," Selena soothes. "I'm sure they don't hate you. This is a lot for anyone to process."

She's quiet for a moment, considering. "Look, I know you, Em. You're not some heartless player. If you have feelings for all of them, then that's real. You need to give them time to wrap their heads around it."

"You think so?" I sniffle. "I'm scared I ruined everything."

"Those boys would be idiots to let you go." Selena reaches over to squeeze my hand. "Just breathe. It's going to be okay."

I wish I could believe her, but the knot of dread in my stomach says otherwise.

The moment we step into our apartment, I collapse onto the couch, every ounce of strength sapped from my body. Selena sits beside me and pulls me into a tight hug.

"It's going to be okay, sweetie," she murmurs, stroking my hair. "You were so brave to be honest with them."

I nod against her shoulder, but the tears keep flowing. "W-what if they can't handle it? What if they make me choose?"

"Then we'll get through that together," Selena says. "What's the best outcome for you here?"

I sniffle again, the sound echoing in our apartment. "I honestly don't know, Lena. I've never been in a situation like this before. If I can date them all a little bit more, maybe I…I can figure out which one of them I'm supposed to be with?"

Selena gives me a long look and then says, "And what if you're supposed to be with more than one of them? What if your heart tells you that you should be with all of them?"

My throat suddenly feels dry. "I don't know," I repeat. "I've never considered being polyamorous before. But what if I am? And what if they don't want that?"

"Then they don't deserve you," Selena says firmly. "Em, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. If they can't see how special that is, then that's on them."

I know she's right, but the uncertainty is eating me alive.