Prologue

Ellie

“Sometimes I look around and can’t believe this is our life,” I sigh as I walk hand in hand through the University campus with my older boyfriend, Ethan.

“Me too. Full scholarship, most valuable player, NHL scouts are watching me. It’s a dream come true.”

“And we get to experience it together.”

“Yup,” he says distractedly.

“ICE!!!!!” one of Ethan’s teammates hollers.

My boyfriend lets go of my hand quickly and fist bumps his friend. Before long, a group of his teammates gathers around us and I’m on the outside looking in.

Forgotten.

“Sometimes it’s hard to be seen around him,” my brother Daniel chuckles as he comes up behind us. “Trying to be his best friend.”

I roll my eyes as I cross my arms in front of my chest.

“Championship game is tonight, will you be there?” I ask Daniel.

“Of course, the whole University will be there.”

“And some scouts.”

“Have you told him about your offer to Cornell?”

“No. It’s a pipe dream, Daniel. You can’t tell him either.”

“It’s not a pipe dream,” he scoffs. “You were offered a full scholarship into one of the best writing programs and schools in the country. Why are you acting like that’s not a big deal?”

“Because…” I sigh as I shake my head.

“Where’s my lucky charm?” Ethan calls out when everyone disperses. “You’ll be right on the ice tonight, right?”

“Of course, baby,” I grin. “It’s where I’m always at.”

Daniel’s eyes flit to mine before he shakes his head disgustedly.

I’m Ethan’s lucky charm. I’ve always been that for him. When we first started dating it was because I was on the ice for the best game he ever played. And I’ve never left since.

He’s my everything. We’re going to be married once I graduate college. I don’t want to leave and have his season tank.

He’s a year older than me, a junior while I’m a sophomore.

Or he’ll go into the NHL after this season and I can go to whatever college is near him to finish out.

Ethan kisses me on the forehead and the two of us walk toward our shared apartment. My brother falls into step with someone else and goes another way.

Good, I didn’t want to deal with him anyway.

As we make our way down the sidewalk, everyone on campus knows him. And everyone wants a piece of his time. He’s practically a celebrity because of his hockey skills. It’s easy for a girl to get into her head about it all too.

All the other athletes date really hot cheerleaders and I’m nowhere near that. I’m awkward and nerdy, most people think that I’m his little sister and not his girlfriend.

He loves me for me.

All the girls fall all over him and for good reason.

Stop getting in your head, Ellie.

"Big game tomorrow, huh?"

"Yeah, it's a big one. This could set us up for life. A win could catapult me into the NHL.”

I reach out to squeeze his hand, offering him a reassuring smile. "You've got this, Ethan. You've been training so hard, and you're going to kill it out there today."

"Thanks, Ellie. I appreciate the vote of confidence."

I can tell he's nervous, even if he tries to hide it. It's times like these that I'm grateful for our bond, for the connection we share that allows us to read each other's thoughts without saying a word. I know exactly what he needs right now—some protein, some healthy food, and a pep talk to get him in the right headspace for the game.

"Come on, let's get you some dinner," I say as I head straight for the kitchen when we get to our apartment. "You need to fuel up before the game tomorrow."

Ethan follows me, his footsteps light as he trails behind me. I can sense his tension easing slightly as we move through our “night before a game” routine, the familiarity of it all grounding him in the midst of his nerves. I set about preparing his favorite— eggs, ribeye, and avocados—while he sits at the kitchen counter, sipping his protein shake and watching me with a fond smile.

"You spoil me, you know that?" he says, his voice soft with affection as he reaches out to brush a strand of hair away from my face.

I shrug, a playful grin tugging at my lips. "What can I say? I'm just an amazing girlfriend."

"That you are, Ellie. That you are."

He’s so handsome. His raven black hair is shaggy, peeking out from under his baseball cap attempting to curl at the edges. His eyes are ice blue and hold an intensity when he’s deep in thought or locked into a game, but the second he turns to look at me they soften and my knees go weak.

His presence commands attention—a towering figure standing six foot three with broad shoulders and a lean, sculpted physique honed from years of dedication to his sport. He exudes confidence and skill in all that he does.

But it's not just his sexy body and chiseled muscles that captivate me. Despite being a hockey star, he remains humble and down-to-earth. He takes the time to chat with fans and sign autographs after games, never letting his fame get to his head. And when he's with me, he's attentive and caring, his gentle smile melting away any worries I might have had.We eat together, chatting and laughing as we go over the game plan for tomorrow. I can feel the tension easing from his shoulders with each passing minute, his nerves giving way to excitement as he talks about the upcoming game. It's moments like these—simple, ordinary moments shared between us—that remind me of how much I love him and how lucky we are to have found each other already.

Most people wait a lifetime for a love like this and here I am in college with my soulmate.

“Tomorrow could change everything for us,” I breathe as I walk into Ethan’s open arms.

“It could change everything for us, but it won’t change anything between us. You’ll always be my girl, El. It’s easy to forget that, especially with the lies people tell. I only have eyes for you.”

I sigh and lean into him, kissing him softly.

“I like being your girl,” I smile as I pull away. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

He grabs my chin gently before he kisses me hungrily.

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him tightly.

I like it when he does this. It makes me feel special and safe.

He lifts me up as he stands, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. He carries me into our shared bedroom, delicately dropping me on the bed.

“I love you so much,” he breathes as he removes clothing.

He kisses the bare skin as he does. When I’m completely bare before him he settles in between my legs, kissing from my feet upward, spending a little extra time kissing my inner thighs.

“Ethan,” I moan.

He always takes his time with me, making sure that I feel loved and adored. If there are ever moments that I get in my head about the way I look, he shatters all of those negative thoughts with how he worships my body.

He continues his slow ascent, planting gentle kisses along my stomach until he reaches my lips. I tug at his shirt, my fingers brushing against his soft skin. He removes it, revealing the muscular chest that I’ve grown so fond of.

His lips trail down my neck, and I arch my back, the desire building within me. He knows exactly what to do to make me feel alive, to make me feel as if there’s nothing I can’t handle.

His breath is warm against the sensitive skin of my throat, and I can hear him whispering sweet nothings that I know by heart. “You’re beautiful, El,” he says. “I could lose myself in those green eyes of yours.”

I close my eyes, allowing myself to be carried away by the moment. He breaks the connection, and I open my eyes to see him kneeling at the edge of the bed. He underhooks my calves before sliding me down so that my most sensitive spot meets his mouth.

I let out a soft moan, my hands fisting the sheets as he begins to explore me with his tongue. He knows all my secrets, all the places where I am most sensitive, and he caresses them with gentle, teasing strokes.

His fingers add to the intensity as he begins mimicking his tongue’s rhythm with his fingers.

“Ethan,” I groan. “I can’t…I need…Oh, Ethan.”

I can feel my body continuing to heat up, the desire building within me like a wildfire. Ethan's lips stretch into a satisfied smile as he continues to please me, his eyes never leaving mine.

"You're everything to me," he whispers, his breath hot against my skin. "I want to touch you, to feel your body beneath me."

“Yesss.”

He continues, taking pride in the sounds and reactions he’s getting from me.

I grip the sheets as I struggle to quiet my breathing, feeling my body tremble wildly at the exquisite sensations coursing through me.

"Ethan," I groan, clutching his shoulders in my desperation for more.

He knows me so well, and he responds by increasing the intensity of his caresses, his tongue darting and lashing as if to test my limits. I can feel my climax building, the waves of pleasure crashing over me as I gasp for breath.

"I can't hold on any longer, Ethan," I cry out, my voice pleading for release.

He gazes up at me with a smirk, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He takes a step back, then suddenly I'm spun onto my side, his lips never leaving mine as I'm flipped onto all fours. I feel his hands on my hips, guiding me onto my knees.

"Spread your legs, El," he commands, his voice low and seductive.

I do as he says, my body trembling with anticipation. I can feel his breath against my skin, his lips brushing against my inner thighs. He trail-kisses up my spine, his hands roaming over my body as he teases me. My heart races, my breaths shallow, as I wait for him to take me.

Finally, I feel the head of his erection press against my entrance, and I let out a ragged moan. "Ethan, please."

He thrusts into me, filling me completely in one smooth motion. I cry out, the sensation overwhelming me as he begins to move within me.

His rhythm is slow at first, but I can feel the heat building up between us as he begins to pump harder and faster. My body responds to his every thrust, my own desire matching his with every breath I take.

"Look at me, El," he commands, his voice low and demanding.

I turn my head to look at him, our eyes locking as he begins to pick up the pace. His gaze is intense, filled with lust and a love that I know will last a lifetime.

"You're mine, El," he growls, his voice a rough whisper against my skin. "Only mine."

The words send a shiver down my spine, making my body pulse with pleasure. I can feel the intense wave of climax building within me, and I know that I'm getting close.

"Ethan, I need you," I beg, my voice barely a whisper.

He thrusts into me harder, his movements becoming more frenzied. I can feel his hands grip my hips, pulling me closer to him with each movement, as if he can't get close enough.

"I need you too, El," he groans. "I need you so much."

The words send me over the edge, and I cry out as I climax, my body shaking with pleasure and release. He thrusts one last time, groaning loudly as he joins me, his body shuddering against mine.

We lay there for a few moments, catching our breath and basking in the afterglow of our passion. He pulls out slowly, and I roll onto my side, his arm wrapping around me like a shield.

"I love you so much," I whisper, my voice hoarse from the pleasure we've just shared.

"I love you too, El," he replies, his voice also soft and filled with love.

We stay like that for a while, our bodies still connected by the warmth of the blanket, our hearts beating in sync with each other's. The world outside may be changing, but in this moment, everything is perfect, and we are safe and happy together.

***

The next morning, I’m up early to help Ethan get ready for the game. I make sure his uniform is washed and ironed, and his gym bag is packed with all the essentials. It's become a ritual for us, a way for me to take care of him and show him how much I love and support him. And as I watch him get dressed, the pride swelling in my chest is almost overwhelming. He's worked so hard to get to where he is, and I couldn't be prouder of him.

As we make our way to the arena, Ethan's energy is contagious as he talks about the game. I smile as I listen to him, as he talks about the plays he's been working on, the strategies he's been practicing.

“I’m going to come out swinging, El. When that puck drops, it’s game on. There’s no playing around. Sixty minutes of intentional focus and giving it my all.”

“Always. You are so disciplined and work harder than anyone else I know.”

I sigh inwardly.

This is something I would tell him all the time in high school, because then it was true.

In college, that intentional focus and insane work ethic had slipped off a little.

His need to spend time with friends and fans has been biting him in the butt as he’s staying out too late, drinking too much, and not on top of his game in the classroom or on the ice.

Coach has given him many lectures about it, but when you half ass things and are still rewarded with wins and being ranked one of the best college hockey players in the country it allows you to settle into that half ass routine.

If he had laser focus like he did in high school, I can’t imagine where we’d be right now.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s incredible in everything he does, a natural born athlete but he’s the one that’s constantly told me that hard work beats talent every day.

“That’s because I have you pushing me to get better every single day. I’m grateful for how you hold me accountable.”

I giggle and shake my head. “Really, because I’m pretty sure the last time you told me that I wasn’t your mother and I needed to back off.”

“I know you do it out of love. I’m still trying to find my footing of who I am, you know? You’ve had it figured out what you wanted to be in life forever, but all I’ve ever known is hockey. What happens if I’m injured in a game? I have nothing.”

“Why are we getting this deep before the biggest game of your life?” I tease lightly. “Stop self-sabotaging, okay?”

“It’s not…”

“It is. You’re incredible on that ice, Ethan. The stats speak for themselves. You are a hockey player. You’re going to be a professional hockey player before long.”

“But what…”

“Stop it. I know that you hear your dad’s voice in your head louder than your own sometimes but you’re on that ice and it’s just you and your team out there. You’re the one making the plays, you’re the one skating and playing with your heart and leaving it all out on the ice. That’s you, baby, and you’re unstoppable.”

“You’re right.”

“Everytime you hear your dad’s voice or that little negative jerk that says you can’t do it or you’re not good enough or whatever, stand up and tell him to fuck off. You can do everything, because all that you need is already in you.”

“Your motivational speeches are the best.”

“I practice for moments like this. And, all of the things I just said to you are truth bombs that you’ve dropped on me when I get in my head.”

“Ahhh, a little reverse psychology. I see, I see.”

I giggle as he pulls me into him.

“You’re seriously the best, El. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Lucky for you, we’ll never have to find out. This is forever.”

“To infinity and beyond!”

He lifts me up in the air and spins me around. We’re both laughing and smiling. He slides me down him until my feet are on the ground, looking into each other’s eyes the entire time.

“I love you,” I breathe as he kisses me softly.

“I love you, Ellie. You’re my girl.”

“Go in there and kick some ass today. Make sure those scouts see the amazing beast that is you.”

“This isn’t for the scouts, baby. All of this is for you. This game is for you today.”

“You two are disgusting,” I hear Daniel gagging behind us.

“I second that,” Dakota says drily as she rolls her eyes beside my brother.

She claims to be dating my brother, but something about the way she looks at my boyfriend puts me on edge. Ethan is clueless, but something about her demeanor toward him is wrong.

Insecurity check.

Listen to your own words, Ellie. Fuck off negative voice.

Ethan loves you. Dakota can do whatever she wants and he will not cheat on you.

We arrive at the arena just in time for Ethan's pre-game warm-up, and I watch from the stands as he takes to the ice, his movements smooth and fluid as he skates effortlessly across the rink. He looks so confident out there, so sure of himself. He's worked so hard for this moment, and I know he's going to give it his all out there today.

“Is Ethan guilt-tripping you into staying here?” my brother asks as he plops down in the chair beside me.

“No! He would never do that! Can we not discuss this right now? I’m a nervous wreck for him.”

“You shouldn’t be okay with a life where only one of you gets to live out your dreams. You’ll resent him and be miserable. You deserve to go to Cornell. You’ve busted your ass for it.”

“And Ethan has busted his ass for this. I don’t want to be distracted from it. We’ll talk about this tomorrow or never.”

“Don’t let some man hold you back from your dreams,” Dakota interjects. “You would never see me putting my life on hold for your brother.”

“To be fair, my relationship with Ethan is a lot different than whatever the two of you are doing.”

“Is it?” she snaps. “At least people know that Daniel and I are a couple because we’re always seen together. It’s like Ethan hides you from the world.”

“I’m literally sitting front row at the biggest game of his career, how do you figure that?” I hiss.

“Whoa, Dakota, that was uncalled for and not even real,” Daniel interjects. “Ethan makes sure everyone knows they’re together.”

“Maybe it’s Ellie that’s embarrassed of him then,” she shrugs as she pins me with an evil glare.

What the fuck is her problem?

“Why would I be embarrassed of Ethan?”

“I don’t know. He’s always talking about how smart you are and how dumb he is.”

“He’s far from dumb.”

“Well, someone has made him feel that way.”

“Dakota, what’s gotten into you today?” Daniel asks as he plops in between the two of us.

“Nothing. I’m just speaking the truth over here because I’m a friend. If she can’t handle that, it’s on her.”

“It’s not true. It’s an attack,” Daniel protests. “Knock it off.”

She stands up as she glares at him. “I’ll sit elsewhere.”

She walks away in a huff.

“You should go after her.”

“Nah, it’s probably for the best. She’s been acting really weird lately. I’m not really that into her anyway.”

Do I make Ethan feel dumb?

Shit, knock it off, Ellie. Do not let that little troll get into your head.

“I don’t know what you ever saw in her in the first place.”

“She does this thing with her mouth and…”

“Shut up!” I exclaim as I make a gagging sound.

My brother laughs and nudges me with his shoulder.

“I’m sorry about her.”

“The game is starting,” I cut him off quickly.

I do not want to think about Dakota’s words anymore so I shove them down to pick apart later.

Focus on your man and how good he looks out on that ice.

My brother sighs and rolls his eyes. They make the opening announcements and introductions to the team. The entire arena goes nuts when they announce Ethan’s name. Ethan “Ice” Anderson. He skates out and his eyes lock onto mine before he winks at me.

Swoon.

“Did we miss anything?” my childhood friend, Jaclyn, asks as she and our other friend, Ryan, take their seats next to us.

“No, it just started,” Daniel replies irritably.

He is not a fan of Jaclyn for whatever reason and he’s constantly rude to her but he’s never told me why.

“You guys didn’t have to come,” I breathe as I hug them both.

Ryan attends a college three hours away. Jaclyn goes to the community college in our hometown of Frostwood Falls, which is almost five hours away. It’s a big deal that my friends showed up today.

“Our friend is playing in one of the biggest games of his life, like we wouldn’t be here,” Jaclyn grins with an awkward laugh.

Ethan wouldn’t call them his friends.

Ethan also can’t stand Jaclyn or Ryan for that matter. He’s constantly telling me that Ryan has a crush on me and that Jaclyn is an insecure girl who’s only looking for attention.

I think he’s wrong about both of them.

The game starts off with a flurry of action, both teams fighting tooth and nail for control of the puck. The tension is insane as the players race up and down the ice, their skates carving through the frozen surface with precision and grace.

As the first period comes to a close, the score remains tied, the pressure mounting with each passing minute.

“How are things between you and Ethan anyway,” Jaclyn asks randomly.

I turn and shoot her a funny look.

“They’re amazing, as always.”

“I haven’t seen either of you post much about each other and…”

“I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t have conversations during the game,” I sigh. “I don’t want to miss any of Ethan’s plays.”

She holds her hands up in a surrender gesture and makes a face back at me.

“Okay then.”

Was I rude?

It doesn’t matter. She’s being weird asking questions like that during the game. She could have asked via text or during one of our regular phone calls.

In the second period, our Hawks gain the upper hand, our offense relentless as we barrage the opposing goalie with shot after shot. Ethan is calling the shots from the ice, and everyone’s doing as asked. Ethan takes control of the puck, weaving through defenders with ease as he approaches the net.

The crowd erupts into cheers as he fires off a shot, the puck sailing past the goalie and into the back of the net. Daniel and I are jumping for joy, screaming as we cheer loudly.

The game is far from over, and the opposing team fights back with a vengeance, tying the score once again as the third period draws to a close. The tension in the arena reaches a fever pitch as the final minutes tick away, both teams desperate for the win.

With seconds remaining on the clock, our Hawks launch one final offensive push, the crowd on our feet as we cheer them on. I bury my face in my brother’s shoulder as Ethan charges toward the net, the fate of the game hanging in the balance.

And then, in the blink of an eye, it happens. He takes a pass from a teammate, his stick connecting with the puck in a blur of motion. Time seems to stand still as the puck sails through the air, arcing toward the net with deadly accuracy.

I’m holding my breath as the rest of the arena erupts into chaos and the puck finds its mark, the sound of the buzzer signaling the end of the game drowned out by the deafening roar of the crowd.

Tears of joy stream down my cheeks as I look back at my brother.

“He did it. They did it.”

“He did,” he chuckles. “Wow, this is huge.”

“We’ll all be forgotten soon,” Jaclyn teases. “He’ll have no more time for the little people of his hometown. Damn El, you’ll probably be replaced soon.”

“The amount of girls that will be in his inbox after today will be astounding,” Ryan adds.

Why is that what both of them say in this moment?

I shoot them both a dirty look and roll my eyes.

He could have a million girls in his inbox, but I trust that he wouldn’t entertain any of them.

Jaclyn grabs onto my arm. “We’re going to the locker room with you. I bet there will be news crews everywhere.”

Is that the only reason they came today, to get on television?

Did I mention that Jaclyn is in local theater and wants to branch out to LA? She only wants to be seen on television in hopes that someone will see her and hire her.

Is she using me?

After the game, I meet Ethan outside the locker room, a proud smile on my face as I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug. "You were amazing out there, Ethan," I say, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I'm so proud of you."

He smiles at me, his eyes shining with happiness as he pulls me closer. "Thanks, Ellie. I couldn't have done it without you."

“Oh my God, Ethan!” Jaclyn exclaims as she pushes her way in between us. “That was such an amazing game. You were such a stud.”

She grabs him in a hug and he immediately stiffens and pushes her away. His eyes dart to mine for help.

“Thanks, Jaclyn. I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Oh my God, are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss my friend's big game. You looked so incredible out there,” she gushes as she puts a hand on his chest and gazes up at him adoringly.

What is she doing?

He pushes her away from him and turns to me.

“Elena,” he starts.

“Take a picture with me,” Jaclyn interjects as she grabs my boyfriend and throws up her phone to take a selfie. She places her head on his chest as if they’re together. He doesn’t look thrilled.

I almost feel bad for how pathetic she’s being right now.

She’s always flirted with Ethan, but not like this.

“Quite the game,” Ryan adds. “I can’t imagine how many girls will be throwing themselves at you tonight. Throw me your leftovers.”

Disgusting. What the fuck is happening with these two right now?

“I have a girl,” Ethan rolls his eyes as he pushes Jaclyn away and pulls me tightly into him. “I don’t want any one other than Elena.”

I smile back at him, my heart overflowing with love for this incredible man standing before me. "I love you, Ethan.”

He pulls me into a kiss, his lips warm and soft against mine. "I love you too, Ellie," he murmurs against my lips. "More than you'll ever know."

“ICE!!” Coach Collins yells at Ethan, using his nickname. “I’ve got some people who want to speak to you in my office.”

“I’ll be right there, Coach,” he replies. He turns back to look at me. “Nashville is wanting to make an offer. Party at Huberman’s Uncle’s house, do you want to meet me there?”

“No,” I laugh as I shake my head. “I have to be up at four in the morning for the fundraiser for the public library. You know that. You promised you’d be there too.”

“I will be. Can’t you make an exception just this once? It’s a big night. We won the championship and I’m about to get an offer to play in the NHL.”

“I made plans for us to have a big night at home.”

“I want to be around my friends. I’m on fire. It’s going to take a while for me to settle down.”

I inhale slowly and nod. I don’t let him see the hurt on my face that he doesn’t want to spend that time with me.

“Okay, I’ll see you when you get home.”

He gazes into my eyes before he nods. He kisses me on the forehead and disappears into Coach’s office.

“Oof, that had to hurt,” Ryan chuckles.

“Why didn’t you want to go to the party?” Jaclyn asks as we head to the parking lot.

“It’s not my scene,” I shrug, fighting back tears the entire time.

I’d planned a romantic night for us. I bought lingerie and had wine and chocolate-covered strawberries ready to go. I didn’t tell him those things, I wanted to surprise him.

That’s down the drain now.

I can’t be mad at him for wanting to celebrate something that he’s worked so hard for, but why didn’t he want to do that with me alone?

“I can’t believe that he didn’t want to celebrate with you. That’s really shitty. You deserve better than that,” Ryan states as he slings his arm around my shoulders.

I move out of his way. I don’t want to be touched by anyone right now.

Jaclyn grabs my arms and tugs.

“Let’s go to that party together! Come on, it will be so much fun and like old times. Ethan will get jealous that you’re having a blast without him.”

I pull away from her too.

“I really don’t want to go to the party. If I did, I would go with my boyfriend.”

“Ughhh, you’re such a Debbie Downer, Ellie,” Jaclyn whines. “No wonder he didn’t want to celebrate with you.”

“I need to go home. Thanks for coming out,” I state curtly as I quickly walk away from them and back to my apartment.

Both of them call after me and I ignore them.

Have they always been like this and I never noticed?

***

The apartment is dark and quiet when I hear the sound of the door creaking open, followed by Ethan's stumbling footsteps. My heart sinks as I glance at the clock—almost four in the morning—and I know before I even see him that he's drunk. I close my eyes, steeling myself for what's to come.

"E-Ellie?" Ethan slurs, his voice loud and obnoxious as he stumbles into the bedroom. "You still awake, babe?"

I grit my teeth, fighting back the wave of anger that threatens to consume me. "Yes, Ethan, I'm awake," I reply, my voice tight with frustration. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

He flops down onto the bed beside me, his breath reeking of alcohol as he leans in to kiss me. I push him away, my stomach churning with disgust.

“Who cares what time it is, baby. Time doesn’t matter. I love you so much. Celebrate with me.”

"Don't," I say, my voice trembling with anger. "You reek of alcohol. Go sleep it off."

He frowns at me, his expression confused. "But I just wanna cuddle with you, babe," he slurs, reaching out to pull me closer.

I shove him away, my patience wearing thin.

"I'm not in the mood."

I want nothing more than to curl up in a ball next to him.

I should stop being upset, because my feelings were hurt by his desire to celebrate with anyone but me.

I let Jaclyn, Ryan, and Dakota get in my head.

It’s nothing. I know that he loves me.

Why am I so upset about this?

With a frustrated groan, he rolls onto his back, his eyes drifting shut as he succumbs to the effects of the alcohol. I watch him for a moment, my heart heavy with disappointment, before slipping out of bed and heading for the bathroom.

This has been happening a lot. In high school, he wanted nothing to do with alcohol or parties, but college has been completely different. He’s always been so disciplined, but lately, he’s been slacking.

I stalk into the bathroom, knowing that my alarm clock is about to go off. As I wash my face, I catch sight of Ethan's phone sitting on the counter, its screen lighting up with notifications. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I pick it up, my heart pounding in my chest as I read the messages from Dakota Phenyl.

My blood runs cold as I read her words, each one a dagger to my heart. Naked pictures, flirtatious messages—she's practically throwing herself at Ethan, and he's lapping it up like a dog with a bone. Anger courses through me like a wildfire, burning away any trace of doubt or hesitation.

Come back and play with me.

Excuse me? Why is Jaclyn texting him that?

I miss you, baby. We didn’t get enough time together. Ellie is so boring, you need someone like me at your side. Not some overweight librarian-looking girl.

She’s supposed to be my best friend and she’s sending this to my boyfriend? Are you kidding me?

I storm back into the bedroom, Ethan's phone clenched tightly in my hand. "What the hell is this, Ethan?" I demand, my voice trembling with rage.

Ethan blinks up at me, his eyes glassy with alcohol. "What's what, El?" he slurs.

I thrust the phone at him, my hands shaking with fury. "This!" I say, my voice rising with each word. "These messages from Dakota! Why is she texting you naked pictures??

His phone notifications go off again and Jaclyn texts him a picture of the two of them hanging on each other, she’s kissing him on the cheek. The next picture that follows is one of her most private parts.

You could be buried in this right now. I’m sure Ellie won’t even let you lick it.

Ethan squints at the screen, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Oh, that," he says, his tone dismissive. "Just Dakota being Dakota. And fucking Jaclyn. She wouldn’t leave me alone all night. That girl is not your friend."

I feel like I've been punched in the gut. "What? She's throwing herself at you, Ethan! They’re both throwing themselves at you! And you're just going to sit there and pretend like it's no big deal? Why did she say she had fun with you? Were you with her tonight? Why is Jaclyn sending you a picture of her kissing you and of her… oh my God."

"Look, I was just out celebrating with the guys, okay?" he says, his voice rising in frustration. "I didn't do anything wrong."

"You came home drunk at four in the morning, knowing we have to be somewhere in a bit," I say, my voice trembling with anger. "And now I find out that she’s been sending naked pictures for at least a week? While she was supposedly dating my brother?!? How can you sit there and tell me that you didn't do anything wrong? If it was nothing, you would have told me about it. You would have blocked her. Then you add in this bullshit from my best friend.

“I can’t help what these girls are sending me. Everyone but you wants a piece of me.”

“Everyone but me?” I shriek. “Are you kidding me right now?”

Ethan's face turns red with anger, his voice rising to match mine. "Dakota's just a friend, okay? She wanted to celebrate with me, that's all. Same with Jaclyn. There’s nothing between any of us. There could have been. I had women throwing themselves at me tonight and I pushed them all away to come home to getting yelled at.

I feel like I've been slapped in the face. "A friend?" I repeat, my voice shaking with disbelief. “A friend doesn’t send you nudes when she knows damn well that you have a girlfriend! Is that why she was being such a bitch to me today?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This bitch is sending you nudes and I didn’t know anything about it! She dumps my brother today and then you don’t come home until four in the damn morning! I can’t believe this! And then Jaclyn… I can’t even...”

"Are you accusing me of cheating on you, Ellie? Because that's bullshit, and you know it."

I stare at him, my heart breaking with each word. "I don't know what to believe anymore," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “If you weren’t cheating on me, I would have known about this the instant that it happened. And you would have blocked her on all of social media. You would have at least told my brother, but NOTHING. It sure as Hell looks like I’m an idiot for believing you could be faithful to me!”

“How can you accuse me of not being faithful?”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess. Like father like son,” I snap, referring to the fact that Ethan’s dad is notorious for cheating on his mom and she continues to take him back.

“You know, this is all your fault,” he hisses. “You’re the one who never wants to leave the apartment. You’re so selfish you couldn’t even go out and celebrate my win today."

“Selfish?”

“That’s right, selfish. It’s not my fault that no one knows you exist because you’d rather be some nerd who stays in all the time.”

No one knows I exist because you don’t tell them.

“I planned a celebratory dinner and night-in for us. I thought you’d want to celebrate with me, but apparently I’m not good enough.”

“Oh stop with that poor me bullshit. It’s all in your head!”

“We’re done.”

“Good, can we go to bed now?”

“No, I mean you and I are done. I’m breaking up with you. I can't do this anymore. I can't be with someone who would do this.”

I throw his phone at him, the screen shattering into a million pieces as it hits the wall. Without another word, I turn on my heel and leave the apartment, tears streaming down my face as I go.

I don't look back as I make my way down the hallway, my heart heavy with sorrow and regret. But as I step out into the cold night air, a sense of freedom washes over me.

***

Within a month, I’m transferred to Cornell University to finish out my junior and senior years. I’ve blocked Ethan from my phone and social media and am trying to move on with my life.

I haven’t spoken to Jaclyn in that amount of time either, despite her texting and trying to call me often.

I don’t need friends like that.

How do you move on from someone with whom you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life?