Chapter One

He grew up with Barrett Cattaneo. In fact, Storm grew up with all the Cattaneo boys, but Barrett was the one closest to Storm in age. Barrett was older than Storm, and he had been super annoyed by this nobody kid who wouldn’t stop following him everywhere he went. But Storm had won him over, eventually. Back then, Storm hadn’t recognized how dangerous Barrett was. All Storm had known was Barrett had the lightest and scariest eyes Storm had ever seen. He made Storm feel a little funny. Storm hadn’t realized it was attraction he felt until around twelve. By then, Storm knew better than to say anything. It wasn’t until he was fifteen and Barrett kissed him unexpectedly that things took a turn. To his shock, Barrett had never kept their relationship a secret. Of course, by then, Storm had finally realized the Cattaneo family wasn’t like other families. No one fucked with them. Their house was the only place his father never stopped him from going, because he was too scared to say no. By the time Storm fully understood why, it was too late. He was in love and no amount of crime could deter him. It would have been easier if Barrett killed him, though. Storm wouldn’t be here now, dying inside without him.

A whistle blew. “Skate.”

Storm sped across the ice. Time had no meaning.

Whistle blow.

“Skate.”

Whistle blow.

“Skate.”

Storm’s thighs burned, and his cheeks were chapped. Nothing penetrated his mind. Not the discomfort. Not the dangerous speed. Barrett lived inside his head today. Honestly, he lived there every day. He had a career any idiot would die to achieve. Storm had worked his ass off for it. Unfortunately, he had done it hoping to set Barrett free. Stupidly, he had thought if he made enough money and got far enough away from Pickering, then Barrett would come with him. Barrett wouldn’t have to be part of the mafia any longer. Barrett could have a normal, quiet life with him. He was such a fool.

Whistle blow.

“Cool down and then hit the showers.”

Storm slowed and stretched. He went through the motions. Breathe in. Exhale. His heart pounded in his chest, carrying life-giving oxygen to his organs. He wished it would stop. The kindest thing life could do for him was to let him drop where he stood. Storm had been done for a while now. He didn’t know why he kept going.

A huge body skated in a circle around him. “Hey.”

Storm blinked, pulled from his spiraling thoughts. “Hey.”

A bright smile lit his teammate's face. It was Storm’s first week on a new team. He hadn’t absorbed everyone’s names yet. Sparkling light brown eyes flashed with good humor.

“Hugo,” the guy reminded him.

He forced a smile. “I remember.” It was a total lie.

Hugo skated another circle around him. “What are you doing after this?”

Storm shrugged. “Probably exploring the town. I haven’t learned my way around or done much sightseeing since I moved.” Storm had signed a new contract with the New Orleans Chuckers. As far as he could tell, the place wasn’t that much different from Vegas, where his last team had been.

While sightlessly skating backward, Hugo kept up his end of the conversation. “You should let me show you around. I’m a N’Walins native.” His Cajun accent deepened, making Storm curious.

“You’re playing for your hometown team? Damn. The odds of that miracle must be astronomical.”

Hugo shrugged. They made it to the tunnel and Hugo turned. Side by side, they headed for the locker room. “Actually, I’m a bit of a nepo baby when it comes to this team. My mom is the owner’s cousin. We don’t really get together as a family or anything like that, but it was a close enough connection to get me a home team spot. Don’t get the wrong idea, though. I had to prove myself. My record speaks for itself.”

Storm nodded. While he hadn’t remembered Hugo’s name, he vaguely remembered playing against him. He played hard. His locker came into view. Storm spotted his bag. An empty house waited for him. Another wave of depression hit. He looked Hugo’s way. “If your offer was serious, I’ll take you up on it.”

A huge grin exploded across Hugo’s face. “Cool. We can meet later, have dinner, and then I can show you the town.”

Storm was gay. He didn’t know if anyone realized it, but this sounded suspiciously like a date. Storm brushed the thought aside. Guys did shit together all the time. He was reading too much into things. “Sounds good. Let me get your number.”

They exchanged numbers and then parted ways to shower and dress. Storm kept his mind on lockdown. The anger and hurt never gave him peace. He missed Barrett every second of every day. Knowing he was alive and well in another country did nothing to ease the constant grief. He had never thought they would be apart like this. To the depths of his soul, Storm had always believed Barrett would be at his side through anything. He wanted to hate him.

Storm drove home. He tried hard not to think or feel. Barrett’s expression when Storm had gotten picked up by Vegas never left him. Storm had been so excited, thinking they would finally live a normal life together. But that face, it had said it all. Barrett would never choose him. They were done, except they weren’t. Barrett would never let him go, and Storm might die if he did. Sometimes, they felt like this sick, twisted thing that poisoned him. Still, he couldn’t let go. Barrett had been the love of his life for this entire life. As long as Barrett came around occasionally, Storm would keep begging for more torture.

His heart rate spiked, and his pulse pounded in his ears as his house came into view. A rental car sat in the driveway. No one was inside. That meant whoever belonged to the car was inside his house. Only one person had a key to his new place. Storm always ensured Barrett had access to him. That was how fucked up he was over the guy. He barely got his car in park before Storm rushed the door. When his fingers encircled the doorknob, he paused and took a deep breath. He stepped inside.

Ice blond hair caught his eyes first. Storm’s knees weakened. Barrett was unpacking Storm’s dishes and putting them away. Storm stood for a moment, staring. He was an addiction Storm didn’t know how to kick. Today was a bad mental health day for him. There was no way Barrett understood how badly Storm had needed him to show up today.

“Hey. This is an amazing surprise. I didn’t know you were coming.”

Barrett turned. He looked relaxed. Fuck. This was why Storm wanted this life for them. Barrett never looked laidback at home. His body was always tense. His gaze was always moving. Barrett scared people just by staring at them. He was that cold. Storm was twisted, though. That intense stare turned him on.

“Hey. I didn’t know I was coming either. This morning, I woke up, and I just knew I had to come.”

His heart couldn’t take it. Storm dropped his gym bag and crossed the room. He had Barrett backed against the counter in seconds. Their mouths met. Their tongues battled like they hadn’t kissed in years instead of weeks. He had to force himself to stop. Storm didn’t want Barrett to fuck and run. If he only came for sex, Storm couldn’t handle it today. He was half a second from the edge.

His lips moved to Barrett’s cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

He felt Barrett’s cheek curve with his smile. “I see that.”

Storm backed away, giving Barrett space. He turned in a circle and eyed the empty boxes. “You’ve been busy. How long have you been here?”

“A couple of hours. I know you need the help. If I didn’t get you started, you’d let all this sit in boxes and order takeout forever.”

Storm laughed. “True.” It always seemed pointless to cook for only one person. A paper bag sat on the kitchen counter. “What’s this?” Storm opened the bag and peeked inside. A box of condoms stared back at him. His blood froze. Storm’s throat swelled. They had never used protection. Not once. Neither of them had ever been with anyone else, so there had never been a point. It was a damning sight. Storm turned away and headed down the hall.

Barrett was on his heels. “You’re always gone.”

Storm sat on the bed and went to work, untying his work boots. “Yeah, well. You can get gone now too, and I’ll make sure to stay that way.” All the promises they made each other were out the window. Storm couldn’t breathe. In his head, all he saw was Barrett with someone else. Someone else doing the things Storm had done for him. A tear hit the knee of his jeans, making him realize he cried. He couldn’t feel a fucking thing except the pain. The betrayal. Years down the drain. His fingers wouldn’t work. Every breath he took felt like nothing. No air entered his lungs. This was it. His body had given up. Storm could finally rest and be free of this constant pain. This was exactly the push his sanity had been waiting for, and there was no going back. Storm couldn’t recover from this.

He found himself on his back. Barrett’s body covered his. He held Storm so tightly, he couldn’t move, but maybe that was just him. The will to keep breathing had left him. His body had seized.

“Do you remember all those days when everyone thought we were playing video games in my room? Instead, we were locked in my bathroom together.”

“Go away from me.”

Barrett didn’t. He kept destroying Storm. “No matter what we go through, I can’t give you up.”

His soul cried out at the injustice of Barrett fucking someone else before calling it going through some stuff. A surge of rage gave him power. He shoved Barrett away. “Get the fuck away from me.” Storm darted into the bathroom and slammed the door. He caught sight of himself in the mirror. Storm looked as wrecked as he felt. Barrett had finally broken him. He had nothing left.

Barrett tried the knob, but Storm had locked the door. He said something Storm couldn’t hear through the pounding in his ears. Storm turned the handles on the sink, hoping the water would drown him out even more. Steam rose in the air. Something gave way inside him. He was done. Storm had fought and fought, trying to survive a horrible life. He had played every game and tried his best to love Barrett enough. It was never enough. He would never be enough. Yet he wouldn’t be free. Barrett had just found a new low and new pain, taking Storm deeper into the darkness. There was no way out. He couldn’t do it.

Barrett pressed his forehead against the door and begged Storm to talk to him. He fucking hated everything about this. Barrett had hoped to talk before Storm saw those condoms. He felt sick at his thoughts and his weaknesses, but Storm was famous now. Storm probably tripped over other men’s dicks everywhere he went. At least, that had been Barrett’s concern until he had seen Storm’s face.

This fucking distance was breaking them. Storm was his best friend. He was the only person who really knew Barrett. Storm knew how to play along when he had to be hard. He let Barrett keep his cutthroat reputation. To be fair, he was that person, but not with Storm. Never with Storm. But Storm had been gone off and on through the season for three years now. Each season got harder for Barrett. Too many nights to count, he had lain awake and wondered how many other men warmed Storm’s bed. Storm could have anyone now. Barrett got in his own head. He had seen the way Storm got more distant and sadder every time he saw Barrett. Barrett had convinced himself it was guilt making him act that way. Then he had seen those goddamn tears. Fuck. He didn’t know why he had convinced himself Storm fucked other people. Barrett just didn’t know why Storm never chose him. He could come home any time. His fucking contract had ended over a year ago. Then, Storm signed a limited one-year contract with Vegas. After that one ended, he moved on to sign another deal with New Orleans. It was obvious he never planned to come home. The bitterness got deeper every day. But even while thinking Storm had been fucking around, Barrett couldn’t stay away. Storm was a two-hour flight from him now. He belonged to Barrett. Barrett planned to confront him and then convince Storm to choose him. But now he had a bad feeling he had ruined what little they had left. If he would just open the goddamn door.

“Open the door, Storm. Let me explain. Please? You know I don’t beg anyone.” He fought his explosive temper. Storm was the only person who ever defied him. While Barrett loved that about him, he wasn’t enjoying it today.

“You can’t stay in there forever.”

Silence except the sound of running water came from the other side.

“You just bought this house. Please don’t make me kick in your bathroom door.”

Nothing. Storm gave him nothing.

Barrett paced away. He dragged his hands through his hair before returning to beg some more.

“Please, baby. I’m sorry.” Storm knew how much Barrett hated those words and rarely used them. He bowed his head and tried to take some calming breaths. His heart froze. Something dark slowly crawled from beneath the door, spreading across the floor. Panic hit like never before. Barrett took a step back and kicked, tearing the door from its hinges. The sight that met him would haunt him for the rest of his life. On the floor, in a pool of his own blood, was Storm. He was already gone.