22. Ryder

Something is off.

Did I scare Gia by telling her I love her?

Was it too soon?

I'm not buying her migraine excuse. I think she needed space and I'll give it to her.

I spend the morning trying to distract myself, but Gia"s absence weighs heavily on my mind.

"Daddy, I left Pepe at Uncle Joshy's house."

"Remind me, who is Pepe?"

"Daddy! My blue dolphin!"

"Oh, well I guess we can run over there to get Pepe," I say as I look at my phone. "Uncle Josh should be home and awake by now."

At the same time, my phone rings.

"Hey, we were just talking about you," I laugh as I answer.

"I found Chloe's dolphin this morning. I had to run some errands, I'm pulling up at your house now."

"Okay great, that saves me a trip."

A few minutes later, Josh is at the door. Chloe runs up to him, grabs the dolphin and then rushes back into her playroom.

"Well, she's on a mission," I laugh.

"Clearly," he chuckles. "How was the trip? Where's Gia?"

"It was pretty amazing," I reply, trying to sound upbeat despite the turmoil brewing inside me. "Cozumel is beautiful this time of year. Gia wasn't feeling well so she's at the cottage."

"Not feeling well? Did she eat something?"

"No, she said she gets migraines when she travels sometimes."

"That's true, she's gotten them a couple of times when we've gone on trips together."

"Oh good, I thought she freaked out because I told her I loved her."

"You did what?" he snaps, his face turning bright red. "You barely know her."

"We've known each other for a while."

"You"re not this stupid," he snaps, his voice laced with bitterness. "You"re making a big mistake, Ryder."

I feel a surge of anger rise up inside me, but I push it down, trying to stay calm in the face of his hostility.

"What are you talking about?" I demand, my voice rising in frustration. "Gia is amazing. She"s kind, she's smart, she's fun, she cares for Chloe—she"s everything I"ve ever wanted."

But Josh just shakes his head, his eyes filled with a mixture of pity and contempt.

"You don"t know her like I do, Ryder," he says, his voice dripping with disdain. "She"s just like our father—she doesn't stick around. You"re delusional."

I take a deep breath, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"How do you know she doesn't stick around? The last time she was here she left because of her military service and then after that it was her job that took her away. She's not leaving when things get hard or something crazy. You're projecting your father's behavior onto her when you shouldn't be."

"I know her better than you do. She's not going to stay."

"You don"t know what you"re talking about," I say, my voice cold and controlled. "Gia is nothing like your father. She"s strong, she"s resilient, and..."

"She can't be a mother to Chloe. She's not even in that mindset. Do you have any idea what kind of parenting she had?"

"The same as you."

"No! She was raised completely by our father, I wasn't. She cannot be a stepmom. Jesus, Ryder. What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me. I've fallen in love with an amazing woman who loves me and my daughter."

"She's not going to stick around."

"You don't know that," I sigh. "Listen, Josh, you're my best friend and I'd think that you'd be more than thrilled that I was dating your half-sister. I don't know what's going on or what your deal is but this isn't okay. If you can't get on board about my relationship with Gia then I'd prefer if you just butted out and kept your mouth shut."

He growls before shaking his head. He storms out of the house, leaving me standing alone in the silence of the empty room. As I watch him go, a sinking feeling settles in the pit of my stomach, a nagging doubt that I can"t shake no matter how hard I try. But deep down, I know one thing for certain—no matter what anyone else says, I love Gia, and I"ll do whatever it takes to prove it to her.

***

A few hours later I call Gia, she answers on the first ring.

"How are you feeling? Would you like to come over for dinner?"

"Much better," she sighs. "And yeah, I'd like that. I feel bad for ditching Chloe yesterday."

"She understands that you didn't feel good."

"Thanks, I'll be over around five. Is that okay?"

"Perfect."

Despite my earlier confrontation with Josh, I"m determined to make tonight special, to show her just how much she means to me. But as she walks through the door, her smile seems forced, her eyes distant and preoccupied.

I feel a pang of disappointment at her apparent disinterest, but I push it aside, trying to focus on the task at hand.

Is this just me projecting onto her?

I greet her with a smile, trying to mask the unease that churns in my stomach. "Hey, Gia," I say, my voice light and casual. "I"m glad you could make it."

She returns my greeting with a smile, her eyes flickering briefly in my direction before settling on Chloe, who rushes over to greet her with a hug. The sight of them together warms my heart.

As the evening progresses, Gia seems distant, her mind elsewhere as she engages in polite conversation with me. But when it comes to Chloe, it"s like a light switches on inside her, her smile genuine and bright as she laughs and plays with my daughter. It"s as if they"re in their own little world, completely oblivious to everything else around them.

I watch them from across the room, a grateful and happy feeling settling in my chest as I marvel at the bond they share. Chloe"s laughter fills the air, a joyous symphony that seems to chase away the shadows that linger in the corners of my mind. But despite the happiness that surrounds me, I can"t shake the feeling of unease that gnaws at my insides.

As the night wears on and Chloe grows tired, Gia offers to give her a bath and tuck her into bed. I watch them disappear down the hall, the sound of their laughter echoing in my ears. It"s a sound that should bring me joy, but instead, it fills me with a sense of longing and sadness.

I feel like an outsider, like I"m on the outside looking in at Gia's happiness and I can"t quite reach her anymore. Gia and Chloe seem so at ease with each other, so comfortable in each other"s presence, and yet, when I come near Gia seems tense.

It's like Gia is here with Chloe, but not with me, and I don't like that feeling.

I'm grateful that she's continuing to bond with Chloe, that part is incredible.

How do I get Gia back to not blocking me out though?

I need to give her space, but I also need to communicate with her about what I'm seeing and feeling. Maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing or maybe I'm projecting onto her and she's not tense with me.

Damn it, relationships will bring out the worst and best in you sometimes.

I love her and I don't regret saying it, but maybe I am rushing all of this.

When Chloe is finally asleep, Gia tiptoes out of the room.

"Thanks for inviting me over," she whispers as she walks down the stairs and goes into the kitchen.

"I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Me too, I still have a migraine hangover a little, where it feels like it's still there, but nothing like it was."

"Good."

I take a step toward her and engulf her in a hug. She sighs as she melts into me.

"I'm sorry if I rushed things when we were in Cozumel. I've always been the type of person who just says what he means and that can come off as crazy sometimes."

"No, it's fine," she says as she pulls away from me. "I… we're moving so fast and… I don't want Chloe or you to get hurt. This was supposed to be a fake relationship."

"We both know there's nothing fake about this."

"Be that as it may, I still need to move slower."

"We can do that.

"Can you?" she asks as she leans against the kitchen counter.

I nod slowly.

"I can, if that's what you need."

"I do, thank you."

"Would you like to stay and go in the hot tub with me? My workouts have been brutal lately and my muscles need some repair. We could open a bottle of wine and just relax for a bit."

She hesitates for a moment, her eyes flickering with uncertainty, but then she nods, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "That sounds nice," she replies, her voice warm and genuine. "Can I use one of Ren's bathing suits again?"

"That's what they're there for."

I reach for the bottle of wine and two glasses, pouring us each a generous glass. As we settle into the hot tub together, the warmth of her presence beside me fills me with a sense of contentment that I"ve been missing all evening.

I'm glad we talked about what was going on. Things don't seem as tense now.

Instead, we end up talking, sharing stories and laughing as we lose ourselves in each other"s company. The wine flows freely between us, loosening our inhibitions and bringing us closer together with each passing moment.

As we sit in the hot tub, our feet or legs caressing the others at random. I feel a sense of peace settle over me, a contentment that I haven"t felt in a long time. She moves closer to me, sitting in between my legs and facing away from me, her head rests against my chest, my fingers tracing lazy circles against her skin as we bask in the warmth of each other"s presence.

"You know," I begin, my voice soft as I break the comfortable silence between us, "I was just thinking about something."

Gia looks up at me, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. "What"s that?" she asks, her voice warm and inviting.

I take a deep breath, gathering my thoughts before launching into the story. "Well, when Josh and I were around eight years old, your dad took us to a hockey game," I begin, a fond smile tugging at the corners of my lips as I recall the memory. "It was the first time I"d ever seen the game played, and I remember being completely captivated by it. Your dad used to take us to a lot of games after that, and we always had the best time."

"It"s because he used to bet on the games a lot," she says, her tone teasing but affectionate. "He loved the thrill of it, the excitement of not knowing what would happen next. You guys probably only saw him on the days he won money."

"I never would have guessed that," I reply, shaking my head in disbelief. "He always seemed so… stoic, so serious."

"He was. He was always so hateful and mean to me, unless he wanted something. He told me when I turned eighteen that he was only a bastard to me because I needed to grow up tough and that it worked."

"You are pretty tough."

"I also had loads of issues that I had to go to therapy for."

"Don't we all," I crack.

She giggles and nods. "Thanks for sharing that. It is sometimes nice to hear that he wasn"t always the tyrant he was with me."

I reach out to brush a stray lock of hair from her face, my touch gentle and reassuring.

"You"re beautiful," I whisper, my voice barely above a breath as I search her eyes for any sign of doubt or hesitation. "Your smile, if I'm having a bad day or something, it just pops into my head and I instantly feel better."

"I feel the same about you."

Our lips meet in a tender, passionate kiss, I know without a doubt that this is where I"m meant to be. With Gia, in this moment, sharing in the warmth and the love that surrounds us.

As we pull away, breathless and flushed with desire, I don't want this night to end.

"Do you want to stay the night?"

"Remember we talked about moving slowly?"

"Does that count as moving fast?"

"Yes," she giggles as she kisses me again. "I should be getting back to the cottage."

"You shouldn't really drive."

"I walked over."

"I don't want you walking by yourself."

"I was in the Marine Corps, remember? I can protect myself from any wild raccoons that come looking for a fight."

I chuckle. "Are you sure you don't want to stay in a spare room or something?"

"I'm sure."

I was really hoping she'd change her mind.

No such luck.

"Okay."

I stand up and help her off the couch pulling her into a deep hug and kiss at the same time.

"You make it so hard to leave."

"I'll behave, I suppose," I say with a teasing sigh.

"Thanks," she rests her head on my chest as she hugs me tightly.

Within minutes she's walking out the door. Ten minutes later my phone vibrates with a text.

Thanks for tonight. I'm home safe and about to fall into bed.

Sweet dreams.

I pocket my phone and make my way up to my bedroom. I check on Chloe really quickly before I disappear into my bed for the night.

At least we talked about the distance between us and things seem better than they were.

I'll move slowly if that's what she needs, but it's already killing me.