Chapter 4

“Are you still watching him?” Tiff leaned in to ask as I stared down the grumpy goalie that had been the chief topic of interest for me in the last two weeks.

“He’s just standing by the drinks on his own. I thought he was leaving, but he stayed, so maybe I should go and talk to him.”

“No. Don't do that.”

“But isn't standing by the drinks a universal sign that you want to strike up a conversation with someone?”

“No, it's not.”

I turned to look at my cousin with a raised brow. “Mhm. Are you sure because I believe I saw you talking with a hot, private school kid at that party we went to last week.”

The mere mention of him made her clamp her lips shut. Her cheeks got a little red and she tipped her chin down, suddenly getting shy on me. That was new for my quippy cousin.

I gasped, turning my body so I could completely focus on her.

“Wait a minute. Did something happen?”

She looked around as though someone might care about our conversation. They wouldn’t. We’d just gate crashed a graduation party, so no one cared about a couple of sophomores gossiping in the corner.

“Tiffany Anne Bright. You're going to tell me what happened right now, or I'm going to go through your phone history and find out myself.”

She pushed out an annoyed breath. “You won't find anything in there. He hasn't texted me since.”

“Since?” My mouth dropped and I needed information right now. “What happened and why haven’t you told me?”

“I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“But now you do? At a party.”

“You were the one that brought him up. I thought you’d forgotten about him.”

“How could I forget? It’s the first guy you’ve shown any remote interest in. So tell me more.”

She bit back a smile before saying, “He was really cute, and really nice. I thought we had a connection.”

I smiled. “Aw, so you like him?”

“What's there not to like? He was sweet, funny and-”

My eyes widened and I could barely breathe. “Tiff. Do you want him to be your boyfriend?” it was a question I didn’t think I’d be asking until college, but I was going with it.

She shook her head, and her smile fell a little. “Even if I did, it’s not going to happen. He, uh, gave me a wrong number.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” She waved it off, but it was obvious she was still upset by it. “It's not a big deal. These things happen all the time.”

“Not to you. You're amazing and any guy that doesn't see that, doesn't deserve you.”

“Maybe you’re right. It's just, well, I just really liked him. Like really liked him.”

Her cheeks blushed, and then it hit me like a hard stone.

“Tiff,” I said with an uneasy edge. “How far did you go with him? “

Her lips curved into an almost embarrassed smile. “We might have done a little more than kissing.”

Shit. More than kissing?

“How much more?”

She bit her bottom lip, and there was my answer.

“Tiff, did you have sex with him?”

“Uh.”

“At a party?!”

She shook her head. “I had a drink which loosened me up and one thing sort of led to another.”

My jaw dropped, and I closed my eyes, shaking my head in disbelief because this wasn’t Tiff. “I feel like I've been thrown into another dimension because this couldn't be happening. You. Tiff Bridges. Had sex with a random guy at a party.”

“He wasn't a random guy. I liked him a lot and I really thought there was just something there. We just kind of clicked.”

“You clicked so much that you just opened your legs? After all the shit you’ve been giving me about Henry?” She pursed her lips together and didn’t answer. Probably because she finally realized how shitty that was. “I can’t believe it. You haven’t even had a boyfriend, and yet you slept with some random guy at a party?”

My brows crossed, and I studied her because I really didn't get it. I couldn't figure it out. This wasn't Tiff, and it certainly wasn't like Tiff to wait to tell me about it, either.

She closed her eyes, cringing at the thought. “I know. I know now it was a stupid mistake, but you didn't see his eyes close up. They were this pearly green color, and he had this laugh that made my heart flutter. Then, when he kissed me, I felt all these raw emotions, and I guess one thing led to another, and it just, kind of happened.”

“You can say that again,” I muttered, trying not to be annoyed at my cousin. This was a big moment for her, but I didn’t feel excited for her. Just last month, she was berating me for thinking about having sex with Henry andI was with him for six months. She was with this dude for six minutes and thought it was a good idea to give up her goodies.

I shook my head in disbelief. “When did that even happen? I was with you the entire night.”

Tiff pushed her lips from side to side “I think it was when you were playing beer pong with that couple. What were their names? Mike and Olivia?”

“I have no idea what their names were. I was just enjoying the party. So were you, apparently.” I crossed my arms, keeping my focus on the people dancing in front of me. Something about this didn’t feel right, and I didn’t know what it was.

Tiff elbowed me in the rib. “Come on, don't be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Pissed off. I know I should have said something sooner, but I didn't know how to bring it up after everything that happened with you and Henry.”

“It’s easy. You just say, ‘hey Mads. You remember that party where I was talking to the cute guy with the slightly wide-set jaw? well, I bonked him in the bathroom when you weren’t paying attention.’”

Tiff was taken aback and blew out a humorless breath. “Honestly, I don't think I could have said it quite as eloquently as you.”

I tried to hold back my smile because I wanted to be a little annoyed with her, but I wasn't. Ultimately, Tiff’s hesitance had meant I hadn't made the worst decision of my life in actually sleeping with Henry. Tiff acted on a whim and berating her for a choice she'd already made wasn't going to make the situation better.

“How was it?” I asked, taking a sip of my drink and scanning the party, pretending I wasn’t looking at Dash. Still at the drinks station and hot as ever.

“It was good. I think.”

I raised a brow, looking at my cousin in amusement. “You think? You know, I'm obviously not an expert but if you have to think about it, I'm guessing it wasn't that great.”

“Is the first time supposed to be good, though?”

“I'll let you know when I’ve experienced it.” Reluctantly, I looked back at the crowd, feeling a little depressed about the predicament I found myself in. I couldn’t pinpoint why I was feeling this way, though. It wasn't that I was jealous of Tiff for having sex, but something about it was throwing me off. Maybe it was because I’d been so open to talking to her about having sex with Henry before and she just went and did it like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Don’t worry. It’s not like it’s going to happen again,” Tiff muttered. My shoulders slumped in sadness for my friend. She wasn't the type of girl to go after guys, so she must have really liked him.

“Who knows, it's only been a week, he might still call you back.”

“I didn’t get the opportunity to give him my number.”

“What?”

“He apparently didn’t have his phone on him. I’m also ninety-nine percent certain he gave me a fake name because when I looked up Thatcher Hastings, it definitely wasn’t the guy I was talking to.”

“Tiff, that sucks.” I rested my hand on her arm and rubbed my thumb across the fabric of her shirt. She just stared at the floor.

“Who wants to play Spin the Bottle?” Sidney Wiliams yelled across the room, holding an empty vodka bottle in her hand, and parading around like it was a trophy. A few people followed her, sitting in the middle of the room to create a circle.

When she saw Dash standing by the drinks, desperate and brooding, she sauntered over to him and said something that convinced him to move. Albeit, slowly and still somewhat reluctantly.

My heart spiked, and I stood, immediately spurring into action.

“What are you doing?” Tiff asked, making no effort to move herself.

“I'm going to play a little game.” What I couldn't admit to her was that hearing that she lost her virginity had suddenly made me feel like I needed to make a little more progress myself.

I was na?ve with Henry, but not in love. No. I realized that the minute I saw Dash look at me when he punched Henry. That was love. That was what I was craving. A wild depravity that only Dash knew how to deliver.

Other students made room for Dash's bulky frame in the circle, and I nearly laughed watching him attempt to sit cross-legged in such a tiny space.

“Madison. Are you joining us?” Sidney asked, patting the spot right next to her.

I couldn't help myself. I looked at Dash and saw the confusion across his face. Standing straight, I smiled smugly. “Yes. I'm ready,” I hummed out and dropped to the floor, careful to sit so my underwear wasn't showing.

I looked around the circle, surprised I didn't really know anyone but Dash, Kyle, Jessa and Sidney. The rest were just random juniors and seniors that I’d never spoken to. I should have been intimidated, but I wasn't. Being constantly dragged to Cade's games meant that I was used to hanging out with people older than me, and I was pretty comfortable with that.

Sidney gently placed the bottle in the middle of the circle and assessed the people around it.

“Alright, shall we let Kyle start?” She said with a flirty edge. I couldn’t help but notice she gave him a little wink when she leaned back.

Kyle didn't seem to notice or care, he just spun the bottle and waited for it to slow. When it landed on Hayley, the smallest of smiles graced his lips. One of his friends ribbed him and he bent forward, cupping her face before kissing her fully. I swallowed down the feeling in my stomach. Was that how you were supposed to kiss? With all that tongue and spit? Even in front of all these people, there was passion. Way more than I’d ever experienced with Henry.

Crap. Why did I suddenly feel really inadequate? If that bottle landed on me, and I had to kiss one of these people, were they going to laugh at how bad I was because of my lack of experience?

Round and round the bottle spun, but for some reason, it never stopped on me. Maybe karma was playing a trick on me? Maybe I was never supposed to have a guy interested in me? Or maybe it was a cosmic force helping me because they didn’t want me embarrassing myself.

When Jessa spun the bottle and it landed on Dash, my heart nearly fell to the floor. Dash was about to kiss another girl in front of me and I had to smile about it because we weren’t dating. Not that there was ever a chance for that, but I wished I’d assessed the situation before sitting down.

Dash looked around the circle, and his eyes slowed when they got to me. I masked my hurt with a grin that could rival any beauty pageant. I was going to be happy. This was a new Madison. I would never cry over another boy, especially one that had no idea I was crushing on him.

Dash looked at Jessa, and if he was trying to be subtle, it wasn’t working. His frown was evident from here, but since that seemed to be a staple for his face, Jessa wasn't put off by it. She just got on her hands and knees and crawled over to him. I thought she was trying to be sexy, but with the upbeat music in the background, it just looked weird.

“Are you ready for me?” She purred.

I wanted to vomit. This wasn't something I needed to see.

Dash leaned back the closer she got, and it wasn't until his back was against the sofa that he gave into her kissing him. His eyes widened when she rested her hand on his cheek, and she dipped her chin, looking to deepen the kiss. Dash batted her off pretty quickly, which was the only saving grace of the night. Imagine if he'd have liked it, and I had to watch that.

A shiver ran up my spine because this little crush I’d suddenly developed on Dash was getting out of hand. He’d been around me for years and I’d always thought he was cute, but I never thought about him like this. Now, I couldn’t stop.

His smile. His eyes. His constantly furrowed brow. It all did it for me.

I wanted him so badly it hurt.

“It’s your turn, Dash,” some girl said, and I couldn't help but notice Dash's gaze flick to me again for a nano second. There was an emotion behind his eyes that I couldn't decipher because he looked away too quickly. I wanted to say it was shame, but that could have been me projecting, desperately hoping he liked me the way I liked him even after he brushed me off earlier.

Dash spun the bottle with little enthusiasm, and I watched it with more eagerness than a child waiting to open their first present on Christmas day.

Please be me. Please be me. Please be me.

I really hoped I wasn't thinking that so loudly that people could hear it. My eyes didn't stop watching the glass bottle because I desperately wanted to kiss Dash and convince him that we were meant for each other. A childish dream, some might say, but I felt something, I just didn’t know how to describe it. If only he’d take the first step. Then, maybe we’d have a chance.

When the bottle stopped directly between Sydney and me, I couldn't speak. Had I nearly manifested my wants into existence?

“It's split,” Kyle stated the obvious. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“Well,” Sydney drawled out. “It means the person who spun the bottle gets to decide who he wants to kiss. Me or Madison.” She pointed at me with a little distaste in her voice, but I ignored it. Mainly because I couldn’t move. Too worried that I might pee myself with excitement. Was Tiff watching this? I could only hope she had her phone out so she could record my first kiss with Dash, and we could replay this at our wedding in years to come.

Dash looked between the two of us, and then at something over my shoulder. Again, I was too invested in Dash's decision to look away from him. If he picked me, I'd get to kiss him.

Kissing Dash.

My brain was short-circuiting, thinking over all the possibilities.

“Come on, Dash. We don't have all night.”

He was still looking between us and when he sighed and leaned over, something in my gut was telling me that he was going to choose me. I wasn't sure I was ready, but would I ever be ready for my first kiss with Dash? Probably not, but I needed this. We both did.

He crept a little closer and I'd officially stopped breathing now. I closed my eyes in preparation, and when I felt his presence, I tried not to squeal, even though I could feel myself sweating.

The room started cheering, and I opened my eyes.

Shattered.

What was left of my heart was shattered to pieces on the floor. Dash kissed Sydney. Granted, it must have been quick because it was over before I’d even opened my eyes. The only reason I knew it happened was because Dash was already back in his seat, grumbling something to himself.

“Madison.” My brother’s voice from behind startled me, and when I looked over my shoulder to see him glaring at me, I didn’t know what to do. “I think you’re done for the night.”

Well, that was enough to completely ruin the mood. Not that there was one because without even trying Dash broke my heart. He used the blade from his hockey boot and scratched it up until it was sliced into pieces.

I’d put myself out there so many times tonight, but maybe it was time to finally accept the L. Dash didn’t want me, it was obvious now. He chose Sydney, and if he was acting like it was a chore to kiss her, imagine how bad he’d be if he’d kissed me. I guessed having two guys clearly thinking kissing me was unpleasant in less than a month would ruin my reputation. So, maybe that was Dash’s way of doing me a favor.

“You know what?” I squeaked out, pulling myself up as gracefully as I could. “I think you're right. I need to go.”

“Aw man,” Kyle said, which I ignored. He was cute, but he wasn’t Dash. The guy that would do anything to protect me, except date me, of course.

“Come on, Tiff.” Tiff, who was standing by Cade, sprung into action, and followed behind me. I didn’t look back. What was the point? I assumed everyone was laughing at me anyway.

“How are we getting home?” Tiff asked as we walked out of the front door, making me slow. She had a good point. I’d been drinking, and I was supposed to be driving.

“Well, crap. We’re going to have to wait for Cade or get an Uber.”

“I’ll drive you.” I flicked my surprised gaze to Dash. What was he doing out here?

“You don’t have to,” I said with the sweetest smile, trying to pretend that his earlier rejection meant nothing, because it wasn’t his fault I’d built up this entire thing in my head.

“Well, I’m not letting you drive. I can smell the alcohol on your breath from here.”

“What about Cade?”

“What about him? He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. Besides, I think he occupied himself after you left.”

Dash didn’t say anything else, he just pushed past me, and I assumed started walking to his car.

Tiff gave me a pointed look, but in the dark, I couldn’t really tell if she was angry or happy about the situation. “At least he has heated seats,” She whispered, dutifully following behind Dash. Okay, I guessed she was happy then. Maybe she didn’t see my humiliation in there, or maybe a nice, toasty butt on the ride home was more important. I took my time following them and when we got to the car, I stood behind Tiff, who was about to get into the back seat.

When she saw me, she scowled. “What are you doing?”

“Getting in the car with you.” I pointed to the door, confused.

“Are you kidding me? Get in the front. I left the front for you.”

“Why?”

“Because after that performance in there, you both clearly need to talk.”

“What do you mean?”

She rolled her eyes and pushed me away. “Just get in the car,” she hissed before slamming the door in my face.

Well, okay then.

I sighed and opened the front car door, giving Dash a little wave as I did. “Hey, Big Man. Long time, no see.” I smiled, but as per usual, Dash didn’t return it.

As I slid onto the leather seat and buckled my seat belt, I paused when I realized Dash was still looking at me. “What?”

“Big Man?”

“It’s your new nickname because you’re this Big Man now.” I flittered my hand in front of his face. Seriously, it had been what? Two weeks since I last saw him, and I don’t know what happened, but he had suddenly turned into this rugged, sexy guy. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the elapse of time that did it. Maybe it was the fact that I started seeing him differently after he punched Henry. He wasn’t just my grumbly brother’s best friend anymore. He was my protector, now, and something about that made him hugely appealing.

Dash rolled his eyes at my antics, and as per usual, grumbled something under his breath. I glanced over my shoulder to the backseat, making eye contact with Tiff who just shook her head. I had no idea why. I was just being my usual self. Or should I say, my new usual self because I refused to let any guy make me feel vulnerable again. They just weren’t worth it.

The ride to Tiff’s house was quiet, but Dash filled the void with a playlist that I could only describe as angsty and depressing. It was the type of music that the front man slurred his words so much; it sounded more like groaning than anything else. I guessed that was why Dash liked it.

After dropping Tiff off, he turned the music down, which was surprising. What wasn’t surprising was that Dash didn’t talk. So, I decided to fill the void and talked all about the gossip he missed out on over the last two weeks. There wasn’t much, and he didn’t seem that interested, but I preferred that to sitting in an awkward silence.

As he stopped outside my house, I turned to him with a smile. “Thanks for the ride home, Big Man. You saved me at least twenty bucks on an Uber.”

“No problem.” He still wasn’t looking at me, which made it hard to know what to do next. “I’m, uh, just going to head inside now.” I pointed with my thumb out the window to my house. A couple of the lights were on, and I suspected my parents were still up, waiting for me and Cade.

He mumbled something under his breath, which I assumed was ‘okay’.

Leaning over, I opened the car door, but stopped when I thought I heard Dash say something.

“What was that?” I relaxed back into the seat, looking at him.

He cleared his throat. “I said you deserve better.” It was still a mumble, but I understood it this time.

“You deserve better than being kissed by a bunch of drunk idiots in the middle of some random house while you play a lackluster game of Spin The Bottle.”

“Um. Okay. Thanks.”

Where the hell did that come from?

Was this his way of trying to make me feel better about how he’d rather kiss anyone but me.

When he didn’t say anything else, I assumed that was it, so I opened the door. “I’ll see you later, Big Man.”

“You deserve to be with a guy that will make you their everything.” With my legs perched over the edge of the seat, I sat quietly for a minute and stared out into the darkness toward my house. “The guys you’re going after are only showing you an ounce of what you deserve. You don’t need to change the way you dress or act to get attention. You’ve already got it without trying.”

When I slowly turned to look at him, Dash was watching me intently.

“Make them work for it and only do things you want to do. Don’t come to parties just because you want to prove you’re over some idiot that wasn’t worth your time in the first place.”

I silently nodded. It was the first time in my life that I was rendered speechless because I’d never heard Dash speak so passionately about something before, and that something was me.

What the heck is going on?

“Thanks,” I finally mumbled, not sure what else to do. He didn’t say anything else, but his fingers gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were going white. “I, uh, guess I’ll see you around.”

I moved out of the car, shutting the door, and shuffling up to my house without looking back because I had no idea what just happened between us, but the fluttering feeling in my stomach was making me believe something else might be starting between us.