40. Sydney

CHAPTER 40

SYDNEY

I stare at my hands folded in my lap as the late afternoon sun slants through the blinds of Dr. Carter's cozy office.

"I just feel so...stuck," I admit, my voice quavering. "Like I'm paralyzed by everything that happened with Paul. I don't trust my own judgment anymore."

Dr. Carter leans forward, her kind eyes focused intently on me. "Sydney, it's completely normal to have doubts after an abusive relationship. But don't let Paul's actions color your view of yourself and what you're capable of."

A lump forms in my throat.

She's right , I realize with startling clarity. I've been letting Paul win, even now that he's out of my life. By not believing in myself, not chasing my dreams, I'm still giving him power over me.

"You were following your passion when you went to medical school," Dr. Carter continues gently. "Don't let anyone, especially not Paul, take that away from you. It's not too late to go back and finish a residency."

Tears blur my vision as the truth of her words sinks in. "I want that," I whisper hoarsely. "I want to help people, to do something meaningful. I just...I'm scared. What if I fail?"

Dr. Carter smiles and reaches for the box of tissues on the side table.

"Failure is a part of growth," she says, handing me a tissue. "But I have a feeling you're stronger than you realize, Sydney. Look how far you've already come."

I dab at my eyes and manage a watery grin. "You know, I never thought I'd be the one on this side of the conversation," I joke weakly.

She chuckles. "Oh, believe me, therapists need therapy more than anyone. We deal with a lot of heavy stuff in our line of work!"

I nod, breathing deeply as I regain my composure. She's right—I've made so much progress already. Confronting my past, working through my trauma, rebuilding my sense of self.

I can do this. I will do this.

Pride blooms in my chest as I thank Dr. Carter and head out to my car. I'm taking care of myself, finally putting my needs first. It's a good feeling.

But as soon as I slide into the driver's seat, the tears flow freely again, years of pent-up pain and self-doubt pouring out of me. I rest my forehead against the steering wheel and just let myself cry.

Thank God I have another appointment in two days , I think wryly as I turn the key in the ignition. This healing thing is hard work.

The cafe bustles with the chatter of lively conversations and the clink of silverware against plates. The scent of freshly brewed espresso mingles with the warm aroma of buttery croissants. Golden sunlight streams through the windows, bathing our little corner table in a cozy glow.

Selena takes a sip of her oat milk latte, her bold red lipstick leaving a perfect imprint on the mug. "So Syd, how did your session go?"

She fixes me with her caring but intense gaze, false eyelashes fluttering.

I fiddle with my napkin, suddenly feeling exposed even in the anonymity of the crowded cafe. "It was good. Really good, actually. Dr. Carter helped me realize some things..."

Emma leans in, her blue eyes wide with interest. "Like what? Do tell!" She grins encouragingly.

I take a deep breath. "Like...maybe it's time I stop letting other people dictate my life. Maybe it's time to dig deep and remember what I want for myself and my career."

"Hell yes!" Selena exclaims, earning a few startled glances from nearby tables. She lowers her voice. "It's about time. Paul totally railroaded you."

I wince at the mention of my ex's name but nod. "Totally. And I've been thinking...what if I picked back up with my residency, completed my medical training? Finished what I started before everything with Paul."

Emma clasps her hands together, practically bouncing in her seat. "Sydney, that's amazing! You'd make an incredible practicing psychiatrist. Just think of all the people you could help, especially with your experience with addiction."

Selena reaches over to squeeze my hand. "We'll support you every step of the way, sis. Whatever you need."

Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. After feeling so lost, so disconnected from myself for so long, their unwavering faith in me is almost too much to handle.

Emma slides a napkin across the table with a wink. "No need to cry into your salad, though."

After we finish eating the three of us pull out our laptops, planning on getting a few hours of work in. I don't have any clear plans—being currently unemployed and all—but when I check my email, I can hardly believe my eyes.

My fingers hover frozen over the keyboard.

Could this actually be real? A second chance?

"Syd, what is it?" Selena asks, her voice tinged with curiosity. She and Emma both look up at me from across the cafe table.

I glance up, unable to believe my old mentor at Harvard Med got back to me so quickly. "It's an email from Dr. Janssen. He thinks he might be able to pull some strings and get me interviews for residency programs."

"Oh my god, Syd, that's amazing!" Emma exclaims. She reaches over to squeeze my hand. "See, I told you things would start looking up for you!"

"It's not a done deal yet," I say, trying to tamp down the balloon of optimism inflating in my chest. "Interviews are just the first step. Those happen in the fall and winter, and then I'd still have to actually get accepted somewhere. It would be another year until I started a program. If I get into one."

Selena waves a dismissive hand, her bright red nails flashing. "Please, once they meet you, any hospital would be crazy not to take you."

I give her a wobbly smile, remembering all the late nights we spent as kids playing doctor. Selena always enjoyed creating dramatic backstories for her ‘injuries' and I was always the brilliant physician who cured her.

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that dream.

"I'm really proud of you, sis," Selena says softly. "I know this last year has been rough, but look at you—taking charge and going after what you want. Paul can suck it."

I chuckle at that, even as a shiver goes through me at her repeated use of my ex's name. Emma notices and shoots Selena a look.

"The point is, we're here for you, Syd," Emma says, turning back to me. "Whatever you need, we've got your back."

I nod, blinking back fresh tears.

"Thanks guys," I say, my voice thick with emotion. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Um, crash and burn, obvs," Selena teases with a wink.

I laugh and swat at her arm. "Watch it or I won't give you any free medical advice when I'm licensed."

I take a deep breath and smooth my pencil skirt as I walk into the sleek glass lobby of the Midwest Addiction Treatment Center. Relax Sydney, you've got this . You already aced the phone interview, so meeting a few people in person will be no sweat.

The receptionist smiles warmly as I approach the front desk. "Addiction specialist interviews?" she asks. "They're expecting you in Conference Room B."

I follow her directions down a brightly lit hallway, swallowing my nerves. This is a perfect opportunity for me—a short-term gig that would pay the bills while I try to get back on the residency track.

My first interviewer is an austere woman with steel-gray hair pinned in a tight bun. She squints at my resume over her bifocals. "I see you took some time off from your psychiatry residency, Ms. Nelson. Can you explain that gap?"

My throat tightens. I can't exactly say, "My abusive ex-boyfriend made me question my self-worth and abandon my career goals."

I paste on a polite smile. "I wanted to explore addiction counseling before committing to a medical specialty. But I'm eager to complete my training now."

She makes a noncommittal, "Hmm," and scribbles a note. Great start, Syd.

The next two interviews go more smoothly. I bond with a jovial social worker over our shared passion for holistic treatment approaches and the medical director seems impressed by my knowledge of the latest harm reduction strategies.

By the time the final interviewer walks me out, my nerves have settled. She gives my hand a warm shake. "I shouldn't say anything yet, but between us, I think you've got this position in the bag."

I beam at her, giddy relief flooding through me. A fresh start, doing meaningful work, Selena and Emma nearby for support—it's all coming together.

So why does it seem like something crucial is still missing?