21. Dj

CHAPTER 21

DJ

I sink onto my couch, letting out a heavy sigh. The high from last night's win has faded, replaced by a gnawing sense of unease in my gut that won't let up.

Tyler. Sydney. God, what am I doing?

I run my hands through my hair, unsettled by my intense turmoil.

My phone sits accusingly on the coffee table, the black screen reflecting my troubled expression . I should call them. Explain . But the words stick in my throat.

I'm DJ fuckin' Johnston, sex god. I should be the biggest poly advocate of them all. I'm the one who always preaches about honest communication.

And here I am, too chickenshit to pick up the phone.

I groan, flinging my head back against the cushions. When did it get this deep? It was supposed to be casual—some hot sex, a few laughs.

Not this ache in my chest whenever I think about hurting either of them.

I've royally fucked this one up. Ty and Syd are friends. If they compare notes, realize I've been less than upfront...I could lose them both. The thought makes my stomach drop.

"Fuck." The curse echoes in my empty apartment. I need to fix this. Time to practice what I preach.

I snatch up my phone, my thumb hovering over their contacts. Who first? My chest tightens. I care about them both so damn much.

In the end it's Slade's name I tap.

My leg jiggles restlessly as I listen to it ring. Once. Twice. It's enough to make me lose my nerve and I almost hang up, but then?—

"DJ? What's up, man?"

I swallow hard. "Hey, Slade. You got a minute? There's something I want to talk to you about..."

I slump into the sticky booth, the smell of spilled beer and stale pretzels filling my nostrils. Slade peers at me from across the table, his brow furrowed with concern.

"Alright man, out with it. What's got you looking like someone pissed in your protein shake?"

I let out a long sigh. Where to even begin? "Ah, man, I got in way over my head…"

As I explain the situation with Syd and Ty, I'm relieved to see that Slade doesn't seem too scandalized about the whole teammate/counselor element—or at least he's got a good poker face. But I can't read his expression as I conclude my dilemma.

"So anyway, I'm crazy into both of them but I haven't exactly been honest about the fact that I'm hooking up with both of them."

"Mmm." Slade takes a long swig of his IPA.

I grip my beer, the condensation slick against my palms. "Dude? Some advice?"

"Fuck, DJ." Slade shakes his head. "You know that keeping secrets never ends well. Trust me, I've been there before Emma and the guys."

"I know, I know." I huff irritably. "I just got so caught up in the excitement, and then I didn't want to scare them off, you know?"

"I get it, bro. But you gotta rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later."

I nod miserably. "So what do I do now? I'm terrified I've fucked up something amazing with both of them."

Slade rolls his eyes affectionately. "First off, breathe. It's not like you've had any define-the-relationship talks with either of them so far, right?"

I shake my head, a hopeful spark in my chest.

"Good. So there's still time to come clean. Just be honest—-tell them you're crazy about both of them but you don't do monogamy. See how they respond."

"But what if it's too much? What if I lose them both?" I can hear wavering desperation creeping into my voice.

Slade reaches over to grip my forearm bracingly. "You gotta have more faith in what you've built with them, man. If they really care for you, they'll at least hear you out. You're a catch. They'd be idiots to shut this down without a conversation."

I let out a long breath. Slade's right. I need to man up and lay it all out there, terrifying as it is.

"When did you get so wise about this shit?" I quirk an eyebrow at him.

Slade chuckles. "Lots of trial and error. This thing with Emma, Alex, Ryan and Lukas didn't fall into my lap. It took vulnerability, tough-ass conversations...and," he glowers meaningfully at me, "a fuckton of honest communication."

"Ugh, I get it, I get it," I groan dramatically.

Slade holds up his hands with a conciliatory look and then reaches for his beer. "To having the balls to put your heart on the line."

I clink my pint against his. "And to praying to god I don't get kicked in them."

Slade punches my shoulder and I let out a relieved laugh as we settle back and focus on draining our beers.

The night flies by, the air thick with the mixed aromas of greasy food and optimism—or maybe that's just my newly buoyed spirits. Slade's advice rings in my ears like a halftime pep talk and suddenly everything seems so simple.

I just need to be honest. Totally, utterly honest.

And what better way to do that than invite Sydney and Tyler over for a face-to-face showdown? Okay, not a showdown, but a reveal—all cards on the table.

I leave the bar feeling less like I'm walking to my car and more like I'm lacing up my skates for the most important game of the season. By the time I'm home, it's nearing midnight, but sleep is the last thing on my mind.

I pace back and forth across my living room, rehearsing lines that sound more like cheesy movie scripts than genuine conversation starters.

"Hey guys, so...I love fucking you both and—nope." I cringe at myself in the mirror hanging near my front door.

Too direct? Definitely. Fuck, how am I going to do this? Before I can spiral further into doubt, my phone buzzes in my hand—a text from Slade.

"Remember, just be YOU. That's who they fell for."

Fueled by Slade's midnight encouragement, I finally muster up the courage to send the texts. My thumbs hover over the screen, heart thumping against my ribs.

"Hey Syd, how about dinner at my place tomorrow? There's something important I'd like to talk about with you."

I send the same to Tyler.

There. Sent . The messages are out there, and now all I can do is wait for their replies.

My phone vibrates almost immediately. Sydney. Her response is simple yet nerve-wracking. "Sounds good, DJ. See you then."

And after an agonizing eternity, Tyler: "Sure thing, man."

Casual as ever, but my stomach twists knowing what's on the line.

There are so many ways this could go totally wrong.