4. Holden

four

Holden

T he loneliness begins to creep in, but I'm not in the mood for a meaningless hook-up that will leave me just as numb as I am now, besides I've already pissed in a cup and had my blood drawn per Cassi's orders from the team doctor, I can't screw around with anyone until after this deal with Hadley is done. I pull out my phone and call the one person I know I can always count on, my sister Heidi.

Heidi and I might have grown up in a stable family home, but that's all there was. To the outside world, we were the perfect family. Our parents are lawyers in a huge, successful law firm catering to the rich and famous—image is everything to them. So when I wanted to play hockey, they bought me all the latest, most expensive hockey equipment, but not once did they ever watch me play. They were always too busy with an important client to attend any of my games. I had to rely on my coaches or teammates for rides to practices and games.

Life was just as tough on Heidi. She is seven years younger than me and an oops baby, as my parents always call her. At a young age, she begged me to take her along to my games and practices. Luckily, my coaches and teammates didn't mind, and she soon became our biggest cheerleader—leading her to where she is now—an ice girl on the Minnesota Norse team.

The minute she turned eighteen, she moved out of our parent's house and has lived with roommates ever since. That was six months ago, and I couldn't be prouder of her independence. But she will always be my baby sister, and I will always protect her.

That's what caused the last fight I got into on the ice a few weeks ago with a couple of players from the other team. They were talking shit about Heidi and Gemma, another one of the ice girls who happens to be dating the three team owners. I made sure those assholes won't disrespect any other female again—at least not on our team. I might have spent most of the game either in the penalty box or on the bench, but I would do it again.

Heidi answers on the second ring, "Hey, Holden, what's up? Erica and I are getting ready to go out to the club. Do you want to come with and be our wingman?"

"First of all, Heidi, you are only eighteen—you shouldn't be drinking in the bars and picking up strange men. And there really isn't a second thing because I don't want to think about my baby sister having sex." I cringe at the thought.

"You're such a hypocrite." Heidi laughs. "You sleep with a different woman every night."

"Not every night," I grumble. The last thing I need is my baby sister calling out my sexual behaviors.

"Oh, okay, just every other night."

"Whatever, we are not talking about me—we're talking about you and going to the clubs underage."

"Chill out. I'm just teasing you. Erica and I are going to our romance book club meeting. That's the club we're going to. Besides, book boyfriends are so much better than real boyfriends."

"How would you know? You've never had a boyfriend, at least not one you've told me about." I scowl, trying to recall any time that led me to believe Heidi had an ex-boyfriend buried in her past.

"Don't worry, I'm not interested in any of the puck boys on the team. Besides, I don't think I could handle three guys at the same time."

"Really, Heidi, I didn't need to hear that." I'm going to need a wire brush to scrub my brain after this conversation. But she does have a good point: what do people think about our team sharing? "Do you think it's weird that one woman is okay with being with three guys at the same time in a relationship?"

"Honestly, I think if all parties are fine with the arrangement and no one gets hurt, it's fine. I mean, who wouldn't want to have all that love in their life." She doesn't have to spell it out for me. I can tell it in the sad tone of her voice.

I did the best I could to shower her with all the brotherly love I could, but who the hell am I to know what love is? I certainly didn't learn about it from our parents. Or the puck bunnies that warm my bed from time to time certainly don't know much about love, or they wouldn't be hopping from bed to bed.

"Yeah, maybe you're right—love is all that matters—the rest is irrelevant." My baby sister is a genius. It's time I stop looking for one night of lust and start looking for a lifetime of love. "I better let you get to your book boyfriend. I love you, Heidi."

"I love you too, Holden. I'll see you tomorrow."

I end the call with Heidi and reflect on my life choices up to this point—I've never been in a committed relationship, and I don't even know how to begin to be a good boyfriend. If I'm going to make this believable with Hadley, I'd better do some research.

I spend the rest of the night reading everything I can on my phone about how to be the perfect boyfriend, and for the first time in years, I don't feel the numbness that takes over my body when I'm by myself.