21. Show Time

Show Time

Macie

T his day has been a non-stop go, go, go.

Waking up early this morning, not really getting any sleep at all. My mind raced all night.

I won't see Jax until after the show tonight. And as I sit here in my dressing room, well, pacing the floor, when I should be catching my breath, I can't.

I think I'm out of my league here.

This is a huge performance, hundreds of live attendants and thousands of streaming attendants. I'm not doubting my skills, I know what I'm capable of. This is just live music. Routines are choreographed in timing, if she is off, I will be off, vice versa.

A rehearsal about four hours ago now went smooth and has calmed some nerves. But as the clock ticks on the wall getting closer and closer to the time I go on, those nerves creep their way back in.

And now, with only 20 minutes to go before my whole world could change. I pick up my phone and text Jax, needing to get my mind off this.

Are you enjoying the show so far?

So, what I am doing tonight, now that it is show time; This concert is a charity event, multiple cover singers and dancers performing. All proceeds will be donated to help women and men in abusive relationships. In a way, this event speaks to me.

No, I may not have been beaten, physically abused. But what Corey did to me was mental abuse, that led me down a very hard, and ugly path. I owe it to myself with everything I have gone through, to get through this night, and give it everything I have.

My phone vibrates, Jax replying back.

Honestly, I just got here.

WHAT?

What the fuck. Where has he been, I thought he was here. No, I haven't talked to him since earlier today, more like this morning, but I've been too busy.

I'm sorry, issues at practice, I'm here, and you have a lot of familiar fans out here.

I swallow hard with that; thanks Jax, set those nerves a little higher.

Crazy isn't it.

I text him back, waiting for his reply.

You doing okay?

No, I'm kind of freaking out.

His name comes across the screen from his incoming call and I answer it.

"Angel." His voice sounds in my ear and my heart slows from it's rapid pace.

"Yeah."

"Talk to me."

"I don't know what to say Jax, I'm nervous, you see all those people out there."

"I do, but you need to ignore them, Macie."

I giggle in my devilish way as my head shakes, "That's a lot to ignore Jax."

He chuckles. Hearing that, for a minute I can breathe.

"I'll be alright when I get in my silks, but until then I'm going to be a nervous wreck."

There's a knock on my dressing room door before it opens, the director opening the door, giving me the show time nod.

"I have to go, Jax. Enjoy the show. Oh, and don't hate me after."

"What's that supposed to mean." He asks in suspicion.

"You'll see." I giggle, teasingly.

"Macie."

"Bye Jax." I drag my words out before I hang up.

He is going to flip when he sees what I am doing tonight. What he saw at the house that he almost had a heart attack over, is nothing compared to the skill that will be shown tonight.

Boy, do I wish my father could be here to see this. And in away, my mom too, so maybe she will finally see the full picture.

I follow the director out, cracking my neck, getting my body loosened up. Running every detail of my routine in my head, bobbing my head with the music playing in my ear buds.

Watching the band get themselves ready behind the curtains. I see my silks hanging and bile rises to my throat; Oh fuck.

I hold the back of my hand over my mouth and close my eyes for a moment, calming this nausea that's rising in my throat.

Get it the fuck together Macie .

I force a breath of air out of my parted lips, pulling my shit together, taking my ear buds out before I walk onto the the stage. Stepping into position, preparing to start with my floor part of the routine first, sucking in a deep breath.

As I sit on the floor, my silks hanging behind me, the band play behind my silks, and the singer beside me, but a little more forward.

The singer looks down at me and I nod, all in agreement we are ready to go.

My head hangs between my legs, as my hair that is pulled into a ponytail dangles, and my elbow rests on my knee, my hand in the snapping position.

As the music begins, my wrist rolls, my snap following, meeting the timing of the beat. Following that, counting in my head, waiting, and waiting, knowing the curtains are open, hearing the cheers, and I don't want to raise my head to see what is in front of me.

But when my count arrives, I lift my head blurring my vision so I don't focus on the crowd, I feel the music, and it consumes me.

As my legs go straight out to the side, into a split. I walk my palms across the floor, everything in beat. My legs pull out of my split behind me, on my stomach I pull my knees up, kneeling, before I flip backwards, the palm of my hand pressing to the floor, as my feet swing up, scissoring as I flip backwards, before my feet are on the floor, pulling myself into a stand.

Going right into a few steps, before my hand is wrapping around my silk, as I pull my hair from my ponytail, letting it fall to my shoulders, I take off running with my silk in hand, giving me the swing I need to get started; getting what I need, right on queue, my feet leave the ground, and my hands are walking up my silks, as I begin to swing around in the air.

Getting up high on my silks, much higher than I would at the club, needing my space for all my tricks. My leg wraps around my silk as my other foot creates a loop around my foot, I let go with my hands, letting my leg and foot take my weight, holding that for a few seconds. I reach down grabbing the silk hanging below my head. I unhook my foot, my leg slides and my arms begin to take my weight as my legs fall controlled, scissoring my legs as my toes point tight.

A few smaller tricks, to get me where I need to be, which is all the way at the top. Each trick I do keeps the swing in my silks, basically flying me through the air; in a way it's what you would see in a circus.

As I've been working my way up my silks my legs have been wrapping in my silks in a certain way, preparing me for probably the most dangerous trick I can do.

With my silks wrapped over my hips and around my back, down through my legs I get to the top, my silks swinging perfectly, and I let go with my hands and lean forward.

My body falls, and the way my silks are wrapped, it causes my body to flip, continuously, my legs are out, allowing the silks to unravel between my legs with forward flip, after forward flip, until my body hooks and my hand immediately grabs the silk.

Unhooking my leg from the wrap, right into another trick, over and over.

The crowd loving the show, judging by their cheers and how they sing along. The complete vibe this consumes my soul with. There is nothing in this world that means more to me than my dancing. Okay, that may be a lie now.

My feet back on the floor, giving a show with my silks, waving them as I use them to do a few steps, before I am working my way up my silks again in a particular way, to bring this ending with a bang. The silks wrap around my back, working my way up, absolutely loving myself right now.

Getting to the top, I lay flat back, still holding the silk with one hand before my legs split, pointing as tight as I can, and I let go.

My body spins, falling down in a quick pace, feeling less and less silk around my waist, quickly disappearing before it catches and my legs slap together .

I lay back more, my hands holding the silks that are looped around my waist, I hang upside down, before I flip myself. Again scissoring my legs into forward splits, facing the crowd as I slide to the floor, in a forward spilt, my wrists wrapped around my silks above my head, and I lay my head back, ending my routine.

Holy shit; I fucking did it; Ho-l-y sh-it.

My heart pounds in my chest rapidly with my forced panted breaths, finally allowing myself to consume the crowd and when I do, I hear the team; Not the new team.

Oh my god; tears sting my eyes when I see the entire team from home, except Corey and Luke obviously, standing behind Jax, Sully, and Koda. And then I see my mother.

Keeping my shit together as I pull myself from the floor, my eyes lock with Jax's and that smile spreads across his face. I shoot him a wink as I walk from the stage still trying to catch my breath, controlling my emotions of what I just did, and something that I think I just admitted to myself.

I'm in love with Jax.

Jax

I can't believe my eyes.

Watching Macie 30 foot in the air swing around, trusting her silks as she flipped and tossed herself everywhere; She's fucking crazy. But the smile on her face when she met my gaze on her, tells me everything .

When I told her she had a big audience, I wasn't talking about the actual audience. I was talking about the team from home, my dad, Lisa, and of course Koda and Sully.

I look over at Koda, watching him laugh to himself before he catches me looking at him.

"You knew she could do this didn't you?" I say; this fucker knew the whole time.

He nods before that smirk plays on his face, "Can't tell you mother fuckers everything, she needs someone to trust."

I bark a laugh, this fucker.

"She's fucking crazy I know that." Sully laughs out and as much as I agree with him, my dick is hard as a fucking rock too; Damn Angel that was fucking hot.

I look over at Lisa to see her reaction of what her daughter is capable of doing because I can't wait to shame her for how she treated Macie, who is very fucking talented.

Her eyes are locked on the empty stage, almost as if she's in shock which causes me to smirk. When she looks over to my father she has tears in her eyes and then she looks at me and I lift a brow.

"I don't understand why she hid this." She half sobs out, and I don't feel sorry for her.

"I don't think that's a question you want me to answer Lisa, maybe Macie will." I'm not getting in it this time, well at least not yet. Koda invited them all, wanting them to see what Macie was capable of doing. He knew what she was capable of doing and had kept it a secret just like her.

This was no dancing at the club on a pole, or only 15 feet in the air. Macie was swinging above the crowd as she was doing her tricks. I'm almost baffled by it. I really don't have any words.

Finally able to get up and get out of this extremely crowded and fucking hot ass stadium, we get out to the parking lot.

"Koda." I pull Koda to the side.

"I'm already on it."

I lift a brow, "What?"

"I'm going to take them all back to the house and you can wait for Macie. She doesn't need to be attacked by them all right away."

I huff my smile, this fucker, "You know Koda, I don't think I've ever met a brother that looked out for his sister like you."

He shrugs his shoulder, "I do it for Dad, and for myself, but mainly for him Jax; When he was sick he was so scared for her. Obviously a lot had to do with how fucking little she is, but mainly because of how innocent she used to be."

Koda looks down at the ground, I know it's hard for him to talk about his dad, he was our coach, and well, Koda's lost the drive in hockey like he had since his dad passed.

"He'd be proud of her; she's really spreading her wings." He looks back up.

"Yeah, she is." And now I really have to behave myself, I can't lose her. She is a dime a dozen.

My phone vibrates against my thigh, reaching into my pocket, I answer it after seeing her picture pop up.

"Damn girl."

She laughs her words, "Did you enjoy it."

"I did more than enjoy it, get your ass out here."

"Meet me at my car, I'm almost done."

"See you soon Angel."

"Jax."

"Yeah. "

"Is my mom really here?" I hear the crack in her voice, knowing Lisa being here meant something to Macie, and I really pray Lisa accepts this shit and doesn't ruin this for her; I will run her ass out of my house.

"Yeah Angel, she is."

She goes quiet before I hear her sniffle, knowing she's crying, my chest tightens, "Why are you crying Angel."

"I never thought she would show up to something of mine, Jax."

I close my eyes feeling the pain in her voice, "She did Angel, and I think she liked it." She seemed like she did at least.

"Alright, I'll see you soon."

She hangs up without giving me a chance to say anything knowing that was her avoiding a further conversation.

I leave Koda to deal with them all while I walk to the back parking lot where her car is, before I lean against her car and wait.

Macie

I don't exactly know why my mother being here is hitting me like it is.

I secretly think it's because I wish my dad was. But, I am not letting this ruin my night. I just killed that routine.

The director is satisfied, and I will have a hefty check in my account shortly. Plus, a few gigs over the next few months .

I fucking did it. I did what I set my heart out to do. Wanting to prove so many people wrong for their actions, to prove to myself that I am unstoppable; Because I am now.

This night has fueled a fire in me, that I am craving; I want more, so much more.

I quickly change my clothes then walk to the dressing room door, throwing the strap of my bag over my shoulder, my hand pauses on the light switch as I look back into the room.

Taking a deep breath, a smile from ear-to-ear spreads across my face, before I flip the switch off and shut the door; I am on such a high right now. I haven't felt like this in forever, I feel like I can breathe, relieved, alive, so many emotions rocketing through my body, leaving a thrilling high.

When I get out the back door I immediately look at my car and see Jax standing there, and I can't help myself. I take off across the parking lot, dropping my bag before I jump into his arms, and he embraces me with his tight hold as I wrap my legs around his waist.

"That was one hell of a show Angel." He whispers against my ear as his hand cups the back of my head, holding me even tighter.

"Can you accept this?"

He pulls my head back, searching my eyes, "I've already accepted it, or you wouldn't have done it Angel."

I cock a brow with my smile, "Is that right."

He nods.

"I love you Jax." Those words roll off my tongue so easily, words I have not allowed myself to say since my father died. He was the last person I said I love you to. I've refused to say them, but at this moment, all I want to do is tell Jax how much I love him.

His smile spreads before I press my lips to his, losing myself in his lips, in his warm tight embrace. His hand entangles in my hair deepening our kiss and my legs squeeze around his waist tighter .

He pulls his lips from mine, leaving them hovering with his whisper, "I love you too Angel."

I press my lips to his again, before I tuck my head in the crease of his neck, breathing him in, just letting myself feel love again.

It's not long before Jax is pulling my car into the garage, knowing I am about to face my mother, somewhat nervous, but also, I don't care if she likes it or not.

I get out of the car, rounding the front meeting Jax, I look up to him with my smile.

"You really blew my mind tonight, Angel."

I giggle to that, "I can't tell you all my secrets."

"Yeah, you and your brother both."

My brows scrunch in question.

"Your brother knew how talented you are apparently."

I giggle, my brother, "Yeah, I bet he does."

"You ready to go inside?" Jax asks and I take in a deep breath, letting it out with my words, "Yeah, I'm shocked the whole team came."

He chuckles, "You know they will be here tomorrow to ride our asses for our first game. You know they aren't missing that shit."

I snort a laugh, knowing these guys fuck with each other so hard. But they've always supported each other too.

When I get inside our house is filled with the guys on the team, I see Koda and Sully talking with Paul and my mother and I swallow hard. Raising my chin, I make my way to them.

Jax there at my side, with his reassuring hand on the small of my back as we walk into the kitchen that is now filled with food.

"Jeez, you guys hungry?" I giggle out.

"A little celebration for the big winner tonight." My brother states with his smile and I leave Jax's side embracing him with a hug.

"Dad would be so proud of you."

"Thank you, Koda." That brings tears to my eyes, damn it I miss him.

When I pull away from Koda, I turn and face my mother and I wait for it.

"I'm so proud of you Macie. That was a hell of a show."

I almost fall to the floor hearing those words come from her mouth, "Thank you, Mom."

She gives me her mom hug; I haven't felt since I was a little girl. Like the actual mother daughter feeling, like I've finally been accepted by her, and I feel her love through the tightness in her hug.

As I pull away from her, my rounds begin through the rest of the guys. Then, we celebrate, enjoying food and some drinks, catching up, laughing, talking, how it was at home, without all the crazy, but we're in our home now.

This is my home now.

Lisa

I watch Macie tonight, laugh like I haven't seen her laugh in years.

Since she's been gone, I learned of what Corey did, I'm so ashamed of myself. For my actions, how I treated my daughter, and most importantly how I left her to grieve her father's loss on her own.

I was drowning in his loss myself. Literally drowning myself away in the bottle of liquor after losing Jack. I left my kids. Koda stepped up, he dealt with my bull shit, and kept an eye on Macie.

God knows what would have happened had Koda not been here. But it's time for both my kids to live their life's.

I am beyond proud of Macie, I know her father would be. I really wish she didn't hide this from me, I would have accepted it a lot sooner, but I understand why she kept it from me, and her secrets.

I was a terrible mother. And all I can do is pray my daughter finds all the happiness she deserves without a single judgmental word coming from me.

I see her big picture, clear as day now.