Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

I 'm freezing. No matter how many layers I put on, I can't get warm enough. But I don't move. I stay rooted to my seat, watching Luke practice. Aliyah and Kathryn just left, mentioning something about taking Graycee shopping.

We've been home for three days. I went through all of Sean's stuff from his dorm room yesterday. I couldn't find anything that would lead me to where my mother is. I don't know how he found her. Or why. I remember the note she left us back when we were kids, telling us not to look for her. That she didn't love us enough to stay. She didn't say those exact words, but the intent was there. If I had money, I'd hire a private investigator to find her. I need to know what Sean knew, and if he wasn't responsible for taking his own life, I want to know who made him do it. Why he felt like he had to do it to protect me.

A body fills the seat next to mine and then there's a blanket dangling in front of me. "You look like you're freezing," Liliana says.

"I am. How are you not?" I ask while eyeing the dress she's wearing.

"I like the cold. Plus, I just take one look at Travis out there on the ice, his muscles flexing and bulking…" She smirks. "…and my entire body heats up."

"Gross. Never say that shit again," a voice says from behind us. I turn around, expecting to see Liliana's cousin Enzo. It's not him, but it is someone from her family. The resemblance is too uncanny for it not to be. But this guy looks like he should be in school. He's young. "Hi, I'm Dante." The kid holds out a palm towards me.

"Montana." I smile, glancing at his hand before accepting the gesture.

"I'm her cousin, the best one," he says as he drops his arm back to his side, turns to Liliana, and scrunches up his face. "Tell me again why we're freezing our asses off to watch these guys practice?"

"Because I want to, and Pops says you have to follow me everywhere." Liliana shrugs.

"You really never go anywhere alone?" I ask her.

"I do. But my dad's being overly cautious right now. He gets like this after a shooting. His paranoia will wear off in a few months."

"That's nice, though. That he loves you enough to worry," I tell her. Not all of us have that.

"I know," Liliana says.

"Lil, you got any gum?" Dante asks, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around the back of her chair.

"In here." Liliana passes him her handbag without taking her eyes off the ice. "Don't interrupt me. This is the best part."

She's not wrong. Watching these guys stretch is something else.

"Again, gross," Dante grumbles while digging through her bag. A couple of seconds later, he grunts. "What the fuck is this, Lil?"

We both turn around to look at him, and then at the pink handgun he's pinching between his fingers like the girliness might be contagious. It's… bedazzled with jewels.

"Isn't it pretty?" Liliana smiles. "Travis got it for me in Vegas."

"He couldn't have gotten you a Rolex or something? You don't need a gun, Liliana." Dante scowls at her.

"Actually, I do. Everyone else in the family has one, and it's not like I don't know how to use it." She snatches the weapon out of his hands and drops it back into her bag.

"I'm telling Zio Theo," he says.

"Go ahead. My dad won't care," Liliana counters. Even I can tell she doesn't believe her own words and I haven't known her that long.

I return my focus to the ice. I don't need to be involved in whatever family drama these two have. I also feel like the less I know about Liliana's family, the better.

"How are you feeling? Really?" she asks me.

"I'm okay," I tell her. "It's better every day." I downplay how much pain I'm in. Again. Something I'm well versed in doing.

"How's the doc been treating you?"

"Like I'm royalty." I laugh. The Valentino family doctor makes daily house calls. I'm not sure why, but he treats me as if his life depends on me keeping mine .

"Good. I'm glad I could do something to help. You know, if you need anything else, all you have to do is ask."

"I know, and I appreciate that. I really do," I tell her. And then a thought comes to mind. "Actually, now that you mention it… Say I were looking for someone who's been gone a really long time, how would one go about finding them?"

"We have people for that. Trackers," Dante chimes in, clearly listening in on our conversation.

"And where would someone find these trackers?" I ask him, looking back over my shoulder. "If someone needed to hire them, I mean…"

"Someone doesn't. Someone gives me a name and I pass it on to them," he says.

"Just like that? Just a name?"

"Yep, just like that. Who are you looking for?"

"That obvious, huh?" I chew on my bottom lip, and Dante lifts a brow as if to say: really? "My mother, but I'm not even sure where to start looking," I admit. Then go on to explain how she left when I was young and that I believe my brother might have found her before he died.

"What's her name?" Dante asks.

"Kristy Baker," I tell him, then quickly add, "But I don't want you to call your tracker. It's okay."

"I'll let you know when they've found something," he says, ignoring my attempt to backpedal. I shouldn't be asking for his help.

Wait… Did I ask for his help? I don't think I actually did.

I pull out my journal as I wait for Luke to come out of the locker room. I'm as alone as I can be in this hallway with two burly men in black-on-black suits posted at each end. They've been following me around everywhere. Honestly, I appreciate that they are.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little freaked out after being shot. Someone actually tried to kill me. Andrew tried to kill me. There's that little voice in the back of my head telling me that it wasn't him; although I know it was. I mean, it looked like him in that video footage.

There's probably a messed-up part of my brain that wants to believe that he wouldn't have ever gone that far. I know it's stupid, and I'm sure it's part of the reason I stayed with him for as long as I did. I always wanted to believe that he would get better. I can't say that I loved him exactly. I did care for him, though. At least at the start.

But love? I could never love anyone because my heart has always belonged to Luke Jameson.

Dear Sean,

I'm scared. I have no idea if I really did see you or not, but I'm glad I saw whatever it was that I saw. I needed it. I needed you.

I still need you, but I don't hate you anymore. I'm trying really hard to figure out the puzzle you've left me with, though. A little guidance on where to start would be great, by the way!

I'd like to believe that you're up there somewhere. I don't know why you couldn't help me when I asked years ago, but if you have any kind of pull on those heavenly strings, I could use a favor.

I need to know. I can't live in fear forever. I need to know that Andrew isn't going to keep coming after me until he succeeds in killing me. I was shot, but you know that already.

I'm not ready to die, Sean. I have so much to live for now. I want to live. I want that life I dreamed about. The life with Luke.

The nightmares have stopped. It's weird. After I married Luke, they just stopped. I keep waiting for them to come back. But each morning after I wake up, I'm surprised when they're not there.

Anyway, like I said, please send me some guidance.

XX,

Montana