Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I thought I had experienced pain in my life. I was wrong. Having my wife die in my arms is the worst kind of pain imaginable. A desperation unlike anything I've ever known had me praying, had me offering my own soul in place of hers.

When we finally got to the hospital, Montana's body was taken from me. I didn't want to let her go but I also knew I needed to let the doctors save her. I couldn't do it alone.

She's been in surgery for hours now. How long does it take to remove a bullet?

A fucking bullet. My wife was shot. The back of my head hits the wall. I've been sitting in the same spot since I watched them wheel her off. On the floor, in the hallway where I last saw her. I've watched doctors and nurses come and go. But none of it seems to register. I can't feel anything but the gaping hole in my chest.

She has to be okay. She's strong. She's a survivor.

"She's going to pull through," Gray says from beside me. He hasn't left. He's been sitting here the entire time too.

"She has to," I tell him. "I can't lose her."

"You won't." His phone rings, and he looks down at the screen. "It's Vinny. I gotta take this." Gray eyes me warily before pushing to his feet and walking down the hall a bit.

He doesn't have to worry. I'm not going anywhere. Where would I go when the other half of my soul is somewhere through those doors?

My mom and dad have been here for the last two hours, coming to check on me every few minutes or so. Mom clears her throat. "You should come and sit in the waiting room, Luke."

"I'm not moving. Why is it taking so long?"

"It's normal for surgeries to take this long," Mom says, but I can tell she's holding something back. There's something she's not saying. I don't want to hear it, though. I can't hear that Montana's chances of pulling through are slim. I don't want to hear that she might not make it.

I carried her dead body in here, and then I watched them bring her back. They can save her. They already did.

"Son, don't give up hope. She's in good hands and she's a fighter. We all know that," my dad says.

"I know," I tell him.

"I'm going to get you a coffee," Mom says before walking back down the hall. My dad follows behind her.

I don't tell them that I won't drink it. I can't stomach anything right now. I stare down at my hands, Montana's blood still staining my skin. I should get up and rinse it off, but I can't move.

"Managed to get CCTV footage from the cemetery. Vinny's running through it now," Gray says as he drops down beside me again .

"I'm going to kill him. It has to be Andrew. Who else would do this to her?"

"My money would be on Andrew too, but we'll know for sure soon," Gray says. "And then we'll find the fucker."

"She died. She fucking died." My voice is hoarse, my eyes burning. I won't cry, though, because she's going to be okay.

"I know." Gray grips my shoulder with one of his hands and squeezes. "We will find whoever the fuck did this, Luke. I swear it."

"What's happening?" Aliyah's voice paired with the clicking of heels has us looking up at her.

"What are you doing here?" Gray asks.

"Shut up. Where is she, Luke? What are they doing?"

"She's still in surgery." What else can I say? That my entire world is hitched on the skills of whatever fucking surgeon is currently digging around for a piece of lead in my wife's body?

"She's okay, right?" Aliyah kneels down in front of me. "She's okay, Luke. She will be," she says more firmly.

"She will be," I repeat, even if my heart doesn't believe it one hundred percent. "She has to be. "

"You need anything?" King asks from where he's standing behind Aliyah.

I shake my head. I appreciate that they're all here. But there's not much any of us can do but hope.

My mom walks up a few minutes later and hands me a coffee cup. I take it from her hands and place it next to me. "Thanks, Mom."

I don't look up again until another set of footsteps approaches our group. A surgeon, judging by the scrubs, with a grim look on his face. My stomach sinks. I've seen how this goes in the movies. The whole we did everything we could spiel. I can't hear that. I won't.

But instead of running past him and through those doors like I want to, I stand and wait. "Mr. Jameson?" he asks.

"That's me," I tell him.

"Right, well, your wife is in recovery."

His words sink in as I steady my breathing. "She's alive?" I don't know why I ask it, but I need to hear it. I need him to confirm.

"She is." He nods. "It was touch and go there for a bit. But we're optimistic. We still need to run some tests, but as it stands, there doesn't appear to be any permanent damage."

"I need to see her," I tell him .

"There's a limit of two visitors at a time." He glances at the crowd of friends and family currently surrounding me. I don't give a fuck about anyone else seeing her. I need to see her. "She's still asleep, but you can follow me."

"I'll come with you," my mom says while stepping up next to me. I nod in acknowledgement and we both follow the doctor.

I'm not prepared for this. I don't know if I ever could be as I walk over to the bed and see all the machines and wires attached to Montana's body. I focus on the one that shows me her heartbeat. As long as it's steady, everything else will be okay.

She's okay. She's going to get through this. We will get through this. Together. I reach out and pick up her hand. Her skin is cold. "Why is she so cold?" I ask my mom.

My mom touches the back of her hand to Montana's forehead. "She's okay, Luke. It's just the hospital's air-conditioning. Hospitals are always cold."

"She needs another blanket. Montana doesn't like being cold."

"I'll get her another blanket," Mom says. "Luke?"

I look up and wait for her to continue. "She is okay. She will be okay. But are you okay? "

"I feel like I've fucked up and I can't do anything to fix it. I have no control. I couldn't save her."

"Oh, baby, this isn't your fault. You didn't do this to her."

"I took her to that cemetery. I should have just brought her home." I shake my head. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for this.

"I'm going to say this one more time, Luke Jameson. This isn't your fault. Don't let guilt eat you alive from the inside out, especially for something you didn't do. When she wakes up, she's going to need you to be there for her. You can't do that if you're stuck in your own head."

"Okay." I nod before looking down at my wife again. I promised to never let anyone hurt her and it's already happened.

How can I keep her safe? What do I have to do to make sure that nothing can touch her? Besides locking her inside a tower. Because I don't think she'd go along with that plan.

I don't know how much time has passed when I finally feel her hand move in mine. My head pops up from where it was resting on the edge of her bed. "Tanna?"

Her eyes peer back at mine. "L-Luke?" she questions, her voice sounding hoarse .

"Shh, don't talk. Let me get you some water." I stand from the chair, and my mom is already handing me a cup. I hold the straw to Montana's lips and wait for her to sip at the water. "I'm so sorry."

"Why?" she whispers. "What did you do?"

"I shouldn't have taken you there," I admit. "Do you remember what happened?"

"I saw Sean," she tells me.

I nod my head. "We were at the cemetery, and you were shot, Tanna."

"No, I saw him. I saw my brother, Luke," she repeats, a little more firmly this time.

I look over to my mom. "I'm going to go let the doctors know she's awake," Mom says. "But first, how are you feeling, Montana? Are you in pain?"

Montana shakes her head.

"Okay, I'll be back in a sec," Mom says.

Montana waits for my mom to leave the room before looking at me again. "Luke, I saw him. He was there."

"Where?"

"I don't know. But I saw him. He said to tell you to break away. No, that's not right. He said to tell you to… break out!"

"Break out? You sure that's what he said?" I ask her .

"Yes, I'm sure." She nods her head, adding, "And he didn't kill himself."

Okay, I'm not sure what drugs they're pumping her with but Montana is not making much sense. I saw Sean. Afterwards. I know he put a razor to his wrists.

"He said he was protecting me from something. And he mentioned our mother. I don't know what any of it means. But I do know he didn't choose to leave us."

I would love nothing more than to believe that. I wish it were true. I've gone through so many mixed feelings about my best friend's death. But I've never once considered he didn't do it to himself.

My mind goes back to what Montana said. A break out is when you get possession of the puck in your defensive end and move out of the zone to attack.

If any of this is true, what could Sean be trying to tell me?

And then it clicks when I remember a conversation I had with Sean in high school after getting into a fight at a party. Sean told me that I should break out, and then went on to explain how I needed to plan better when facing an opponent. He always related everything to hockey. He told me I needed to find their purpose first, their intent, then build up my defenses and finally attack. According to him, you can't fight if you don't know why you're fighting.

I need to find out why Andrew has his sights set on Montana, what his purpose is and what his interests are. I assumed he was an abusive asshole, a weak fucker who uses women as his punching bag. I never considered that maybe there's more to it than that.

What the fuck am I missing?

"I love you," Montana says, breaking me from my train of thought.

"I love you so much. I was so fucking scared I lost you." I lean in and press my lips to her forehead. And she offers me a weak smile.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, Luke Jameson."