Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

M y Alpha is gone.

I can only see Max’s light hair above the surface. I didn’t get to bond him. I didn’t get to live my life with him. He’s taken away from me before I’d gotten to experience what true pack happiness is.

I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m dying.

“Oh, honey. The police and fire department are on their way,” a woman I don’t recognize says.

It feels like every inch of me is frozen, and talking is impossible.

The man I love is stuck in that vehicle that’s nearly fully submerged. Only about a foot from the top of the SUV is still sticking out.

I need him. This can’t be real.

We were just in therapy working on all of this. He was trying. He was trying so fucking hard because he loved me.

Bram chose me; he protected me; he’s my Alpha.

I can’t lose him, not when I’ve barely had him.

I shrug off the blanket that was providing me some semblance of warmth and step toward the running river bend. I’m not sure what my plan is, I know I can’t out swim the current, but I can’t sit here and do nothing.

Arms wrap around me, and I know they’re Ethan’s.

He supports my weight as we both fall down into the snowy sand and watch Max’s head float in our direction.

“No,” I call out, and Ethan holds me tightly, his own body shaking with sobs.

The amount of despair I feel in this moment is like my heart is being yanked out of my chest. The promises of everything that we could have been slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.

Bram wasn’t even thirty.

He had so much life to live, so much love to give.

I need him. Ethan and I both need him. How in the fuck can I go on without him? Without the Alpha who purrs so loud for me it rattles comfort every time I’m with him. The man who can be closed off to others but opens up to me.

This can’t be happening.

It’s all my fault for feeling sick. I should have sat in the front seat. I know I get motion sickness.

Bram is gone, and it’s all my fucking fault.

My chest convulses, and I feel like I’m going to die. Even if I don’t, I can’t help but feel like I wish I was dead. How can I live without Bram? How can I live with this being all my fault?

“Lo-ok,” Ethan shivers, pointing out to the river.

I use my shaking, nearly purple hands to wipe my eyes.

Max is using one arm to swim, and his other is wrapped around… Bram.

Bram isn’t swimming, though. He’s just floating next to Max.

I take another step into the river, and Ethan pulls me back. The sound of sirens become piercing as the fire department parks on the bridge and by the shore we’re on.

They’re speedy as they rapidly go over plans, and the ambulances and EMTs join the fray.

Max still seems so fucking far away, and I can’t see how Bram is doing. Why isn’t he awake in this freezing cold water?

A silver, crinkly blanket is placed over my shoulders, and I clutch it to my chest.

“Miss, come with us,” he says, and I shake my head.

I need to see Bram pulled out of that river—I need to know that he’s alright.

“Miss. Your chances of hypothermia are higher the longer you stay out here. We need to take you to the hospital.”

I shake my head, tears not even coming out of my eyes anymore because I’m so cold.

Ethan grabs my face, his fingers cold as ice. “We-e have t-o. Br-am w-w-ould want y-y-ou to go,” he says.

I shake my head even though he’s right.

The firefighters are putting on waders and making their way out to Max and Bram. Ethan’s hold on my face tightens.

“Pl-ease,” he begs me.

When I glance over, I see there are multiple ambulances lined up, and it’s the only reason I decide to go.

I’m no good to Max or a recovering Bram if I don’t get help myself—I refuse to think otherwise—he has to be okay.

They place Ethan and me in the same ambulance, warming our skin and hooking us up to IVs. The whole ride to the hospital, my mind wanders to how they are doing and the worst possible scenarios.

Ethan and I stay close the entire time. They even give us a room together as they use warmers and continue our warmed saline drips. They take blood, and Ethan turns on the TV to see if there are any updates or coverage.

The hospital staff promised to tell us as soon as they arrive.

Ethan clicks to a local news station, and I watch in horror as they show footage of the wreckage and emergency crew onsite.

“The car belongs to Bram Nilsen, starting defensive lineman for the New Haven Foxes, but that’s not the only shocking part. Starting goalie, Max Connery was also in the vehicle along with the head coach’s daughter, Sloane Applegate. A fourth party was in the vehicle but has yet to be identified. Our sources show that the unidentified male and Miss Applegate are both in the hospital and should make easy recovery. Status on the two hockey pros has not been released, but we fear the worst,” the prim news reporter says.

“It’s unclear what caused the accident, but this bridge is notorious for being dangerous after a large snowstorm. We’ve reached out to the New Haven Foxes for comment but haven’t received anything.”

Ethan clicks to another channel where they are also reporting on the accident.

“It’s been heavily speculated online about the relationship of the two New Haven Foxes players, the mascot and the coach’s daughter. This accident seems to confirm that something has been going on, but our sources indicate that none of them are bonded.” The news reporter holds the mic as he approaches an older man bundled up in a jacket, scarf, and hat.

“Sir, can you tell us what you saw?”

“I didn’t see anything. But I can tell you it was probably Max Connery’s fault. The team hasn’t been the same since he joined. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one driving and under the influence.”

“That’s very speculative. Did you see anything that would give you that impression?” the reporter asks.

“He’s just?—”

“Turn it off,” I croak, and Ethan pushes the power button, shutting the TV off as I try and hold it together.

“Hey, they’re going to sensationalize everything. Don’t listen to them.”

“Then why aren’t they here yet?” I ask Ethan.

“Maybe they got taken to a different hospital.”

I can’t help but to think if I bonded them and we pledged as a pack already, I’d be able to get more information. Not to mention, I’d be able to shut up some of the rumors. But hearing them talk about my scent match like that forms a pit in my stomach.

Max stayed. Max did what he promised. He’s a fucking hero, and he’s a good man. I can’t help but to feel so endlessly hopeless right now.

I need my Alphas to be okay. There’s no other option. I’m not sure how I can go on if they aren’t healthy and safe.

Ethan grabs his IV bag as he holds the back of his hospital gown closed and comes to lie in bed with me. He holds me tightly.

“They’re so strong, Sloane. They have so much to live for. It’s going to be okay.”

I want to believe him. God, do I want to believe him. But why haven’t we heard anything? I guess it doesn’t help that our phones were left in the car and we can’t get a hold of anyone.

My parents are probably scared shitless. I imagine they’ll be here any moment.

I’m trying to be brave and be strong about all of this when the nurse and doctor walk into our room. If they’re upset about us cuddling in bed, they don’t say anything.

“Both of your color looks much better. I know it was jarring being brought to the hospital, but the blood work looks great. We just want to bring in an OBGYN to check in on the baby,” the doctor says casually.

“The what?” I ask.

The doctor’s eyes widen, and she clears her throat.

“I’m sorry, you didn’t know?”

I burst into tears, and Ethan holds me closely. I’m sure the doctor is mortified.

This should be the best news. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, and I knew who I wanted to be my pack. We might be dysfunctional, but I love them, and we were going to figure it out.

I’m pregnant, and I don’t even know if my Alphas are okay.

“If you can just give us a few minutes,” Ethan asks, and I can’t hear them leave the room over my sobbing.

All the saline they gave me is now just rushing out of my face.

“Just let it out, sweetheart.”

This time, he doesn’t tell me it’s going to be okay. He doesn’t lie to me. Because right now, nothing feels alright.

“Maybe that’s why you weren’t feeling so great,” Ethan says, and I sniffle. I hadn’t had any other symptoms. I mean, my heat was about a month, month and a half ago? Right?

“What are we going to do?” I ask Ethan.

“I’m going to be with you no matter what, Sloane. I’m not going anywhere,” he says, throwing the same words back at me I did to him. “I’m not going anywhere,” he repeats.

I believe him, and I take a few deep breaths. I might not know how to take care of myself right now, but there’s something bigger than me that I have to take care of. Even though I want to break down, I can’t. I need to make sure my baby is okay.

Right now, I have to be strong, even if all I want to do is fall apart.

There’s a knock on the door, and Ethan tells them to come in. A woman in scrubs is pushing a machine and gives me a sympathetic smile.

“I’m assuming as an Omega you’ve had one of these before,” she says, holding up the wand, and I nod my head. “It can be really hard to tell this early, but we should be able to check and make sure everything is okay. Your blood levels are indicative of a viable pregnancy,” she says.

Ethan climbs off my bed but holds my hand as she lubes up the wand and places it inside of me. She’s searching around, and when she smiles, the smallest bit of relief escapes me.

“There they are. Let’s see if we can get a heartbeat. It’s still early.”

She angles the wand, and it’s so nearly faint I think I’m imaging it. But there it is, my baby’s heartbeat.

I decide from that moment on, no matter what happened to Bram or Max, I have something to live for.