Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

T here’s an overwhelming sadness that hits me once I’m out of my heat. I can’t tell what time it is, but I just know everyone is sleeping.

I’m between Max and Ethan while Bram sleeps on the couch.

It’s not easy, but thankfully, everyone is too exhausted to notice as I slink out of the bed and make my way to the bathroom. I turn the shower to hotter than hell and sit on the shower floor and let the spray hit me.

The tears flow out of me so violently I can’t make myself stop crying. My stomach lurches, but there’s nothing. My stomach is too empty.

I’m not even sure exactly what is upsetting me the most. It’s just too much. Everything is so overwhelming. My body aches, I’m exhausted, and my heart hurts.

I remember Bram’s hurt face when he walked in on me and Max. I never even got Max’s true consent to be in my heat. I’m sure he signed the form, but it was probably out of obligation. Then there’s Ethan. I remember bits and pieces of his background, but it’s so jumbled up. All I can really recall is that he came from an abusive household.

Maybe the more time that passes, the more will come to me.

I feel lost, so fucking lost.

Where do we go from here? Did Bram just join my heat because he knew I couldn’t do it without him? Is he going to stay with me? How is Max handling having a scent match?

The only person I don’t have to worry about is Ethan, and that’s where I find some comfort. He’s not going anywhere, he told me in those literal terms.

I’m trying to breathe and calm myself when I hear the door open. Immediately from his scent, I know it’s Bram.

Fear laces through me, and I start sobbing again. My stomach muscles are cramping so badly, but I can’t calm down.

He turns the water to a more tolerable temperature and steps behind me, cradling me from behind.

For the first time since my heat started, or at least that I can recall, his chest rumbles with a purr, which doesn’t help my crying situation one bit.

“Don’t cry, little Omega. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I’m trying to talk, but it’s too fucking hard. Instead, I turn around and wrap my arms around his massive form.

“I—I love you. Please don’t leave me,” I cry out, and his arms tighten around me so fiercely I feel like he may break me in half.

“I love you too, Sloane. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen this way. Oh, god. How many games have you missed? Is my dad upset? Are you okay? I know you and Max don’t get along. I know you two fought. I’m so sorry.”

“Shhh. You already apologized, and you have nothing to be sorry for. We’re working on things. Our relationship with one another isn’t your responsibility. We missed two games. The Foxes still won, and right now there’s a whole subreddit about where the fuck Finnegan the Fox is. Apparently, someone noticed the lack of social media posts and Gagnon playing as well.”

“Oh, well, that will be good for social media,” I sniff, and Bram laughs.

Between his purring and his laughter, I’m jostled ever so slightly. I never want to leave his arms. I feel safe and whole.

Staying in this shower forever seems like an awesome idea. Because reality is going to be difficult.

“While you’re crying probably isn’t the best time to ask this,” he says, and I pull back and look at him.

His beard is growing long, and I can’t help but to drag my fingers through it.

“What?”

“I’d like for you and Ethan to move in with me,” he says.

I swallow thickly. Max’s name was clearly not mentioned, and honestly, this is a loaded question when I’m trying to pull myself together.

“Don’t answer. Just think about it. I know you like planning. Make a pros and cons list, and let me know what concerns you.”

Instead of listing off the tons of things that concern me, mainly how comfortable my scent match would be coming over to Bram’s home, instead, I just rest my face against his rumbling chest.

The gentle hum of his purr is the only thing keeping me grounded at this moment.

I take a deep breath and relax my muscles. Okay, this is all okay. I don’t have to worry about Ethan or Bram. I just need to worry about Max and how the hell I’m going to make this pack work because come hell or high water, I’m going to make these two like each other.

“How do you think my heat went?” I ask, my hands playing with his wet hair.

“That’s a loaded question. All I know is you need a better nest next heat. This is tight fucking quarters. We need more space and options.”

“A designated nest sounds nice,” I reply.

“My house has a basement. I want to give you your dream nest.”

I pull back and search his face. He means it, he’s truly all in, and it’s the greatest relief of my life. I kiss him gently, and his purr intensifies.

“I want to bond. As soon as we have a better grip on what’s happening with the four of us, I want to bond you.”

“Truly?” he asks.

“Truly. I also want a wedding someday, but we can talk about that later.”

I yawn and rest on his chest again.

“Should we get out and sleep?” he asks, and I shake my head.

“No, I’m quite happy right now in your arms.”

When I wake up, I’m snuggled in clean sheets and more revelations of doom because Max is nowhere to be found. In fact, neither is Bram.

My heart is racing, and it quickly goes away as Ethan hurries over to the bed with a chocolate croissant and a pumpkin spiced latte.

“Hey. It’s okay. They had to go to practice.”

“But they’re probably so tired.”

“Sweetheart, you’ve been asleep for nearly a whole day.”

My eyes widen. “A whole day?”

I grab the croissant and moan as the flakey pastry melts on my tongue.

“Your dad Henderson dropped off breakfast for us. He’s a whole lot less intimidating than Coach. But I think your mom Rosemary might take the cake for the scariest Applegate.”

I snort and grab the coffee.

Sweet caffeine.

“What did she say?”

“She didn’t say anything. That was the scary part. It’s like she could read my mind by just staring at me.”

“They’ve always been protective of me, only child syndrome and all of that.”

I take another sip of coffee before inhaling the rest of the pastry.

“How did they seem before they left?” I ask.

He moves up the bed, tossing his arm around my shoulder, and I lean against him with ease. I sigh with contentment. Things with Ethan have always been easy, and I’m so grateful for that.

“They didn’t talk to each other. Neither of them wanted to leave you, but they did miss six days already.”

I jolt up and blink at him. “Six days?”

He scrubs a hand down his face. He’s rocking more facial hair than usual too.

“Yeah, six days. Your mom said that was normal for a first heat.”

“You texted my mom?”

His cheeks heat, and he nods. “I mean, she did write The Art of Nesting .”

I groan and put the coffee on the nightstand and slink back into bed. “My head hurts.”

“You’re probably dehydrated. Let me get you some water,” he says. I grab his wrist and tug him down.

“Wait.”

“What? What’s wrong? Does something else hurt? Do you need an ice pack or a heating blanket?”

“No. Well, maybe an ice pack. My clit feels like it’s swollen to the size of a strawberry. But no. I… um. I remember bits of our conversation from my heat. If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. More of it is coming back to me now that I’m fully awake.”

He clears his throat and feels tense beside me.

“It doesn’t scare you?”

I lace my fingers with his and squeeze. “Why on earth would the circumstances of your childhood scare me? You had nothing to do with what happened. I’m just so sorry you had to go through that.”

“How do you keep impressing me?”

“Well, mister. You should probably stop doubting me.”

“You’re right, never again. It was probably a cop out. It just felt easier to tell you then when you couldn’t reply. I had an ex who wasn’t comfortable with my father being a convicted murderer.”

I wrap my arms around him and squeeze.

“Then they’re fucking stupid.”

He laughs and holds me back. “So as amazing as all that was, it was kind of a shit show.”

“I think we only got through it because of you. You did a great job mediating.”

“It might take some time, but I don’t think they’re a lost cause.”

I pull back to search his face, knowing that he was lucid and present my whole heat.

“So you think you can sign up for four of those a year or what?” I joke.

“I think I’m signing up for a lifetime of them, sweetheart.”

Yeah, I fucking cry again.

I’m just an Omega, and this has been exhausting me.

“Hey. Hey. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“These are happy tears. I just don’t know how I got so lucky.”

“It seems like manifestation, if I’m being honest,” he says, and I snort.

“I’m not looking forward to seeing my dad.”

Ethan blows air out of his mouth and sighs. “Yeah, me either. At least he seems way more frustrated at Max and Bram than at me.”

“Hopefully he isn’t being too hard on them at practice.”

“Even if he is, it would be worth it.”

I know I’ve been sleeping for what feels forever, but a little cat nap won’t hurt. So I do just that, passing out cuddled next to Ethan and trying to let all the anxious thoughts evade me while I rest.