Chapter 5

“The only reason you need to be calling me is to tell me you finally signed those divorce papers.”

It was hard to appreciate the sheer beauty of Bishop Reign’s farm while my asshole ex was on the phone continuing to prove why I wanted a divorce in the first place.

“Anya, stop playing and come talk to me face to face. I don’t have a problem with us never having children. The problem I have is with you throwing away everything we’ve built.”

“What have we built, Graham? Huh? A trail of miscarriages, antibiotics, and broken promises? Our relationship was good when it was good, but the past few years have been shitty, and that’s putting it lightly. We both need to cut our losses.”

“What about couple’s therapy? If we give therapy a real try, I will let you go in peace.”

“I suggested therapy, and you swore we didn’t need it.”

“I didn’t know how serious you were about it being over. You gotta work with me. You act like I didn’t do everything I could to keep you happy.”

“Everything like what? You consider working late nights almost every other weekend as giving me everything. Or was it when you had last-minute business trips that I could never join you on. How about giving me an STD the first time and saying that it was probably dormant for years. I believed you because I wanted to, not because I was stupid.”

“You believed it because you loved me, and you still love me. Anya, I just want you to stop this shit and come home.”

“I’m at work right now. I can’t even have this conversation.”

“What time do you get off? Have dinner with me so we can talk.”

“I’m actually about to have dinner now. I’m off tomorrow though. I’ll meet you somewhere, but I’m not making any promises.”

“So, you want to meet me? You don’t even want me to pick you up?”

“I’m learning to value my privacy.”

“Fine. Meet me at your favorite spot, say about five?”

“Fine.”

We ended the call on a semi cordial note for a change before I walked back inside. Thankfully, Psalm had his headset on. Not that I thought he would hear my conversation anyway. He was oblivious to his surroundings. If he wasn’t face down in his phone, he was on the computer typing like the world depended on it. Most of the time, though, he was playing some game.

It was so lonely in the house. I was used to having coworkers and people to talk to. I spent my time talking to Bishop. He was completely fine, aside from the fact that he hadn’t woke up. The neurologist that had come by a couple of times agreed with the other doctors that he just had to wake up on his own time.

He was getting a low dose of pain medication and plenty of fluids that I made sure to keep replenished. Before I was dragged outside by my phone ringing, over and over, I had just taken the baked chicken I made out of the oven. The smell greeted me as I moved back through the house.

As usual, I made Psalm a plate of baked chicken, broccoli and cheese casserole, and rice. I wasn’t sure when he would be ready to eat, so I wrapped his plate in aluminum foil. I now had his phone number, due to him leaving it on the table at the bottom of a note telling me to let him know what other groceries or anything else I needed him to get around the house.

At this point, I didn’t know how to take him. Either he was making nice gestures or being a complete asshole. One Monday morning, I was grumbling to Bishop about how I hated Mondays. The following Monday morning, there was a huge bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if it weren’t for the card on the table with my name on it.

A little something to brighten your day. Thank you for all you do.

The card wasn’t signed, but I knew it was from him. Since then, every Monday, there was a fresh new bouquet of flowers on the table. I didn’t know whether to thank him or not because he acted like we were at war every time I said something to him. I understood that he was under a lot of stress due to his brother’s situation, but he was just begging for me to curse him the hell out.

Since the food was ready, I texted him and let him know before making my own plate and sitting down to eat. I was getting used to eating alone, so I pulled up one of my games on my phone and played it while I ate.

My eyes were drawn to Psalm when he appeared near the kitchen table. He was so tall and handsome. His skin was like milk chocolate and even made my mouth water. Those dark eyes and thick brows were a recipe for pure sexiness. If it were any other man, I would be crushing on him heavily, even at my big age.

This was Psalm though. He was a different breed. It was easy to tell he wasn’t fond of having me around. He barely spoke to me, and when he did, he didn’t leave much room for a response before putting that stupid headset back on.

He was tall, dark, and handsome in anyone’s book, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that above all else, he was a dick. We stayed out of each other’s way, so that worked for me. I was just here to do a job.

Psalm didn’t have to want me around. He didn’t hire me. He wasn’t even the one paying me. As long as those deposits came in like clockwork, I was fine with working there. Psalm might have been rude and obnoxious, but at least he agreed to make sure I had what I needed while I was there.

I pretended not to watch him as he walked over to the counter and got a fork from the drawer. After picking up his plate, he removed the foil and proceeded to go back into the living room. The headset was back over his ears before he sat down good. What kind of grown ass man sat up and played video games from sunup to sundown? Not my kind of man, that was for sure.

I fidgeted with the sleeves of my shirt as I entered Bradley’s Steakhouse. I hadn’t even sat down yet, and I already regretted agreeing to join Graham for dinner. I knew his game. He would be so charming and overly sweet, hoping to get me to bend to whatever his will was at the time. I was standing firm on my position for now.

I wasn’t so bullheaded that I wouldn’t hear him out, but I was tired of accepting less than I was worth. I didn’t deserve to go through all the things he put me through. I could forgive him, but forgetting was where I was struggling. I shouldn’t have to forget. I needed to remember the pain he’d caused me and why I came to the conclusion that it was best to move on with my life.

“You look good.” Graham stood from his seat to greet me.

“Thank you,” I said, once again fussing over the three-quarter length sleeve.

I was pretty sure Graham had actually bought me the knee-length pink pencil skirt and white blouse I was wearing. Subconsciously, I did what I usually did and wore something I knew he would like to see me in.

I took my seat and picked up the menu, intentional about not looking at Graham. It had only been close to twelve weeks since I had moved out. I only counted in weeks because the morning I came home from the hospital, he made sure to tell me the exact date that my six weeks would be up. Worrying about when we could resume having sex was so Graham.

Never did he ask how I was feeling. Not once did he say I’m sorry for your loss, for our fucking loss. His complete lack of consideration was what made it so easy for me to pack up and leave. I only took two weeks off work, one to rest and one to move out.

I was a coward and moved out while he was at work, to avoid confrontation. I advocated for my patients, for homeless people being mistreated outside the hospital—hell, I stood up for anyone in the world and against anyone.

When it came to Graham, I felt weak. He made sure to let me know that I didn’t have to be the strong one anymore because he had my back. For a while, he did. For a while, I didn’t have to fight or worry about anything. Graham held me up and allowed me to be weak and vulnerable, then he took my weakness for granted and steam rolled over me every chance he got.

“I took the liberty of ordering your favorite. I figured it would be better to get our food sooner than for you to look over the menu pretending like you’re not going to order the exact same thing.” Graham revealed.

I narrowed my eyes but decided not to get upset. I had every intention on ordering something different tonight. Since Graham had taken the liberty, as he put it, I guess that was out of the window. The waitress came over and brought the fried calamari and house salads that Graham had ordered prior to my arrival. I almost asked how long he had been here because I was right on time. Deciding against it, I turned my attention to the waitress.

“Can I get a six-ounce glass of your white zinfandel?” I asked her.

“Aren’t you driving?” Graham asked.

“Aren’t you?” I frowned, looking at the glass of dark liquor sitting in front of him.

“Don’t get defensive, Anya. You know I’m just thinking of your safety.”

“Surely one glass of wine won’t be my undoing.”

“I apologize. I didn’t mean for you to get all touchy. That’ll be all, Susie,” he told the waitress whose name I hadn’t caught.

“I’m not touchy.” Shaking my head, I adjusted my skirt and looked around the room.

This was a mistake. I was already tired of Graham, and the food hadn’t even come out yet.

“I haven’t had a chance to tell you we got the Sweeny contract.” Graham smiled.

“That’s great. See, we should’ve been getting a whole bottle of wine. I know how hard the company has been fighting for that contract.”

“Absolutely. I’ve been wanting to give the guys a raise for a while, but it just didn’t make sense for the budget.”

“I’m proud of you.” I mirrored his smile.

I meant what I said. I was proud of Graham’s hard work. When we started dating, he was a foreman for a construction company. A couple of years ago, he’d been promoted to senior superintendent. The company he worked for entrusted him with his own crew. They sometimes traveled all over the region to complete projects.

He had to be away for weeks at a time. I struggled knowing he was only a few hours away but telling me he was too tired to drive home on his weekends off. Hell, he even refused to let me drive up to visit, saying he needed all the rest he could get. It was hard not to feel like there was more going on than he would admit to after catching him cheating in the past.

He loved his work probably more than he loved me. Hearing him brag about his projects brought me joy because I knew he took pride in his work. He worked hard to provide the life he felt like he should live with his wife. Things like that were the reasons that I stuck by him so long when I knew, deep down, I deserved someone who valued me instead of thinking I was a possession he’d earned.

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

After Graham excused himself to go to the bathroom, we were able to fall into an easy conversation about the upcoming projects that he had. In a couple of months, he was going to Florida to oversee the remodel of an apartment building. It was slated to take six to ten weeks to complete. I was glad that I wasn’t going to be home alone begging him to let me drive down for the weekend. I would be alone, but it was of my choosing, not because my husband didn’t want to be bothered with me.

Since he didn’t bother to ask me about work, I didn’t have to reveal that I had gotten another job. I didn’t feel like getting into that whole thing or the reason why I started back smoking in the first place. I hadn’t picked up a single joint since running into Michael at the convenience store, so it wasn’t worth mentioning anyway.

My current employer hadn’t required me to take a drug test, but I could never be sure that they would never ask for one. I was administering narcotics to keep Bishop comfortable. With as many nurses as there were using on the job, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they wanted to make sure I wasn’t abusing them.

I was trying to get my system clean. Not that I hadn’t been tempted to smoke, with the loud smell of weed flowing through the house when Psalm smoked. Although, most of the time he went out to the front porch to smoke, the smell permeated through the house. Just because he smoked didn’t mean I should.

It was crazy that I let out a sigh of relief as we got up to leave the restaurant. I used to pray for just a little more quality time with my husband. Now I couldn’t wait to get away from him. He walked me to my car.

“It was good to see you, Anya. I hope tonight opens the door to more communication,” he said, opening his arms for a hug.

My chest tightened, but instead of declining to hug my own damn husband, I stepped into his arms. I should have known it was more or less a trap. No sooner than I was in his arms did he lean in for a kiss. I turned my head just in time for his lips to land on the corner of my mouth.

He sneered. “Damn, I can’t kiss my own wife?”

“We’re not there yet,” I mumbled.

“Yeah, OK. Let me know when you make it home, wherever that is.” He scoffed before turning to walk away.

I took a deep breath and released all the air from my lungs as I watched him move across the parking lot. Shaking my head, I unlocked my car and got in. I wanted to get out of there fast.

I turned the key, and my car sputtered as if it were going to start but didn’t. I turned the key back, then attempted to crank my car again. I drew my eyebrows together as I tried to crank it a few more times for good measure. What the hell?

I studied the dashboard and grimaced when I noticed that my gas tank was on empty. Even the little gas tank symbol was flashing on the display. I was almost certain that I had gas in my car prior to coming to the restaurant. I used to be notorious for running out of gas because I hated stopping at the gas station. For that same reason, I now tried to keep at least a quarter of a tank of gas at all times. Had I been so preoccupied with our date that I had ignored my gas hand? I sighed before picking up my phone and calling Graham.

“Yeah?” he answered after the first ring.

“I’m out of gas. Is there any way you can drive me to the gas station?” I asked.

“Sit tight,” he said, ending the call.

Within seconds, I saw the gray F250 truck he drove backing out and coming my way. I pushed the door open and got out of the car. Graham hopped out of his truck and walked around to the back.

“Thankfully, I keep a can of gas on the truck. You need to consider doing the same thing. It seems like you would be tired of running out of gas by now.”

“I make sure that I keep gas now.”

“Apparently not.” He chuckled.

That little chuckle pissed me off, but I wasn’t in a position to talk trash right now. I needed his help.

“For the most part,” I disputed.

“Well, luckily, I’m here. See why it’s good to have a man that loves and cares about you?”

I didn’t bother to respond to Graham’s question. I was too busy trying to remember the last time I had looked at my gas hand. Once he was done putting the gas in my car, he turned to me with a huge grin on his face. I hated the fact that I had to call him to come to the rescue. At the same time, I was grateful that he was here.

“Thank you, Graham. I appreciate you.”

“Try it now,” he instructed.

I turned and got in the car. This time, it sputtered a little and didn’t crank. Since I was no stranger to running out of gas, I left the key turned back for a second before turning the car off and trying to crank it again. When it fired up, I stuck my head out of the car.

“Thank you again.”

“Any time, baby. Make sure you go straight to the gas station. Do you need me to follow you there?” he asked, walking over and putting the gas can on the back of his truck.

“No. There’s one right down the block.”

“Make sure you let me know when you get home,” he reminded me before getting in his truck and driving off into the night.

“So let me get this straight. You went on a date with Graham, first let’s marinate on that. Y’all went on a date. When you made it back to your car, you discovered that you were out of gas, and he miraculously had a gas can on the back of his truck.” Charlotte summed up the story I’d just told her.

“Yeah. You know he’s responsible like that.”

“I thought you learned your lesson after the last time when you were stuck on the side of the road for an hour.”

“I did. I swear.” I laughed before taking a sip of my dirty martini.

“Don’t sound like it. You gotta be careful. At least you need to get a gas can like Mr. Responsible.”

“I don’t want my car smelling like gas.”

“Well, you gotta make sure you’re paying attention then. You can’t make him think you still need him for everything. I’m sure he loved that.” She rolled her eyes.

“You already know.”

“Anyway, how was this date?”

“It was OK. I made sure to keep it very surface level. I didn’t want to give him a chance to get into all that you need to come home talk.”

“How did that work for you?” Charlotte smirked.

“I mean, it worked as well as it could. He mostly talked about work. Everything was cool until he walked me to my car and tried to kiss me. I turned my head, so you know he caught an attitude.” I rolled my eyes.

“You know he’s not going down without a fight.”

“Tell me about it. He was so happy to come put gas in my car after I wouldn’t kiss him. You should have saw the way he was smiling.”

“I been telling you that fool was The Joker reincarnated.”

“Charlotte, I don’t think The Joker died.”

“He still the damn Joker with that fake ass smile.” She laughed.

“I’m not arguing with you on that,” I said, finishing my drink.

“I miss seeing you at work. You know Ted’s nosy ass thinks you’ve been kidnapped by the VIP patient’s family.”

“You know he’s so damn extra.”

“How is it going over there, anyway? I already know they’re breaking you off.”

“It’s cool but boring. I miss the hustle and bustle of working at the hospital. Not that I want to come back and deal with Michael’s creepy ass.”

“Girl, speak of the devil and he shall appear. Don’t look, but I’ll be damned if Michael didn’t just walk in with Tiara from environmental services.”

Why was it when somebody told you not to look, your first instinct was to look? I wasn’t sure why my head immediately snapped in the direction of Charlotte’s eyes. There he was, Michael, in the flesh, with one of the girls that worked in housekeeping. Relieved wasn’t even a proper description of how I felt seeing him with someone else. Seeing how my eyes were fixed on the couple, Charlotte swatted me on the arm.

“I told your ass not to look.”

“Girl, I’m just glad that he has somebody on the line.”

“I wonder how long that’s been going on.” Charlotte pondered.

“Hell if I know, but I’m happy to see it.”

“You know he had the nerve to be in my face after you left.”

“Girl, what?” I grimaced.

“Yes! I politely told him that had he noticed me first, he might have had a chance, but seeing how he had barely ever said ten words to me prior to you leaving, I wasn’t interested.”

“You know I wouldn’t care about you dating him, right?”

“Who the hell wants to be first runner up?”

“I’m just saying. Just because I wasn’t interested doesn’t mean he was off limits for you.”

“The fact that he made my best friend miserable at work until she finally quit is the reason he’s off limits. The fact that he’s a bitch ass nigga is number one.”

“I second that,” I said, waving my hand to stop the bartender.

Charlotte and I were sitting at the bar at our favorite bar and grill, having drinks and catching up. We usually tried to plan something outside of work at least every two weeks. My sister Angel and I were close. Since her husband had been stationed in Virginia, we didn’t get to see each other as much. It was good to have someone that I could spend time with outside of Graham.

My phone vibrated against the counter. I rolled my eyes, seeing Graham’s name running across the screen. I decided against ignoring it since our last encounter ended on a fairly good note.

With a sigh, I answered. “Hey.”

“Did you quit the hospital? Some paperwork came in the mail about your employment being terminated. Anya, don’t tell me you got fired.”

“Did you open my mail?”

“Stop deflecting and answer the question. What has been going on with you? First you move out, now you just up and quit your job? I really think you should talk to someone.”

“Wow! Is that all you called me for?”

“I’m worried about you. How are you paying your bills?”

“That’s none of your concern. As you can see, I haven’t requested alimony. All I need is your signature on those forms at your earliest convenience.”

“Anya, I’m not signing those papers until I know you’re operating in your full mental capacity.”

“So you think I need therapy because I’m finally tired of you? I think you’re the one who needs therapy.”

“I think you need therapy because you’re spiraling and making all of these rash decisions all of a sudden. I understand that losing the baby was hard on you, but that’s why you need to talk to someone.”

“Don’t you dare try to pretend that you care about me losing the baby. You were right there with me and didn’t bother to care when I was falling apart. Don’t you dare use that to try to make it seem like I’m losing my damn mind.” I felt Charlotte rubbing my back as I tried not to unravel in the semi crowded bar.

“You’re doing a good job of that on your own. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I haven’t asked you for anything. So you should understand that you don’t need to worry about me.”

“So, it’s another man? I should have known when you packed your stuff and up and left that you had a plan, or should I say a man.”

“Graham, grow up. Opening someone else’s mail is a federal offense, in case you forgot,” I said before ending the call.

“Hey!” Charlotte called the bartender over. She knew just what I needed to get that fool off my mind.

When the bartender came over, we both ordered drinks, and I ordered a basket of mozzarella sticks. As we laughed and sipped on our second drinks, I felt a tap on my shoulder. The unnerving chill that came over me made me aware that it was Michael, even before I turned to face him.

“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite nurses.” He grinned.

“How you doing tonight, Michael?” Charlotte spoke first.

“I’m good. Just came by this spot to see what all the hype was about. Tiara wanted to try it out.”

“Hopefully, she has a good time. She looks really pretty tonight,” I mentioned, looking over at Tiara who gave us a little wave.

I had only spoken to her in passing, but she seemed nice enough. I had no idea what she was doing with a clown like Michael. I raised my shoulder to shrug his hand away when I realized that it was still on me.

“Oh, I’ll make sure she has a great time.” He winked.

“Why do I feel like that was too much information?” Charlotte grimaced.

“Not sure. Anyway, let me let you ladies get back to it. Just thought I would come by and speak.” After watching him swagger back over to his table, I turned back to Charlotte.

“Uh, I really can’t stand his ass.”

“I don’t think many people can. Forget him though. Dish about the VIP. Who was he?”

“You remember his brother saying his name, right?” I shrugged as I drank from my martini.

“I can’t remember. Girl, I was so scared he was gon’ make good on his promises that I don’t remember nothing but him saying he was gon’ shoot the place up.”

“It’s the lawyer Bishop Reign. I know you saw on the news that he was shot at his engagement party.”

“Girl, I don’t watch the news no more. It’s too depressing.”

“Tell me about it.”

“So, they’re really just waiting for him to wake up?”

“Yeah. His wounds are healing well, and all of his vitals are stable. I spoke to the neurologist about backing up on the dosage of his pain meds to allow him to wake up. So now we’re just waiting. He doesn’t appear to be in any distress. He’s just sleeping.”

“What about that fine ass brother of his?” Charlotte grinned.

“Shit, which one?” I asked, lifting my brows.

“The crazy one!”

“So, you’re literally crushing on a man that threatened to shoot us up?”

“For one, he was talking to Ted’s fat ass, and hell yeah. You saw the man, sis. Don’t act like I’m tripping. I’ll take either one of them.”

“Trust me. They’re both assholes.” I rolled my eyes.

“Even the one that don’t talk?”

“Hell, especially the one that don’t talk. At least Syre pays me well. He comes by now and then, checks in, and talks a little trash. I know what to expect from him. The other one barely says any damn thing. When I do try to talk to him, he has those damn headphones on. As a matter of fact, the only time he says something is when he’s yelling at one of them damn games.”

I decided not to mention feeling like he was sending mixed signals. I didn’t need Charlotte trying to analyze the situation. I was doing enough overthinking on my own.

“So y’all don’t speak at all?”

“Oh, he’s snapped at me a couple of times, but other than that, he acts like I’m not there.”

“I bet he’s a quiet freak. Those are the best kind.”

“See, I can’t take you serious.”

“I’m just saying.” She raised her shoulders.

“I’m not even trying to find out. He’s so rude. I don’t give a damn what kind of freak he is.”

“How is he rude? You said he don’t even talk. You do realize some men are shy.”

“Let me give you an example. First of all, I asked him about cooking so I wouldn’t have to bring food or try to order delivery way out there. He said it was cool and that I should make a list. I was like I don’t need to make a list. I was just asking. His ass had the nerve to tell me to make the list, and it wasn’t up for debate.”

“OK, then! Put your foot down, quiet freak.”

“Girl, shut up!”

“You’re mad with the man for demanding that you let him buy groceries, Anya! Come on now.”

Waving my hand, I told her, “That’s not it. I’ve been cooking every day while at work because there is literally nothing else to do besides monitoring Bishop. There’s no one to talk to since Psalm can’t be bothered to take off his headset unless it’s to go outside and smoke. Since he’s always there, I make sure to cook enough for two. Every time I make his narrow ass a plate, he comes in and grabs it without saying a damn word. He doesn’t even look at me before he goes right back to that computer or his precious games. At first, I was thinking maybe he didn’t like the food, but no, that’s not it. He mops the plate clean, tosses it in the sink, and leaves the dishes for me to wash.”

“So, what I’m hearing is you want to have dinner with him.” Charlotte surmised.

“I don’t want to have dinner with the damn man, Charlotte. All I’m saying is a thank you would be nice.”

“So, stop cooking for his ungrateful ass,” she suggested.

“It’s really no trouble. I just wish he wasn’t so off putting. He walks around making me feel like I’m an unwanted guest. I’m only there because I was hired to take care of his brother. Mind you, he’s not even the one that hired me. I think he just feels like he needs to be there to babysit me. I heard him talking about going home to get something, so he doesn’t even live there.”

“Maybe he wants to be close to his brother.”

“You’re just taking up for him. He’s an asshole, and that’s the bottom line.”

“I’m not arguing with that. I think you should say something or stop making him a plate if you feel so strongly about it. Just because he bought the food doesn’t mean you’re obligated to feed him. You didn’t ask for that. The least you can do is curse his ass out. Like you said, he’s not the one that hired you.”

“That doesn’t mean he can’t fire me. I feel like he’s just looking for an excuse anyway. I’m still not sure I’m in the window to pass a drug test yet. Oh, did I mention he smokes weed like he’s smoking Newports? Every hour on the hour, he’s on that porch smoking.”

“That’s when you need to catch him and tell him how he makes you feel.”

“I’m not doing all that.”

“Suit yourself.” She shrugged.

“I just wanted you to know what a jerk he was. I’m not all that fucked up about it.”

“Sounds like you are to me. Either way I want you to get the crazy one’s number for me.”

“Girl, fuck you.” I laughed.