Chapter 16

Psalm could call me until his phone went dead. I wasn’t answering his calls right now. When he was around, I couldn’t think straight. I needed to figure out who was behind all the craziness going on around me.

I didn’t even consider that it could have been him until today. Why was he always miraculously coming to my rescue? How did he know where I was earlier? His knight in shining armor act would have been cute if it weren’t for the whole somebody stalking me thing that was also transpiring at the same time as his heroic rescues. It was pretty convenient that as soon as he and his family came into my life, all this dumb shit started happening.

Not bothering to read Psalm’s text message, I swiped it off the screen so that I could call Graham. I was done feeling like I was the victim. It was time to stand up and fight for myself. I didn’t need Psalm, Graham, or anyone else coming to my rescue. I was completely capable of taking care of myself. It was high time that I stepped up for me for a change.

Graham answered the phone after the first ring. It was almost comical. He almost always had to return my calls in the past. Now that we were separated, the phone didn’t even have to ring before he answered.

“Stay the hell away from me, Graham. I’m giving you free rein to live as you please, and you refuse to do that.”

“Anya, what the hell are you babbling about now?”

“I’m telling you that I know that you’re the one who’s been fucking with me!” I shouted.

“Fucking with you how?” he asked.

“Don’t play stupid, Graham. I know that you’ve been flattening my tires and taking shit out of my car to scare me into coming home. If you hadn’t been siphoning the gas out of my car and making me run out of gas, I might not have figured out that it was you.”

“You still running out of gas? I thought we resolved that issue, Anya. Do you know how dangerous it is for a woman to be sitting on the side of the road?”

“That’s exactly what you used to say while I was sitting on the side of the road waiting on roadside assistance while you were off doing whatever made you too busy to come help your wife.”

“Helping my wife was the whole reason we needed triple A. You were too aloof and distracted by nonsense to put gas in your car. I couldn’t drop everything I was doing every single time you had a crisis. I have a life too!”

“Well, go live it!”

“What do you think I’m doing? You’re the one calling me talking crazy. I keep telling you I think you need to go to therapy, but you refuse. I’m done trying to save you. You’re hopeless. If you want to live life on the limb with your new boyfriend, then have at it. I’m not stopping you. Calling me and accusing me of shit I know nothing about just shows how irrational you’ve been.”

“Graham, cut the bullshit. I know you’ve been tormenting me and trying to scare me into coming back home. Just sign the divorce papers and let me go on with my life.”

“I signed the papers over a week ago, Anya! Your lawyer should have contacted you. Have you considered that one of your boyfriend’s other whores is messing with you and trying to run you off. It’s typical that a man like that would have multiple women. I hope you don’t feel special. You know how this shit goes. Just know it’s not me. I’m done with your constant drama.”

I ended the call deciding that I didn’t need to hear any more of Graham’s berating. I knew Graham well enough to know he was just trying to get under my skin. A knock on my door made me drop my head. Psalm was the only person who came to visit me here. He and Charlotte were the only people who knew where I lived. Since she was at work, I didn’t have to guess who was at the door.

Something told me to ignore the knocking, but I guess I was just as hardheaded as the man that I told to leave my house and not come back. Releasing the breath I’d been holding, I swung the door open. Call me crazy, but I busted out laughing when I saw Divine standing at my front door with her arms folded across her chest and Royelle with her hands on her little baby bump. They were the cutest duo of enforcers I had ever seen.

“Let me guess.” I shook my head.

“We’ve been summoned to retrieve you, sister,” Divine clarified.

“I’m not going over there, Divine.”

“Sis, I know he fucked up. He didn’t even tell me what happened, and I know he fucked up. He’s worried about you though. He said he’s going to stay at Bishop’s so you don’t have to see him. He wants you to stay at his house or even mine until he figures out who’s behind what’s happening to you. He wanted you to know that you don’t have to be around him, but you can’t stay here alone.”

“He’s impossible. You know that?” I tittered.

“Baby, you don’t know the half. I grew up with him.”

“Aren’t they all?” Royelle laughed.

I laughed as I considered Psalm’s offer. Maybe he wasn’t behind the weird things that were going on. I was just so stressed out. Psalm’s reckless antics weren’t helping at all. He was so ridiculous and so sweet. It felt natural to push him away. Like Graham said, my life was just one crisis after another, most of which I brought on myself. I caused my own problems, being careless and distracted.

Even if I didn’t push Psalm away, eventually, he would grow tired of having to save me from myself. Part of me knew that he was trying to protect me, but the rest of me knew I was beyond saving. Every time I felt a moment’s peace, something else would go wrong.

“Is it silly that I want to go to his place?” I asked, swiping away one of the stupid tears that wet my face.

“Not at all, gorgeous.”

I paced the floor wondering what to do at Psalm’s penthouse without him. It was sickening how much the place smelled like him. I wanted to put on his clothes and roll around in his bed. Anything to keep myself from breaking down and calling him. What would I say anyway? I’m sorry for accusing you of stalking me? I wasn’t ready to talk to him.

Instead, I went to his bedroom and undressed before finding one of his T-shirts to slip into. I smiled at how it almost fell to my knees. Dressed in Psalm’s T-shirt, I went to the kitchen to grab a snack. Psalm literally had the works. There were all kinds of chips, cookies, and candy in his pantry. I selected a bag of sour gummy worms and a bag of Smartfood popcorn.

After searching the refrigerator, I smiled seeing a case of vanilla Cokes. I got one of the drinks and walked over to the counter to get some paper towels. I was curious about the grocery bags on the counter. That curiosity had me opening the bags and finding two bags of chocolate covered peanuts, powdered donuts, apples, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I was constantly in awe of how attentive Psalm was. He couldn’t have known that I would agree to come, but just in case I did, he had my favorites ready.

Sitting at the counter, I poured some of the powdered donuts onto a napkin before dialing my mama’s number. It had been a week or two since I talked to her. She didn’t exactly agree with my plan to leave Graham. She was his biggest fan just because he was a workaholic like my daddy. I hadn’t wanted to hear one of her lectures, so I avoided calling her while I was working things out.

“Hey, girl. I was just thinking about how long it had been since you had come to church. You know we’re having homecoming in a few weeks. Your daddy would love to see you there.”

I almost asked what about you but decided against it.

“I’ll make sure that I show up. How’s he been doing anyway? I keep telling him he needs to come out of the dark ages and get a cell phone.”

“You know he’s not doing that. They’ve been working on ordaining some new deacons, so he’s been busy. You know we have been trying to get Graham to become a deacon. It’s time for us to get some strong, diligent men to come in and step up. It’s time for your daddy and the rest of them old behind men to sit down somewhere.”

“You know Daddy isn’t going to sit down any time soon. It doesn’t matter how many new deacons they bring on.”

My dad had been a deacon for the past twenty or so years. He was dedicated to the church and made sure that he carried out his duties no matter what. For the past couple of years, they had been trying to recruit Graham, but his schedule was too busy. He rarely made it to church with me. For some reason, my parents thought that if he joined the deacon board, he would be more active in church.

“I hope you have sense enough to be trying to fix things with Graham. He’s a good man, Anya. You can’t just throw him away because you’re mad.”

“I appreciate your insight, but I got it,” I lied. In reality, I felt like my life was imploding. Graham was the last person I wanted to think about.

“I’m not trying to get in your business. I’m just trying to tell you to be smart.”

I didn’t have to answer before I was saved by the bell.

“Thank you, Mom. Listen, I got a call coming in.”

“OK, baby. If I don’t talk to you first, I’ll see you at revival.”

I clicked over to answer Charlotte’s call. “Hey, girl.”

“Have you made up with your man yet?” she asked, cutting to the chase.

“Not yet.”

“Sis, you’re right to stand your ground, but you’re wrong for taking your frustration and fear out on Psalm. Has he shown you anything to make you doubt him?”

“You mean other than pulling a gun on Michael?”

“I wish I was there to see it.” She laughed.

“It’s not funny.”

“You know I would have paid good money to see that asshole piss himself.”

“Shut up, girl. You’re so crazy.”

“Talk to the man, Anya. You know he has every right to be worried about you. Don’t let this be a deal breaker.”

“I’ll talk to him. I’m actually at his house right now.”

“Oh. Well why did you let me go through all that if you’re already with him?”

“He’s not here. He sent his sister to pick me up. He didn’t feel comfortable letting me stay home alone after the break-in.”

“See, he just proved my point. Give him a chance to redeem himself.”

“I’ll think about it.”

We ended the call, and I left my phone on the kitchen counter and headed to the living room. After stretching out on the couch and tearing into the bag of chips, I thought about Psalm’s stash of weed. He always kept some around. I just had to find it. It didn’t take long because as soon as I opened the box on the table, I found a stash of pre-rolled joints. I only hit the blunt a couple of times before I was down for the count.

The couch in Psalm’s living room was as comfortable as my own bed, yet I found myself tossing and turning until the wee hours of the morning. I purposely avoided his bed, not wanting to be tempted to call him. I just knew it smelled like him. Not wallowing in his scent didn’t deter me from wanting him. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stay mad at him. I sat up on the couch and looked around for the clock before realizing that it was only one thirty in the morning.

Since I was wide awake, I came up with the brilliant plan to indulge in one of my new favorite pastimes. Standing up and powering on Psalm’s game console, I felt a rush as I picked up the controller. I had never played without Psalm. It sucked to miss him when I was literally sitting on his couch. I got up and walked into the kitchen to get my phone off the counter. Before I talked myself out of it, I finally returned Psalm’s call. I was kind of annoyed that he had stopped calling.

“What’s up, Ny? You good?”

“I’m fine, Psalm. Can we talk though?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I think we should talk in person.”

“You sure? I don’t want you doing anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“I’m sure.”

“I actually can’t sleep. Is it cool if I come now?”

“Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

My nerves were so shattered that I literally sat there waiting until I heard Psalm coming inside, then snatched the bag of chips off the table. When I heard the door, I lay back and popped a chip in my mouth. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I wanted to look busy when Psalm came in. My heart wrenched as soon as my eyes connected with his. Something in them made me feel apologetic. My defenses were down as soon as he plopped down next to me on the couch. He looked and smelled so good. I was reminded of why I fell for his crazy ass.

“What’s up, gorgeous?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“Um, I wanted to thank you for letting me crash here while everything is going on.”

“I gave you a key for a reason. You were welcome to come, even if nothing was going on.”

“Thank you either way.”

“I see you’re playing Fae World One. How are you liking it so far?”

“I haven’t started yet. I just turned it on.”

“Oh, good. I wanted to be here for this. Start it up.”

“You know I suck at these games.” I laughed.

“You’re getting better. I think you’ll love this one. I’ve been working on incorporating all your favorites.”

“Oh really? Let’s see.”

Psalm leaned forward and picked up the controller from the coffee table. I expected him to start the game, but instead, he passed the controller to me. I pressed the start button and sat back to watch as the game loaded.

“Psalm, I’m sorry for accusing you of doing all that weird stuff. I know you would never do any of those things to me. Even if you were trying to persuade me to come live with you, I know you’re more creative than that. I feel like my world is spinning out of control. The only thing I have control of is who I have in my presence. I thought I was making the best decision when I told you to leave. I was scared, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I needed to be alone for a minute so I could think. I can’t keep running to everyone else every time something is going wrong in my life. I need to take care of myself.”

He sighed and dropped his head. “I hear what you’re saying, Ny. I really do, but I need you to let me take care of you. I don’t feel like I’m doing my job as your man if I sit back and let shit happen to you without doing anything.”

“Psalm, what happened earlier today can’t happen again. If you want me to let you take care of things, you can’t fly off the handle every time you feel suspicious about someone. The man I fell in love with isn’t the one I saw holding a gun to a man’s head today.”

“Ny, I know I overreacted, but I’m always gon’ overreact when it comes to you. I can’t lose you. I can’t. Everybody that I ever love leaves me, baby. Every fucking body, not just a few people. Everybody leaves. My own mama left before I ever even knew her. Every woman I try to get serious about, they leave.” Psalm shook his head. I could literally feel his pain, so I slid closer to him on the couch and placed my hand on his shoulder.

“It’s OK, baby.”

“It’s not OK. You’re right. My shit is fucked up. I have to face that so I can fix it. I came to a point where I always leave first. No matter how much I think I might like someone, I never let it go beyond a certain point. I don’t let anyone close enough to hurt me if they aren’t family. Even that’s not fool proof. Look how I almost lost my big brother, the strongest man I’ve ever known, and there was nothing I could do about it. There is no way Delilah shouldn’t be right here. She’s the only woman that ever rocked with me and my brothers without any extra bullshit. Neither one of our grandmothers stepped up. Neither of them offered to take us in, but Delilah was solid from the start. Even after our uncle was murdered, she made sure we didn’t want for shit. That woman raised six children by herself, and one of those ungrateful muthafuckas took her away from us. I regret not finding out he was behind her death sooner. I would’ve killed him and brought him back every single day so I could kill him again. Prison is too good for him. Delilah treated us all like her own. I was cool with my issues because I saw the same in my brothers. I understood that our abandonment and commitment issues were linked to the shit we went through as kids. Now they’re both happy and in love, and I’m out here terrified because I fucked around and fell in love with you.” The tears that dampened his face took me by surprise and moved me to action. I used my hands to sweep them away and kissed his cheeks.

“You can’t live your life in fear. You already see that we can only control so much. Some things have to be left to chance, baby. Just one mistake can land you in prison right beside your cousin.”

“You don’t know how crazy it feels to have all the resources in the world and not be able to help the people you love most. Maybe I can’t rewind time, but if I can prevent something from happening to you, I’m doing it. Fuck the consequences.”

I wrapped my arms around Psalm. He reciprocated my energy, laying his head against my chest. He was in so much pain due to the losses he had experienced. I wanted to do anything I could to take his pain away. Lifting his face to mine, I kissed him as I moved my hands down to the hem of his shirt. He shucked it over my head before snatching my panties down under my ass.

“I love you so much, Anya. I might have a fucked-up way of showing it sometimes, but you mean the world to me.”

“I know, baby.” I cupped his face as he pushed his sweats down and hovered over me until I was laying on my back.

“Tilt your hips up,” he instructed, using one hand to press down on my lower abdomen as I lifted my ass from the couch.

“Aah!” I screamed as he sank into me, burrowing his way to my cervix.

Balancing on one hand and keeping the pressure on my pelvis with the other, Psalm ignored my erratic cries as he delivered unrestricted death strokes. I felt moisture seep from my pussy and run down my ass every time he backed out. With one powerful thrust after another, he wrote an apology inside my pussy.

Suddenly, he paused. The frown that covered his face confused me until he spoke.

“You know how good this pussy is, don’t you? You’re using this shit to rob me of all my faculties. I have almost quit smoking. Now I’m over here trying to figure out how to protect you from the whole world without making you think I’ve lost my mind.”

“Baby, shut up!” I laughed at Psalm’s epiphany.

Moving his hand from my stomach, he used it to raise my ass, level to his hips. Another deep stroke turned my laughter into a scream. I clawed at his arms as he continued to dig into me relentlessly.

“Tell me what you want, baby?” he asked, pausing briefly to drop a kiss on my lips.

“Nothing!” I belted out.

“You can have anything, Anya. You can have everything. Just don’t leave me. Don’t ever take this shit away from me. Don’t let nobody in my shit, Ny. I know I’ll go crazy. I’m not gon’ fuck up no more, baby. I promise, OK? Just don’t take this away from me.”

“OK.”

“You feel that?” he asked, removing his hand from my ass to show me how wet it was. “I’m swimming in this tight ass pussy. If I drown, don’t save me.”

His chuckle made me laugh. “OK.” I agreed.

“I’m laughing, but I’m dead ass for real. If I die, I die. Tell my brothers I was happy when I went.”

“I’ll make sure to tell them.”

Satisfied with my answer, he lowered his face to the crook of my neck and thrust into me feverishly. He nearly screwed me through the couch as he wound his hips, pushing as deep as he could into my tunnel. A second orgasm ripped me apart and had me digging my nails into his shoulders as he stilled, releasing at the same time.

“Don’t take it, Ny. I’m serious. Don’t pull away from me.” He raised his head and dropped a final kiss on my lips.

I didn’t want him to think that I was one of the people that would leave him. I wasn’t going anywhere if I could help it. I was more concerned about him leaving me.

“What if the consequences take you away from me, Psalm? Have you thought about what that would do to me?”

“All I know is I can’t let anything take you from me. I opened my arms, my heart, hell, I opened my home to you. You can have it all, Anya. I’ll put your name on the deed tomorrow. I don’t care about anything else. I just want you. So yes, I’m going to do the most when it comes to you! I can’t let another nigga have you. What I gotta do to make you stay? Just say the word and I’ll do it. Tell me what you want from me, baby. You’re the best thing I got,” he declared.

Even in my sated state, I watched his dick swing with wonder as he stood and walked to the bathroom. He returned with a towel and warm washcloth. He did his best to clean me up before using the towel to wipe down the leather couch.

“Beat me at Fae World One.” I grinned.

Psalm chuckled as a smile broke through his pained face. “Bet, but don’t try to say I cheated just because I made it.”

“I won’t.”

“Pick your character, baby. It’s up.”

I scrolled through the settings of the game until I made it to the characters. All the main characters were women. Not only that but they were the cutest dark-skinned women I had ever seen on a game. I selected one that had wings then turned to Psalm with a frown.

“Nya Fae?” The more I stared at the screen, the more the character looked like me.

“You don’t like that one? Go to the next one,” he suggested, motioning toward the screen with his head.

I moved the cursor to the next character who appeared to be a princess. “Princess Anya,” I mouthed.

“I figured you might see yourself as more of a princess. My favorite is Ny the Sorceress. She has all these strengths and powers that you don’t see until she already has your heart in her hands.”

“These are all me?” I quizzed, turning to Psalm whose patented crooked grin tore at my heartstrings.

I threw my arms around his neck and crashed my lips into his. He palmed the side of my face as our kiss deepened. I pulled back to look at him.

“Psalm, this is so sweet, and they’re all so pretty.”

“Babe, I made them look like you. Of course, they’re pretty.” He chuckled.

“How did you do this? When did you do this?”

“I’ve been working on it for a while. Once I figured out that you actually liked playing and giving me your input into the games, I decided to put you in one,” he said as he hit a few buttons to maneuver through the screens.

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you is starting not to feel sufficient.”

“Say what I wanted you to say when we made it to Rome.”

“What was that?” I asked.

He raised his finger to point at the screen. “What I’ve been wanting to hear since the first day your pretty ass walked into Bishop’s house trying to be all friendly to my mean ass.”

“Anya, will you marry me?” I read aloud from the screen.

“Of course, that feature will only be on this version of the game. Well, that is until she saves the prince. I made it that way because although you only see me coming to your rescue over and over, you saved me. You keep saving me, Ny.”

“Psalm, is this for real?”

“Forever’s a long ass time, but I really want to spend it with you, Ny. Tell me you’ll be my wife. If not right now, then down the line. I just want you to be mine forever. I know you’re going through a divorce, but I’m willing to wait if you’re willing to keep working with me. You make me better. You make me want to be better,” he explained.

“Two things. Yes, I’ll marry you. Second, my ex claims he already signed the papers.”

Psalm’s eyes lit up, and for the second time tonight, I saw them well up with tears. Blinking them away, he fished in his pocket and pulled out a ring. “I’ve been carrying this around as a good luck charm. I figured that eventually I would get up the nerve to ask, then everything went haywire. I don’t want to give you time to change your mind. Go ahead and start planning the biggest wedding wherever you want to go.”

“We don’t have to have a crowd. You still owe me dinner in Rome.”

“Nah, both of my brothers snuck away and got married. I still don’t even believe that little one is married myself. I’m making sure they see how real our shit is.”