Chapter 1

(Uh-nie-yuh)

“Graham!” As I cried for my husband’s help, my shrill voice was gut wrenching to my own ears.

I woke up from a deep sleep, writhing in pain. When I made it to the bathroom, the sight of blood trickling down my thighs and pooling at my feet sent a pang of anxiety and dread to the pit of my stomach. Turning to hurry out of the bathroom, I slipped and fell face forward.

“Graham!” I called my husband again as I lay in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. The cold tile stung against my body as I struggled to get up. I couldn’t put any weight on my left foot. When I tried to stand, the bolt of pain that ripped through my body sent me back to the floor.

Graham rushed to the door wide-eyed, staring down at me in horror. “What happened, Anya?”

“It’s the baby!” I sobbed, finally allowing the thought of losing my baby to fully form.

“Come on, baby,” Graham insisted. He stooped down to my level and wrapped a terry cloth robe around me to conceal my blood-stained clothing.

I shook my head quickly. “I can’t walk, Graham. I slipped and fell. I think my foot is broken.”

“Come on. I got you. I got you, baby,” Graham assured me, scooping me into his arms bridal style.

I buried my face and sobbed into his chest as he rushed me out to his car and helped me slip into the passenger seat. Graham drove like a mad man to get me to the nearest hospital. Terror coursed through my shivering body as we sped down the deserted streets.

I was almost twenty weeks pregnant. Once I made it out of the first trimester, I started to relax. Our first two babies never made it past the twelve-week mark. I wanted more than anything to be a mother, but, once again, the unconditional love I longed for seemed to elude me.

I could tell that Graham became more disgusted with me every time I proved to be inadequate in carrying his baby. The doctors warned me that due to my endometriosis, I would struggle with conceiving. Yet, conceiving didn’t prove to be as much of an issue as carrying a baby to term.

We made it to the hospital, and after checking in and being poked and prodded for all kinds of tests, I finally rested in a room, anxiously waiting for some kind of update. We had been at the hospital for hours. It was after six in the morning, and I was still waiting for the test results. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that I had lost my baby. I felt the emptiness as soon as I woke up. The connection to my little angel had been severed. I had experienced that void enough times to recognize it.

All I needed was for the doctor to tell me that I was stable so that I could go home and grieve in peace. Finally, a doctor strolled in, never taking his eyes off the clipboard in his hands as he started to speak.

“Mrs. Flint, you seemed to have suffered a miscarriage,” he said, stating the obvious. “We will need to schedule an emergency D and C as soon as possible to ensure that no tissue was left behind. I’m going to schedule a few tests with the lab so that we can get you down to surgery.”

“Thank you.” I nodded weakly.

I had gone through that process several years ago, back before I met Graham, back when I first found out that I had endometriosis. It was five years before I got pregnant again, but the feeling was still the same.

“How long is this going to be? I have to go to work this morning,” Graham complained.

“Everything should go pretty quickly once the results come in,” the doctor confirmed before leaving the room.

Once he closed the door behind him, I turned my attention to Graham. “Seriously, Graham? Is that all you can think about at a time like this? I just lost our baby, and you’re talking about being late for work. I can’t even believe you’re going to work at a time like this.”

“What do you expect me to do, Anya? I have a new project starting soon. I’m sure this is an outpatient procedure. This ain’t our first rodeo. You knew that there was a possibility that you might lose the baby. This is our third miscarriage in less than four years.”

“That don’t make it hurt any less, Graham.”

“It might not, but at some point, we have to face the fact that being a mother might not be in the cards for you.”

I was stunned into silence. I couldn’t believe that Graham would talk to me that way. How could he be so insensitive, not only to me but to our unborn child? How could he be so cold? The doctor returned, still looking down at a clipboard.

“Is it OK to give you your medical results with someone present?” he asked, looking over at Graham.

“Sure. He’s the father.” I agreed.

“Mrs. Flint, I’m afraid that we will have to run fluids and a round of IV antibiotics before we can schedule the surgery. You tested positive for gonorrhea and chlamydia, which along with your endometriosis likely caused your miscarriage,” the doctor reported, never looking up from that damn clipboard.

If I thought Graham’s delivery was cold, the emergency room doctor’s bedside manner was bone chilling. It wasn’t the doctor’s fault though. He was just stating the facts. His words resonated through my head as I sat there fuming. I had never cheated on Graham, ever. I picked the pitcher up from the bedside table and launched it at Graham’s head. Jumping up from the bed, I ignored the shooting pain in my left foot as I tried to get to him.

“You punk ass bitch!” I cursed.

Swinging wildly, I hit Graham as he tried to restrain me.

“Anya, baby, relax! Sit down somewhere. You might be still bleeding!” He fussed.

“Mrs. Flint, he’s right.” The doctor intervened from his post by the door.

“Get him out of here!” I shouted.

“Anya, all of the stressing you do over nonsense is probably what killed the baby. You already twisted your ankle. You probably landed on your stomach when you fell. Don’t try to put this on me.”

Security rushed into the room. One of the men grabbed me and ushered me to the bed. The other stood by holding Graham back as he tried to talk to me.

“Anya!” Graham snapped.

“Get him out of here!” I demanded.

The security guard put his hand on Graham’s shoulder to lead him out of the room, and Graham slapped his hand away.

“Don’t put your hands on me,” Graham threatened.

With more force, the security guard began to remove him from the room. Graham struggled against his removal from my hospital room until the guards gained control. Sweeping his arms up behind him, the security guard escorted him out of the room. I fell back onto the bed, crying my eyes out. What the fuck just happened?

An entire day passed before they came in to perform the surgery.

“Anya, I’m going to make sure they take good care of you.” Due to the sedatives that they had given me, I was slowly fading, but I could recognize my unit manager, Michael’s, voice as I was wheeled out of my room.

I was in a fog as I was taken down to surgery and brought back to the recovery room. I heard the doctor tell me that I would be there overnight, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. This had to be unequivocally the worst day of my life.

“I wasn’t leaving you here alone, Anya. You’re my wife.” I opened my eyes to see Graham standing across the room with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Without a word, I watched him as he sat in a chair in the corner of the room. I was in too much pain to fight him anymore. Once he was seated, I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes, hoping to contain the tears that fought to seep through my tightly closed lids.

Not only was Graham cheating on me, but his infidelity had possibly cost my baby its life. There was no coming back from this.

“You might think I’m crazy, but I’m serious. It’s better you know now. What I thought was happiness was only part-time bliss.” I sang along with Janet as I danced across my bedroom floor to my closet.

Being in my new apartment alone had been an adjustment. I was gradually getting comfortable with being in my own space. I was blindsided by my breakup with Graham, so it was taking some time to get used to. I would have never expected things between us to end. I had been so depressed for the past couple of months. Getting back to work had been a welcomed distraction.

Once I was dressed for the day, I headed down to Memorial Hospital. I’d been a nurse for close to six years, and I absolutely loved it.. There was never a dull moment working on the trauma floor. I felt like I was getting the most experience I could get in the hospital aside from working the emergency room.

“Another day, another dollar. How are you feeling, girl?” Ted, one of the other nurses, asked me as he joined me at the nurse’s station.

“Another day at the OK Corral. What’s going on over there?” I asked, motioning toward the door where there were two big ass security guards posted up.

“Apparently, there’s a VIP in the building.” He chuckled before going back to his breakfast.

“Damn, I wonder who it is,” I muttered.

“Child, I have no idea. They told me that the staff for that room has already been vetted and not to bring my fat ass in there.”

“Damn.” I laughed.

“Hey, girl. I’m sorry about your loss. I know you and Graham were excited about the addition to your family,” another nurse, Charlotte, said as she occupied the chair next to me.

“Thank you. I’m just glad to be back at work.”

“You know I missed you around here, but I understood the need to take some time off. I’m glad you took some time for yourself,” Charlotte added.

Charlotte and I had gone to nursing school together and had become close over the course of our program. I was excited to get hired on the same floor as her when I applied to the hospital. Looking back, I made sure Ted’s nosy ass was out of ear shot before I responded.

“It’s fine. Well, you know it’s not, but it will be. Graham and I haven’t spoken since he took me to the hospital. I moved out,” I revealed.

“What, girl? Why didn’t you tell me?” Charlotte asked.

“It’s been a process. My heart is broken, but I know that it was for the best. I was filled with too much resentment to continue our relationship as if nothing happened.”

“Do you blame him for your miscarriage?”

“Girl, he gave me not one but two STDs that possibly contributed to my loss. It’s like not only did he have the audacity to cheat on his pregnant wife, but he didn’t even have the decency to use protection. That’s lower than low. I lost all respect for him while I was laid up in that hospital crying for my baby.”

“Wow, girl! I don’t even know what to say.”

“What is there to say? He’s history.”

“So, you’re getting a divorce?” she asked.

“I’ve already been talking to a couple of divorce lawyers. They’re so expensive.”

“I know. You know he’s not going to go down without a fight,” she noted.

“I know, but I’m done with him. I’ve let him get away with so much, but this is the last straw.”

“You’re right. I hope you don’t close your heart to love just because things didn’t work out with him.”

“Honestly, moving on is the last thing on my mind right now. Our breakup is still fresh. The only thing I’m worried about right now is working these shifts and getting this money for the lawyer fees.”

“Cheers to a fresh start!” Charlotte said, holding her coffee cup in the air for a toast.