Chapter Twelve

Alana

L AST NIGHT WAS the best night ever. It exceeded all of my expectations of having sex for the first time. Yes, it hurt a little bit. I always knew it would though. Even though I had the bandana wrapped around my eyes, I knew Kaden was the one who took my virginity while I sucked Colton’s cock. I’d never done that before either and I hope that it was good enough for him. I hope I was good enough for Kaden as well. That’s the biggest worry I have and will continue to have until I can talk to the guys when they get home from work. Both of them left early this morning to get to their jobs while Kaden gave me the day off so I could get settled in at the clubhouse. We don’t know how long it will be before we move into the house and I don’t want to live out of boxes and bags for the duration we’re here. Yes, I’ll have to pack it once again when we move to the house, but that’s okay. I’d rather pack it up again.

With music playing, I move around the room cleaning and unpacking my clothing and other belongings. Putting everything in its place, I break down the boxes and pile them in the middle of the room to take down to the dumpster. Looking around, I realize I don’t really have a lot of stuff with me because my dads will bring it all down to me when I let them know I’m ready to have it all delivered. The only things I have besides my clothing and some important papers are my laptop and camera bags. Those are what’s important to me. That’s what allows me to work and make money so I can live independently and pay for the necessities I need. It’s important to me to be independent and earn my way because that’s how I was raised. My parents raised all of us to be independent and never depend on anyone else for money or anything other than love and support.

I pick up the boxes and make my way out of the bedroom and head to the dumpster. Kian and Deegan are behind the bar, putting up clean glasses and stocking it for when the club members get out of work. They both offer me a smile and Kian rushes over to me to take the boxes.

“I can run them out for you, Alana,” Kian tells me, his voice cheerful as he takes the boxes and rushes from the clubhouse to get rid of them.

“Thank you, Kian. You’re really helpful,” I tell him when he walks back in.

Heading to the kitchen, I make my way to the refrigerator and look inside to see what I can discover. I find a platter of the chicken we had last night for dinner. Grabbing that, I also pull out the mashed potatoes and asparagus. I make a plate for myself along with Deegan and Kian. After heating them up, I make my way to the door of the kitchen and call them to join me. When I look in the common room, I find the Phantom girls sitting on their asses doing nothing. Shaking my head, I know Annabell is going to lose her shit when she shows up and sees them doing nothing once again. These women do nothing and still expect to have everything handed to them.

Eating my lunch, I clean my plate and take Kian’s and Deegan’s when they bring theirs over to me. Rinsing them off, I place them in the dishwasher and make sure the kitchen is clean before leaving the room once again. Entering the common room, I find Liz holding court with the rest of the Phantom girls. Her face is a bruised mess and I smile in her direction when she sends me a glare.

“Got something to say?” I ask her, not giving a fuck if I’m starting shit because she’s the one glaring at me.

“You think your shit doesn’t stink. You’re not better than anyone in this room and yet act entitled because you have Ghost in your bed for now. He will always come back to me and there’s nothing you can do to stop him. Hell, you couldn’t even satisfy him last night and he came to my bed the second you fell asleep,” Liz says, a taunting smile on her face as a few of the girls laugh at her words.

“Really. Because I woke up several times last night and Ghost was curled up with my head on his chest. He had his arm wrapped around my body and held me close. There’s no way he left my bed to go to yours. And Ghost wouldn’t have been with you while leaving Geek behind. They share their women and you aren’t good enough to make him leave his best friend behind. None of you in this room are. I’m realistic enough to know they’ve been with a few of you here. You got one time in their bed and nothing after that. I know all about their past and have watched it play out since we were young. We have a past and that’s something you know nothing about,” I inform her as Liz’s glare turns to panic as she looks over my shoulder at someone. “Now, I was right here when Annabell told you all how things were gonna be moving forward. You’re all on probation and yet you’re sitting on your asses. Looks like none of you are getting off probation any time soon. And if you’re not careful you’ll be out bad in no time.”

“Alana’s right. Not even twenty-four hours and you’re all sittin’ on your asses doin’ nothin’. And Liz, you’re doin’ nothin’ but stir the fuckin’ pot. Ghost has his woman and he’s not about to lose her for a greedy, clingy piece of shit like you. Get to your fuckin’ room so Vault can deal with you when he gets home from work. I have a feelin’ you’ll be out bad and no one will ever touch you again,” Valor says, his voice hard and cold as I turn to look over my shoulder at him. “Kian, make sure Liz gets back to her room and don’t let her leave it for any reason. She’s got drinks and snacks in there like the rest of them so don’t let her try to use that excuse to get out.”

“You can’t do this, Valor. I’ve done nothin’ wrong,” Liz states, her voice trembling as Kian makes his way over to her.

“Yeah, you have. You’re runnin’ your mouth again and disrepectin’ Ghost, Geek, and more importantly Alana. That’s the biggest crime you’re committin’ by talkin’ your shit and tryin’ to lie to Alana when she grew up in this lifestyle and knows all the tricks played by skanks like you. So, I suggest you get the fuck to your room and don’t attempt to come out again,” he states, his voice even colder than before.

“And, if you ever dismiss Geek the way you have been the last two days, I will ensure you get another beat down that will make what I’ve already done to you look like nothing ever happened to you. You have no training or anything else because you’re a fucking slut who only worries about spreading her legs for any man that looks in her direction. I can see you fucking men outside the club and know that you have no loyalty and will spread any information you know to them without hesitation. You’re bad for the club and Vault will realize what a liability you are. All of you are because you prove with your actions that loyalty and respect aren’t high on your list of priorities. None of you will ever make it in club life,” I state, anger filling me with the thought of anyone putting Geek down.

“Geek is nothing!” Liz screams as I don’t think of my actions and race across the common room.

I punch her in the face as she screams out in pain before grabbing a handful of her hair. No, I’m not going to yank her around the common room or anything like that. Instead, I get in her face and force her to listen to me.

“Geek is more of a person than you’ll ever be. He’s loyal, funny, smart, loving, caring, and supportive. You have no clue what makes him the person he is. Ghost is his best friend and those two do everything together because they’re loyal to one another. That’s the reason I know Ghost will never touch you. You berate his best friend and put him down like it’s nothing. You think it’s funny to put the man down and will be the one person to rip through the bonds of their friendship. You won’t. No one will because they’ve built them over the years and have reinforced them to the point that everyone knows not to get in the way of them. I hear one more word out of your fucking mouth about Geek and I will beat the shit out of you and no one will ever find your body. Do you fucking understand me?” I promise her, my voice low and lethal as I continue to look at the bitch in front of me.

“Valor, are you listening to this psycho? She can’t talk to me like that,” Liz shrieks, her voice shrill and filled with fear as her skin loses all color while her body starts to tremble and shake.

“I am listening to every single word Alana’s saying. She’s not a psycho. Her words are the truth and we’re all tired of you trying to get between the two of them. It’s never gonna happen and the sooner you realize that, the better you’ll be. And there are plenty of people here who will help her hide your body when she beats you to death. No one wants you here but we’re standing by the rules and you’ll be out of here quickly. It’s just a matter of time and we all know it,” Valor tells her, his voice as cold and lethal as mine. “Now, I suggest you all get off your fuckin’ asses and ensure that this clubhouse is spotless before Annabell makes her way here. I want the floor to shine and every fuckin’ table cleaned and sparklin’. Get it fuckin’ done!”

“Are you okay, Alana?” Deegan asks me, walking up with a bottle of water he hands to me.

“I’m good. Thank you, Deegan. I’m gonna head up to my room. I think Doc will be here in a little bit and I have a video call with my counselor in a little while,” I answer him, my voice back to normal as I look at the Prospect I know will become a member when his time is up.

“Okay. If you need anythin’, I’ll be down here,” he informs me, his voice soft and gentle as he makes his way back to the bar to finish working.

Making my way back up to my room, I close the door behind me and sit down at the desk. Pulling out my laptop bag, I set up my laptop before grabbing my camera bag to grab the memory cards where all the pictures I need to edit are. Once everything is set up and I have the programs I need pulled up on the laptop, I insert the card I know has the pictures I took of my brother’s and sister’s families. I go through all the pictures and choose the best ones to edit. They’ll get all the pictures, but there are some I want to ensure are perfect.

I work for hours editing the pictures and putting them in a separate folder so I can send them where they belong. When I get to the pictures of my brother and sister with me, my eyes open in shock. The bruising and cuts on my face and neck are plainly visible and make me look like shit when I study the photos on the screen of my laptop. Tears fill my eyes and I can’t rip my eyes from the screen as I study every inch of my body. The only thing you can’t see in the pictures is the cast covering my hand and up my wrist. It’s hidden behind Jameson’s body as a sad smile covers my face. I don’t want to send any of these pictures to Jameson and Reagan. This is not how I want anyone to see me and these pictures are nothing more than a reminder of what Terrence did to me.

The ringing of my phone pulls me out of my head as I pick it up and see the number of my counselor on the screen. Answering the call, I set my phone up so I can see Debbie and she can see me.

“Hello, Alana. How are you doing today? It looks as if you’ve been crying,” she asks me, her voice soft and gentle as it was during our last appointment.

This is only the second time I’m meeting with Debbie. At my first appointment, I let her know I wasn’t comfortable leaving the compound and she suggested we meet like this for now. It not only makes me comfortable but it means Ghost and Geek don’t have to take time off of work to get me to my appointment. It’s also why Doc is going to be taking care of me because most of it can be done from the clubhouse instead of going to the hospital or his office.

“I’ve been better. I was actually having a pretty good day, but some pictures made me think some not so nice thoughts,” I answer her honestly, letting my eyes land on the picture behind my phone again.

“Okay. What has your day consisted of so far?” she questions me as I fill her in on unpacking, getting lunch, and the confrontation with Liz and the other Phantom girls.

“When I got done with everything, I started editing the pictures I took when I was visiting my brother and sisters. My oldest brother and sister wanted me included in the pictures when I was with them because I’m always the one behind the camera and no one has a lot of pictures of me. It’s always how I’ve preferred things. Anyway, I’ve only been able to look at myself in the mirror once since the attack. I hate what Terrence has done to me. He’s left behind permanent reminders of the fact that I froze when he was beating the hell out of me because I went to spend time with my family at their clubhouse. To see how bad I looked in the pictures is something completely different though,” I say, my voice wavering with emotions as I try to hold back tears that want to fall once again. “I’m so tired of crying over Terrence and what he’s done to me.”

“Alana, you are gonna cry, be angry, and have so many emotions when it comes to Terrence and what he’s done to you. He took your trust and shattered it into a million pieces that will never be put back together the same way again. All you can do is try to rebuild yourself and make a life the way you want it to be. It’s okay to be angry and upset at what your body looks like now. Terrence has done damage that will leave behind lasting effects. Yes, they’ll be daily reminders of what you’ve been through. It’s up to you to figure out how you see yourself when you look at those parts of your body. Are you going to let it hold you back and keep you in the past forever? Will you see them as a source of strength and determination because you came out of the situation with him? Those are some of the questions you need to ask yourself. I would like you to look at yourself in the mirror. Remember yourself as you were before the attack and then take in the scars you now carry with you after the attack,” Debbie tells me as the door of my room opens and I see Geek making his way inside.

He doesn’t care that I’m on the phone as he makes his way over to me and presses a kiss against the top of my head before looking at Debbie with a smile on his face.

“It’s nice to see you again, Debbie. I can leave so you can finish your session,” he says as I link our fingers together to keep him at my side.

Geek picks me up out of the chair at my desk and sits down before pulling me into his lap, keeping his arms wrapped around me. I lean back into his body while continuing to look at Debbie on the screen of my phone.

“It’s nice to see you again, Colton. Can you tell Alana what you see when you look at her and notice any evidence of the attack she went through please?” she asks him, knowing this is something I need to hear as Geek looks down at me with worry filling his eyes.

“I see a strong woman who has been through hell and back with a man who thought he could beat her down every way possible. Alana, my Sweet Angel, you are not only strong, but you’re lovin’, supportive, loyal, and one of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meetin’ in my life. I’ve known you for years and the version of you in front of me right now is the best one I’ve ever met,” Colton says, not taking his eyes off of me. “You think Kaden and I will be disgusted by the marks left behind when that’s not true at all. When we see the scar from the knife and the surgery you had to go through, we see your fightin’ spirit because that’s what you had to do. You fought every second of the day to heal and recover. Physically, you’re healin’ every single day and the marks are almost completely gone. Mentally and emotionally, you still have work to do. That’s okay. Kaden and I aren’t goin’ anywhere and we’ll do whatever it takes to help you on the days you’re not strong enough to get through on your own.”

A tear escapes and slides down my face as I take in Colton’s words. It’s exactly what I need to hear right now. We continue my appointment with Debbie and I tell her about what’s going on with the guys as Colton and I share how we’re feeling. I love that neither Kaden nor Colton have a problem going through my counseling sessions with me and they speak up about how they feel and what’s going on in their minds during certain situations with me. The only thing we don’t talk about is if I was good enough for my first time with them. That’s something we have to discuss on our own and we will when the time is right.

By the time I get off the phone with Debbie, I’m exhausted. A session with her always takes so much out of me and it feels as if I’ve run a marathon instead of discussed what’s been going on in my life and the situation with Terrence. We did talk about how I’m scared that he’s still loose and no one knows where he’s disappeared to. Debbie knows that’s why it’s so hard for me to leave the compound and for now, she’s letting me hide away. I know it’s something I’ll have to eventually start working on, but with the knowledge that no one can find him isn’t something she wants to push right now. For all we know, Terrence can be in Pine View right now and is biding his time until he gets his hands on me once again. That’s my biggest fear.