Prologue

Alana

Seven months after King and Brynn’s wedding

P ULLING INTO THE clubhouse parking lot, I shut the engine of my car off and pull down the visor in front of me. My eyes are red and puffy from crying as I wipe the remaining tears from my face. I won’t be able to do anything about the puffiness, but I can make sure no tears linger on my face. My mom and all the women I consider my aunts won’t buy any lame excuses I give them about why I was crying, but I’ll figure something out when I’m asked what’s going on. As long as my brothers and dads aren’t inside the clubhouse, I should be okay. Today is just one more day that I’ve fought with Terrence about being at the clubhouse and around the men I consider my family.

Terrence and I have been dating for the last year on and off. When I was in Pine View for King’s wedding, we were on a break. Terrence is always the one to break up with me, thinking it will make me want him more because he fucks any woman he can get to pay him attention and does absolutely nothing to hide it from me. Just one more way he controls me. At this point, I don’t even really care. Terrence believes he’s a master manipulator and that I’ll always cave to his demands and won’t ever leave him because I can’t survive without him. Little does he know I’ve been making moves to put distance between the two of us over the last five months. No one knows because I’ve hidden everything from my family. If the men in my life knew what I’ve been dealing with, they’d have already beaten the shit out of the asshole who believes I’m head over heels in love with him and buried him in a shallow grave to rot in hell.

My family isn’t all on a talking basis with me right now. They know he put his hands on me and I allowed it to happen. I told my dad when we were in Pine View that I wasn’t gonna come back to Terrence and that I’d be leaving him. Instead, I let him talk me into giving him one last chance to prove himself to me. I don’t love him so I’m not even sure why I bother with him. For some reason, I can’t seem to untangle myself from the claws he’s dug deep inside me and it’s slowly driving a wedge between myself and everyone I love.

The second Terrence realized I was coming to the clubhouse to help decorate for Christmas, he threw the world’s biggest tantrum and got in my face. He didn’t hit me or do anything other than throw baseless accusations in my face. While he cheats and fucks whoever he wants, Terrence is quick to say I’m fucking the bikers here in the clubhouse. Other than the Prospects they’ve brought in recently, every man on the compound is a cousin or uncle in my mind. That doesn’t include both of my dads, my brothers, Pops, and my uncle Grim. None of the other guys are here and there are only two who I don’t view as my cousins lately—Ghost and Geek. Anyway, Terrence tried to do everything in his power to ensure I wouldn’t come to the clubhouse today. Finally, when I couldn’t take his screaming any longer, I grabbed my things and left the house with tears streaming down my face.

After taking several deep breaths and slowly releasing them, I finally grab my keys and get out of my car. My steps are slow as I make my way across the parking lot, taking in the bikes so I know who will be inside. Pops is here along with my dad Cage. Kyle’s bike is also in the line against the clubhouse wall. Brandon isn’t here and that makes me breathe a little easier. Even though Kyle and Brandon are twins, they couldn’t be more different. Kyle only thinks with his dick and if he’s not working or on club business, he’s balls deep in some skank. He’s the life of the party like our dad Joker used to be. Brandon is the one more like our dad Cage. He sits back and watches everything. He’ll know something is wrong with me the second I step foot inside. Pops and my dad will also know. I need a break, but today isn’t one where I’ll get lucky. Because with my mom being in the common room to decorate, my dad won’t be anywhere else but sitting at the bar watching every move she makes.

“Alana!” my mom practically shouts, rushing from the other side of the common room to pull me into a fierce hug.

She doesn’t take in my puffy face or red eyes as I let my eyes slide closed and just savor being in my mom’s arms. I rest my head against her shoulder and soak up all the love and comfort she gives all of us on a daily basis. My mom doesn’t pull back from our hug, sensing I need her without me having to say a word. See, while I typically feel as if I’m the sibling who gets the least amount of attention from our family, my mom still comes to me when she senses I need her.

Growing up with six of us in the family, I’m definitely the quietest among my siblings. Mom and our dads were always up Reagan’s ass because of her medical issues. Her seizures have been well documented and we’ve all been taught what to look for. Because of this, no one in this clubhouse would let my big sister be alone for long periods of time. Haley, my twin sister, was always outgoing and had everyone eating out of the palm of her hand. While I’ve always been content to sit back and stay home, Haley always wanted to go out and experience life when we were growing up. It changed a little in college and then when she moved to Cedar Bay. The boys have always had the attention of our dads as they taught them the ways of the club and everything else that entails. I’ve just always been in the background of our family and didn’t make waves or cause problems, handling everything I could on my own.

“Are you ready to get this place decorated?” my mom asks when she finally pulls back and looks me over, a frown on her face when she takes in my tear stained face and the puffy, red eyes I’m currently sporting. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Three words is all it takes to get the attention of my dad and Pops as they get off their stools and make their way over to me while everyone else in the room stops working to find out what’s going on. This really isn’t what I need right now. I just want to get the clubhouse decorated and have dinner with my family before going back home to have round two with Terrence. Unless I’m lucky enough for him to give me the silent treatment.

“Nothing. I’m fine, Mom,” I promise her, the lie sliding smoothly off my tongue as I look at the floor between us.

“Bullshit,” my dad says, pulling me in his arms and wrapping me up tight. “What the fuck did that little bitch do this time?”

No one in my family is a fan of Terrence. Even Jameson, Reagan, and Haley know about him and they aren’t even close to Clifton Falls any longer. They’ve all called and talked to me about the situation and none of them know the truth of what I’ve been dealing with on and off for the last year.

“We got into a fight before I came here. It’s nothing,” I respond, not exactly telling a lie, but not telling the full truth either.

“He’s not good enough for you, Sweetheart. When are you gonna leave him for good?” my dad asks me, as Pops pulls me from his arms and engulfs me into one of his bear hugs.

“Darlin’, you need to leave him behind for good. None of us like to see you cry. Lately, that’s all you do. He’s not good enough for you,” Pops whispers as I let one more tear slide down my face that’s buried in his chest, the leather of his cut rubbing against my skin.

“I know, Pops. Things are in place,” I inform him because he knows more about my situation than anyone else and still doesn’t know half of what I’ve been going through. “Let’s get this place decorated.”

Pulling out of Pops’ arms, I plaster a fake smile on my face and head for the back of the room where my aunt Bailey and the rest of the ol’ ladies are waiting on us. They’re going through the totes and splitting up what needs to be done amongst themselves as I walk over and greet all the women in front of me with a hug and fake smile. I’m exhausted and this shit with Terrence is weighing heavily on my shoulders. While I want to be happy and excited as I normally am when we get ready for Christmas, I can’t. The exhaustion is too much today and two men are taking up residence in my mind, pulling me into a different direction than where I saw my life heading.

T he clubhouse looks amazing as always. Every inch is decorated like it used to be when I was a little girl. The large tree in the corner of the room is decorated from top to bottom with ornaments we’ve all collected over the years. Including all of the ones we all made as kids. The ones we made in school remain in our private family collections, but we’d always make some for the clubhouse tree each year. Garland is wrapped around everything it can be and lights are hung from the ceiling. The common room looks like Santa’s workshop and I love seeing how happy everyone is as they take in each detail.

I’ve spent time with the ol’ ladies in the kitchen preparing dinner for everyone here. They’ve all been trying to get the details of my relationship with Terrence, but I shut them down every single time. The truth of the matter is that I don’t want my family to know the extent of how far I’ve fallen. I don’t want them to know how bad he manipulates me, that he’s put his hands on me in anger, or anything else that he’s done over the last year. Like most stories you hear, the abuse didn’t start at the beginning of our relationship. It’s gradually gotten worse over the last year. Since I got back from Pine View, it’s gotten even worse. That’s when Terrence started hitting me without caring where he left the marks on my body and each time it was worse than the last. Those are the secrets I’m keeping from my family.

Joker and Brandon have made it back to the clubhouse and I’ve spent time with them since Pops and my dad Cage already got to spend time with me. Kyle is here somewhere but he’s not in the common room with everyone else. The damn manwhore is probably in his bedroom with one or more of the club girls. My uncle Grim has also spent time with me. I’m one of the few kids still in Clifton Falls so now I get all the attention I craved when I was growing up.

“Baby, are you sure you have to head out now?” my mom asks me, worry covering her face as my dads, Pops, Brandon, and uncle Grim surround me.

“I do. It’s getting late and I’m not sure that Terrence ate dinner yet,” I lie knowing he’s going to be pissed I’m not home yet.

While I was decorating and then helping make dinner, he was blowing up my phone with calls and then messages when I wouldn’t answer his calls. The messages have let me know exactly how much trouble I’m in when I get home.

Terrence: You’ve been gone long enough. It doesn’t take that long to decorate the fucking clubhouse, Alana.

Terrence: Are you fucking serious right now? You’re choosing to ignore me now? Probably fucking some dirty biker and can’t answer your phone. Fucking slut!

The messages only got worse from there and it’s going to be a long, rough night.

“You know you always have a place at home, yeah?” my dad Cage asks, pulling me into his arms and holding me close.

“I know. I love you all and I’ll see you soon,” I tell them, not knowing how true those words are.

Pops walks me out to my car but doesn’t say a word as he waits for me to get inside. Looking up at the man who’s always been there for me I want to confess all of my secrets to him. Instead, I give him a small smile and watch as he closes the door with heartache and concern filling his eyes. He’s not going to push me to talk about this situation and knows I realize he’ll be there when I’m ready to get help. Even though no one knows about the abuse because I’ve gotten really good at hiding it, it wouldn’t surprise me to know Pops knows what’s really happening.

Growing up, we were all told about my mom and the shit she went through with Jameson and Reagan’s sperm donor. She didn’t hide the abuse, cheating he did, or anything else. We all heard the story and listened to her as she cried and told us every detail. Our mom didn’t want any of us to go through what she did and when it comes to me, I’m only following in her footsteps. I’m letting a man put his hands on me and allowing him to have the control over me to make me pull back from everyone I love and cherish in my life. To lie and keep secrets from them. This is never who I thought I’d be growing up and hearing the hell our mom suffered through.

Starting my car, I pull away from the clubhouse and head to the apartment I share with Terrence. One where I pay all the bills and support him because he’s too fucking lazy to get a job and it’s just one more way to control me because I can’t keep my money to myself. Little does he realize the amount I’ve managed to save over the years and continue to do since being with him.

It doesn’t take me long to pull up in front of the apartment and park my car just outside our front door. The lights are on in the apartment and the curtains and blinds I keep closed in the living room are wide open. Terrence wants to see me the second I pull in so he can start his shit. Looking in the window, I see him pacing the floor, his fingers yanking the strands of hair at the top of his head. Terrence’s face is red with anger and even from this distance I can see the manic look in his eyes. Part of me wants to start the car and head straight back to the clubhouse and my family. If I do, I know I’ll be safe and won’t have to deal with Terrence ever again. However, another part of me can’t seem to walk away from him. Even knowing how wrong this situation is and how horrible he is to me, I feel as if I need to stay with him. Yes, he’s threatened to kill himself if I leave him and everything else he can think of to ensure I remain at his side. I’m so tired of this shit.

“Alana!” Terrence screams into the night as my head shoots back up and I see him standing in the doorway of our apartment, rage-filled eyes staring me down.

Taking a deep breath, I get out of my car and shove my keys in my purse after locking my car. I slowly walk toward Terrence, each step feeling as if I’ve got cement encasing them making me move slower and slower the closer I get to him. The second I’m in arms’ reach, Terrence grabs a fistful of hair and drags me into the apartment before slamming the door closed behind him.

“Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” Terrence screams in my face, spittle covering my skin as I shudder in revulsion. “How many did you fuck today? Three? Four?”

“I didn’t have sex with anyone at the clubhouse, Terrence,” I state, my voice devoid of emotion as I look at him. “Those men are blood relatives or people I’ve grown up viewing as my uncles and cousins. No one was even really there until we had dinner. I decorated with my mom and aunts, helped make dinner, ate, and then came home. Exactly what I told you I was going to do.”

“Lies. All fucking lies,” Terrence says, pulling his other hand back and landing a punch directly on my nose.

The crunch of my nose breaking fills the silent apartment as blood starts to flow down my face. Terrence doesn’t stop at one punch though. He lands one punch after another calling me a slut, whore, liar, trash, and so many other vile names. Pain bursts through my body with each hit he lands until I can no longer remain on my feet. As I collapse to the floor at Terrence’s feet, several strands of hair rip from my head. This isn’t the first time he’s ripped hair out and the pain hurts so much each and every time it happens.

I try to curl up in a ball as Terrence continues to beat the hell out of me. I’ve been trained by my dads, Pops, uncles, and cousins growing up to fight and defend myself. However, every single time Terrence beats the hell out of me, my fight or flight doesn’t kick in like normal. I literally freeze on the spot and all the training I’ve had over the years disappears from my mind. There’s nothing I can do to protect myself or get Terrence to leave me alone as he rains down blows one after another.

Black spots fill my vision as I look up to see Terrence. He’s covered in sweat, his clothes have blood splatters on them, and his knuckles are broken and bleeding from the damage he’s done to me. Terrence’s eyes are wild as he looks down at me. I’m not even sure he’s seeing me at this point.

“Stupid fucking slut! Get this fucking place cleaned up by the time I return. You’re so fucking lazy and useless,” Terrence demands, landing one last hit before storming out of the apartment and slamming the door closed behind him.

I carefully move my body around until I can get my purse where it was dropped behind my body when the beating started. Carefully digging through the contents since Terrence stomped on my hand at one point, I manage to find my phone and pull it out. I can’t see the screen in front of me as everything starts to fade to nothing. Somehow I manage to unlock my phone and pull up my dad Cage’s contact before calling him.

“Baby girl, did you forget somethin’?” he asks me, concern lacing his tone.

“Daddy,” I say, not able to get more out as I fade to nothing.

I don’t hear my dad screaming out my name or the panic filling his voice. The room around me is gone and the pain subsides to nothing. This isn’t how I planned on any of my relationships going and I know it’s time to leave Terrence behind. Now, I won’t have a choice in the matter. My family is going to learn my deepest, darkest secret and there’s nothing I can do about it. Terrence has laid his hands on me for the last time.