Prologue

Bianca

The baby's piercing cry fills the subway, his little chest heaving heavily.

My heart starts to beat faster, an overwhelming panic rapidly spreading through my body as his cries get louder. I hold him closer to my chest, rocking him gently as I whisper soothing nothings while mentally going over the probable causes of his distress.

I've fed him. I've changed his diapers. I've done everything my quick searches say to do so make babies happy, but nothing seems to be working.

Just a month ago, I was helping my sister prepare to become a new mom, repainting what should have been Oliver's room and making preparations to move in with her to help with him and start our own little family. Now, I have to try and hold it together while drowning in the grief of losing her just so I can try and be a normal, stable presence for her son.

I bite down on my lower lip to prevent myself from bursting into tears too. My chest feels too tight from holding my breath for too long but that's all I can do to stop myself from giving in to the consuming panic that's rising inside of me. I just need to make it through this meeting and then we can both go home and relax.

The train comes to a stop, and I let out a breath of relief, grateful that I sat close to the entrance. I get off as soon as the doors slide open, patting Oliver as I walk down the platform in quick steps. A few minutes later, I'm walking up a narrow stairway, leading up to a dingy hallway. I stop in front of a wooden door with a fading brown color and a crooked sign that reads; "Law Offices of Clark Thompson, Esq."

I knock briskly and the door is promptly pulled open by a short plump man in his late forties. He has a round kind face and a funny-looking spectacle sitting on the bridge of his nose. Clark Thompson isn't exactly a handsome man, but he radiates warmth and professionalism. Despite the shady choice of office location, he's rumored to know his stuff. Ronnie, my roommate and best friend, vouched for his integrity and dedication when she referred him to me. He helped her cousin get out of a complex legal issue two years ago when they thought all hope was lost. She assured me he could help me.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" Clark Thompson says, blinking at me in surprise.

"Huh?"

He looks from me to the crying baby and back at my face, his expression growing even more perplexed. "You've been crying."

I feel the moistness on my cheeks, and I wonder how long I've had tears streaming down my face.

From the subway? All through the walk down here?

"It's just… he won't stop crying," I say, gesturing at Oliver. Although his cries have reduced to a weak sob, I can still feel my heart break each time an occasional shudder racks his tiny frame. "I've done everything and I'm so tired," I continue with a soft sob, sagging gently against the door frame. "But he just keeps crying. I- I don't know what to do?"

Normally, I'd be embarrassed to break down like this in front of a stranger, but I don't even have enough strength to care at the moment.

"Come inside," Clark says softly, his kind brown eyes filling up with compassion. He steps aside and gestures into his office.

The place is small but orderly and there's even a nice view of the city outside the small window behind his desk.

"Can I have him?" Clark asks, slightly holding out his hands to me. "I might be able to help."

I hesitate for a second, then with a resigned sigh, I unclip the baby carrier and gently pass Oliver into Clark's waiting arms. He holds Oliver close, murmuring soothing words as he begins to rock him gently back and forth. Then, with a knowing smile, he softly taps a rhythm on Oliver's back, his hand moving in a circular motion. Almost instantly, his sobs begin to quiet, replaced by soft coos of contentment.

I stare at the baby in disbelief then look up at Clark's smiling face. "Wh- How did you do that?"

"It's a trick my wife taught me sixteen years ago when we had our boy," Clark says with a distracted smile as he proceeds to make funny faces at Oliver. "She was in the hospital for a while after she had him and like this little champ here, he cried a lot. The back tap always worked like magic."

"Thank you, so much," I whisper, overwhelmed with relief and gratitude.

"It's my pleasure," Clark replies with a gentle smile as he hands Oliver back to me. "He reminds me so much of my boy as a baby. I didn't realize how much I missed those days, now, let's get to the reason you're here today," he says, going around his desk. Then he gestures to the chair in front of the desk. "Please, have a seat."

I settle into the chair slowly, careful not to trigger Oliver into a crying bout again. I glance down in time to catch a fleeting smile on his cute little face. My heart swells with a sudden surge of joy and suddenly, everything is right in the world again.

"We made an entrance, didn't we?" I say, glancing back up at Clark who's watching me with an indecipherable expression.

"You see…" Clark trails off and then sits forward in his chair, his gaze fixed staunchly as he clasps his hand on the table. "I've gone through your case file and your situation is quite… pitiable. I don't usually do this but for some reason, I want to help you. I know a kind couple who will gladly take Oliver in. They're good people; I've known them for years, so you don't have anything to worry about. If you want, you can still be a part of Oliver's life. They'd let you see him anytime you want to and include you in every milestone of his life. That'll make things much easier for both you and Oliver, don't you think, Miss Harris?

"No," I reply with a vigorous shake of my head. "Oliver is mine. He's my son."

"I understand your protectiveness, Miss Harris," Clark Thompson says gently without taking his eyes off mine. "It's only natural you feel this way, but you're only a kid yourself. Adopting your nephew as a nineteen-year-old college student is not advisable. It's a damn tough road, Bianca."

"You don't understand," I say quietly. My voice has suddenly become hoarse and I can feel tears welling up in my chest all over again, but I swallow down on the feeling and shake my head at Clark. "Surely you don't…"

His lips tug upward in a sad smile, his kind brown eyes taking a faraway expression as he leans in his chair. "My wife… she passed away eight months after she had our son. We found out she had cancer during her pregnancy, but she was determined to have the child against all odds, and she did. Oh, she fought hard, even after the rigors of childbirth but… I lost her in the end. Our son is the most precious gift she left behind; he is my saving grace.

"So, I understand your position more than anyone else. I know what it means to want to hold on to a piece of someone you loved and lost. But I feel compelled to present you with a choice, Bianca. You have your whole life ahead of you and adopting a baby at this stage can change things in unexpected ways. So, I'd like you to give this a good thought before making any decision."

"I'm sorry about your wife, Mr. Thompson, but I've made up my mind," I say, holding his gaze squarely. "I'm not giving Oliver up."

Clark Thompson must have seen the stubborn determination in my eyes because he nodded, his lips slightly tilting upward in a gentle smile.

"I respect your decision, Bianca," he says, sitting forward again. Then he grabs a file from the pile on his desk, pushing his spectacle up the bridge of his nose as he flips the file open. "So, regarding the finalization of the adoption process, we'd have to contact Mr. Daniel Graham who is the child's biological father."

"W-what?" I stutter, biting down on my lip as apprehension crawls up my chest. "Do we have to involve him?"

"I'm afraid we do, yes."

"Daniel doesn't want to have anything to do with Oliver. He made that clear when he left."

"I'm sorry but it's the law of the state," Clark Thompson says, sounding genuinely apologetic. "A child's biological father, if alive at the time of adoption, has to either consent to the adoption or agree to his parental rights being terminated."

My heart sinks at his words. The thought of having to deal with Daniel Graham leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. He's a scumbag through and through and I don't know why Rose chose to love him.

"Is there something I should know about Daniel Graham?" Clark Thompson asks, searching my face with a concerned frown.

There's something about Clark, a genuineness that makes it easy to open up to him. I usually don't like to talk about Rose and Oliver with anyone, but it seems like Clark Thompson is the only one that can help me– the only one that's willing to help me.

"Daniel, h-he's not a good man," I start, clearing my throat lightly. "He and Rose were together for three years. She loved him but he didn't feel the same way about her. He stayed with her because of the things she did for him. He was a deadbeat. She housed, fed, and did everything for him. In return, he verbally and emotionally abused her. He chipped away at her self-esteem until there was nothing left. Then, when he found out she was pregnant, he left because she wouldn't have an abortion. He never looked back, not even after…" I let my voice trail off, swallowing the pain and anger that rose in my gut. "Anyway, he doesn't have a right to decide whatever happens to Oliver."

Clark nods and writes something down in the file in front of him. "Do you know where Mr. Graham is at the moment?"

"N-no. No, I don't."

"Alright, I'll do some checks and try to locate him but be rest assured I'll do my best to keep him away from Oliver and you. You don't have to talk to him unless he contests something and we have to go to court for hearings but if he's anything like you described, I'm sure you wouldn't even have to deal with that." Clark pauses to give me a quick reassuring smile. "I promise to do my best to see this through, alright?"

I nod, and for the first time in weeks, I feel hopeful. "Thank you," I say, returning his smile with a reluctant tug of my mouth. "Thank you so much."

"It's my pleasure, Miss Harris," he replies, his smile widening.

Forty minutes later, I find myself seated in a corner of the small cozy cafe where my best friend Ronnie works. Oliver is sleeping now. My heart feels full just staring at him. He looks so peaceful. So beautiful… Little as he is, he reminds me so much of Rose.

"Here you go, honey," Ronnie says, placing a tall glass of iced tea in front of me.

She lowers herself to the chair, opposite mine, swinging her long dark curls over her shoulders in that subtly elegant way of hers that I secretly admire.

Ronnie Fox is stunning, and she knows just how to use that beauty to her advantage. She carries herself with undeniable grace and confidence. Despite her beauty, she's unpretentious and kind and that's what drew me to her the first time we met.

"Thank you," I say, holding the glass to my parched lips. I take a long gulp and let out a soft sigh. "I didn't know how much I needed that," I say with an embarrassed smile when I notice the light amusement in Ronnie's pretty green eyes.

She smiles and shakes her head. "You seem like you had a long day."

"You don't even know the half of it," I reply with a soft sigh. "The lawyer says that Daniel has to be involved in the adoption process. The whole thing can't be finalized without his consent, can you believe that?"

Ronnie remains quiet for a while, her expression indecipherable. "Do you really have to go this far, Bianca?" She asks after a while, her eyes hooded with genuine concern. "I know firsthand how difficult the past month has been for you, how do you intend to do this for the next eighteen years of your life? What about your future? What about school? What about falling in love and all those crazy things you're supposed to do in your twenties? Are you giving it all up, Bee?"

My chest tightens painfully at her words. Ronnie is asking the same questions that have been churning in my head in the past month, questions that I've refused to acknowledge because I'm scared... I'm so scared of the choice I made. But I'm determined to stand by it irrespective of the uncertainties and hardship that comes with it.

"I promised Rose on her deathbed that I'd take care of Oliver," I say to Ronnie. "And that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Even if it means putting my own life on hold.