Chapter 28

Sharp noticed Danika seemed off. He hoped it wasn't the guys. They weren't close as brothers yet, but they were getting there. If she had a problem with them, he would have to address it.

After they finished eating, most of the guys were ready to go home. They'd had a long week, and next week didn't look any better. It was great to spend time with his team while they weren't at work. That was one thing he missed when he'd been in Russia. Making friends with the people over there could have gotten him killed. He'd been nice enough, but not so nice people hung out with him.

Once home, he showered and gave Danika some time by herself. As the day turned to night, he moved to the couch and sat beside her, taking her hand in his.

"You seem off."

She shook her head. "Sorry. I just…I'm feeling sorry for myself."

"Why?"

"Your friends, the guys, they all seemed to have it together, and I'm floundering. I tried building my own life, but I couldn't because my biggest mistake showed up in Savannah, and I'm stuck relying on you now." She grabbed his hand and brought it up to her chest as she turned to face him. "I mean, I like being with you, but I should be able to take care of myself. I'm not a kid, but I feel like one. I feel like a kid who had to move back in with her parents."

"Oh God, I hope you don't think of me as your parents."

She vehemently shook her head. "No, not at all. I just feel like I'm a loser who can't take care of herself."

He cupped her cheeks. "You have a bad person after you. You just need a little help. You aren't a loser."

"But I thought by the time I was this old, I would feel like I had my life together. I wanted things when I was younger."

He pulled her close, hugging her to him. Moving backward in life would be hard. Every time he'd relocated or tested for a higher rank, he achieved what he'd set out to accomplish. He'd never had to backtrack. There were plenty of guys who tried out for BUDs but didn't make it, but he'd never been in that situation.

"Tell me what you wanted." His life as a teenager had been so awful that he hadn't really had hopes and dreams until he got into the Navy and learned that he would be taken care of if he performed his duties. He could have kept things easy and not become a SEAL, but he'd wanted to challenge himself.

Being a SEAL had been the first dream he'd allowed himself to have for his future. It had taken years to build up his strength so he could even enter BUDs. He'd worked hard, doing what had to be done to accomplish his goals, but it didn't come easy or overnight. Now, after the explosion that had killed or maimed his previous team members, he was starting to think about life outside the Navy, which honestly scared him. Inside, he knew basically what to expect. Out there, he wouldn't know what to do.

"I thought I would be married and have kids. I know that dream is lame?—"

He shook his head. "No, it's not. It's your dream, and it's not lame."

"The thing is, I've never felt comfortable with myself. I saw all of you out there today, and you all have it together. You're comfortable in your own skin, and I'm not."

He squeezed her hand, trying to come up with the right words. "You know how fucked up my past was. I was a mess for years. I only appear confident and comfortable because a huge part of my life is decided for me. The military isn't for everyone, but if you join up and it's a good fit, they take over the decision-making process. I don't have to worry about a job. Sure, when my team members died, it fucked me over. I thought about leaving the military, but I got counseling. I'll miss them forever, and it hit me hard. It took a lot for me to get back to being even okay. Just because we look like we have it together doesn't mean we do. I depend on the military to keep me in line."

She shook her head. "I just feel off."

"I get that. I won't be a SEAL forever, and I have to decide what's next, and I don't know. It's scary having decisions to make, but you aren't alone now."

She blew out a huge breath and relaxed against him. "Do you think the guys you were with today felt that way? Like stuff is easy, and they are comfortable because they don't have a bunch of decisions to make?"

He shrugged. "I don't know for sure, but it seems that way. Not everyone in the military can accept that they have limited choices. A lot of people stay in just for the time of their first contract, and they never look back. They aren't military people. But there are plenty of men and women who find the security that the military offers comforting. It makes it easier for me to work through the rest of the shit in my life."

She sighed heavily. "I wish my life could have been different."

He kissed the top of her head. "I get that, but the reality is that you took a different path."

"I don't like the path I took."

"But it led you here to me. If you were married with kids, we wouldn't be together."

She nodded. "No, we wouldn't. And I hate the idea of not being with you."

"Life can be scary, but you're here now. I can help you with some stuff."

"I know." She sat up and met his gaze. "I like your friends. They made me feel good. It was me in my own head that set me off. I don't want to be a screwup for the rest of my life."

"I don't think you're a screwup."

"Being with you helps. I remember how life used to be. You know, before things got complicated."

Unease filled him. "You know my life with my parents was always complicated."

Her hand slapped over her mouth as she let go of a gasp. "Oh God, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about that. You were such a good boyfriend back then. I was a little shit. We broke up because I was a?—"

He pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers, stopping her words. When the kiss ended, he leaned back and met her gaze. "You didn't know and aren't to blame. You had no idea what hell my dad was putting me through. And I was a jerk back then. I fully admit it."

"I should have been more understanding. "

Sharp threw back his head and laughed. "Neither one of us should have ever been put into a position where we had to understand what abuse was. I was an asshole because of that abuse, and you responded appropriately by breaking up with me. I think if we would have stayed together back then, I probably would have mimicked my dad and became a total shit. I got away and learned how to be a good person."

She kissed his cheek. "You are good. And I doubt you would have been an asshole like him. You were always nice."

"Except for the end when I yelled at you."

"Yeah, well, you were young and didn't know better."

He moved her so she was straddling his legs. "I do now. I know whatever we have is precious, and we need to both be kind to each other."

She nodded and snuggled close. "I like that. I also like the way you make me feel."

"How is that?" he asked as he laid a trail of kisses from her ear to her collarbone.

"Oh hell, your lips on me is almost too much. Jesus. I just want to feel you up against me."

He slid his hand between them and popped the button on her shorts. "What if I slid my hand into your pants?"

"Please," Danika moaned as she ground against his hand.

She had all the right moves and turned him on so hot he almost couldn't take it. But he would make sure she experienced pleasure before he took his turn.

Being with Danika was amazing. He was glad they'd had time apart, though. If they'd stayed together in high school and after, they wouldn't have lasted. Not that he didn't think she was worth it, but he bet they would have been too messed up to last. He certainly would have been too messed up if he'd stayed in the same town as his parents.

He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. Making love to Danika would never get old. The way she responded to his touch turned him on so hot. Before he slid into her, he made sure she was well satisfied. When he came, he didn't pull out. Luckily, he'd remembered the condom. They needed to talk about birth control because he was losing his mind with her and had almost slid in without the rubber on. At some point, they would be too into each other to remember to grab one.