Chapter 20

James knew he was far from perfect. Sure, a lot of the bad stuff was for his job, but there were some things, even done under the guise of the military, that couldn't easily be forgiven. He had things in his past, and they weren't small.

He wanted to set her straight, make her understand that he was far from perfect. There were the usual things like his normal guy hangups. Lust had driven him into the arms of women who were wrong for him. The pain of losing most of the guys on his team sat heavy on his soul. The loss had made him do things he wasn't proud of. Damage had been inflicted, and he may not be whole enough to be in a relationship. There were times he still felt dead inside. That feeling ate him up, leaving him wrecked. He didn't want to wreck her, too.

She didn't look convinced. He couldn't tell her everything, but he needed to make her understand.

"Really, I'm not one-dimensional. I've done some bad stuff."

She cupped his cheeks and rested her forehead against his. "I know you've lived, and you've probably done stuff that you consider being bad. But I bet a lot of that stuff was done because you had to. You would never chain me to the floor or hit me. You would walk away before you hurt someone like me."

She was right. His job required him to make tough decisions that other people, non-military people, would never have to make. He'd seen the light go out in too many eyes, but those men and a few women had been trying to destroy others. His job required him to do things that were terrible so that other bad things didn't happen. He knew he wasn't a saint, but no way in hell would he ever hurt someone he thought was innocent.

"I'd never hurt you."

"And I doubt you would ever hurt anyone else who wasn't doing bad stuff."

He nodded. "No, I would walk away."

"Other people don't walk away. They push until they wound or kill. Yes, we've both made mistakes, but you're a good man, James."

Hearing her praising him was difficult. If he thought about it too much, the death of his teammates would overwhelm him. It was better to ignore those thoughts and focus on something else, like getting Danika settled.

"Why don't you shower, and I'll get something ready for dinner."

Danika's eyebrows shot up. "You cook?"

He shrugged. "Of course. I've been living by myself for years. Sure, I may have been in the barracks some of the time, but I know how to take care of myself."

"Damn, that's amazing."

"What? That I'm a responsible adult?"

Danika shook her head. "No. I always knew you were the type to be responsible. It's amazing that so few men can actually act like responsible adults."

His lips curved up in a smile. "Yeah, that's true. Go shower and I'll get us something to eat. I have to be at the base in the morning, but we can talk this weekend and figure out a few things."

"Thank you." Danika squeezed his arm before heading into the bathroom.

His stomach tightened at the idea of her living here. Maybe he'd jumped the gun, but he wanted her in his space. She was the one girl—now a woman—who he'd never gotten over. They had both changed, there was no doubt about that, but maybe they could build something together.

He didn't want to get ahead of himself, so he pushed the thought away and focused on making food. He hadn't gone shopping in a few days, but he had ingredients for spaghetti and meatballs. That would be good for tonight. Tomorrow, they would figure out what they needed to live together. The idea of living with Danika made him pinch himself. She was really here, and they had a chance to rekindle or just start over. He hoped he didn't blow it.