Chapter 5

FIVE

ZANE

Bears in the wild are known to chase off scavengers. Nobody’s getting a free meal on their watch! Bears respect those who work hard for their food, and they’ll send uninvited guests running before sacrificing an ounce of their honey.

—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 8

“There he is, my sweet punkin.” Gran stood proudly on the front porch of the house she’d lived in for as long as I could remember. Nowadays, it was practically unrecognizable since I’d bought up three vacant lots around it and forced a big renovation on her about five years ago. The only thing that hadn’t changed was the upside-down horseshoe over the front door for luck and to ward off bad spirits.

As I got out of the dark SUV, I tried not to notice the eight other vehicles crowded in Gran’s driveway. I knew from experience she didn’t see any reason to say no when all of our extended family insisted on swinging by “just to say hey” to “good ole Zee. ”

“Fucking Christ,” Bear muttered under his breath from where he stood holding the door open for me. He stretched his head from side to side before murmuring into his wireless earbud, “Lou, get Boomer to run those plates.”

I sighed. “White truck with the Jesus stickers is my uncle Bart. Gray Malibu is my second cousin Pearl. Red Trans Am is my cousin JK. I think the yellow Jeep is my high school friend Carrie-Beth. Brown minivan with the Coexist sticker is Aunt Rinny. No clue who drives the motorcycle, but that’s pretty sick.”

“You will not be taking a ride on anyone’s motorcycle,” Bear warned too low for anyone to hear.

I ignored him and trotted up the three steps and into Gran’s arms. “Hey,” I said, inhaling her Jean Naté bath splash and the scent of french toast and syrup. “God, I missed you.”

“Gosh,” she corrected out of habit. “And I missed you, too, angel.”

“Boy, when you gonna get a haircut?” The boisterous voice of my uncle Bart came from inside the open front door a split second before his wide body sauntered through it. He met my eyes over Gran’s shoulder and winked at me. “Good to see ya, son.”

I moved away from Gran to give Bart a quick hug, even though his use of the word “son” in reference to me had begun at exactly the same time my family began to realize I had money. It wasn’t until my first recording deal that some of my extended family perked up and took notice of me.

I felt Bear’s presence behind me as I backed out of the awkward hug with my uncle. Bart was definitely not Bear’s favorite of my family members, and I couldn’t blame him. Bart tended to drink too much beer and make pointed comments about people’s “lifestyle choices” when the night was no longer young.

Even though, as I’d told Landry, Bear was (probably, almost definitely, despite my many fantasies) straight, he was a staunch ally. He’d never once side-eyed me or my friends when we talked about being with other guys, and he was completely accepting of the members of the brotherhood who had partners now .

I’d been the recipient of plenty of homophobic comments by the general public, and I could tell it got under Bear’s skin. But then again, any threats against me got under his skin. He took it as a personal affront when one of his principals was under threat.

It was simply part of his job. And he took his job seriously.

Pearl’s voice called from inside the house. “Zee’s here! Quick, hide your abs!”

I let out a laugh as I walked through the door. “Ain’t no abs in this place, girl. You should know that by now.”

My cousin JK and several guys I didn’t recognize but were clearly JK-adjacent glanced up from the big sectional sofa in the family room, where sports coverage was playing before today’s football games started. JK made a point of stretching backward over the cushions and pulling up his faded red Bulldogs T-shirt to show he did, in fact, have abs. They were just hidden under a manscaping nightmare.

I rolled my eyes. “Put that fur pelt away. You’re scaring people.”

Pearl made her way through the maze of people and leaped at me with a squeal. “Finally,” she said. “I told my friend Grace you were coming, and she didn’t believe me. She wants you to sign her harmonica if that’s okay.”

I nodded while blowing a few strands of her hair out of my mouth as she hugged me. The barest brush of Bear’s fingers across my lower back reminded me he was there and was more than happy to be the bad guy if and when I decided I’d had enough physical contact with people. All I needed to do was mention any word associated with fish —an inside joke I’d come up with after hearing how protective bears were of their salmon—and he’d step in.

It was a longtime understanding but one I rarely took advantage of when I was around my family.

I wasn’t touch-starved, exactly, but it was rare for me to get as much physical contact as I craved. And after the target stamping happened the first time, when I’d thought it was simply an overzealous fan who’d stamped me, I’d realized just how scary it was to be touched by strangers. I’d quickly gone from being very willing to hug fans when they approached to being more hesitant and more likely to lead with a fist bump instead.

This meant I was touched even less than before. My closest friends, my brotherhood, were touchy-feely. We all hugged quickly and easily. But I didn’t see them as often anymore, thanks to my hectic travel schedule.

So I appreciated it when Aunt Rinny came in and nudged Pearl away to give me a real hug. She held me tight and held on for a long time. “So freaking good to have you here,” she said in a low voice. “I missed your good sense and sweet face. Gosh, I wish you weren’t quite so successful. I’d like to have you around more.”

I knew she didn’t mean the part about my success. She was as proud of me as Gran was. But I also knew she meant what she’d said about wishing I was around more. And that made me feel truly loved and needed—for myself , not my cash or my clout—in a way I didn’t get much of.

Gran and Rinny were the real deal in my life, and that was why I’d needed so badly to come to Barlo before getting back on the road.

“Missed you, too,” I said, hearing the emotion in my own voice. “More than you can know.”

She pulled back and held my upper arms, meeting my eyes with wet ones of her own. “You come home whenever you need, hear? We will always be here for you. Always.”

I felt the tears come quickly, but I willed them to stay put in my eyeballs and not dare spill over in front of such a collection of random friends and family. My jaw tightened against the tremble in my chin, and I nodded firmly and quickly before clearing my throat to dispel the emotion.

“Need help in the kitchen?” If there was a crack in my voice, no one seemed to notice… except Bear, of course, who kept a close eye on me as I followed Rinny down the short hall and into Gran’s favorite room of the house.

The expansive kitchen was the heart of this home, and I could see several more friends and family members clustered around the breakfast bar half of the large kitchen island. Gran had various people cutting fruit and veggies to contribute to the day’s feast.

“Make yourself useful,” Rinny said, pointing to a large colander full of green beans next to the sink. “Snap and string those.”

I went to the sink first to wash my hands while several people called out greetings from the island. My friend Carrie-Beth suddenly started blinking fast, and I squinted at her to see if something was the matter with her eyes. Bear leaned in and lowered his voice until only I could hear it.

“Told you so.”

I glanced at him in confusion until I remembered something he’d said after our last visit here. “That ‘old friend’ of yours has a crush on you.”

My cheeks heated as I turned my head to whisper in his ear. “She’s barking up the wrong tree, but I did touch her boob once. It was nice. I can see why you’d be into it.”

Now Bear’s cheeks were turning pink, too. His eyes flared in surprise, and it seemed like they also held a little confusion. “Why I’d be into it?”

“Never mind,” I muttered, waving a dismissive hand through the air when I caught several people watching me. It was inappropriate to put him on the spot about his sexuality. I was his principal, not his friend, no matter how close I sometimes felt to him. I needed to remember that.

There’d been plenty of times early on in our professional relationship when I’d tried to poke around about his sexuality, but he hadn’t taken the bait. I’d told him about a friend of mine who’d come out to me as nonbinary and how “I hope I’m a safe person to come out to.” He’d agreed politely that I probably was and wished my friend well, but that had been the end of that.

Rinny had returned to a spot on the other side of the island, filling halves of hard-boiled eggs with “devil,” or whatever the gooey inside of the deviled egg was called, and she made a point of lifting an eyebrow at me to remind me I had work to do .

I immediately found my own spot at the island and began snapping beans. Carrie-Beth asked me how my Shaky Knees performance had gone and if I’d met Chet Hamer, who’d taken the stage after me. I answered with all of the gossipy details I knew she was hunting for, and the conversation quickly took its usual turns. Several of my cousins and their friends asked me about various aspects of touring and being famous, each of them obviously on different points of a spectrum between genuinely curious and downright mercenary.

This was the usual fare when I visited Barlo, so I did my best to feed the beast and give everyone the access they craved while also enjoying being surrounded by familiar faces from home.

Bear never wandered far. He used the downtime to check his email, and I was pretty sure he was also sounding the alarm with his boss about the target stamp. But he remained calmly and quietly in the background as usual. Two of Pearl’s friends kept flashing him looks and then dissolving into blushing giggles periodically, but I could hardly blame them when I, too, had a ridiculous teenage crush on the man despite being more than a decade past my teens.

At one point, Bear leaned in to speak low into my ear again. “FYI, the motorcycle belongs to one of JK’s friends who has an active warrant for a firearm-related charge. You know the drill. We leave, you get someone to ask him quietly to leave, or we call in an anonymous tip and he leaves here with local LEOs.”

I closed my eyes and sighed before waving Rinny over.

“What is it, darlin’?”

“JK has a friend who came here on a motorcycle. He needs to leave, or he risks being arrested for an outstanding warrant.”

She rolled her eyes. “John-Keith couldn’t stay away from trouble if trouble was a snake with ten fangs, I swear to all that’s holy. I told him not to bring that kid. I’ll handle it.”

Thankfully, it was handled without drama, but I noticed Bear stood directly behind me until he got the “All clear” message in his earpiece that the guy was gone.

The rest of the morning passed peacefully, and I was convinced to join the guys for the start of the Falcons–Ravens game in the family room after most of the supper prep work was done. The coffee table in front of the big sectional was overflowing with chips, dips, soda cans, and beer bottles, but I managed to find a corner where I could sit to enjoy the BLT Gran had put together to tide me over until supper.

JK made one of his friends switch places so he could take the spot closest to me. “Hey, so, ah… I was wondering if I could ask you about something.”

“Sure,” I said, wondering how Gran still had home-grown tomatoes this far into October. The sandwich was magical, just like always.

JK lowered his voice. “You know that building up on Clinton and Walnut that used to be a pawn shop?”

I tried to picture the corner he was talking about. “Green-striped metal awning? Next to the store that used to sell ceiling fans?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s the one. They’re offering a killer deal on a lease, and a buddy and I were thinking about opening up a CBD store.”

JK was about as responsible with money as my parents had been. “Oh. Yeah?”

“Yeah, so like… we’ve done a bunch of research and shit. Seems like we’ll only need about fifty grand to get started. The building needs some fixing on the inside, and then we’d have to buy, like, shelves and stuff, you know? Display pieces, they’re called. And then we’d need an iPad register thing, but someone said they can help us figure that out at the bank when we open our accounts.”

The sandwich suddenly didn’t taste quite as good as it had when I’d first sat down. “Sounds exciting.”

He shrugged. “You can buy into a franchise for ninety thousand, but we figured we can do it on our own and not have to split the profits, you know? My friend’s got a cousin who does something similar down in Dothan. Says he’s raking it in.”

I nodded and took another bite of the sandwich. JK looked at me expectantly. I looked back at him as cluelessly and naively as I possibly could.

If I hadn’t been listening for it, I would have missed the nearly silent grunt of disgust from Bear standing somewhere behind the sofa. I bit back a laugh.

“So, uh… we were thinking this would be a sweet investment deal for you.”

I blinked at him. “For me? Oh, no, thank you. I’ve got all my investments handled at the moment. A team up in New York manages everything for me. I try not to get involved.”

This was a complete lie. With Kenji’s help, I micromanaged the hell out of my money in an effort to give most of it away.

JK’s face crinkled in frustration. “No, but like… this would be an investment . Like… it could make you money.”

“How much?”

He frowned. “Like… you want numbers?”

I shrugged. “I mean, usually, when someone is asking you to invest in their business, they have a business plan and an estimated rate of return. Do you have that?”

The sound of Bear slowly blowing air out through his nose made me bite my upper lip to keep a straight face. I didn’t dare turn to see his colossal eye roll.

“No, but like… I could. I could totally get that for you.”

I knew I shouldn’t have egged him on, but I hadn’t been able to help myself. Now, it was time to crawl it back. “I don’t think my public relations people would be okay with me getting involved in a CBD business. But good luck. Running your own business sounds like a lot of work, but I’m sure you’ll be great at it.”

Since JK was currently employed as a lawn care technician for a weed-killing chemical company, I’d put fifty-fifty odds on which environmental hazard would be more optimal for his health between the two options, and I wouldn’t have put much money on his longevity in either one.

The crowd watching the game shouted in response to a play, and the sudden sound made me jump out of my skin and clutch my chest. I tried to hide my racing heart and shaking hands, but I was sure at least one person in the room had noticed my response and wasn’t thrilled about it.

I turned away from JK to find someone else to talk to so I could avoid another attempt at a business investment. “So, ah, Pearl… tell me how things are going at the salon? Did you ever convince Ke’An to start using that new product line you were telling me about?”

“Omigosh, yes . And it’s amazing. I was hoping while you’re here, you’d let me style you up with it and post a few pics. Maybe just a blowout? It would mean a lot and could really get me some exposure with how great this stuff is. We could run up there right now, in fact, while the salon’s closed, and you wouldn’t even have to?—”

I didn’t even need to look at Bear to know he was growling silently in disapproval.

“I don’t know… I was kind of hoping to just chill out here today…”

She started forking her fingers into my hair and moving it here and there. “Wait till you see how sleek it is after I use the smoothing infusion. It would just shine under the stage lights like you wouldn’t believe. Zee… this stuff is amazing, and it’s all paraben- and tetrasodium-free. I would never put your beautiful hair at risk; you know I wouldn’t. Your image is important, and this company takes its image just as seriously as you do. That’s why I knew right away you’d be the perfect person to use it on. The conditioning serum will do wonders for these ends, too, and the cleansing system is exactly what you need to keep your color from fading out between visits.”

I blinked at her. “I don’t color my hair.”

She snorted. “Right. Anyway, the cleansing system has these special nanotechnics that do some special stuff that’s too complicated to explain right now. But the result speaks for itself.”

Aunt Rinny walked up and grabbed my wrist and yanked me up. “Sorry, Pearl, Gran needs Zane in the kitchen. C’mon.”

I nearly tripped over the corner of the coffee table as she yanked me away from all the people shouting at the television. When we got into the kitchen, Gran was nowhere to be found.

The familiar sound of Bear’s quiet footsteps trailed behind me, and I caught a whiff of his scent, which had always been a strange mix of pine trees and Red Hots cinnamon candies. Some days, it was mostly pine, and some days, it was all Red Hots, but no matter when or where I caught a whiff of it, I always knew it wasn’t anyone other than Ryan Galloway. My grumpy, protective Bear.

Instead of explaining where Gran was, Rinny glanced over my shoulder and spoke directly to Bear. “For the love of all that’s holy, Ryan, take him upstairs before someone asks him for money again.”

I let out a breath. “It’s fine. I can handle it.”

“It’s not fine,” she snapped, surprising me. “Gran and I wait for you to have time for a visit, and then what nonsense do you have to put up with? The nonsens-iest. I warned everyone to keep their cool, but did they listen? No. And I can tell you’re doing your best to be polite, just like you’ve always been, but that’s outside of enough. You’re exhausted, Zane Michael, and I declare it’s nap time for silly boys.” She finished with a tease, using a phrase I hadn’t heard in a million years. “Now, git. You can come back down when it’s time for supper.”

She shot a look at Bear again as if he was the decider of all things. Unfortunately, I was too tired to remind anyone that he wasn’t , so I let him press a hand against my lower back and nudge me toward the back stairs. Before we disappeared through the doorway, Uncle Bart came in for another beer. “Oh, hey, I wanted to ask Zee a question about?—”

“Nope,” Rinny said. “He has a headache. Save your questions for later. Mark and Coot are coming over for a bonfire and bringing Coot’s mandolin. If they don’t monopolize Zane’s time asking him to play with them, you can ask him your question then.”

I smiled to myself. Rinny and Scooter “Coot” MacNamy had been sweet on each other for about a million years. He was a dedicated long-haul trucker, which was the only reason she’d never agreed to marry him. He was also the best damned mandolin player I’d ever come across in all my years playing with professional musicians. I’d offered him a job playing with me more than once, and he refused every time. “I’m not much of a people person, Zane,” he’d said. “The thought of those crowds makes my stomach feel like it might sneak outta my ass without warning.”

Knowing he was coming over later to play music out by the fire reminded me why I loved being here… and helped me forget about all the other bullshit.

As soon as I entered my old bedroom, I felt my shoulders drop. “You don’t have to stay,” I told Bear, knowing it was pointless to dismiss him.

He shot me a look. I tried not to notice how intense his dark eyes were when they landed on me. “You want me to sit in the hall?”

I groaned. No , I thought, I want you to wrap your arms around me like you did last night and remind me that I’m an actual human being, not a walking ATM and sales tool . Make me feel like me again .

I couldn’t say any of that, obviously. I relied on Bear too much as it was.

“Fine,” I said instead. “You can stay, but I’m actually going to nap, so you’ll be bored to tears.”

“I’m never bored when we’re here. I get to snoop through all your shit while you sleep.” Bear grinned and bounced his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes and kicked off my shoes before pulling back the faded blue-and-yellow quilt to reveal yellow checkered sheets that were so wash-worn the checkers weren’t even discernible anymore. “There’s hardly much shit to snoop anymore.”

“Pfft. You lived here in high school. I’m still holding out hope I’ll find your porn stash.”

I laughed as I yanked off my hoodie and unbuttoned my jeans. I made sure to set both items carefully on the edge of my bedside table so they wouldn’t wrinkle, and then I slid between the sheets in my boxer briefs. The smell of Gran’s discount laundry detergent was still the same as my head sank into the old pillow. “You’re going to be disappointed when you learn my porn stash consisted of one signed photo of Cristiano Ronaldo without his shirt on, one newspaper clipping of Garrett Latimore making a big save during the Barlo vs Adams-Kearney High game junior year—he was the goalie on our team and gave me a giant woody in the locker room at least weekly during soccer season—and a movie poster of Casino Royale because on it, Daniel Craig’s fingers are…”

I snapped my mouth closed before I actually blurted out all the ways I’d fantasized about James Bond using those fingers on me.

Bear met my eyes, a smirk at the edges of his lips. “Daniel Craig, huh? Seems an odd choice.”

I shrugged. “Pierce Brosnan, Sean Connery, Daniel Craig… any of them could eat crackers in my bed and I wouldn’t kick them out. What about you?”

“What about me?”

I settled down into my bed and closed my eyes. If I could get Ryan to talk to me for a little while with his soothing voice, I’d fall asleep so much faster. “Which Bond girl would you pick? Please say Rosamund Pike. I know she wasn’t technically the Bond girl in Die Another Day , and I’ll be totally happy if you pick Halle Berry, of course, but?—”

“Pierce Brosnan. Hands down.”

For a split second, I thought he was serious. I froze mid-inhale and almost choked on my own spit. But then I quickly realized he was joking. “Haha. But I applaud your taste.”

“Wasn’t Rosamund Pike the one in Pride and Prejudice ? She’s gorgeous.”

I smiled into my pillow. At least the man had eyes. Even if they were straight ones. “Yes. She was also in Gone Girl . Now, Ben Affleck I might kick out of bed for eating crackers, but not Neil Patrick Harris or Tyler Perry. They were both in that, too, remember?”

“I never knew soccer was a big deal in Georgia,” he said after a few moments .

I cracked an eye open and saw him peering at a photo collage on my bulletin board. On it was a stupid team shot where I was knock-kneed and covered in acne. “Don’t look at that,” I groaned. “I have a reputation to uphold.”

“You’re adorable. Look at those teeth.”

“They’re like elephant ears. I worked nights playing gigs in college just so I could get cosmetic dentistry.”

He turned to gaze at me. “No shit? Why?”

I sighed. “I was kind of dating this guy named Bodhi?—”

“Bodhi Sorrentino,” he murmured. “Played drums with you for three years in school.”

I cocked my head. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“He’s on the list,” Bear said, referring to the “persons of interest in Zee’s life” list my security team kept up to date. “He also comes to concerts from time to time to watch you play. I get a list of VIP pass holders for every show.”

“Oh. Yeah, we keep in touch. He was supposed to be at Shaky Knees last night, I thought, but either he couldn’t make it, or he showed up and we never connected. I’ll see if he wants to meet for lunch in New York next week. He’s a nice guy.”

“I didn’t realize you dated.”

“No… it wasn’t really… I mean. We kissed and stuff, but he had something going with this other guy that was on again, off again, so I bailed. Mostly, I was into him for the music. Oh! He helped me write ‘Hard New Day.’ The one with the killer drum solo? That was his idea.”

I tried to remember why we were even talking about this. “So, yeah, Bodhi said I’d never get a big music deal with freakishly small ears and big elephant-ear teeth. He suggested I grow out my hair and do whatever I could to fix my mouth.”

Bear’s jaw dropped comically. “He said that?” he snarled.

As usual, when he learned of anyone disparaging me, my sweet, calm rock of a bodyguard looked like he wanted to moonlight as a feral assassin. I laughed. “Not exactly. I called them elephant ears. He just said I needed braces. Bodhi was young and stupid like the rest of us in college. He’s since apologized profusely, don’t worry.”

“Your teeth were endearing , and your ears are a -fucking- dorable . Fucking Bodhi can shove his opinions up his ass.”

Before I could pack that sweet moment into my mental treasure box, my bedroom door slammed open, and several things happened at once.

Three teenage girls came in giggling with their cell phones up, my cousin Farrah shouted for them to stop being complete losers, and Ryan Galloway stepped between me and the doorway while drawing his weapon on all four of them.