Chapter 2

TWO

RYAN

Everyone knows bears are fiercely protective of their territory and their loved ones. When a bear claims something, it’s theirs, and they won’t hesitate to defend it. It’s a foolish bear indeed who goes sniffing around another bear’s honey.

—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 21

No one tested my patience like Zane Hendley.

Before meeting Zane a little over a year ago, I hadn’t known it was possible to be so annoyed by a genuinely good human. He was kind and generous, sweet and talented, and even after a year of being together almost twenty-four seven, I still had an enormous crush on him.

Possibly slightly more than a crush.

Yet I also fantasized about sedating him just to keep him from lying to my face about being “fine.”

That wasn’t the only thing I fantasized about doing to him, but the other things were even more unprofessional than the first. And I took my job way too seriously to consider wrecking it by?—

“Fucking assholes!” Landry jabbed his phone screen to end a call. He paced Zane’s Shaky Knees dressing room, where he and the other men Zane called his “brothers” had congregated after Zane’s set ended.

The fact that Zane’s friends had arrived not long after Zane and I had our dust-up and had managed to cheer him up and distract him the way I wished I could while I stood in the corner silently watching was neither here nor there.

I was a professional, damn it. Zane was my principal.

And maybe if I repeated those words to myself for another year or two, I might begin to believe them.

“What’s up?” Zane grabbed Landry’s arm in a friendly gesture and forced him to stop his pacing.

My eyes zeroed in on the spot where Zane’s tan hand met Landry’s slightly paler skin with a laser-like intensity.

I immediately looked away, afraid Landry might have noticed me looking, though Zane hadn’t.

“Now they want me in Paris a full week before the shoot.” Landry threw himself into a chair and pouted, which I had to admit was not a bad look on him.

I was sure Zane thought the same… and I told myself that was neither here nor there, either. Zane’s friend was tall and beautiful, as most fashion models were, and my principal was an even more gorgeous, openly gay man. It was only natural that there was an attraction there.

Even if they hid it when they were in public or with their other friends, I’d heard what Zane and Landry got up to behind closed doors.

And it was none of my business.

If I currently wanted to grab Landry, drag him away from Zane, and buy him a one-way ticket to… someplace populated by actual bears… that had nothing to do with my crush on my principal and ever ything to do with wanting Zane to focus on the very real security threat rather than on his friend’s modeling woes.

I inhaled a breath. “Folks, I’m going to need you to get the hell out of here. Zane needs to be moved now… and without an entourage.”

Landry side-eyed me. “It seems to me he’d be better protected if we walked as a large unit circled around him to keep the riffraff at bay.”

I could just imagine the janky-ass circle these fuckers would attempt. It bore absolutely no resemblance to anything taught in a close-protection skills course. “A ball cap disguise will do a better job of getting us out of here without drawing attention than a circle of hot rich men. No offense.”

Landry flicked his long, blond hair over one shoulder and sniffed. “None taken, obvs.”

Zane peered at me and tried to fake a grin as if he was super chill and not at all affected by the target stamp. “You think my friends are hot?”

I saw right through his “fine-ness” as I always did. Zane was terrified that someone had gotten close enough to ink that target on him, and I felt the twist of guilt deep in my gut.

I hadn’t been there with him in that moment it had happened. I’d let myself get distracted by Noelle and her incessant attempts to reconcile with her former client.

“Hot like too much wasabi, hot,” I grumbled. “The kind that makes you sweat and want to die at the same time. Let’s go.”

As I waited impatiently, Zane said goodbye to his friends.

I reached for Zane’s arm and felt his muscles contract. Now was not the time to be distracted by his biceps and the feel of his warm skin on my fingers. There was never a good time for that.

I handed Zane the ball cap I kept as a makeshift “disguise” for him and spoke into the radio using our prearranged code. “Lou, coming out west-side door in three. All clear?”

“Copy. Clear to the vehicle. Echo Delta. ”

Zane moved a little closer to me as we headed for the door leading from the backstage area to the staging lot outside, where the SUVs would be idling. Ed Hilton always drove the second vehicle, so we would head straight for that one this time.

Zane finished stuffing his long hair into the cap and tilted his face down. He’d already changed out of his sweaty Majestic Rocks T-shirt and into a clean black T-shirt with no markings. I threw a plain black windbreaker over his shoulders and nudged him to put his arms in it. Not only would the windbreaker help hide his recognizable tattoos, but it would also cover more skin to keep any happy-stamper from getting easy access to him again tonight.

Lou’s voice came over the radio. “West-side door still clear.”

She and I had worked together long enough that we both knew this meant the east entrance.

“Coming out.” I opened the east-side door and pressed my hand against the small of Zane’s back as I guided him out. The staging lots were supposed to be free of any fans, but I’d learned long ago that there were always fans among the backstage crew and facility people who were authorized to be in these restricted areas.

“Straight to Ed,” I murmured. “Second vehicle.” Zane’s nod was jerky and mostly covered by the ball cap. His chin was tucked down, and I felt the stress coming off him in waves. “Almost there.”

“I’m fine,” he muttered.

“Right.”

I opened the SUV door just as someone off to our left shouted, “Zee! Can we get some autographs! Zee! Over here!”

Once he was identified by a fan on the far side of a chain-link barrier, others nearby began to scream and shake the fence, creating a cacophony. Facility security personnel moved over to quiet the crowd and protect the fence’s integrity while I basically shoved Zane into the vehicle and lunged in after him.

“Let’s go, Ed,” I called.

Lou finished closing the passenger door and reached for her seat belt while I reached over Zane to grab his .

“I can do it,” he said, shoving me away. “I got it. I’m not a fucking kid.”

You’re my principal. I’m responsible for your safety. Let me fucking help you.

I bit back all the words I wanted to say to him and sat back to let him manage the buckle himself. I knew after the car accident in Tulsa I was still extra-vigilant… okay, fine, a little too vigilant… when it came to vehicle safety. I wanted Zane whole and, well, not stifled and caged.

Once buckled, Zane struggled out of the windbreaker and yanked the cap off. His hair tumbled down over his shoulders. Several strands by his face and neck were still damp with sweat, and I knew he was already craving a shower to wash it all off.

“We’ll be at the hotel soon,” I assured him.

“Why can’t we go straight home? To Barlo, I mean. It’s only a couple of hours down I-85. Then we could wake up to Gran’s hot breakfast.”

“You know the answer to that.”

He turned to face out the window. When he spoke, there was no inflection. “Because the only way you agreed to keep the trip to Barlo was to ensure the advance team was properly set up.”

Zane’s slender hands smoothed nervously over his jean-clad thighs.

I wanted to reach out and stop the nervous gesture, run my own fingertips over the rough spots where years of playing guitar had hardened his skin into calluses. There’d been many silent moments in the past year when my eyes had imagined what those rough spots would feel like skating over my bare skin.

I blinked and shook the thoughts away before sending a quick text and then turning to look out the opposite window into Atlanta’s darkening sky.

“I told your friends they could come to the suite,” I admitted in a low voice.

I felt Zane turn to stare at me. “Really? ”

I shrugged. “Figured you could use a distraction, and if Landry is leaving sooner than he thought for his next job, you’ll want to see him before he goes.”

How was that for maturity? I could even facilitate a hookup with the man Zane seemed to be having a secret affair with. Because I was a goddamned professional.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” he agreed softly. Then, even more softly, he added, “Thank you.”

I bit back all the things I wanted to say—that he didn’t have to thank me, that I wanted him happy more than anything, that he hadn’t called me by that stupid nickname in over an hour, and I was starting to miss it—and focused on what I was allowed to care about. His safety.

A hotel security team member stood ready to escort us into the building as Ed pulled up at the side door to the hotel.

Lou hopped out first, studied the area around the vehicle, and then opened the door for me to exit first. We stood on either side of the open door while Zane shoved his ball cap back on and climbed out. Lou took the front left position, and I took the back right as we followed hotel security inside and up to the suite.

Lou met a member of our team just inside the suite and got the all clear for us to enter. Zane beelined straight for the bedroom that had his stuff in it so he could close himself inside and take a long shower.

Once I heard the bathroom door snick closed, I released the team member to take his position in the hall and then arranged access with Lou for the rest of Zane’s brotherhood.

“I’m not sure if any of them are spending the night, but I have to assume Landry is,” I said tightly.

Lou rolled her eyes. “They’re not fucking, Ryan. They’re just friends.”

“None of my business unless it impacts our security measures,” I said firmly.

“You know him way better than I do, but I’d put money down on the just-friends thing. ”

I headed to the kitchen area to grab a bottle of cold water from the stocked fridge. “You weren’t around last year. He and Landry were always together, always getting into trouble?—”

“Yeah, I remember reading the details in the reports, but I thought that behavior ended when Zane got rid of his old publicist.”

While taking a sip of water, I cursed his former publicist again for tonight’s distraction. “It did. Noelle and her team encouraged Zane to get into some trouble. I guess she wanted him to have an edgier, bad-boy reputation.” I fiddled with the bottle cap between my fingers. “And Landry was only too happy to comply. The man is not a good influence on Zane.”

“Meh. I think the guy talks a big game, but he seems insecure deep down.”

“Landry? The model with side-eye for days?” I gave her a skeptical look. “Must have that insecurity buried real deep.”

She nodded. “Exactly. But just to say, he’s incredibly sweet and respectful with the rest of us. If he’s side-eyeing you, maybe you provoked him?—”

“I didn’t,” I grumbled, conveniently ignoring that just today, Landry might have caught me looking too intently at the friend he was currently fucking.

“…and if you ask me,” she went on, “the secret affair Landry’s having isn’t with Zane.”

Before I could ask her who else Landry could be sleeping with, Zane’s voice called out for me to come help him with something.

I moved quickly into the bedroom and toward the bathroom door before edging it open slowly. Inside, Zane was still flushed from the shower, wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Get it off,” he said, turning to show me the target on his shoulder. Water droplets skated down his bare back and into the towel. His hair was a wet tangle pulled over the opposite shoulder, and tension radiated from every damp pore of his skin.

“It’s permanent,” I said gently. “You know I can’t get it off. Remember last time?”

“I need it off, Bear. Get it off.” His voice carried the horror I knew he’d been feeling deep down, underneath the “fine” he insisted on claiming. And the Bear , especially now, did things to me I didn’t want to admit.

“Hey, hey, okay,” I said softly. “Take a breath. I’ll try. Dry off and put on some clothes while I go grab a few things.”

If I remained close to him while his beautiful body was in nothing but a towel, I would embarrass both of us.

After leaving him to dry off, I went back out into the common area of the suite and found the first aid kit in my security bag. I opened the kit to pull out cotton balls and hand sanitizer. Lou lifted her eyebrow at me.

“Another target.”

Her eyes shot wide. “Are you fucking kidding me? When? When were you going to tell me?”

“Just before going on stage. He’s really upset. Gimme a few minutes,” I said before disappearing back into Zane’s bedroom and closing the door.

He sat on the edge of the bed, wearing pajama pants. His hair was twisted up in the towel piled on top of his head. Zane’s entire body was curled in on himself, and when he saw me enter, he immediately turned his back to me and curled up even more to give me access.

I sat beside him and got to work wetting a cotton ball with hand sanitizer and swiping it gently across the mark over and over again.

Earlier in the dressing room, I’d captured a photo of it for my records, but I knew from experience the sanitizer would only fade the mark.

His shoulders lifted as he took a deep breath. “I’m sure it’s just an overzealous fan,” he began.

This was part of his coping process. The man couldn’t imagine anyone having nefarious intentions toward him, so he needed to figure out another explanation.

“I hope it is,” I said softly as I continued to go over the mark with the cotton ball.

“But… but the other times we were in…”

“San Diego and LA,” I supplied, knowing what was bothering him so much about this.

“Yeah. So, I thought…” Zane swallowed. “I thought maybe it was a local fan. Someone who came to both shows. That first time was outside the venue in that VIP crowd, and then the San Diego one was when we got swarmed at the entrance to the hotel. Like… it could have been anyone. But now…”

“Now it means it’s someone who can afford to follow you across the country,” I said. “Or someone on the crew.”

He shivered. I tried not to move my hands over his bare back and shoulder to warm and reassure him, but if wanting him could keep him warm, the man would have been on fire.

Zane’s voice was unsteady. “It can’t be someone on the crew.”

I didn’t say anything even though we both knew it could be.

“I treat the crew really well. Why would they want to scare me?”

At least he was finally able to admit this could be more than a well-meaning prank. He was right, though—Zane was uncommonly generous to everyone on his crew, handing out bonuses and remembering almost everyone’s names and details about their families.

“Sometimes people aren’t always in their right minds, Zane.”

The mark had faded a little, but it was nowhere near coming off completely. I had another idea. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

I returned to the main room and found my own bags in the other bedroom. I pulled out a Sharpie from a catch-all pouch in my bag and returned to Zane’s room. “Hold still.”

“What are you doing?”

“Replacing the old mark with a new one.”

I caught the edge of his mouth as it turned up. If I could take away his fear even for a moment, I’d consider that a win.

“What are you going to draw?” he asked.

“Wait and see,” I said as I brainstormed what I could create that would cover the small circular target icon and not exceed my limited drawing ability.

“If only I knew what the person wanted,” he mused. “Maybe I could help them.”

I closed my eyes and dragged in a breath to keep from roaring at him to stop being so goddamned nice. After a beat, I opened my eyes and began to drag the marker across his skin.

“What did you decide on?”

“You’re impatient.”

“I won’t be able to see it.”

“That’s probably for the best. I’m shit at drawing,” I admitted.

When I was done, he asked again. I took his phone and snapped a picture of the drawing before handing the phone back.

Zane blinked at the screen. “A… saw blade?”

“It’s a sun,” I insisted. “I told you I sucked at drawing.”

He tilted his head one way and then the other as he studied the photo. “Is it… an angry sun?”

I turned to leave when the magical sound of Zane’s laughter hit the air between us.

“Don’t go. I’m sorry, Bear. I’m teasing you. Thank you for doing this. I love it. And… you putting something—anything—there is so much better than what was there before.”

I thought about all the ways I wished I could mark him…

I blew out a breath and glanced over my shoulder. “You need anything before your friends get here? Want me to order you a salad?”

He didn’t like eating heavy this time of night, but if I could get him to eat a salad with protein on it, I’d call it a win. While tonight’s show hadn’t been a full set list like a solo concert, the stress of the situation had probably still taken a lot out of him. The guy had a hard time consuming enough calories to keep from a deficit on concert days.

Zane shook his head. “Maybe some carrot sticks or pretzels?”

“How about a protein drink? ”

He shrugged. “I’ll try.”

I nodded and headed back out to fetch it from the stocked kitchenette, where Lou was busy on the phone with the team headed to Barlo. When I got back to Zane’s bedroom, I noticed he had put on a hoodie and was dragging a brush through his hair while sitting in front of a mirror over a small vanity table.

“Hey, Bear? Don’t, ah… don’t tell the guys about the stamp, okay?”

I met his eyes in the mirror. “You know I don’t tell anyone anything unless it’s necessary to keep you safe.”

“No, I know, I just… wanted to be sure. I don’t want anyone to worry.”

I nodded but kept my mouth shut. What I wanted to say was definitely inappropriate.

I wanted to tell him that it was a privilege to worry about him, that his friends loved him and would want to protect him as much as I did. Well… maybe not as much as I did. He couldn’t possibly know just how much I wanted to keep him safe. Even though I hadn’t known Zane as long as his friends had, I’d spent many hours, days, and months in close quarters with him, getting to know him under many circumstances.

I felt like I knew him better than anyone… though I probably didn’t have a right to.

The sounds of Lou greeting Zane’s friends filtered through to the bedroom, and I took it as my cue to leave. I made my way back out to the main part of the suite while Landry, Silas, Way, Dev, Tully, Bash, and Rowe all trooped past me on their way into Zane’s bedroom.

Half an hour later, all but Landry trooped back out, giving Lou and me friendly “good night” waves and thanks for taking care of “our superstar.”

I stared at the bedroom door as Landry pushed it closed with a cheeky wink and grin.

Yeah, the fucker definitely saw me looking at them earlier.

My stomach somersaulted as I sat back down at the dining table and pretended to check my email.

Sure enough, just like five other times in the past several months, soon there came the distinctive sounds of sex from inside the bedroom—loud moans and muffled cries I tried not to attribute to anyone in particular, squeaking mattress springs, and the rhythmic bang bang bang of a headboard whacking forcefully into a wall.

I tried to grit it out. Lou was scheduled to head to her own hotel room down the hall for a much-deserved night’s sleep… but she knew better.

When I glanced over at her, she winced and gave me a look of complete pity. Somehow, she’d picked up a few months back that I was uncomfortable with Zane’s hookups, and I tried not to wonder whether she thought I had a crush on my principal or was actually homophobic. Either way, I was grateful for what she said next.

“Go,” she said in a low voice. “I’ll stay.”

I didn’t argue, though maybe I should have. I bolted out of my chair, headed straight for the door to the suite, then down the hall and into the stairwell.

There, I did stairwell sprints for twenty full minutes until my legs shook with exertion and my head swam.

But try as I might, I couldn’t outrun the fact that the man I had a crush on… okay, fine, the man I loved more than any other human on Earth… was having sex with the stupidest and second most beautiful man on the planet.