Chapter 16

SIXTEEN

RYAN

Bears have an eye for natural beauty, pausing to take in the scenery while they search for snacks, but when they get their sights set on honey, all bets are off. They’ll climb, claw, and bulldoze right through obstacles for that perfect treat, completely ignoring the view if it means they can get their paws on something sweet. Nature’s nice and all, but there’s no time for sightseeing when there’s honey in the air.

—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 30

I was pretty sure Zane had been hoping we’d spend the entire next week naked and in bed, and if it had been up to me, I would have gladly indulged him.

But whether the man wanted to acknowledge it or not, he did actually have a multimillion-dollar set of vocal cords. I couldn’t, in good conscience, keep him away from his job while also potentially dehydrating and damaging his voice box.

“I want to take you skiing,” I said a few mornings later. Yes, we’d spent the bulk of those few days in bed, sucking, jacking, and frotting until we were both hollowed-out shells with more desire than stamina remaining. But being the voice of reason still wasn’t easy.

Zane stood in front of the bathroom mirror with a towel around his slim waist, getting ready to shave his face. He’d just gotten out of the shower, and I knew he had plans to lure me back into bed as soon as he downed his first cup of coffee.

The man was insatiable, and I couldn’t blame him for wanting to make up for lost time when god knew I wanted the same. If our hands and mouths weren’t exploring each other’s bodies, we were pretending to work in separate rooms. In reality, I carried my laptop into the sunroom several times with the lamest excuses of “needing more light” or “keeping an eye on him” while he worked on his songwriting.

More often than not, we’d end up making out on the sofa until finally orgasming and forcing ourselves back to work for a little while. It had been amazing… but exhausting.

And then Lou had texted to ask what the fuck we were doing?—

Lou

You’ve missed your long run for three days. You okay?

—and I’d panicked.

Zane wanted to try cross-country skiing, so we’ve been training in the home gym. Can you help me arrange for an outing?

Thank fuck the first heavy snow had fallen the day before. Both of us needed some fresh air… and I needed to cool my fucking jets.

It wasn’t that I was falling too hard and too fast for my principal. No, that had already happened months ago.

It was that I’d fallen into the silly daydream that we were meant to be together. That Zane reciprocated my feelings and would be open to turning our physical “practice” sessions into an actual emotional connection.

Just last night, as I’d carried a sleeping Zane from the sofa, where we’d fallen asleep in front of the fire after a heavy make-out session, into his bedroom, I’d imagined slipping into bed with him and pulling him right back into my arms.

Instead, he’d done what he’d done each night since our first kiss.

See you in the morning, Bear.

And I’d left him there. Alone.

Which was probably for the best. I’d needed the reminder this wasn’t an actual relationship. And he seemed to be sleeping well without me in there. I’d kept an ear out for any cries of distress, but I hadn’t heard any. It seemed I was at least tiring him out enough to sleep through any nightmare disruptions.

So that was good.

“Skiing?” he asked, staring at me in the bathroom mirror.

“Yes. Lou and the locals have arranged for us to go to a local trail. A guy just came by and dropped off some rental equipment. You up for it? Let me show you a few things?”

“I’ve never been on skis before.”

“Lie. I happen to know you went one time in college with your friends.”

“Skiing in Connecticut doesn’t count. Everything was so numb from the cold I bailed out to the avant ski lodge as soon as the other guys hit the lift.”

I let out a huff of laughter. “ Après ski, not avant.”

“When you go before you ever hit the slopes, it’s probably called avant.”

“This isn’t downhill,” I reminded him. “It’s very different.”

Zane’s phone dinged with a notification, and he grabbed it off the counter and unlocked it. “Yes,” he said distractedly. “Much more like running… which isn’t my favorite.”

I took his phone from his hand and turned him back toward the mirror to finish getting ready. “You love running.”

He pulled a face. “I love having run. Not the same thing.”

“Imagine how beautiful it will be. The sun is shining, and the sky is an impossible blue…”

Zane’s semi-bare body was a thousand percent more beautiful, though, and if I stayed here drooling over it, we’d never get out the door. “Dress warmly and meet me in the kitchen. I’ll fix your coffee.”

I walked out of the bathroom…

And only then did I look down at Zane’s phone.

I instantly recognized that the new email had come from the same dummy account as the last creepy message Zane had received, and the subject line? Missed You.

Skin crawling, I clicked into it.

To Zee,

I waited for you in New York. Are you scared? If you’re thinking you’re safe with him, you’re wrong. He’s not meant to protect you. You’ll be in my sights again soon enough.

See you soon.

Semper in scopum.

I cast a glance at the bathroom, where Zane had begun humming happily as he resumed shaving, and my stomach churned.

I should tell him about the email… probably. He had a right to know, definitely.

But damn it, the man also had a right to a few days of rest and relaxation. A few days when the world would stop stealing fragments of his peace. A few days without someone using him as a pawn in their schemes.

If I told him about this now, his nightmares would almost definitely return, and his quiet slumber would be a thing of the past.

That thought was enough to make me act. I quickly forwarded the email to Violet with a note asking her to send it on to our cyber people, then moved it into the folder with the Stamper’s last message. Without hesitating, I set up a filter that would move any new emails from that address directly into the folder and also forward them to Violet and to me.

I would eventually tell Zane about the emails. Of course I would. But in the meantime, I’d protect his peace and his sweet heart as passionately as I protected his body.

“If you loved me, you’d have brought the coffee in here and delivered it with the bad news about the skiing!” Zane called from the bathroom.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clicked his phone off. If only you knew , I thought.

“If you loved me, you’d be excited to try my favorite sport,” I called back instead.

“I don’t love you,” Zane grumbled an hour later.

The soft sound of snow sliding under our skis accompanied us as we moved down the trail past several chalets with gingerbread trim and fresh-painted shutters tucked back in the trees. It was a dreamland covered in new powder and set off by the sun and deep blue sky.

I was having an amazing time. My body felt warm and invigorated by the exercise—it had been about a year since I’d been on skis, and I’d missed it. It was a gorgeous day to be out. And I loved that I got to share this with Zane.

Zane had been enjoying it, too… until the poor man had sunk knee-deep in powder after stepping off the trail to take a piss and falling into a low spot. The thermal exercise tights that lovingly cradled his ass were now coated with snow. Wisps of brown hair escaped his yellow wool beanie and tangled in the arms of his sunglasses, and his cheeks were red from cold and exertion.

Zane was always bright and magnetic, but seeing him like this, beautiful and fit, while experiencing one of my favorite things was pretty damned satisfying. He looked disgruntled… and adorable .

It was practically impossible to keep from grinning, but I managed it. “I tried to warn you to use your pole to test before taking a step. You never know what the ground is like off the trail.”

Zane glared at me, a pair of laser eyeballs that shone even through his sunglasses. “Yeah, well, some of us aren’t professional skiers, Ryan . Some of us are meant to be more… aesthetic than athletic.”

This time, I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “Is that right, Zane Michael ?” When his mouth pursed, I shrugged. “You calling me Ryan is the equivalent of middle-naming me.”

He snorted but didn’t disagree.

“Besides,” I teased, “a true artist could write songs just as easily out here as in the sunroom, especially with all this gorgeous scenery to get your imagination going.”

This was patently untrue since Zane had no guitar or notebook, and his hands were occupied with his poles, but I wasn’t worried about accuracy when my teasing tone had the desired effect of making him sputter with outraged laughter.

“You know, you’re right,” Zane shot back breathlessly. “In fact, I’m writing a song in my head right now. I’m just trying to get the lyrics down. What rhymes with my fingers are frozen stiff? Ooh, I know!” he went on before I could reply. “ I threw my bodyguard off a wintry cliff! Perfect. That one’s gonna be a banger. Double platinum. Wait and see.”

I laughed harder. “There are no cliffs here?—”

“It’s symbolism, Bear. Look it up. What rhymes with I left my dignity back there? ” He tapped his lip thoughtfully and gave an exaggerated, mournful sigh. “ Probably something, something, devoured by a polar bear .”

This playful side of Zane wasn’t one I saw often, and Jesus Christ, I loved it. Loved that he finally felt comfortable and relaxed enough to let loose.

I grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop, and wrapped one gloved hand around his waist. “You know I’d never let that happen. You’re safe with me, always.” The words came out more serious than I’d intended. Like a promise. Like a vow.

Zane shivered slightly, and his smile softened. “Of course I know. Being here, with you…” He looked around at the trees, the snow, the endless skies. At this moment, it felt like we were the only people in the world. “It’s a sanctuary, isn’t it? And there’s only one bear you’d let devour me.” He bounced his eyebrows suggestively.

“Damn straight.” I grinned. “Thank you for coming out with me. You’re doing great, you know.”

He returned my smile, and it felt like the fucking trees even stretched and sighed in response. “I’m loathe to admit it, but… I do like it. It’s peaceful, and it’s a great workout but also… fun? Kind of. Arguably too much snow, but I like the little hops. And you were right about the scenery. It’s beautiful.”

It was an excellent trail—a long, winding loop recommended by a local ski shop, not too hard and not too boring. Zane was in excellent shape and was able to get up enough momentum on the flats to carry him over the small hills. He’d learned the stride motions well and was his usual eager achiever when taking on something new. There’d only been a few times we’d had to step aside to let others pass, but thankfully, no one had given us a second look.

“I’ve been enjoying the view myself,” I agreed.

Chuckling, Zane twisted at the waist so he could twine his arms around my neck. “Is that so? Because my booty’s been feeling the heat of your stare for the last mile or more. You’re not fooling anyone with those mirrored shades.”

“I’m not trying to.”

“It’s a good thing you can’t see my actual thighs, though. I think they’re purple from the chill.” He laughed again, and this time, I heard the tremor in it.

“Shit, Zane. Are you that cold?” It wasn’t particularly cold out , so I hadn’t expected our lack of ideal gear to be much of a problem, even after Zane’s tumble. But then again, I was a much bigger guy than he was. I hated that I’d been having so much fun I might have overlooked his tendency to get cold quicker.

“A little, but only when we go through the trees.”

“We’re almost back around to the vehicle. Give me half an hour, and we’ll get you warmed up and back home.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled away. “Bear, I’m not a delicate flower. I can handle a little cold.”

“Take my jacket. I’m a little overheated anyway.” It was a lie, but I wasn’t about to let him know that. “Wear it or tie it around your waist to keep the wind off of your thighs.”

“Bro.” Zane stuck his pole in the ground and began striding forward. “If you wanna warm me up, keep your eyes on my ass and help me think of a rhyme for ‘ gonna make you come so hard you see stars .’”

My jaw dropped.

In all my years of practice and training, I didn’t think I’d ever enjoyed a morning of skiing so much…

And I suddenly couldn’t wait for it to be done.

As soon as we got back to the house, I low-key rushed him inside and straight to the shower, where I turned on the water from the multiple jets before peeling the clothes off him. Sure enough, his thighs were still red, and he was covered in goose bumps despite the heated drive back.

“If you get sick, I’m not taking the fall with Micki,” I muttered, rubbing up and down his legs with my hands.

His manager was a wonderful woman, and it was killing her not to be with him right now to make sure he took care of himself, but Violet had decided that the only people allowed to know Zane’s exact location were her, me, Lou, and Zane himself.

“P-poor Bear,” Zane mocked, despite his shivers. “Scared of Micki?”

“Hell yes. She’d kick my ass.”

“She would,” he admitted. “Because she’d know the only reason I’d have willingly strapped on skis was because you convinced me to try it.”

I pinched his ass before shoving him into the shower. “Get in there and stop running your mouth, Z. If you aren’t fully warmed up in the next five minutes, I’m going to break out that immune-support tea Kenji sent. We’ll see who’s laughing then.”

Zane hated tea, and Kenji knew it. But that didn’t stop the guy from forcing it on us every time Zane went on tour.

“There’s a very easy way to warm a man up, Bear,” he said matter-of-factly. He turned away from me and shook his pert little ass. “What rhymes with ‘ Getting my pick plucked ’? Hm.”

“I cannot wait to hear this song,” I teased, secretly thrilled he was giving me unspoken permission to join him in the shower. I began pulling off my clothes. “This must be the lyrical brilliance that made the Rolling Stone guy say your songs ‘weave a tapestry of raw emotion and inspiring imagery.’”

Zane laughed as hot water streamed down over his hair and shoulders. “I can’t believe you can quote my reviews.”

I stepped into the shower and closed the door behind me. “Why don’t you put your hands on the wall and let me show you just how inspiring you are?”

As soon as he pressed his palms to the tile, I tilted a couple of the water jets to make sure he was still plenty covered by the warm spray.

And then I knelt behind him and spread his cheeks. His hole flexed automatically in response to my touch. “H-hey, what are you… ohh .”

My tongue came out to get a taste of him, just the inside of his ass cheek at first, but he could obviously see where I was going with it. I teased and licked and sucked until moving closer in to the whorl of sparse hair around his hole. Fantasies of fucking him, fingering him, stretching him out to ride my cock made my dick hard as fuck. I wanted to stand up and press him into the cold tile, impale him with my cock, and slam into him until he screamed for more.

But he hadn’t asked for that. Hadn’t implied anal was something he was ready for. I’d been content with hand jobs and blow jobs, but after staring at his ass out on the trail all day, I wanted to finally get a taste of it.

“You okay, Z?”

“Fuck yes,” he whimpered. “Don’t stop.”

I doubled down, sucking on his hole and stretching him with my tongue. His whimpered curses turned into mewling-like sounds of pleasure and surrender. My name in breathy pants as his legs began to wobble.

“Make me come,” he begged. “Please, Bear. Make me… oh fuck.”

I reached for his dick and slid my hand around it, gripping and sliding it while continuing to eat his ass. His hand came around to clutch at my hair as he came with a broken groan that echoed around the enclosed space.

I stood up and whirled him around, boosting him up in my arms and pressing his back against the wall so I could hold him while he came down from his orgasm. My dick brushed against his hole, making me shudder.

I was tempted to press inside and let him sink down onto me, just a little, but I knew better than to suggest it while he wasn’t clearheaded. Instead, I reached around his leg to grasp my cock and shuttled my hand over it quickly while Zane clung to me for dear life.

It didn’t take much when the taste of him was still on my tongue and his sweet body was plastered against me.

“Fuck, Zane, fuck!” I cried when the orgasm hit.

“Oh god,” he breathed, face tucked into my neck. “That’s so hot. I want you to fuck me next. I want it so badly.”

I kissed the side of his face, his wet hair, his ear. Anything I could get my mouth on.

“Never done that before,” I admitted. “You’d be my first.”

His whole body shuddered. “I’m at your service for anything you might need to practice.”

I let out a laugh and cradled him in my arms, wanting to hold him close enough to meld our two souls together in a way that wouldn’t unravel when we left here in a few days.

After a few minutes, he moved to drop down and stand up. “I really did have an idea for a song while we were out there today. If it’s okay with you, I want to take some time to work on it tonight.”

“Of course. Sure. I’d love to hear it.”

His eyes flicked up to me, then away. “Alone. If… if that’s okay.”

“Oh.” I tried not to feel stung. “No problem. I understand. I need to touch base with the office anyway about the… uh…” The fucking email I hadn’t told him about. “…the updated Amsterdam protocol.”

They were also supposed to have an update on Noelle’s alibis for the three stamping events, and an update from Boomer about what he’d learned from trailing Bodhi around Dublin.

I began washing quickly so I could leave him in peace, but Zane reached out to stop me. “I didn’t mean to hurry you. And it’s not like… it’s not… I just want to work on this song without feeling like anyone’s listening. It’s not because I don’t want to share it with you. I just don’t want to share it with you until it’s right.”

“I understand. Zane, it’s fine.”

The word echoed in the enclosed space. Zane’s eyes widened. “It really does suck when someone uses that word, doesn’t it?”

I tamped down my hurt feelings and plastered a smile on my face. “Artists need time and space to create. I get that. As the Ventdestinians would say, ‘May the winds whisper fortune,’ and the song you write become your next mega hit.” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

But as I finished washing and made my way to my own room to find clean clothes, a niggle of worry took root in my chest, and I wished I hadn’t brought up superstitious Ventdestine or their winds.

In only a few more days, my time here with Zane in our sex-filled little bubble would be over. I would have to share him with the rest of the world again.

I’d have to relearn how to exist in his space without touching him. Without pleasuring him .

Without being able to ensure his complete safety in a perfectly isolated place.

Giving up a few of my precious hours with him, even for something he enjoyed as much as his music, made me selfishly annoyed. I wanted to spend every minute of this time with him that I could.

Because I had a feeling when winds whispered fortune onto him, they would blow my own happiness to smithereens.