Chapter 14

FOURTEEN

RYAN

When a bear has its eye on something sweet, like a late-summer berry bush or an untouched stash of honey, he’ll sometimes push aside his better instincts to indulge. Even if he knows he might have to contend with sore paws or painful nettle stings after, some urges are just too tempting to resist… especially when that sweetness is right there in front of him.

—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 73

Kissing Zane was the least likely way in the entire universe of maintaining my sanity.

I sounded breathless—and my brain felt severely oxygen deprived—when he pulled back a moment later.

Zane scooted closer to me and touched the tip of his index finger to one of the collarbone bumps at the base of my throat. His eyes stayed riveted there so he didn’t have to look at me. “What if… what if we just, um, practiced here. A little. In Norway. We’re on our own, mostly. You’re horny. I’m horny. You want practice. I want practice. This is like…” He traced my collarbone, which was proving to be an erogenous zone I hadn’t known existed. “The perfect practice scenario.”

His point was well-made.

Frankly, he could have said, “ Me want ,” and I would have thought it was a point well-made.

But Zane continued making a very strong case to my neck. “B-besides, I don’t get opportunities like this, a-and this was really special to me, what we did. Earlier. Because I know I can trust you—I trust you more than anyone—and that made it amazing. And you’re closer to me than anyone in the world, other than my brothers. And it really, it really sucks if that’s going to be, like, the only time we get to do that because I feel like I just finally got this opportunity, and also, I don’t know about you, but that… what we did. Earlier. That’s not enough for me. So it’s going to be really hard for me not to want that every time I’m with you from now on. And we’re going to be stuck together here in the house, so, like, what if we… just temporarily! It doesn’t have to go past Norway…”

He stopped, cleared his throat, and peeked up at me from beneath his lashes… which was quickly becoming my favorite Zane look. “You’re not saying anything. Does that mean no? Because… okay. That’s cool. I mean, I guess I could try to find someone else. I could ask?—”

I leaned in again and kissed the words out of his mouth. His nervous babbling was my Kryptonite, and if he thought he was going to “find someone else,” he had another think coming.

I was done fighting this. If this interlude was my only chance to have him, I was going to take it with both hands, both feet, and all the fucking rest of me. How could I say no when it was exactly what I wanted? He was dangling my dream right in front of me and telling me it was what he needed.

Was it unprofessional? Yes. Hell, yes. But he was right. No one was around to witness it.

Would it distract me from protecting him? Maybe… although I’d cr aved him desperately for a year already, and I felt like I was doing okay. Besides which, Lou and the rest of the perimeter team had us covered, and we were in the wilds of a Norwegian fjord, so far off the beaten path there was no possible way a random stalker from America could find us.

So I would give him what he wanted. What I wanted. And then I would let him go when we left this little sanctuary, even if it meant watching him fall for someone else one day. Because that was what you fucking did for the people you loved. You took a bullet for them, literally or figuratively.

Zane’s slender fingers curled into my chest hair and tugged. The time had come to stop stressing and allow myself to enjoy this.

I rolled him over onto his back and deepened the kiss, arching my hips to press my cock against the inside of his thigh. He made a sound of surrender in his throat that tweaked my need to take care of him. Zane deserved the best, and while I was nowhere near the best, I’d try my hardest to make this good for him.

My hands explored every inch of his exposed skin, caressing sensitive spots and squeezing firm muscles, tweaking his nipples and finally reaching down to pull off his pajama pants.

The duvet was long gone, tossed off the bed when heat from our bodies had made it an inferno.

“Bear,” Zane said on a groan as I tugged on his earlobe with my teeth and growled.

He wasn’t wrong. I felt semi-feral, overcome with the need to take and have, maul and conquer.

I moved down his body, teasing his chest, stomach, and lower belly with my tongue, eager to suck him. This wasn’t my first time, but it was definitely my best time.

Zane sucked in an audible breath. As I finally put my mouth on his cock, his hands moved into my hair and held on. “Oh god. Fuck. Ryan .”

Hearing the sound of my name in his lust-graveled voice made my cock even harder. Knowing he’d never had the pleasure of receiving oral sex before incited my desire to make this one the best damned blow job in history.

I licked and sucked and tormented him until his nails dug into my scalp and his breathing stuttered. My hands moved beneath him to grab his ass. Zane’s ass cheeks flexed under my fingers as he couldn’t help but gently thrust forward, seeking more.

My brain was a kaleidoscope of images of things we could do—positions I could put him in and parts of his body I could taste and touch. I reveled in the privilege of giving him pleasure. He was mine to enjoy, mine to guide, mine to relish.

“Let me,” he gasped. “God, let… me… nnnghh !”

The warm, salty taste of his release hit my tongue as he choked out intelligible sounds and arched into me. His hair fell forward as he sat up and leaned over me, cupping the back of my head while his body continued to shudder.

I ran my hands down over his ass to the back of his thighs and calves before moving them back up to his sides and abs as I pulled away from him and met his eyes.

Zane’s face was flushed, and his eyes were bright. I reached up to brush his hair back and cup his face. “Good?”

He tackled me full-body, pushing me back and kissing me soundly. I laughed into his mouth and held on tightly as I kept us from falling off the bed. I flipped him so he was pinned beneath me, trapped and wriggling like a fish.

“Was supposed to be…” He pushed half-heartedly at my hips. “ …my turn. Please.”

Even when he was brainless and loose from an orgasm, the man still had manners.

I leaned in and pressed another drugging kiss to his mouth until his eyes rolled up and closed. I didn’t need another orgasm from him—though god knew I would always appreciate the fuck out of one—but I needed this . The chance to hold him. Tease him. Kiss him and watch him go limp with satisfaction and contentment .

After a while, our kissing slowed, and we settled ourselves with me on my back and Zane’s head on my shoulder.

“I was going to blow you again,” he said, making my slowly deflating dick reflate painfully fast.

I ran fingertips up and down his back. “I was going to let you.”

“Oh.”

I peered down at him, wondering why he sounded surprised. “But there’s no pressure, Zane. I’m happy with this also.”

“I thought for some reason you weren’t interested in that. Like maybe I didn’t do great the first time or something.”

I couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “You’re joking.”

“Maybe I sucked,” he said in a small voice.

I reached up to run my thumb across his lower lip. “You did. And it was fucking amazing.”

Zane batted my hand away, flushing a delightful pink. “What if that was beginner’s luck? What if I’m terrible the second time, and then it’s sitting there between us like this horrifying thing neither of us can forget?”

I stared at him. “You’re acting like you’re completely inexperienced, but I’ve heard you with other guys. Hell, I thought you and Landry?—”

“Me and Landry?” He seemed to remember the sex noises from the hotel room. His eyes filled with glee, and he snickered. “Ohhh. So many things are clear suddenly. No. That was Landry recounting a hookup… and, um, poking the bear, so to speak.” He grinned. “I did tell him bears attack when provoked.”

I snorted. “And… the other guys?”

Zane moved to sit up, crossing his legs in front of him and pulling a pillow over his lap. “You remember me telling you about my former publicist, Noelle, and how she tried to get me to create a bad-boy persona?”

I grumbled acknowledgment. Noelle could fuck off for all she’d had him do. The woman had made him feel like he was nothing; all the while, she’d gotten rich off his “nothingness. ”

Zane continued. “It worked for me because they started encouraging me to bring guys back to my hotel room from time to time. We’d kiss. Do a little heavy petting. Under-the-clothes mutual jerk-offs. That’s it. I’d always make up an excuse—I didn’t have time for more, or I was tired and had to be up early for something, or I couldn’t suck them off because I had to protect my vocal cords.”

I secretly thanked the maker of delicate vocal cords. “Is that true?”

Zane’s breathing quickened. “Maybe if I had a show tomorrow, I’d be concerned about it. But I don’t… I mean…” He swallowed. “I don’t have enough experience to know if it’s even an issue,” he finished, searching my eyes as if anticipating my reaction.

I reached out to run my thumb across his full bottom lip again. My cock was aching to feel the soft press of his lips, the wet swipe of his tongue.

“I’m willing to be your guinea pig,” I said with a smile. “When you’re ready to experiment further, I mean. There’s no rush?—”

Zane tackled me again, kissing my mouth hungrily before moving quickly down the bed and yanking at the tie on my sweatpants. This time, I was no longer wearing underwear, so when the pants came down, my dick came up.

His eyes heated. “Bear-sized,” he murmured before sticking out his tongue to caress the tip. I let out a broken sound as the reality of the situation continued to sink in.

The man I loved, the man I wanted more than anyone or anything I’d ever wanted, had his mouth on me again. Wanted to please me. Was nervous he was going to let me down.

“That’s so good,” I said, reaching out to run my fingers through his hair as he continued to experiment, licking and sucking, wrapping his tongue around me. “God, Zane. Just like that.”

He blinked up at me as he continued to wet my dick. His lips were full and moist, his cheeks flushed. His honey-brown eyes were a little glazed, and the tip of his nose was pink from my beard stubble.

My balls tightened. If Zane had any idea how strongly I felt about him—how much this did not feel casual or practice or temporary—he’d run in the other direction. He’d definitely request a new personal security lead… and, knowing him, probably offer me a generous severance package through Violet.

But that was a problem for a different day because right now, I was too giddy to care, too turned on to worry about anything other than the man in front of me.

There had to be a rule against being this turned on, this happy. He was so gorgeous, so enthusiastic, he never failed to spike my heart rate.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I said.

He kept his eyes on me but continued to run his wet lips and tongue everywhere until I could barely see straight. If I hadn’t already come once tonight, I would have popped off immediately, and I took a moment to glory in the fact I was able to last long enough to enjoy this.

When he sucked me deep into his mouth, I moved my hand around to cup the back of his head, trying my hardest not to yank him onto my dick.

He took me in too deep and gagged, pulling off for a moment to catch his breath and then lowering himself again. The warm, wet clasp of his mouth and throat sent me soaring until I choked out his name and came down his throat.

Breaths heaved in my chest as my legs quivered. Zane crawled up my body and kissed my chest, neck, and cheek. “S’okay?”

I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him again, even though the skin of my lips was tender from all the kissing we’d already done. “Better than okay. It was fine .”

He pulled back and glared, which only made me laugh.

“Now you know how it feels to hear that word.”

He let out a mpfh and settled down to lie on my chest. His fingers played in my chest hair as we both calmed down from the excitement .

I wasn’t sure when I’d ever been this relaxed, this content and ebullient all at the same time. It was blissful…

For about ten minutes.

Zane moved off me with a sigh. “I’d better go clean up.” He took a step toward the bathroom, then paused and shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Er… thank you, Bear. I’ll see you in the morning?”

I blinked at him. Was he giving me the brush-off?

I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed to watch him go. The pale globes of his ass flared out slightly below his slender waist and back.

He paused at the doorway to the bathroom as if waiting for my response, and I pulled myself out of my daze.

“Oh. Uh, sure. I’ll just… go.”

Zane nodded and continued into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I stared at the closed door for a beat, feeling off-balance and unsure. Was he having regrets? Was this a simple desire not to share a bed while sleeping? Was he scared I was going to expect more from him than he was willing to give?

Was he rejecting me? Or was he worried that I would reject him, and he was trying to beat me to the punch?

What the hell was that?

I wanted to stay and ask him, to press him for an explanation and assure him that I would respect whatever wishes he had, but then I realized he’d already made his wishes clear.

And he wished to see me in the morning. Not tonight.

Not right now.

I stood up and gathered my clothes before making my way to my own bedroom.

It took me hours to fall asleep. For as many years as I’d spent on hyper-alert, I’d never been so tuned in to trying to hear something as I was when I listened for Zane that night.

But he didn’t call.