Chapter 10

TEN

RYAN

Bears can be intense when it comes to things they love. They’ll travel miles, risk danger, and even chase off rivals to claim what’s theirs, whether it’s a favorite fishing spot, a berry patch, or a honey tree. But sometimes, that passion gets the best of them, and they’ll go further than they should, driven by pure instinct. When a bear loves something, they go all in, even if it means losing a bit of control.

—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 51

Being around Zane without kissing him had been hard enough, but watching him try to be brave when facing the loss of yet another person he should have been able to count on—someone who was stupid enough to throw away their relationship with the world’s kindest man—was too much.

Zane needed to know he was loved. He needed to know there were people in this world who wanted him.

Desperately .

And if I heard him lie to me and say he was fine one more time…

As soon as my lips touched his, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake. Not only was I putting my job in jeopardy—which I only cared about because I could lose access to Zane—but I’d also opened up a Pandora’s box by learning just how soft and pliable his lips were. Just how incredible he tasted. How sweet the sounds he made were.

How much I needed more.

Instead of pulling away like my brain was begging me to do, I stepped even closer. My hands drifted up to cup his jaw, to hold him in place while I discovered what it was like to worship him with kisses.

Zane’s fingers twisted in my shirtfront and pulled me even closer while he straightened up to kiss me more deeply.

His skin was cold from the nip in the air. The soft prickle of his short whiskers against my palms contrasted with the silky touch of several loose strands of hair caught between my fingers. The hushed sound of the trees around us made me feel like I was in a surreal time-out of time.

A time in which it was possible to kiss this man without dire consequences.

Zane tilted his head and tangled his tongue with mine. He moved a hand up to sneak his fingers into the front of my collar like he was trying to get a tighter grip. The touch of his cold fingertips on my hot skin made me suck in a breath. I moved my arms around him to keep him from pulling away.

The feel of Zane Hendley in my arms was indescribable. My head swam with a heady mixture of disbelief, pleasure, relief… and maybe a little fear. Fear of being fired. Fear of offending him. Fear of being rejected by the one person who had the ability to crush me.

Little details of that moment came back to me later. The short, staccato sound of his shallow breaths. The feel of his tongue twisting around mine. The soft and shy caress of his fingertip in the dip of my throat. The sharp sweetness of Scots pine mingling with Zane’s familiar scent. The fleeting brush of his erection against my thigh .

“Ryan, you need help? You two haven’t moved in a while. Everything okay?”

It took a beat before I processed Lou’s voice in my ear. I jumped back as reality came crashing in, and I scrambled to press the button on my radio’s earpiece. “Uh, yeah. All good.”

Holy fuck. Holy fuck , what had I just done?

I could barely meet Zane’s shocked eyes. “I’m sorry.” It was a lame apology because I didn’t mean a single bit of it. Or maybe I did because I was sorry I’d put pressure on him, that I’d backed him against a tree and basically forced my attentions on him.

When he didn’t respond, I forced myself to meet his eyes. Angry eyes. Eyes filled with an annoyance Zane rarely showed.

“Are you?” he challenged.

I firmed my jaw and decided to do the right thing.

To protect him.

“Yes. I’m very sorry I crossed a line. It won’t happen again.”

Should I have offered him my resignation on the spot? Yes. Absolutely. Was I man enough to do it? Absolutely not.

Zane’s gaze searched mine. Whatever he did or didn’t find there seemed to give him some relief I’d meant what I’d said. He dropped his shoulders and blew out a breath. “I believe you. We should probably head back to the house.”

I nodded and looked away so I wouldn’t have to see his disappointment in me. Instead of watching his slender body as he stepped back onto the trail, I looked around us to make sure the area was clear of any looming threats. Considering this was an isolated, fenced property, monitored by boundary cameras and round-the-clock guards, it wasn’t completely necessary. But at least it gave me something to look at while I berated myself soundly.

We moved down the trail in silence, only the soft sounds of our footfalls breaking the awkward tension in the air. As soon as we got back to the house, Zane disappeared into his bedroom, and I busied myself with work on my laptop.

Eventually, hunger drove the man out of his bedroom. Lou had delivered pizza from a local restaurant and ended up staying to eat with us. There was plenty to talk about since we now had the JK debacle to deal with.

“According to Micki, the PR team has your cousin well in hand. The social media post has been removed. The team helped him make an additional post about how a friend dared him to post something ridiculous to see how many likes he could get and that thanks to ‘all y’all,’ he was one case of beer richer,” Lou explained.

Zane nodded half-heartedly. I could tell from his hunched-over posture and the way he was picking at one of his favorite foods he wasn’t as reassured as Lou had hoped.

“He needs to be banned from Zane’s future visits home,” I grumbled.

I felt the heat of Zane’s anger on me as he spoke. “Easy for you to say when you have parents, a sister, two brothers, and four niblings back in Montana you can visit anytime. And let’s not even get started on all the extended Galloway and Hager families.”

I glanced at him in surprise. For the sake of professionalism, I tried not to share too much of my personal life. Zane knew my background, of course, but I’d had no idea he’d kept track of the details so well.

“Sorry,” I murmured.

He let out a huff. “Yeah. You’re good at sorries.”

I stared at him in time to see his cheeks flame. He buried his chin in his hoodie and kept his eyes on his plate. Lou shot me a questioning look, but I shook my head in dismissal. There was no way I could explain why our principal was angry at me without opening up a whole can of worms.

Lou cleared her throat and tried to dispel the tension she couldn’t have understood. “Niblings?” she asked.

“Nieces and nephews,” Zane muttered to his plate.

The rest of the evening was just as excruciating. As soon as politely possible, Zane disappeared into his room again. Lou asked me what was going on, but I fudged and said he was upset by the JK thing… which wasn’t exactly a lie. Zane was upset about that and should be.

But his cousin wasn’t the only one who’d taken advantage of him that day.

As soon as Lou disappeared back to the gatehouse, I closed my computer and locked up the main house. I lingered in the main gathering room of the house in hopes Zane would reappear, but he never did.

The following day, after grabbing coffee and a premade smoothie, he disappeared back into the sunroom to work on his music. I might have followed him if I didn’t already have at least three urgent messages from Violet requiring my attention.

I hopped on a Zoom call with the European logistics team that lasted most of the morning. I passed on the information Zane had given me about Bodhi—that he had been in the crowd at Shaky Knees, that he knew Zane’s private email address, and that he was conveniently playing gigs in Dublin and planned to meet up with Zane in Amsterdam. Violet agreed that he was our strongest suspect to date and tasked Boomer with finding and shadowing Bodhi. He agreed enthusiastically. “Trust me, boss. If that guy is the one messing with Zee he’s gonna be sorry.”

At least that one aspect of my day was going right.

At noon, Lou came into the house to spell me so I could take a long run on the roads. I needed some air. Some space. Some time to fucking think. My whole life, I’d leaned toward physicality. Whenever I was angry or frustrated or confused, I’d go outside and work it out by moving or pushing my body until all I could do was feel and not think.

It was how I’d become good at sports, how I’d ended up with the kind of discipline, strength, and focus to become an Olympic athlete.

Even now, when most of my time at work was spent standing or, god forbid, sitting, I made sure I had time to move and sweat. My job demanded peak physical performance. I had to be able to run and lift, hold off attackers or grab my principal and get them out of a bad situation. Lou, of all people, knew I needed time to keep up with my workouts, and that included at least one long run per week.

So I ran.

And ran. And ran.

I made my way down to the water’s edge and found the gravel footpath that wound its way along the shoreline. Only a few people were on it, and I pounded my way past them, arms swinging and muscles working. Eminem pumped through my earbuds. My workouts were the rare times each week I allowed myself to sacrifice situational awareness for the sake of indulging in fast-paced music. The lyrics from “Lose Yourself” mocked me. If my opportunity to shoot my shot only came once, then I was fucked.

Because I’d blown it.

I’d kissed him out of the blue. With no buildup or romance first. No way of determining whether he would accept my interest or not.

And clearly, he did not.

Zane’s reaction was exactly what I should have expected.

He’d seemed to be into it while it was happening, sure, but that might have been him getting caught up in the moment more than actual desire. In my worst imaginings, he’d simply been going along with it while telling himself it was “fine” that his bodyguard was basically assaulting him.

He hadn’t argued with me when I’d stopped the kiss, and that said a lot.

He hadn’t asked for more, or apologized himself, or even waved away my apology and told me it was no big deal that I’d crossed all kinds of professional boundaries.

Clearly, for him, it was a big deal.

He’d been angry. And Zane Hendley was rarely angry at anyone. Ever.

Self-recrimination dogged me as my body pushed harder. Blood pumped through my muscles, and sweat poured from my skin. The worst part was, despite how guilty I felt, I wanted nothing more than to kiss Zane again. Now that I’d had a taste of him, now that I’d felt what it was like to cradle the back of his head in my palm while pressing my lips to his, I couldn’t even fathom the idea of never having it again.

But that way lay madness. I had to find a way to set aside my desire for him so I could do my job.

By the time I got to the spot on the gravel path where I needed to turn around, my head was clearer. What I needed was a plan. A plan to keep from fucking things up even more. A plan to keep from kissing Zane again.

But also a plan to get things back on track between us because… I missed him, damn it. I missed seeing his sweet smile. I missed his gorgeous voice as he hummed distractedly to himself while he waited for the toaster to pop. And I really, really missed the way it felt when he’d curl up beside me on the sofa at night and let himself relax.

I might never be able to have Zane’s lips against mine again, and I would surely never have him in my bed, and that sucked. But the idea that he might be so upset he’d no longer want me in his life, that I might have lost his trust and, with it, the privilege of keeping him safe, that I was no better than his cousin—yet another person he should have been able to count on but couldn’t —was fucking intolerable.

It took the duration of the cool-off walk back to the house before I came up with an idea that could work. It would take a miracle to create the kind of conditions that would make kissing Zane unattractive, but I just might have come up with one.