Chapter 20: Colt

Chapter 20: Colt

The tables turned since the last time I had Kiara alone. Now, my wrists were bound, and I was at her mercy while she leered at me with the judgment of a titan.

She said nothing while I scraped my brain for the right words to begin with.

“Nothing I say can give you back everything you’ve lost,” I sighed.

Kiara’s eyes narrowed, her fists clenched by her sides. But she stayed silent, so I conjured up more to fill the silence.

“I want to undo everything. Go back in time and find a way to get your mom out of that cave, take back everything stupid I’ve said and done to you. I’d… I’d kill David if it would stop all of this from happening.”

“It’s too late,” she said coldly.

“I know it’s too late, but I wish it weren’t. I wish I had the courage to do what had to be done, to protect you and your mother and everyone that David hurt—”

Kiara suddenly lunged, shoving me hard in the chest. I thumped against the wall as her hands wrapped up in my shirt, blazing anger igniting in her eyes. “She’s dead because you handed me that fucking child! Because you thought you could play games with me instead of helping me—your fated mate! Even if you mean what you say, do you expect me to believe you? Or for it to change anything?” She shook me and slammed my back into the wall.

Even if I had my hands free, I didn’t think I would have resisted her. I deserved every ounce of her anger. The bruises around my eye and on my cheek may as well have been afflicted by her, the pain in my body I took because of her. If it deceived me into feeling like I’d atoned for my sins, I would have her throw me to the ground and beat me until I was dead. By the time she’d spent her wrath on me, Kiara was still gripping my shirt between her white knuckles, and her head slumped between her shaking shoulders, pale hair draped across her back, her chest leaning into mine.

“I never even got to speak with her,” she breathed. “The last time I heard her voice was months ago. And now she’s gone, Colt.”

I didn’t move from against the wall, tipping my head down to watch her. “Kiara… I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for letting this happen. I never should have obeyed my father.”

“It’s my fault, too,” Kiara muttered.

“No. You did everything you could to save her.”

“But it wasn’t enough. I failed.”

“At least you tried,” I argued.

“But it wasn’t enough!” Kiara’s voice broke, her fist slamming against my chest before she collapsed against me, crying in mourning for her mother. I stood, stunned to feel her against me. It couldn’t be that she trusted me and felt comfortable enough in my presence to cry in front of me—I was certain that this was the effect of our mate bond lowering her guard, forcing her to be vulnerable. For her sake, I should have pushed her away and left her room. But, selfishly, I wanted to keep her as close to me as possible. As her legs weakened, I lowered to the floor with her until she was slumped against my stomach and chest, her back quaking. My wrists stayed bound together and pinned beneath her.

For long minutes, she lay there without moving or saying anything. I didn’t know what to do, fearing that the wrong word would dislodge her or wake her from the melancholy that brought her into my embrace. I suspected she was too embarrassed to do anything, but if she truly didn’t want to be close to me, she wouldn’t be. There was nothing forcing her to stay here, only the influence of our mate bond making my body heat appealing. And if that was enough to give her comfort, she could have it all.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, resolving to sit there for as long as she wanted to cry against my chest. Every now and then, I felt the grip in her fingers tighten, then relax, until it was little more than her fingertips pressing against my skin, up to the collar of the t-shirt that Everett had given me to wear. I had a clean pair of his shorts, too. The scent of Everett would have smothered me if not for Kiara’s presence.

When her fingers trailed up under my jaw, I opened my eyes and found her blearily gazing through me. My mouth felt suddenly dry. There were a dozen things I wanted to say to her, but nothing seemed to express what was stirring in my heart. Odd that Kiara was still a stranger to me, and yet I felt like our hearts yearned for one another—in this quiet moment, it was almost like I felt complete, like she was the piece I’d been missing for years. I had tried to fill that void with someone—Billie, Aislin—but it was never enough. They were never the right shape. Kiara was.

“I don’t want to be your enemy anymore,” I told her.

She didn’t acknowledge me, just continued trailing a finger along my jawline.

“I’m so tired of following in my father’s footsteps. I don’t believe in what he’s fighting for, and I never wanted all this bloodshed. But when my sister died, I thought I had no choice.” I lowered my voice just for her, sharing these thoughts that nobody else had ever cared to hear. “Losing a family member… I know how alone it can make you feel. Like you lose a part of your identity. You grow up with so much of yourself built around this other person in your life that without them, you don’t really know what you are anymore.”

I didn’t know if she felt that way too, but that was how it felt for me. Catrina had always been my brutal, harsh, beautiful other half. I was closer to Billie, yes, in that Billie was a better friend than Catrina, but Catrina had really defined who I was. I was her clever little brother. The voice of reason. I was mischievous when it was least expected, and I was responsible when it was needed, but without Catrina to compare myself to, I just became… reactions and thoughts untethered. I didn’t know who I was supposed to be until my father took the place of Catrina. And then I became the heir. I was supposed to be cruel and merciless like him. But I felt even less like myself then.

“I don’t know what to do now that she’s gone,” Kiara finally admitted.

Maybe she did know how I felt—the sense of aimlessness, the loss.

“I had a dream earlier… I dreamed of the Sky Goddess, Welkin. She’s angry about what happened to my mother. I am, too. And I think she wants me to keep fighting against the dragons, but… it just seems… endless. Even if I fight back against them, if I get my revenge against David and Lothair, there will always be dragons. What am I supposed to do? Fight until the day I die?”

I inhaled slowly, mulling her words. It didn’t sting me anymore to think of somebody slaying David. It was the only way to end this war, and it was inevitable. The moment he turned Lycan, he would stop being my father. He didn’t feel much like my father as it was.

“The Sky Goddess can’t ask you to fight forever. You have a life to live, and you deserve to live it free, however you want. Pursuing the things you love. I think after David and Lothair are taken care of, and the Inkscales are chased away, you should build the life you want.”

Kiara chewed on this before speaking up again, “What’s something that you love?”

It had been a long time since I’d thought about the things I was passionate about. It felt like I wasn’t even allowed to have passions or desires. “I like reading. Video games.” But those seemed minuscule in the grand scheme of things. “I like… keeping busy, feeling useful, and hunting for my pack. Feeding them. Taking care of people.”

Kiara had the nerve to snort at me. “Really? Don’t you have any other hobbies?”

“Sure. I think architecture is pretty cool. It takes a lot of math, though.”

“You’re not good at math?”

“I’m great at math. I’m an insurance broker.”

“So, what’s stopping you from getting into architecture?”

“My dad didn’t want me to take off for however many years of school it would be,” I explained. “He thought I was needed here. Although Catrina had always been his heir, I think he just didn’t want our numbers to suffer.”

“Your father’s a terribly selfish man.”

“Mm.” I had always known that. I supposed I didn’t want to think about how that affected me or how wrong it was to let him manipulate me.

“I’m not so sure you’re as selfish as him,” Kiara added.

Her fingers turned my chin, drawing my attention back down to her. Now she gazed back up at me, hooded eyes at long last meeting mine. She gently grazed my bottom lip, and I watched her wet hers like she was imagining what it might feel like to kiss me. My heart stammered.

“I want to prove to you that I’m better than him,” I said. “I’m sorry I was so stupid before. But I want things to be different.”

“If you weren’t my fated mate, I wouldn’t even consider giving you a chance,” murmured Kiara. “But the Moon Goddess paired us for a reason. If not you, I think I could trust her, at least.”

“I’ll show you that you can trust me.”

Swallowing, Kiara nestled her face against my neck and breathed in. “Sit with me tonight, then. Just keep me company. Talk to me.”

“This is the only place I want to be.” With her, feeling her small exhalations against my skin, her fingers exploring my muscles and the stubble on my jaw. It’s all I wanted ever since I saw her, since before the Moon Goddess revealed her as my fated mate. The moment she entered my life, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that this beautiful hybrid creature deserved all the love I had to give. I leaned my head against hers, savoring the smell of her silvery hair and hoping she felt the drumming of my heart, knowing that every beat was inspired by her.

Kiara wrapped her hand around my arm and brushed her feet against mine, for the first time relaxing in my company. Her body eased against me, allowing herself to take refuge in my presence. And though my wrists were bound, I would still do everything I could to protect her and shield her from everything bad. Her sorrow, her pain. If my father were to walk through that door right now, I would leap to my feet and find a way to strangle him. I couldn’t allow anything to hurt Kiara ever again.

I never should have hurt her in the first place. No matter the cost, I would prove that I was worthy of her. She was my missing piece, and I wasn’t going to let her go again.