4. Crux

four

Annie's lips are seared against mine in heated demand. I feast on her honeyed mouth with barely restrained hunger until primal need overrides sense. With monumental effort, I tear myself away and put distance between us.

"We cannot," I rasp, chest heaving. "You are my charge."

She holds my gaze for a tense moment, desire and confusion warring across her delicate features. Then she gives a tight nod, the professional mask slamming back into place.

"Of course. This was... a lapse in judgment. I'll retire for the night."

Without awaiting a response, Annie turns on her heel and disappears through the bedroom door. It closes behind her with finality as the phantom heat of her kiss still brands my tingling lips.

I lick away the lingering taste of her sweetness, the heady scent surrounding me in an accusing cloud. Maker, what possessed me to act so rashly? To let the tight leash of control slip so completely and indulge the cravings I've ruthlessly suppressed?

One minute I was vowing to maintain professionalism, and the next I had the beautiful ambassador pinned against the wall, ravaging her mouth like a starving man reunited with his last ration.

This will be a memory seared into my mind. The way her soft curves felt pressed against me, the breathless little sounds she made as our tongues tangled. How is it possible that she feels so perfect in my arms? Arousal swells low in my abdomen once more. I squeeze my eyes shut and lean my forehead against the cool window with a harsh exhalation. Get a grip, Crux. She is your charge, nothing more. The absolute last thing I should be entertaining are sordid thoughts of taking her to bed and—

A muffled sniffle from the other room cuts through my tortured reverie like a plasma sword. Turning, I see Annie framed in the doorway, her beautiful face awash with contrition and shame. Those expressive amber eyes are downcast, her arms wrapped protectively around her curvaceous frame.

"Crux, I... I'm so sorry," she whispers tremulously. "For my forwardness earlier. It was inexcusable and won't happen again. You are just doing your duty to protect me, and I took advantage in a moment of vulnerability—"

"You did nothing wrong, Ambassador, I—" My voice is rough with suppressed desire, but my words catch in my throat as she shakes her head vehemently. She has no idea how difficult it is to not pin her back against the wall and pick up right where we left off.

"Please, let me finish. I never should have put you in that position. If you need to request a new assignment after my behavior tonight, I'll understand completely."

Her expression is so earnest, so genuinely concerned, that my heart clenches. I can't remember the last time someone cared so much about my feelings, let alone my career. The thought that I would ever abandon her, especially when she's in such danger, is laughable. Before I can formulate a response, she has already fled back through the doorway like a wraith, the lock clicking into place with finality.

I stand motionless for several minutes, unsure of what to do. The silence of the room is deafening, and I feel like a fool. What was I thinking? I allowed myself to lose control and put her in a compromising situation. Unacceptable.

A new, sharper emotion surges through me as the seconds tick onward—fury. At myself, at my own clumsy inability to reassure her. Hot on its heels follows a vicious flare of self-loathing at having made her feel so wretched. We are two lonely souls reaching for the only solace available in this madness, however forbidden and fleeting it may prove.

The walls of my humble dwelling suddenly feel too close, the air too stale and thick. Before I can think myself out of it, I am on my feet and striding purposefully to the bedroom door. The bitter taste of cowardice keeps me rooted to the spot. My fist is suspended inches from the wooden door separating us. Perhaps some distance is for the best... in case I compound my mistakes this evening.

I grit my teeth and pivot on my heel, abandoning my futile attempt to face her tonight. Come the dawn, I will rectify this rift. In the morning, I will offer her the explanation she deserves before my own weaknesses damage our professional relationship beyond repair.

Morning finds me in my training room, sweat-soaked and panting from exertion. I have been here since the sun rose, unleashing my frustration and turmoil in a series of solo drills.

I wipe my brow with the back of my arm, feeling a grim sense of satisfaction as the fresh training scars sting with each movement. Physical pain is far easier to endure than the emotional wounds inflicted last night.

The sun is high in the pale green sky; the jade light filtering through the window in a dappled pattern. It is a beautiful day, but I can't appreciate it, not when my mind is so consumed, not just with Annie, but the attack... if I was right to lead her here rather than staying at the citadel...

Confusion surges within me, a tidal wave of excitement and insecurity all tangled up into a near-unbearable knot in the center of my chest. Because, however improper last night may have been, it was also some of the sweetest torture and most exquisite pleasure I've ever known in my long years.

I head back inside and take a shower, scrubbing away the sweat and grime, trying not to think of the fact that Annie is only a few meters away, her delectable curves likely still tucked snugly under the blankets. As I dry myself off and begin to dress in a clean uniform, my resolve hardens. I will do everything in my power to make her mine.

After scouring my face with my palm, I grab my breeches, shrugging into them before rising. I pause to run a hand over my shower-mussed scalp, smoothing it into a semblance of order before steeling myself to face Annie.

She is already in my small living area by the time I emerge, seated before the circular window overlooking the valley below. For several weighted heartbeats, I can do nothing but drink in the striking lines of her silhouette while she remains turned away, unaware of my presence. The spill of her hair over one shoulder is tangled from sleep, and she has wrapped herself loosely in a silvery dress, though fabric pools at her waist, leaving the elegant curve of her spine bare and tempting in a way that makes my throat go dry and tight.

"Good morning, Crux," she says without turning, her voice strained and laced through with tension like tripwire. "I trust you rested well?"

I clear my throat, hyper-conscious of my gravelly rasp. "As well as I could expect..." When she doesn't respond further, I take it as an invitation to continue. "About last night—"

Annie's fingers tighten visibly in her lap, her shoulders curving inwards ever so slightly. "There's nothing more to say. As I said, it won't happen again. Thank you for being so... understanding."

My jaw clenches. "That's not what I came here to say, Ambassador—Annie. We both know the attraction between us has been building for weeks. I have been trained to suppress such things, and yet I allowed myself to be swayed by my emotions last night. It was wrong of me."

A strangled noise of disbelief escapes her lips. "You have to be kidding me. You think this is all on you? Crux, I was the one who practically assaulted you. If anything, you were being the consummate professional. It was my lack of self-control that forced you into that position in the first place."

I blink at her, utterly bewildered. "Assaulted me? Forced me? Maker, woman, what nonsense is this?"

She huffs out a breath, her posture relaxing marginally as she turns to face me. "We both know whatever... feelings exist between us are a distraction neither of us can afford. Your duty is to protect me, and I respect that. But don't insult my intelligence by claiming that your actions were motivated by anything more than misplaced pity and your Order's obligation."

"My feelings have nothing to do with obligation or pity and everything to do with my heart. There is a spark between us; I won't deny it, and neither can you. If you think I'm the sort of male who would take advantage of a vulnerable female, then perhaps you don't know me at all."

A beep from my comm unit cuts through the heated silence that falls between us. I growl a curse under my breath, snatching it from the sideboard. Commander Ven'ari's voice crackles to life, forcing me to struggle to focus on his words through the maelstrom of my own roiling emotions.

"Cruxian, why is the ambassador not at the citadel? Is there a reason you are not answering your comms?"

I grimace. "I had to move her to a secure location, Commander. She is safe and unharmed."

The silence that greets is ominous. Finally, the commander speaks. "You disobeyed a direct order, Knight."

"With all due respect, Commander, it was the only way to ensure the ambassador's safety."

"Do not question me, Cruxian. The Planetary Police have a new lead on the rebel organization behind the attacks, and the ambassador is needed for a crucial briefing. Report to the citadel at once."

An uneasy sensation churns in my gut. "I'm not certain it's wise to move An—the ambassador again, given the circumstances."

"I will not ask again, Cruxian. I pray you're not letting your... distractions get in the way of your duties, again, Knight." With that, the line goes dead, and I curse aloud.

"What's going on?" Annie's tone is sharp with worry, and I hate that I'm the cause. I need to tell her about my last protection detail—the shame it brings me, and why, because of it, she is safer away from the citadel.

I holster the comm unit and turn to face Annie, guilt and trepidation churning in my gut. She looks at me with a mix of concern and impatience.

"Well? What's happening?"

I let out a weary sigh and scrub a hand over my face. "The Commander is demanding I return you to the citadel immediately. Apparently the Planetary Police have a lead on the rebels behind the attacks."

Annie straightens, her brow furrowing. "Then we should go. The sooner those responsible are brought to justice, the better."

"It's not that simple." My tone is grim. "There are... circumstances that make me question the wisdom of taking you back there."

Her eyes search mine intently. "What circumstances? Crux, you're going to have to give me more than vague half-truths."

The directness of her gaze makes me want to squirm. I've kept the truth about my last failed assignment, and my subsequent disgrace, deeply buried for so long. But if I'm going to disobey a direct order and risk exile, not only from the Order but Avenia, she deserves to understand why.

I suck in a steadying breath and plunge ahead. "My previous assignment was protecting a human diplomat—Ambassador Oleg Moskal—and it ended in tragedy. He was assassinated on my watch."

Annie's eyes go wide, her hand lifting to cover her parted lips. Recognition flashes in her gaze. "Moskal? From the Vulpexian trade dispute over a decade ago?"

I give a tight nod, jaw clenching as the memories bombard me like shrapnel—the stench of blood, the dull thud of Moskal's body hitting the ground, a rain-slicked blade glinting in the dim light.

"It was supposed to be a routine visit to finalize the deal. But I got careless, complacent." Regret laces my tone. "I followed orders blindly instead of trusting my instincts about the potential threats. A mistake I refuse to repeat."

Annie watches me carefully as I struggle with the ghosts of that fateful night. "I remember hearing about his death. It was before my tenure on the station, but the fallout from losing such a prominent diplomat was severe."

"There were hints of an inside leak, someone feeding information to the Vulpexian separatist group." Bitterness sharpens my words. "But the Order dismissed my concerns, insisted I follow protocol instead of adjusting for the dangers."

I hold her gaze and try to convey the gravity. "I dare not take you back. Back there, I had those same concerns—too many eyes, too much potential for a security breach. I sensed that same curl of danger I ignored once before with Moskal." My jaw ticks. "I won't make that mistake again, even if it means defying orders. I won't risk losing you."

Understanding dawns in her expressive eyes. For a fleeting moment, her composure slips, showing a glimpse of the weight she carries from her own losses and responsibilities. Then it's gone, replaced by that unshakable determination I've come to admire.

"Then we stay here, away from prying eyes." Her fingers caress my cheek. "You're the only one I trust to keep me safe. I'm so sorry, Crux. What happened to Moskal wasn't your fault. You were just doing your duty as his protector." Her soft fingers caress my cheek, the tender touch startling me after reliving those haunting memories.

"You don't understand..." I grit out, self-loathing twisting my gut. "I ignored warning signs. Moskal paid for my negligence with his life."

"Shhh." Her thumb brushes soothingly over my cheekbone. "From what I know of that situation, there were layers of deceit beyond your control. You can't keep carrying this guilt."

With trembling hands, I pull her against me, burying my face in the sweet-scented cloud of her hair. Annie makes a soft sound, her arms wrapping around my waist as she holds me close.

For a moment, the invisible vice around my heart loosens as I cling to her. Annie was just a fresh-faced recruit when Moskal's assassination upended the Stellar Together Initiative over a decade ago. Yet she offers me consolation, understanding the fallout in a way few others could.

When I finally pull back, my expression is one of grim resolve. "No matter the consequences, I will not take you into a situation that could put your life at risk. I won't fail you as I did Moskal."

Annie studies my face carefully, her fingers still tracing idle patterns across my shoulders and chest. "Then we stay," she says with finality. Without awaiting my response, she rises onto her tiptoes and presses her lips sweetly to mine.

It's a chaste kiss, achingly tender, but it somehow fractures the last remnants of my restraint. With a harsh groan torn from deep in my chest, I capture her mouth in a searing, demanding dance. Annie gasps but instantly melts into me, her fingers tangling in my hair as she gives back as good as she gets.

The knot of tension inside me unravels, replaced by the same fevered want that plagued me last night. There is no turning back now from the precipice we've reached. For once in my tormented life, I want to follow where this blinding exhilaration leads. Consequences be damned.

Dizzying need propels me forward, my broad hands spanning the downy softness of Annie's waist. My palms slide down until I'm gripping the lush curves of her backside, hauling her flush against me. We both groan at the intimate contact, the undeniable proof of our arousal straining between us.

"Crux..." Annie gasps out my name like a plea, her nails raking over my scalp with delicious friction.

Her cheeks are flushed a becoming rose hue, eyes heavy-lidded with desire. She has never looked more radiant, more beautiful. I burn to lay her out on the nearest surface and worship every exquisite inch of her body with fervent devotion.

I know the exact moment when she reaches the same conclusion. Her hips shift restlessly against me, seeking friction, and a spark of feminine power ignites in those amber eyes. I'm undone before she even moves, utterly at the mercy of this passionate woman.

In a flurry of motion that leaves me dizzy, Annie grabs fistfuls of my shirt and drags it up and over my head. I toss it carelessly aside. Then we're pressed together again in a frenzied clash of desire and need.

I ride my hand up her dress, the scalding glide of her bare skin against mine is enough to whiten out my vision for a dizzying heartbeat. All too soon, she's tugging me down onto the narrow cot, our limbs tangling in a rhythm as old as the stars themselves.

I lave hot, open-mouthed kisses along the elegant column of her throat, savoring her breathy cries of pleasure. "I can't get enough of you," I rasp against her thundering pulse, scraping my stubble over the sensitive hollow in a way that makes her whole body arc.

"Then don't stop, my star knight," she whispers fiercely, her nails scoring delicious lines down my back. "I'm yours."

Those three words are the sweetest benediction, the permission I hadn't realized I was waiting for. With a low, rumbling growl, I surge over her, pinning her deliciously beneath my weight.