Chapter Three

Iris

My sister Collette sits speechless on the other end of the line. She's the oldest of us three sisters and she's by far the most down to Earth. If something doesn't make logical sense to her, she doesn't explore it. And now, I think I've blown her mind.

"Okay, let's talk this through." Her tone is flat as she says, "Let's say for giggles that you two decide to pursue a relationship. You'll tell Bryan. Bryan will freak out like Bryan does, and he'll cut Cooper from his life. That part is a given. By default, you'll get cut too, and that means no more family gatherings, no more twins, no more Shanna. It'll be you and Cooper and whatever separate family stuff you guys have. Of course, you know Kenzie and I will be there, but…"

"I know," I sigh, "that's why I'm struggling."

"I mean, at least you know you're not crazy. He has feelings for you too. That has to mean something."

"It does, but it might be worse. If I thought this was all in my head, I could move on someday. Now, I can't help but wonder what we could be."

"Well, aside from everything I just described, you'd also be taking him to doctors' appointments and watching episodes of Judge Judy on the regular. He's a stone's throw away from fifty years old, Iris! You've lost your mind!"

My sister's bluntness can be hilarious sometimes. "He's not that close. He's still got years before then."

"Fifty plus or minus a few years is still fifty. So, let's call it like it is… he's fifty. You're twenty-two. You've just started your life, so of course you feel attached to him. He was a prominent male figure in your life, but that doesn't mean you grow up and marry him."

"I don't think you understand how I feel. I can't help but imagine a life with him, ya know? A cabin in the mountains, making breakfast together every morning, taking showers together at night. We'd be so happy together."

"You just described a fantasy, Iris. Come on. You have to know that nothing ever goes like you want it to in your head. Take my life for instance. I fantasized about being married by thirty. I thought I'd have two kids with the man of my dreams, and a cabin built by our love. Instead, I live in Wyoming, have no direction, and I'm currently lusting after the man I knew I loved all along instead of the man who knocked me up. Real life is just that… real. What you're describing is fiction. Plain and simple." Collette takes a pause to seemingly recenter her argument. "Have you even thought about how opinionated Cooper can get? He has always had to be right. It can be… a lot."

"That's the thing." I brush back a strand of hair and stare out the bedroom window, watching Cooper and Alaina make a lap around the lake. Just seeing them together makes my teeth grind. "I know we'll argue, but I want that too. I like how Cooper gets all bossy. I want him to tell me no. I want to argue with him then make up again, and I want to struggle so we can succeed together."

"You're romanticizing everything. Some of it will just be bad, Iris. I love you. You're my baby sister and I want you to be happy, but I genuinely think being happy might mean letting go of Cooper."

I let out a heavy breath and shut my eyes. Deep down, I hear what she's saying. Way, way, waydeep down, I know she's right. As much as I want a life with Cooper, the logistics just don't line up. He's a grown man. A very successful, grown man. My life is chaotic and crazy. I'd only be dragging him down… and for what? Is the goal to ruin every relationship he has… for me?

"You remember that thing Dad used to say when we were out fishing?"

"Dad said a lot of stuff." I smile, thinking about my dad. He was a big, rough guy, but he was so sweet. Every trip we made out on Sunday, he'd come home with something for Mom. A bundle of wildflowers, a pinecone, a stone he'd found by the water that reminded him of her. He set the bar for me, and I'm not sure anyone but Cooper will ever reach it.

"The one plus one thing."

I laugh. "Yeah, I remember that. One plus one doesn't always equal two."

"Right. I think that applies here."

I tilt my head. "Does it?"

"Yeah. Dad was talking about some math trick, but that doesn't change the fact that one plus one doesn't always equal two. Sometimes, it equals zero."

"He used to say that, but I still never saw how he did it."

She laughs. "You've always hated numbers. Sorry. My point is, you can love someone and sometimes it doesn't work out."

"Was that your rationale for leaving Max? Which side of one plus one were you on with him?" I can hear the silent tension on the line as I say, "You're back in town, and he's in town. I'm sure he's thinking about you."

"That's not what this is about." Her tone is rattled.

"I mean, you're in love with him, right?"

"Max and I settled things a long time ago. There's nothing else to say." I don't say it out loud, but I don't want to end up like Collette. I don't want to regret anything with Cooper.

"We aren't talking about me. What are you going to do?"

I shrug. "Honestly… probably nothing. I hate to admit it, but it feels incredibly selfish. I'm going to get through the weekend, go home, and try to move on." The second the words leave my lips, I want to quickly regather them all like scattered puzzle pieces to the only image of my life I ever thought made sense. "Anyway, I should probably go. I bet Shanna needs help with the twins and I'm just up here sulking like a jerk."

"Okay, well if you need a math refresher, just give me a ring." I hear the smile in her voice. It's funny how we all bring something different to the table. If I were to call my sister Kenzie, she'd have fed into everything I was saying. She'd probably have called Cooper and ordered him to kiss me. Maybe that's why I called Collette. I knew I needed some sense talked into me and she's the best at that. She always has been, which is why it's so weird she can't do the same for herself.

I stare out the window. Cooper and Alaina aren't walking in circles anymore. In fact, the lake is clear and empty, void of everything.

Kind of like my heart.

I'm being dramatic again. I hate when I get like this.

What happened to women empowerment?

My heart slams against my chest. Where did they go? If I'm going to take control, I need to keep them in my sight.

"Dinner," Shanna calls up from downstairs. "I had pizzas delivered."

I stand from the bed and check myself in the mirror. My hair is a mess, my clothes are disheveled, and I need to retouch my makeup, but I don't have time for any of that. Right now, I have to get down there and remind Cooper that I'm not a mess, even if I'm feeling like one.