Chapter 6

JoeJoe

"Hey, hon. You doing okay?" My sister's voice has me turning in the bed to face her. And the moment she sees my tears, she's climbing right in with me.

I came straight here last night, needing to be with my twin after having my heart ripped from my chest. I'd been outside hanging out with everyone, waiting for Riff to finish with his work. Finally, I went inside to drag him out for the fun, but when I walked into the clubhouse, I found that he wasn't still working after all. Nope. He was making out with Mandy on the couch. She was on his lap, grinding on him, and their mouths were locked together.

It felt like my world stopped spinning right in that moment. I'd actually thought that Riff was truly one of the good ones. And that I wasn't alone with my feelings. I thought he was in love with me, and that what we had between us was special. But now I know. He's just like his dad. Just like my dad. And just like all the other men who have been in my life. I guess I was wrong about him. Although, I probably never should have made the assumption we were anything more than friends with benefits to begin with.

If there's one thing I've always known about Riff, it's that he has always been up front about his views on marriage. He has always said he was never going to settle down, and made it very clear to all of the sweet butts in the house that he would never be with just one woman for the rest of his life. Yet, I foolishly thought I was the exception to his rule. I actually believed, just like all the other sweet butts, that I was going to be one of the lucky ones, and that Riff had magically changed his views on marriage because he'd fallen in love with me. I'm the biggest idiot of them all, though. Why? Because I knew this was going to happen, yet I still let it.

The scenario played out exactly how I thought it would , and now for some reason, I'm totally shocked by it. Shocked by what I knew was going to be the inevitable if I ever slept with the man.

I reach for my sister's purple-streaked hair and smile at the color. It's my favorite. Just like the color of lavender, my favorite flowering plant. "It's pretty, Nick."

She gives me a sweet smile, one that I've seen in my reflection every time I look in the mirror. "It reminds me of you, sis. That's why I did it."

More tears run down my cheeks. I miss my sister, too. She's all I have in this world. Well, all I had before I moved in with the Savage Knights. And it's been a while since I last saw her. That's partly because I've been so wrapped up with Riff, and also because she's been so wrapped up with work and hasn't had a chance to visit me.

We're only three hours away from each other, which is an easy weekend trip for a quick visit, but sometimes, it feels like we live oceans apart. Not just because of how busy our lives are, but also because of how different we are. My sister doesn't exactly agree with my life's choice at the moment. Being a sweet butt and a housemaid to a bunch of grown men whose lives revolve around a motorcycle club seems ridiculous to her. I've tried to explain to her that it's so much more than just a club, but she still doesn't see the attraction and thinks I can do better for myself.

Honestly, when it comes to spending time with men, she doesn't see the attraction at all. We both handled what happened to our parents differently. And therefore, we have different opinions when it comes to men. Me, I hated how my father betrayed our mother, but I don't believe all men are evil. I believe some good ones are still in existence. And until last night, I wanted to find one for myself. I wanted to find love and settle down. But now, I'm done. Now, I finally understand why my sister could still choose to be a virgin at twenty-five years old. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but given the fact she owns an online sex toy shop, it's not that crazy at all. The girl does not go unsatisfied. She just chooses to spend time with her B.O.B instead of a real man.

"I'm so sorry, Joe. I knew how much you were in love with him. I'd heard it in your voice every time we spoke on the phone. And I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. I know it sounds a little crazy coming from me, considering my views on men and marriage, but I don't think you should give up hope that it will happen for you. And I know you're hurting right now, and it's the last thing you want to think about, but I truly believe someone will come along, see how special you are, and sweep you off your feet."

Again, the tears roll down my cheeks. "I wanted him to be the one, Nick. Now… I just… I can't even picture anyone else owning my heart the way he does. I'm pretty sure he always will."

I honestly can't imagine ever wanting to kiss another man, wake up in the arms of another, or make love to anyone else. See… I'm ruined. He ruined me for all others. And it wasn't just his amazing dick and the amazing sex that ruined me. It was him. He's my best friend. He's someone I can be myself with and never feel like I'm being judged, and he's always there trying to make me laugh and making sure that I'm smiling. I could spend hours talking to him about nothing and never grow bored. I could spend a lifetime with him and never feel like it's enough.

Ugh…. The tears wrack my body, and my sister pulls me into her arms and just holds me through my sobs. "I love you, Joe. It doesn't feel like it now, but I promise it will pass. You're so much stronger than Mom. You will be happy again. I'll make damn sure of it. And until you are, I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

I hear the fear in her words and in her voice as she tries to reassure me that I'll get through this. I think the one she's really trying to reassure is herself. Our mother couldn't get past the pain of my father's betrayal, and in the end, she took her own life. I'd never leave my sister in this world by herself. I'd never want to leave her or my friends by choice. I may be hurting, and it may feel like I can't get out of bed right now, but there are too many things worth fighting through the pain for, so Nick never has to worry about me following in our mother's footsteps.

"Nick, I promise you'll never lose me. Not if I have a say in the matter."

She squeezes me closer, and I feel her own sobs wrack her body. My sister still suffers greatly from the pain of losing our mother, but it's understandable. Nick was the one who found her. She's the one who called 911 and waited with her until they got there to take her body away. It was hard enough finding out after the fact what had happened, but I can't imagine living through what Nick did and forever having those images burned into my memory.

Although I don't agree with Nick's opinion on love, I understand exactly where she's coming from. I just wish she'd open herself up and let people in because she's such an incredible person. She's not just beautiful, and yes, I may be biased since we kind of look alike, but she's also wild and funny, and smart as hell, which can be seen by the fact she started a multimillion-dollar company. She's witty, sweet, generous, and to top it all off, she's a pool shark. The girl has a better poker face than I do and can clean up whenever we go to the billiard hall together. It makes for a fun night of entertainment, I'll definitely say that.

Eventually, the tears stop, and my sister and I just lie in silence. It feels like hours pass before she's pulling back and saying, "How about some pancakes and a Friday the 13th marathon?"

I can't help but smile. My sister also hates movies that have any kind of romance in them. I'm okay with that right now because the last thing I need is to be reminded of what I thought I had but really didn't and what I'm not sure I'll ever find again.

I finally shower and check my phone as my sister makes us food and gets the movies set. I see that the only missed call I have is from Hailey, the girl who in a short amount of time has become a very close friend. I hit the button and listen to her voicemail

"Hey, JoeJoe Bean." I smile, hearing her nickname for me. "Just wanted to make sure you were doing okay and that you got to your sister's safely. Shoot me a quick text to at least let me know you're safe. And please don't hesitate to call if you need to talk. I'm here for you always."

Hailey and Grit both walked into the clubhouse the moment I discovered Riff making out with Mandy last night. And although I tried to hide the pain, I know they saw it.

I quickly shoot her back a text, letting her know I'm good and that I'm busy, but I'll give her a call later.

Hailey:So glad to hear you're safe. Grit is, too. Btw, we don't want to get married without you standing up there with us, so let us know if you need us to push the date back. And don't even think about feeling guilty if you need more time away. You are who we're worried about right now.

My darn eyes are filled again with tears. This is what I love about being a part of the club. Everyone matters there, and everyone is considered family. I may not be ready to face Riff next weekend, but I'm definitely not going to make my friends wait to say their I dos on my account.

I quickly type back my response and hit send.

Me:You better not change the date. I can't wait to see you guys tie the knot. Btw, can my plus-one be my sister now that Riff has found himself another date?

Just the thought of Riff showing up at the ceremony with Mandy, or any other sweet butt for that matter, will destroy me. But I will suffer through it for my friends on their big day. But I sure as hell will be clutching my sister's hand tightly so I don't break down during the middle of their vows.

It takes a moment for her response to come in, but then my phone finally dings.

Hailey:Of course, your sister is welcome. Can't wait to meet her. I still can't get over the fact that there are two of you in this world. And I can't wait to hug you, JoeJoeBean

Me:Ditto. Oh, and tell that sexy brother of yours that I'll want a dance ;)

I press send and hope that she won't question my response right now. I'm trying to act like I'm not bothered by what Riff did. I'm trying not to act like the girl who fell in love with a man she knew she would never have. I finally stopped balling my eyes out and I don't want to start again, so I'm hoping she won't call my bluff.

Hailey:Will do. Call me day or night. You know I'm here for you. We're both here for you.

I send her back a heart emoji and then shove my phone back into my purse. I no longer want to see the thing. I don't want to have to face the fact that Riff hasn't sent me a text or called, only reiterating the fact that I was wrong about him and he doesn't care about me the way I thought he did. And only stabbing the knife into my heart even deeper.