Chapter 8

Eight

Astra

I know it was cowardly to leave him last night, but I felt as if my heart was going to explode. It wasn't the sex. It was the feelings. The onslaught of emotions bombarding me from the way Niko looks at me, touches me, and talks to me are something I've never experienced before.

Exhaustion allowed me to sleep, but now I'm taking my time in the shower. The more I think about seeing him, the more my heart pounds. I long to see him and at the same time, I'm terrified of all of these new impulses.

I wrap myself in a towel and comb my hair, thankful for the steam covering the mirror and keeping me from seeing the fainthearted woman in the mirror.

Unable to stall any longer, I dress in shorts and a red shirt with puffy little sleeves.

Relief floods me to find the kitchen empty. I scan the great room. Niko sits drinking coffee on the deck. In his other hand, he grips a flute.

Lowering his cup to the table, he brings the flute to his pursed lips. The faintest hum of his music gets through the windows. It's soft but there's life to the lilt of it.

Drawn to both the man and the sound he produces, only the need for caffeine keeps me in the kitchen.

The coffee smells divine. There's a brown shipping box on the counter. I head around the island to pour myself a cup. As I sip, I see my name on the box's label. I've never received a package at home, I can't imagine having something come for me here. Maybe someone sent a wedding gift. I sigh. I suppose I'll be sending whatever it is back.

On the vertical side of the box is a yellow sticky note. I thought these things could get you started on discovering your dreams.

Putting the mug down, I open the box. Inside is a laptop computer, three notebooks each with a different pretty cover, a sketchbook, and art pencils. I pull everything out and line it all up on the counter. My chest aches with joy at the idea of creating something. I don't even know if I'm capable of such things, but the fact that someone wants me to find out is overwhelming.

"If you want to paint, we can order watercolors or oils."

Not having heard him enter, I spin toward his voice. I brush a tear away. "You ordered all of this before last night."

He cocks his head and his horns catch the sunlight. It makes him look almost angelic. "I ordered them after you told me about your desire. You should be able to pursue anything that makes you happy, Astra."

Last night he called me sweetheart. I long for the endearment. "I'm sorry I didn't stay with you last night."

A hint of a smile lights his face as he approaches and kisses my cheek. "It's alright. I had time to come up with some new recipes."

I'm not surprised since my dreams were all food-related. I'm sure he was angry even though he didn't show it. "If you want me to leave, I can stay with my friend Cade and his woman."

Standing at the counter, Niko is only inches from me. "I don't want you to go. I understand you were overcome and needed some space. I'm not upset with you."

I run my hand over the laptop box. "I don't know how to use such things."

"I will show you." He takes my hand and kisses it. "First, the rain has made our other plans quite appealing, if you'd still like to show me the area for riding in the Jeep."

Rather than being angry with me, he's understanding of something he can't possibly fathom. He offers me friendship and I have nothing to give him in return. Rather than say anything more about my failures, I will give him what I've already promised, the rest of the week.

W e bounce around a muddy field, getting stuck twice. But with a satyr, it's not an issue. He lets me get behind the wheel and pushes us out of the mud with ease.

"No one has ever taught me to drive," I say as I return to the passenger seat.

His eyes narrow for a moment before his smile returns and he steps on the gas, driving us through another mud puddle. This time we make it through and drive up the embankment before spinning in a circle and driving down into the field again.

I can't remember when I've laughed as much. It's as if all the troubles of being my father's daughter have disappeared for the moment.

Two hours later, we are both covered in mud and I can't stop grinning. "This was more fun than I've had in a long time."

"Why don't I show you how to drive and you can begin to check some of your life's restrictions off the list." He wipes a clump of dirt from his cheek and another drips from his horn.

I force my mouth closed. My pulse pounds and more feelings rush in. "You want to show me how to drive this Jeep?"

He nods as he finds a clean inch of shirt to wipe his eyes with. Stepping out, he offers his hand for me to climb into the driver's seat. Once he's seat-belted in, he tells me how to shift gears.

Before I know it, I'm driving around the field's outer edge. I slow and downshift. Coming to a grinding halt, I hold the steering wheel with both hands and press my forehead to the top. "My father is not a bad man, but his capacity for the show of emotion is limited. He expects things of me, but I don't think he has ever loved me. You asked if my parents were in love. Mother may have loved him, but I'm sure he only wanted her. He never mourned. I think I am like him."

Niko's silence is heavy in the air.

Unable to bear it any longer, I turn my head and look at him.

His eyes are filled with sympathy and maybe pity, which grinds in my gut.

I'm about to tell him that I neither need or want whatever he's about to offer.

He says, "Thank you for sharing that. I know it was difficult for you. Let's get you back home and cleaned up."

On cue, a dried clump of mud flakes off of my arm. I laugh. "We should hose off before we set foot in your beautiful house."

Something I said dims the joy in his eyes, but he reaches across and squeezes my hand.

O n the fifth day, I push aside my fears and decide to open Niko's third letter.

After two wonderful days of learning to drive, attempting to draw, and toying with writing, I can't help but feel happy. Niko patiently showed me how to use the computer. Granted, I prefer notebooks and pens for the moment, but I like the way he teaches with patience and kindness. I like the way he does everything.

For the past two nights, I have gone to my own bed early, claiming exhaustion. It wasn't a lie, but I'm afraid that sex opens me up too much. It's terrifying losing total control.

I run my fingers over his scrolling handwriting. Butterflies awaken in my belly and I have no explanation for why.

Dear Astra,

Your silence is concerning but your father ensures me that you are not much of a writer and that you are thrilled (his word) with our upcoming marriage.

I shall tell you more about myself.

From time to time, I enjoy drawing. I'm enclosing a rough sketch I made of you. It is copied from my only photo of you, so forgive its simplicity. One day, if you permit me, I will do a better rendering. When I know the silk of your skin and the texture of your hair as it falls through my fingers, I will create something more fitting.

I hope you're not offended by the personal nature of this letter. I find the closer the time of our meeting draws, the more aroused I am. Will you write or call and assure me that your feelings match mine?

Yours,

Niko

I turn the envelope over and another paper falls out. It's folded in thirds and then in half. I open it and find myself staring back. It's a softer version of me. A me with love in her eyes. An emotion that the real me is incapable of expressing or feeling. Niko deserves the kind of love in this picture. He deserves someone who will feel all the things I cannot.

I dash away my tears and hold the letter and picture close.

The clomping of hooves on the stairs alerts me that Niko is approaching. His soft knock has those butterflies bumping around inside me.

I swallow my strange feelings. "Yes."

Opening the door, he pops his head in. "What would you like to do today?"

Part of me knows I should say that I'm content to sit in the house and write, and I would be, but the more vital side of me wants to try new things. "I'm not sure you can give me what I want to do."

It's so adorable when he cocks his head that way. "Try me."

Gathering my wits, I stand and put my beautiful picture and letter on the nightstand.

His eyes shift to the pages, then back to me. Longing practically pours from his gaze, but he keeps any thoughts or feelings to himself.

"I'd like to go to a bookstore and perhaps out for lunch like humans do." Unable to stop myself, I glance at his horns, then legs, and know this isn't possible.

With a light laugh, he says, "It's an easy thing to give you. It only requires a bit of a disguise and a little magic, sweetheart."

That endearment raises the hairs on my arms and I step close to him. Reaching up, I run my fingers along his warm slightly rigged horns. "How will you hide?"

A low growl starts in his chest and rises. His eyes darken and the front of his kilt tents. He wraps one arm around my waist and places the other flat on my abdomen. His fingers rest just under my breasts, making them ache to be touched. Searching my eyes, he presses a gentle kiss to my lips. "My horns are sensitive, Astra."

I don't remove my hand. Instead, I caress the arching protrusion to the tip then down to the base. In spite of my resolve to not have sex with him again, my pussy aches with need and my nipples bead. The cotton dress I'm wearing rubs them. I need his hands. I need his mouth. I glance at his growing erection and know I need that too. "How intriguing."

Lowering his head, he kisses me deeply. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, sliding along mine. He makes love to my lower lip, tastes my mouth, sucks my top lip, then goes back to deepening the kiss.

It's hard to catch my breath as my body has completely overridden my brain.

Niko walks me backward until the backs of my legs touch the mattress. He drops to his knees and looks up at me, wrapping his hands around each of my calves. "Astra?"

I take hold of both of his horns and caress them as if they were his cock.

He groans, slides his hands up my legs, and nudges my mid-thigh dress up. With a growl, he licks my slit and slides his tongue against my clit.

Unable to hold my own weight, I sit and spread my legs wide. With every suck he delivers, I caress his horns and press my pussy against his mouth. Within seconds, I scream his name and shake with pleasure. "Niko." I collapse back and curl into a ball while the pleasure rushes through me.

Niko lies beside me and pulls me close. He kisses my hair and the exposed flesh where my neck and shoulder meet. "I love to watch you come."

"I lose myself with you." The admission wasn't meant to be spoken. I wish it back as soon as I say it.

Tightening his hold, he whispers, "Are you sure losing is what you're doing, sweetheart? Maybe we're both discovering new aspects of ourselves."

It's hard to think with his cock so hard and thick resting against my ass and back. Pulling to all fours, I flip my dress up over my hips to expose myself. "I don't think you're right, but I can't deny my desire for you." I wiggle my ass.

The sound he makes is half man and half goat and my pussy pulses to be filled. Kneeling behind me, he grips my hip with one hand.

I look over my shoulder.

He's discarded his kilt and shirt. Beautifully naked, he holds his cock and slides it through my wetness, teasing me.

Pushing back is futile while he holds me in place and continues his sweet torture. His fingers replace his cock and he spreads my juices up to my tight asshole, teasing that sensitive place.

I cry, "Yes. Gods, yes."

He presses the tip of his thick finger inside.

Breaking free of his grip, I push back to take a little more. "Niko. I need all of you inside me."

The head of his cock notches at my pussy. "I will always give you what you want." He thrusts deep and hard, again and again.

I take all of him, both cock and finger, until my body is pulled so tight I'm sure I'll explode.

He grunts and moans. His fucking gains momentum. Over and over, he slams inside me.

My body loving every inch of him. As he pulls back, I long for him. As he fills me, I relish the stretching. It's perfection to have Niko inside me, fucking me, giving himself to me.

On a long guttural cry, he fills me with hot seed.

I scream as the orgasm takes me. My pussy pulls and grips at his shaft, drawing every last drop of cum from his magnificence.

Niko wraps his arm around my waist and eases his finger, then his cock free.

Jerking with the sudden emptiness, a small cry escapes as I collapse on the bed. How have I resisted this for the past two days? More importantly, how will I do so for another two before I leave him?