19

johannes

I WOKE UP when the omega stormed out.

I sat up in the nest, scratching my stomach, yawning.

Dmitri came in after her, with that Corentin guy on his heels. So, he'd put his mouth on my dick and stuff, and I'd seen all of his tattoos, even the ones in unmentionable places, but I didn't know a damned thing about him, which made for utter awkwardness in the wake of a strange sort of intimacy.

I actually knew the feeling. A lot of times, when Nikolai and I hooked up with people, it would be like that. We'd all be naked. I put my tongue all over various parts of their body. And then, in the morning, we'd be not-strangers, and it would all feel odd.

So, it was uncomfortable, but I guessed I was used to it.

Dmitri wavered, looking into her wake, and then sat down on the springy floor of the nest, shaking his head.

Corentin started for the door.

"No," said Dmitri. "Let her go."

Corentin turned to look at him. "You don't tell me what to do all the time, Mr. Prince Dude."

"Your Highness is the proper way to address me," said Dmitri. "Sit down."

Corentin promptly sat down. "I did that because I wanted to," he informed Dmitri.

Dmitri rolled his eyes. "If she didn't want you here, I would escort you off the property personally, you understand that?"

"What did you guys do?" I said. I turned to Nikolai. "This is your fault. Why'd you bring him here?"

Nikolai shrugged, pulling a blanket up to cover his nude body. "He was going to end up in the middle of it sooner or later. I figured, why wait?"

"You upset the omega," I said to Corentin.

"It was not my fault," said Corentin.

"It wasn't mine either," said Dmitri. "It's just the fact of life when you have a designation, that's all. There are aspects of our lives and our personalities that aren't in our control, and she doesn't like it, and I don't really like it either."

"What things?" I said.

"Well, right before she ran off, we were sort of in a tussle about who she belongs to, I guess," said Corentin. "And she said she didn't want to belong to anyone."

"Which is fair," said Dmitri. "You think I want all this responsibility? All of you belonging to me?"

"I don't belong to you," I said to Dmitri.

"Me either," said Corentin.

"Except all the evidence points to the fact that you do," said Dmitri. "You respond to me, both of you. Corentin especially. I don't think even Nikolai is as perfectly made to submit to me."

Corentin glared at him. "I don't have to submit to you."

"That's not even how it works," I said to both of them.

They both gave me a look.

"I mean, it's not," I said, spreading my hands. "Nikolai dominates me, but he submits to you, Dmitri. I submit to Nikolai but with anyone else, I'm usually dominant. Submission and domination, they're not a character trait, they're an aspect of a relationship." I considered. "Okay, maybe that's not entirely accurate, but—"

"Nikolai dominates you?" said Dmitri softly.

"Well, yeah," I said. "And it's fucking hot as hell."

"Let's go to sleep," said Nikolai with a yawn, pulling the covers over his head.

"No, talk to me about this Nik," said Dmitri. "You never give me a hint of wanting to take charge when we're together. Never even a hint."

"No, see, this is what I'm trying to explain," I said. "Except, I think maybe it is a character trait. We're all alphas. We're all naturally dominant. But it's not a set thing, it's not like we can't submit. But the thing that makes me submissive is if—"

"If the other alpha is more dominant," said Dmitri.

"If the other alpha needs to dominate more than I do," I said. "Nik… he needs that, and I love him, and I give it to him because—"

"Wait, what?" interrupted Nikolai. "You're just humoring me when I top you, Johannes?"

"No," I said. "Is that what I said?"

"You don't want to be topped, but you think I ‘need' it is what you said," said Nikolai.

"I do want it," I said. "And you don't think you need it?"

"I don't want to be humored," said Nikolai.

"That's not at all what I was even saying," I said. "Look, you… whatever you went through before you were with us, it did things to you, and it makes you feel safe to be in charge—"

"Shit, seriously?" said Dmitri. "You and me, Nik, does that… does that trigger you?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," said Nikolai, getting up, bringing the blanket with him. He draped it around his body like a toga and glared down at us. "You both treat me like I'm glass and I'm going to shatter, but I'll have you know that you two are the fragile ones."

"That's not at all what I meant," I said.

"I don't need our sex life to be some kind of weird therapy session," said Nikolai. "And you and I, my preferences with you, they're not because I'm fucked in the head or something. It's not like I'll work through my issues and then I won't get off from telling you to suck me on your knees. That's always going to get me going, and if you're just enduring it—"

"That's not even what I was saying," I said.

Nikolai tucked in the blanket. "I'm tired. If you three are going to sit up and talk all night like women, I'm going to bed elsewhere." He walked off.

"That was sexist," said Corentin.

Nikolai flipped him off, yanked open the door, and disappeared.

I massaged the bridge of my nose. Well, that had gone well.

Dmitri sighed. "I would fucking love to watch him top you, you know?"

"Do you even like him?" I said.

"What kind of question is that?" said Dmitri. "I love him."

"He says you won't even let him fuck you. I bet you don't even suck him—"

"Of course I do," said Dmitri.

"He says we have to make allowances for you because of your weird, homophobic upbringing, but I—"

"Wait, Nik said that?" said Dmitri. "Nik thinks I'm a homophobe? The man I love thinks I'm not gay enough for him?"

"Look, he maybe didn't use that word," I muttered.

Dmitri flopped back onto some pillows in the nest. "How does this even work? Is the only fun thing about polyamory the sex?"

"Possibly?" I said with a shrug.

"Definitely," said Corentin.

"I really thought that it was a super homophobic, heterocentric thing to define sex as penetration," muttered Dmitri. "So, even if Nik and I never insert our cocks into each other's asses, we still have sex."

"You're not wrong," I said. "Sorry."

"Point stands," said Corentin. "You don't bottom? Ever?"

Dmitri sighed heavily.

"I mean, just saying, that's kind of very 70s of you," said Corentin. "Welcome to the fucking twenty-first century and all the versatility of being a man. You can catch, you can pitch, you can—"

"I hate you, have I mentioned that?" said Dmitri, without getting up. He put a pillow over his face.

"I mean, no?" said Corentin. "I don't think you ever said that out loud. But I hate you, too, so I guess we're even."

"I hate you both also," I sang, smiling. "This is going to be the fucking bestest pack in the history of packs."

Dmitri chuckled ruefully. "I'm serious, though. How does it work? Sharing? This thing with all of us? Is it even possible for it to work?"

"Let's go back to how you're dodging the fact you won't take it up the butt," said Corentin. "Because, seriously, you do not know what you are missing, it is fantastic ."

"It's not like I've never done it," muttered Dmitri. "Let's just say I didn't like it and move on from that. Look, the sex with all of us is good. It's very good. We all enjoyed ourselves, so I think we just do that. Sometimes. And the rest of the time, it'll just be separate experiences. I'll have time with her, Corentin will, Johannes will, Nikolai will. If you and Nik want to be with her at the same time, that'll—"

"Why didn't you like it?" said Corentin. "I mean, how many times have you tried it? Because I'd be willing to step up and fuck you again. If you only tried it once—"

"No," said Dmitri in a voice that shook me with its intensity.

Corentin actually whined.

"We aren't discussing this anymore," said Dmitri. "Clear?"

"Fuck," said Corentin. "That's not cool, man."

"Your scent says otherwise."

"You can't… it's one thing if it's sex," said Corentin. "It's another thing if you're ordering me around in real life, or—heaven forbid—ordering her around. Because then, it's not about a sexy game, it's about real life, and you're not letting her be herself, you're just creating an omega to your own liking. Then, she's not even a real person, she's just a doll you made, a person-puppet—"

"Shut up," said Dmitri. "If I could actually do that to someone, I would have done it to you, wouldn't I?"

"Well, you didn't bite me," said Corentin fiercely. "So help me, if you are forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to do—"

"You'll what?" said Dmitri.

"I'll stop you," said Corentin.

"How?" said Dmitri. "How will you ever stand up to me?"

Corentin fumed, but he didn't say anything.

"So," I said softly, "Dmitri, you get whatever you want, and if we want anything differently than you want, too bad, because we get whatever you want, and that's the way this pack runs?"

Dmitri sat up. "Johannes, we used to get along fine. What the fuck happened?"

" Is that the way the pack runs?" I said. "Because I can't live like that, not forever. There will be a damned mutiny, Dmitri, and you need to understand that."

"We even shared Nikolai with no freaking issues. Why is it different now? Just because of her?"

"You won't even let me near her," I said.

"I just let you near her tonight."

"Yeah, sort of," I said.

"So, what do you want?" he said. "Tell me what you want, and we'll negotiate, and we'll figure something out, we'll compromise—"

"No," I said. "I don't want a relationship with your fucking wife, not a relationship that you control. I want my own damned relationship with her. I want her to be mine, too."

"She can't be yours and mine," said Dmitri.

"Why not?" I said. "Nikolai is."

"Because she's my fucking omega," said Dmitri.

"Yeah," I said. "Right." And maybe that was the problem. His omega. Not ours. And he wasn't even remotely interested in changing that.

Damn it.