Chapter 17

17

Later that night,Calliope stood by the window in her bedchamber with Miss Furrington sitting on the windowsill next to the ledger Calliope had been studying for the past few hours. The cat watched the dogs, her pupils so dilated they almost covered her green irises.

Nathaniel was down in the mews. She couldn’t hear him through the glass, but it seemed he was training the dogs. The three of them sat, staring up at him, looking all happy and sweet. Then he would say something and make a gesture, and they would rise, their ears standing at attention.

Calliope’s chest warmed. Why did her heart do some strange sort of lurch every time she looked at him, every time she was in his presence? Perhaps it was something about him that made him look so lonely. She knew she had misjudged him early on, at that ball. She’d thought of him as nothing but a rake.

But the more she knew of him, the more she liked. The more she wanted to be in his company, look at him, talk to him…

Touch him.

That kiss he’d given her… The touch of his hands, of his body against her, they did something incredible and electric to her, sent beautiful currents of life flowing through her.

She touched the ledger he had brought from the Naval Board. He had done his part to meet the agreement between them. How much longer could she postpone the inevitable? Sooner or later, he would bed her, and she would, hopefully, get pregnant.

He’d come to her tonight, that was what he’d promised. The thought of resuming what they had started caused both a tight knot in her belly and a gorgeous exhilaration in her blood.

He turned, presenting his side to her. As he methodically picked up three sticks, tossing each into the farthest part of the yard, the slight downward tilt of his lips, the subtle furrowing of his brow, and the distant, hollow look in his eyes made her windpipe constrict tightly.

Her fear melted as the urge to talk to him won over, and she walked out of her bedroom and climbed down the stairs towards him.

As she opened the door, the dogs growled, turning to look at her, and she froze.

Nathaniel glanced at her, his expression warming. “Sit,” he commanded the three beasts. “This is your new mistress. Argos, you protected her today. Good boy. You should do it every time she needs your help.”

Argos stopped growling and looked at Calliope with wet eyes, his tail starting to wag.

“Um,” said Calliope, still not moving. “Are you still busy with them?”

“No,” said Nathaniel as he patted their heads. He didn’t have on a waistcoat or a coat, only his white shirt, the ties at his collar undone and the sleeves rolled up to show his gorgeous, muscular forearms covered with soft-looking blond hair. A pleasant agitation settled in the pit of Calliope’s stomach. “We’re finished, aren’t we, lads?” His gaze softened even more as he looked her over. “Don’t be afraid, Calliope,” he said with a tenderness that had her stomach clench deliciously. “They won’t touch you. Come here.”

She swallowed. “I’m not sure they want me to. I smell of a cat.”

“Are you afraid of dogs?”

She sighed. “I’m certainly afraid of dogs with giant jaws that growl and bark and look at me like I’m food. I much prefer cats.”

Amusement sparkled in his eyes. “Cats,” he scoffed slightly. “They’re useless animals.”

Calliope gasped. “Excuse me? Useless? They’re great companions.” She put up one finger. “They’re great hunters and catch vermin.” Another finger. “They’re cute.” Another finger. “And when they sleep with you, they warm up the bed.”

His eyes grew darker. “You don’t need a cat to warm your bed when you have a husband.”

She was unable to look away from him, completely kept captive in his gaze.

And at a loss for words, she suppressed her fear of the beasts and walked down the stairs and towards them, her heart drumming strongly against her ribs. They looked at her, and Argos bowed his head to sniff at her hand. Although the giant dog had gone with her and the girls earlier that day, she’d managed to always keep a few feet away from him. Calliope stood a step away from them now, her knees a little wobbly, her hand shivering.

“Good boys,” said Nathaniel. “This is your new mistress. My wife.”

He glanced at her then, their gazes locking, and something in her chest tightened at the words.

“Here.” He picked up a plate of old, hard pieces of bread. “Give them a treat.”

Calliope picked up a dry piece of bread with trembling fingers. Argos’s jaws looked especially dangerous next to her hand.

“Don’t be afraid, love,” he said. “They’re good boys. They just need to know you’re in their pack, someone they need to protect.”

Love…Oh, how good the word sounded on his lips.

He was a rake, she reminded herself. He didn’t really mean those words. She shouldn’t assume otherwise.

She nodded. He was right, of course. And she trusted him. She stretched her hand out towards Argos. He licked his jaws, whined slightly, and his giant tail began wagging from side to side as he looked into the palm of her hand. The other two watched her with great interest, too, shifting closer.

“Here, Argos,” she said. “For you. Thank you for saving us today.”

Argos whined and licked the bread off her palm, his tongue wet and warm. The shiver of fear that went through her was replaced with a thrill of joy as the dog crunched happily on the bread. Calliope giggled as she looked into Nathaniel’s satisfied face.

“Well done, Calliope,” he said. “See, not so scary.”

She nodded. “Do you want some, too?” she asked the other two, who looked at her now with adoration. She placed a piece of bread in each palm and stretched them out for the beasts. “Here you go.”

They gave thin little whines of excitement, and both grabbed their treats from her palms, their warm breath brushing against her skin.

She straightened and watched the dogs crunch on the bread, something warm and delightful spreading through her. They didn’t look at her with animosity anymore, nor did they growl or bark. On the contrary, they looked at the plate in her hands with great anticipation.

“Can I give them more?” she asked Nathaniel.

He crossed his arms over his chest, his long, muscular legs standing wide apart, a calm, satisfied half smile on his lips.

“You can,” he said. “I’d say Argos especially earned it. Had these two been with you, they would, too.”

As Calliope fed them more treats, enjoying herself, smiling as she watched them crunch on the bread, she thought she may ask Nathaniel if she could borrow one of them once she opened her agency. She wondered why she hadn’t thought of that before. She could see about training them to follow smells and therefore help her in her jobs that required searching, not to mention guarding her or her future employees.

“Good boys,” she said as they ate the last pieces, and patted them on their heads, just like Nathaniel did. “Thank you for chasing away that man today, Nathaniel,” she said without looking at him, but she felt his hot gaze on her. “And for the ledger.”

“You’re welcome,” he said softly. “Did you find anything?”

“No mention of Spencer, as you said.” She finally looked at him, meeting his eyes. That turquoise gaze sent a delicious shiver right through her core. “But the lists of the sailors and their wages from those five ships are all on different paper.”

He frowned, his relaxed pose gaining tension. “Different paper?”

She nodded. “The paper the rest of the ledger is written on is slightly yellow. A little older. The paper on which those lists are written is whiter. Clearly newer and produced by a different manufacturer. There were also traces of glue.”

Nathaniel’s jaws opened and closed slightly as he stared into space with his brows drawn together. “Are you certain?”

“Quite certain,” she said. “Someone doesn’t want the real lists to be found. And that someone may be your friend Bartholomew.”

Nathaniel jerked his head to the side once, the muscles on his forearms playing under his skin.

“But that means,” said Calliope, “we still don’t know which of the five ships Spencer was dragged onto. And I don’t know what else we can do in the Admiralty to find that out. I think we’ve come to a dead end there. So I believe the next step is to go to Portside and ask around.”

He untangled his arms and stood facing her, his eyes dark with warning. “Do not tell me you want to go there yourself.”

“That is exactly what I want to do,” she declared.

“You must stay at home. I told you to stay put.”

“You have no say in this. It’s my brother.”

“Calliope!” he said, his voice ringing with barely contained anger. “I will go and ask around. A man just tried to attack you today!”

“And if the person who sent him thinks that will scare me, they’re mistaken!”

“You’re quite impossible!” he roared. “I will lock you in the house if I must!”

She gasped. “You will not! What are you doing here, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be out somewhere with courtesans drinking and such…or wherever you spent the other night?”

He was quite menacing now. Standing tall, gorgeous, and yet she was aware as never before how much taller and stronger than her he was.

“I told you, I haven’t seen any courtesans. Nor will I. I gave my vow.”

She nodded briefly, breathing hard. “Where were you, then?”

He sighed and bowed his head as though submitting to some decision. “I was in Portside. From time to time, I participate in boxing matches.”

Calliope couldn’t breathe. “So that was what the girls heard about?”

His face lost all expression. “They know?”

“Yes, from Joshua. Though Violet didn’t understand what she heard exactly.”

“Damnation,” he cursed. “Please don’t tell them. Of course, my wages in the Admiralty aren’t enough to cover the expenses. That’s what I’ve been doing for years.”

The sun dipped behind the rooftops, casting the London sky in hues of amber and rose, the edges of the clouds glowing in gold. The wind became chilly and swept around Calliope, covering her skin in goose bumps.

“You’re cold,” he said. “Come, let’s get you inside.”

Calliope nodded and patted the dogs on their heads again. “Good night, doggies.”

As they walked inside and climbed the stairs, his words from earlier came to mind… You don’t need a cat to warm your bed when you have a husband.

“Are you hurt?” she asked as they climbed the creaking stairs onto the first floor. “From the boxing match.”

“I’m fine,” he said.

“You didn’t look fine. Please, don’t do that again,” she said as they stood before the door to her bedchamber.

Nathaniel opened it and entered without any thought to answer her.

“Nathaniel!”

“I will do it again if I must, Calliope,” he said. “I have tried gambling, betting on horse races, but it only drew me deeper into financial ruin. Boxing is something I have control over. I am good at it. I win.”

Calliope’s throat clenched. Spencer had disappeared during one such boxing match. And the sport itself could lead to terrible injuries. What if something happened to Nathaniel?

“Nathaniel, it’s dangerous, you could get seriously hurt.”

He came closer to her. She became very much aware of his proximity, the scent of male musk and his cologne, a combination so intoxicating she wanted to smear it all over her body.

He cupped her face. “Would you prefer me to go back to a wealthy duchess lover who used to shower me with gifts?”

She felt the blood drain from her face.

He chuckled softly with an edge of self-deprecation in his expression. “Oh yes, Calliope, that is how low I fell to provide for my sisters. My father was wrong. I wasn’t completely worthless. This pretty face and my gentleman’s charms weren’t for nothing.”

She swallowed. “Nathaniel—”

“You asked if I went to courtesans? I was a courtesan myself, darling. What else would you call someone who pleased wealthy, powerful women in bed for the gifts they could bestow upon me?”

He was quite ashamed of that. She could see it in his eyes. Her heart ached with empathy for him. “You will never have to do that again. You have me now.”

His eyes blazed with heat as he slowly took in her face, her neck, her whole body, as though studying a completely new territory. “Quite right, darling. I have you. I have not seen anyone else from the moment my eyes fell upon you.”

With that, he took her face in both hands and kissed her.

As his lips touched hers, heat swept through her, chasing away the goose bumps.

The kiss…the heavenly, beautiful kiss. His lips brushed and teased hers, coming together in delicious strokes, pulling apart, then returning. It was as though he was drinking from her, and yet the more he drank the thirstier he got. Her head was spinning, her body going limp and so, so warm. Every breath she took brought her more of his incredible scent.

She could do nothing but wrap her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him. She was burning, and he was her only salvation.

Her breasts became heavy and achy, and she felt a delicious clenching inside. Maybe this would be fine. He wouldn’t laugh at her. He had told her he’d wanted her since the moment he saw her…

He’d probably said that to those duchesses he’d bedded, too, but this would be fine. He knew what he was doing.

“What is it, love?” he asked as he leaned back, breaking the kiss, his eyes dark. “I feel you tense. Are you still cold?”

She swallowed. “I’m not cold. I’m quite warm.”

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, looking her over.

She tried to contain her breath. “I don’t know.”

“If you ever want me to stop, just say the word and I will.” He swallowed hard. He looked almost pained. “But I pray to the heavens you don’t.”

Then he was back to her lips, making her quite breathless again. His arms wrapped around her, bringing her to him like an iron vise. He picked her up, hooking one arm down under her knees and one under her back. Calliope gasped from surprise and from the feeling of weightlessness. It was a sweet pleasure, to feel small and fragile in the arms of this beautiful man.

He laid her on the bed and returned to kissing her. His lips went down her neck, and when he was close to that damned spot William had pinched, she stilled. But as though having sensed that, he didn’t touch it, but continued, making his way down to the ovals of her breasts protruding from the top of her bodice. His kisses left delightful, burning sensations of desire.

She squirmed when he lifted one breast from her corset with a satisfied murmur. Calliope sucked in air.

“Nathaniel!” she panted.

How could she be so terrified and yet aroused at the same time?

“What a beautiful breast, darling,” he murmured, and then, just like in one of those books, he leaned his face towards her and licked.

Calliope cried out as delicious fire rushed through her.

“Do you like this?” he asked, but without waiting for her answer, he lowered his head and took her nipple in his mouth completely, sucking it. The tugging sent pulses of desire through her, darting right into the apex of her thighs. She was all hot and achy there, and she brought her thighs together, trying to satisfy that ache.

“Oh, you do like this,” he said as he stopped his heavenly torture of her breast and looked at her thighs. Then he looked up with hooded eyes and a half smile.

She swallowed, breathing hard. Was he smiling because he was enjoying himself…because he liked her…or because somehow she was embarrassing herself?

“Don’t you?” he asked.

She didn’t see any laughter, so she nodded.

“So do I,” he murmured as his hand traveled down her leg and stopped at the gathering of her skirts at her knees. Then it moved under her skirts, and his fingers were on her stocking-covered leg. She froze, the feel of his large, heavy, warm palm spreading pleasure through her skin. And then very, very slowly, he moved his hand up her thigh.

With every inch it went higher, the throbbing inside her grew, and ached, and all she wanted was for him to reach his destination, that wonderful place where she knew herself there was so much pleasure.

How would it be to have a man’s hand touch her there…? Would it feel as good as when he touched her anywhere else? Just like she had wondered what William’s hand would feel like on her… The shadow of William King appeared at the edges of her psyche, but she forced it down.

Her legs fell open for him, and her reward was his satisfied murmur.

And then his hand was on her there, and she gasped as pleasure spilled through her like honey. He moved his finger around her folds.

“You’re so wonderfully wet for me, darling,” Nathaniel whispered.

Of course you’re wet.

Whore…

She jerked and sat up, pushing Nathaniel’s hand away.

“What it is?” He sat up, too, a worried gaze on her. “Did I hurt you?”

Whore…

How could she be so stupid? The shadow was there, everywhere, torturing her present in every inch of her skin. She would never get rid of William King, no matter how many years passed and no matter that she wasn’t married to him.

Tears burned her eyes, and she hid her face in her hands.

“Calliope…” said Nathaniel, his voice alarmed. “What happened?”

She wanted to pull herself together and say something clever, something that would allow her to keep her pride and her dignity. Or even tell him what she was so afraid of. Tell him what plagued her. He hadn’t done a thing yet to make her doubt he would understand.

And yet, she couldn’t. Opening herself up meant showing him who she really was.

A dirty whore, a girl who had always been wicked and dirty, and read and enjoyed things she wasn’t supposed to.

So she had nothing. All words were swallowed by her tears. Sobs of grief poured through her. She had a rake in her bed who was ready to pleasure her and showed no signs of judging her, and yet she couldn’t let him do what was normal for a husband and wife to do…

Strong arms wrapped around her, and she was surrounded by his warm body, weeping on his hard chest.

“Shush, darling,” he murmured. “Nothing is worth your tears.”

If only he knew…