Chapter 7

Chapter

Seven

Crusher

F lame pulls Ana more tightly against his side.

Flanking Ana, Flame and Blade are facing me on one of the most beautiful beds I've ever seen, in one of the most luxurious rooms I've ever been in, reminding me I'm in a palace.

But although Ana's palace bedroom is undoubtedly opulent, it's also comfortable—all lush fabrics and soft lighting—and yet I feel none of that offered comfort right now.

Sitting opposite the three of them on the bed, I'm positioned as if I'm on trial. I deserve to be.

I told the three of them everything that happened on that rooftop, and while the story unfolded, Ana's expression changed, moving from disbelief, to horror, to anger and then to disdain. But at least the grief that's been haunting her since I arrived is gone for the moment, so I take some bittersweet pleasure knowing her repulsion and anger toward me are momentarily blocking her sadness. Just like the sex did.

Sex was the last thing I expected when I brought Blade back to the room last night, the last thing I expected when she awoke this morning. But in hindsight, the sex was exactly what we all needed.

The intense pleasure temporarily numbed our feelings, but now it's time for all of us to figure out what to do about this demon and—even harder—how to live without Phil. And on top of that, I need to find a way to live with the knowledge that Phil died while saving me. One detail I have yet to divulge.

And yet Ana's already looking at me like I'm the worst person on earth, like she doesn't even recognize who I am.

"So, you just assumed he was dead, and you left him there?" she asks, her tone contemptuous.

"Before the mission began, Phil and I, we agreed…" My voice trails off. Anything I can say will sound like an excuse. A lame one at that.

"It's part of our code," Blade interjects, turning toward her. "If one goes down, never sacrifice the team." Blade quotes the line oft uttered by our Master. The one part of our code Phil and I have broken in the past.

Ana shakes her head, her eyes narrowing as if she's heard quite enough of our code. I don't blame her.

"Given you deserted Phil—" she glares at me "—how do you even know for sure that he's dead?" The accusation in her tone is beyond obvious: I am a coward who abandoned my brother and left his body. I'm the one who deserted the man that she loves.

"I saw the stake hit his chest," I tell her as calmly as I can. "It definitely penetrated his heart. I heard blood gushing from the wound, coming out with a force that can only be direct from the heart."

She winces at the gory details, pain flashing to join the disdain in her eyes.

"I would have stayed," I tell her, "if I'd had any doubt." But now that I'm saying it, doubt creeps in.

Who the fuck am I right now? I don't do doubt. I know what I saw. Phil was staked through the heart. No vampire can survive that.

Straightening my shoulders, I banish my creeping uncertainty. I'll feel guilt over what happened for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I could have done anything to change the outcome.

"Why was Phil so vulnerable?" she asks sharply. "I thought you four were supposed to protect each other at all costs." The accusation in her tone lands hard in my gut.

"We were ambushed." I shake my head. "Diederik, or Rasputin… Whoever it was who came to that rooftop—they showed up with a dozen other vampires. Vampires who were all acting as if…like they weren't in control of their actions." I've already explained this part, but either Ana didn't understand or didn't accept my explanation.

"Phil and I went to the meeting well prepared and heavily armed." I run through the events again. "We chose that rooftop location specifically, thinking a massive ambush would be less likely there." We've set up for battles like that countless times in the past. Battles where we've taken on not only vampires but other supernatural creatures.

But never a demon.

If I regret any decision, it was not waiting until Blade found out more information about what we were facing. Phil was the one in a hurry. Phil was the one who wanted it over with, so he could get back to Ana. Phil knew the risks. We both did. Still… guilt clogs my chest.

"Phil knew that luring the demon was a risk?—"

"You used Phil as bait," Ana snaps.

"It was his idea?—"

"You shouldn't have allowed it." Her anger is fierce and palpable.

"He shouldn't have allowed him?" Flame strokes her cheek. "You met Phil, right?" He grins.

Glaring, Ana pulls away from Flame, and relief hits me, as her anger is momentarily focussed on Flame instead of me.

From the moment I left that roof, I've been running through alternate scenarios, wracking my brain for ways I could have altered the outcome, but I'm not sure how we could have lured the demon, or met up with Diederik, without risking an ambush. We were prepared for battle, but it did not go our way.

"And what of the demon?" she turns to Blade. "Crusher's explanation is nonsensical. He doesn't even comprehend who or what attacked Phil." Her tone and word choices have turned very formal. She's speaking like she did when we first met her. When we rescued her.

No, when we kidnapped her . That's how she saw it.

Met, rescued, kidnapped. What really happened that night at the Mariano meeting? Doubt invades yet again.

I've always seen the world clearly. Always been able to separate right from wrong, and suddenly my whole world feels like a lie. Everything I've always believed has been flipped on its ass. I don't understand a thing anymore.

Blade rubs his head like he does when he's overwhelmed with thought. "You think that the demon was possessing Diederik, right?"

"Sure seemed that way," I reply. "Like I said before, Phil's wound ached when Diederik was near him. Also, whoever showed up on the roof, their appearance switched from Diederik to Rasputin and back at least once. Plus, his eyes didn't seem natural." I add that last detail, in case I forgot it the first time I ran through this. I have no idea which details might be important to Blade's demonic possession research.

"Does that fit with what you've read?" I ask Blade. "Do you think the demon might have possessed Diederik the same day Phil killed Rasputin?" Diederik went back into that house after the four of us took Ana away.

"Demons can't possess the minds of vampires." Blade shakes his head. "At least not in recorded history."

"But what about…" I glance toward Ana. "What about Timur." We all saw how the demon was inside Timur. Not to mention inside Mariano.

Ana shrinks into herself, and I feel horrible bringing up Timur's name. Plus, it reminds me of something else I need to tell her.

Blade shrugs. "I don't think the demon ever possessed Timur."

"But we saw it." I shake my head. "We saw the demon in Timur's body. And probably in Mariano, too."

"That was Rasputin . " Blade glances at Ana, then back to me. "The demon can grant its hosts the power to transform into the shape of the dead, especially into those its host has killed. What we saw was an illusion—Rasputin casting Timur's image."

Blade rubs his head. "Now that I think of it, none of the texts mentioned hosts casting the images of dead vampires. Only humans. All the demonic possession records involve humans."

"So, does that mean demons can possess the minds of vampires too?" I ask. "I mean, just because it's not in a book, doesn't mean it's never happened."

Blade rubs his head again. "Anything is possible , but I think it's highly unlikely. Vampire physiology—" He cuts himself off. "I don't want to speculate."

"Whether it was Rasputin impersonating Diederik, or the other way around, the bastard came to the roof with more than a dozen vampires, and they were acting oddly, like they weren't fully in control of their bodies."

Blade's eyes widen, and his focus drifts, as if lost in thought. Ana is staring at her hands clasped in her lap. I long to see into her eyes, but at the same time I'm grateful I no longer feel the full force of her hatred and anger.

"It was more likely Rasputin, not Diederik, you met with on the roof," Blade finally says.

"But Phil killed Rasputin." My mind is clogged with uncertainty—a foreign state for me.

Blade leans forward. "I don't like to speculate?—"

"Fuck that!" I snap. "Speculate! Tell us what you're thinking!"

Blade shifts back, making me sorry I yelled. Ana hugs the light blue silk robe more tightly around her. Not only does she hate me, now she's afraid of me too.

My best guess ," Blade says, "is that the demon restored Rasputin's life, just like the demon restored his life in the past."

"Like back in Russia," Flame pipes in. "When everyone thought he'd been murdered."

Blade nods. "Yes. And once the demon brought him back to life, Rasputin must have killed Diederik. That's why his body disappeared from DEFTA, and why Rasputin was able to take Diederik's form, the same way he did with Timur and Mariano's bodies after they were dead."

Flame absentmindedly strokes Ana's arm, but she continues staring down at her hands.

"Speaking of Timur," I say.

Ana's eyes rise to meet mine, full of pain. "Is it your intention to discuss every man that I've loved and lost?" Her words are clipped and accusatory. "Go ahead, Crusher. Keep piling more rocks on my heart."

I swallow, hard. As difficult as this is, I need to come clean about everything . I need to tell Ana the truth.

"Ana, the night we met. I was the one who staked Timur."