Chapter 47

Chapter

Forty-Seven

Crusher

A na leads me toward the basement, with its spa and pool, and I love how her long hair swings side to side, brushing over her pert little ass. It's unusual to see Ana dressed in slacks, but I'm enjoying how they reveal more of her shape than her usual gowns.

This entire house is spectacular, and the basement's no exception. The first level has a wine cellar, a home theatre, two bedrooms and a massive games room. And the sub-basement houses a pool, sauna and hot tub.

Ana leads us into the pool area, and it glows like a grotto. The underwater lights, glinting off thousands of tiny aqua tiles, create the illusion that the water itself is illuminated. And the walls and ceiling are covered in dark, indigo tiles highlighted with tiny specks of gold.

"Isn't this gorgeous!" Ember spins and her hair flies up behind her.

"Gorgeous indeed." And the room is nice too. I keep the last line to myself, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

If Ana allows me to stay in her life, at least in some capacity, to stay in my brothers' lives, I hope this awkwardness between us will diminish over time.

"Shall we sit?" I gesture toward a row of lounge chairs at the side of the pool.

"Perfect." She heads over and sits on one, perpendicular to its length.

I take the chair opposite, spreading my legs to avoid our knees touching.

"I'm glad you suggested we talk." Ana smiles softly. "I have some things I need to say."

"I'd like to go first," I tell her. "If that's okay?"

"Sure." She leans back, putting her hands on the cushioned chaise, and the posture presses her small breasts forward in the most enticing way.

But I must stop thinking about Ana like that. Nothing sexual will ever happen between us again, and the sooner I get used to that reality, the better.

Clearing my throat, I plant my hands on my thighs, so she won't see them shake. I don't think I've been so nervous in my entire life.

"I lied to you again." My voice echoes in the room, so I lower my volume. "After I promised that I would never do it again."

She sits forward. "Crusher?—"

"Please," I interrupt her. "Can you hear me out, before you respond?"

Nodding, she leans back again.

I want this woman, more than anything I've ever desired, but my own actions destroyed any chance of that.

"I withheld crucial information from you—yet again… and I understand that you can never forgive me, but I hope…" My mouth goes completely dry, and I suck on my cheeks seeking moisture. "It is my greatest desire that you will allow me to remain as some insignificant part of your life. Not as your lover. I know that's off the table. But as your bodyguard. Your protector. In whatever capacity you will allow."

Her lips part like she's about to respond.

I hold up my finger. "I'm not finished."

She shakes her head, clearly frustrated that I'm not letting her speak, but I want her to hear my full appeal, before she decides to reject it.

"I understand that I broke your trust. And I accept that there can never be anything…intimate between us again. But I would still like to serve you. And before you say something about duty, and me having no obligation to protect you, this isn't about duty or obligation." I shake my head, frustrated. I'm blowing this. "And while I would hate to be parted from Phil, Blade and Flame, it's not about our brotherhood, either."

Ana's chest expands with a long inhale, and her tiny perfect tongue emerges, teasing her upper lip. I'm sure she doesn't mean it to look sexual, but my cock throbs with need. Once we're done talking, I'll find a solution for that ongoing problem. My hand will have to suffice.

"If it's not about duty, or your brothers," she says softly, when I've paused for too long. "What is it about?"

"You, Ana. It's all about you ." My chest shatters as the truth spills out of it. "Being near you without…without any affection between us. It will be painful." I shake my head. "But my pain would be a million times worse, if I can never see you, if I can't serve you."

She's silent. Stunned. So, I continue. "Without you, my life has no meaning. If you aren't part of my life, I can't imagine what I'd do, how I'd even get out of bed. Even if I can't touch you, I need to be around you. To see you. To know that you're safe. To know that you're happy."

Her breaths are coming quickly now. Her cheeks have pinked, and her heart is pounding so fast and so loudly, it's hard to hear anything else.

She's nervous. Her kind nature is searching for a way to say no, without crushing me. I've been unfair. I shouldn't make her feel responsible for my happiness. I've put all the burden on her. "Ana…"

"May I speak now?" She moves her shaking hands to her lap.

I nod, fear gripping every part of me.

"Crusher…"

The sound of my name on her lips melts inside me.

"Crusher, I understand why you couldn't tell me about your conversation with Ember." She looks into my eyes, and I brace for this to be the last time.

"If I'd known Phil might die—that Ember believed he would die . If I'd known that the council was sure I didn't have the right weapon, and that I would likely fail…"

She shakes her head. "I'm not even certain I would have crossed through the portal."

Ana's delicate fingers grip her knees as she leans forward. "Crusher, I'm beyond grateful to you, grateful for you. For what you did, and for what you held back from me. Phil and I both owe you our lives. The whole world owes you their lives." She makes a sweeping gesture with her hands.

I draw in a ragged breath. I'm glad that she's grateful, and if gratitude is my ticket to stay a part of her life, I'll gladly cash it in.

"What you did," she continues, "everything that happened last night. It's made me realize something else." She looks down. "Something about my feelings for you."

Here it comes. I brace for impact.

She raises her gaze to meet mine, and hope slams through me like a ten-ton explosion.

"I love you, Crusher." Vulnerability flickers in her eyes. "I think I've loved you for a very long time, even if my stubborn nature wouldn't allow me to see it, never mind admit it."

I stare into her eyes, truly unable to speak, and unsure of my ears.

"All your talk of duty and rules…" She smiles. "Your code and your rules made me see you as nothing more than a rule-follower. Rigid. And I thought you were trying to control the others, to control me too."

I absorb her criticism. It's fair.

"But I was wrong," she says. "Or at least wrong about your motives."

Conflicting emotions swirl in my mind, as I fight to understand what she's saying.

"Crusher, I see the truth now. All your actions are motivated by doing what's right. Even if it's not the popular choice, you always choose right over wrong, good over evil, and you will always protect those you love." She slides to the edge of her seat, her legs moving breathlessly close to mine. If I drew mine together, I'd trap her thighs fully between mine.

"But that doesn't make you rigid," she says. "It makes you noble. It makes you a good leader. It makes you someone I admire. And it makes me love you very much."

"What? Do you mean?" I can't process this. "Does this mean you forgive me?" That was the best I was hoping for.

"Of course I do." Her gaze drops. "The more important question is, can you forgive me?"

"Oh, Ana. There is nothing to forgive." I pull her into my arms, sliding her ass onto my lap and cradling her, as I look into her eyes. I want to do a million things at the same time. I want to tell her how much I love her. I want to keep talking. I want to kiss her. I want to touch her everywhere. I want to show her the entire world. But most of all, I want to make love to her.

"But I am sorry." She shakes her head. "I was the one who was rigid, and I treated you horribly. When you killed Timur, you thought you were saving my life. You thought you were doing what was right. And not telling me—you did that to protect me, too. To keep me from fearing you, hating you. To keep me from leaving Freetown, and exposing myself to Mariano, to Rasputin , to a demon." Her hand strokes my cheek, setting off a million eruptions inside me.

"I know you thought Phil was dead when you left him on that rooftop. In fact, it now sounds like he was dead. When you left his body behind, you were thinking of me. If you'd died too—" her voice breaks "—not only would my heart have broken, we wouldn't have ever known what happened. And the demon would have me."

My heart expands with so much joy I fear it will literally explode. The reflected light from the pool flickers in her gorgeous eyes, and I see our future flickering there too. I want to ask her if she also sees it. If she will consider a lifetime with me and the others.

But then she licks her lips, and I see the promise of a much more immediate future.

Using one hand to draw her lips toward mine, I slide the other between her legs, stroking over her damp heat, every part of me desperate to get her out of these clothes.