CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I already had a hard time concentrating, but sitting in a meeting with Lukas, after what I’d done to his daughter? Keeping my focus was impossible. She sat on his other side, all proper with her spine straight and her hands folded. Like I hadn’t just bent her over and fucked her before making her swallow my cum on her knees in her own office.

Merrick sat beside me, a distinct aura of disappointment around him.

He knew, I’d known that since he’d texted me. But we hadn’t spoken about it yet.

We moved over the information for the upcoming weekend. Our target, Raine Forge, would be there on the second day. He’d stay from Friday to Sunday morning. He’d bring his wife and college-age son. Circe and I had two full days to make him feel at ease over this deal and sign his name on the paperwork.

I was confident I could do it.

I just had to keep from getting distracted.

That might be hard. I glanced sideways at Circe, but she was as motionless as a doll propped up in a chair. There was a discreet smile on her face, eyes glazed over.

She was a far cry from the woman I’d fucked last night.

I wanted to see her like that again. Totally bare, nothing between us.

On her back on the cool stone in the early morning. Naked thighs trembling. My cum spilling from her pussy like an offering. Her soft moans rising like incense into the sky.

I snapped back to reality. I was disassociating again, and if I didn’t get it together, the mission was going to suffer.

“Are you comfortable with that?” Lukas sat back.

I nodded. “I can do it. Circe?”

She swallowed, clearing her throat. “Yeah, it should be good.”

She was completely closed off, her face like smooth marble. We parted in the hallway like we barely knew each other, but I felt Stephanie’s eyes on my back. There was no way she hadn’t heard Circe moaning earlier, but I would let Circle handle that.

I had problems of my own, one of them being Gretchen Hughes.

I’d missed my first therapy appointment, I hadn’t filled out the paperwork, and I’d ignored three calls from her. Part of me regretted it. Part of me wondered why I needed therapy when I had Circe’s pussy. I had my doubts that Gretchen could give me anything that worked better.

Merrick caught up to me in the parking lot. I paused, knocking my sunglasses over my eyes and throwing a leg over the Kawasaki.

“Gretchen called me yesterday,” he said. “She was worried about you.”

I sighed. To my surprise, he took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered me one. Merrick smoked, but not often, and even less since he’d gotten married. He’d said something about health insurance once, but I knew it had more to do with what Clara wanted.

I took the proffered cigarette and let him light it. The wind was coming in from the coast, and it took him a few tries to get his going. When it finally lit, he blew a thin stream of smoke into the blue sky.

“When are you going to get it together?” he said flatly.

I winced.

“I’ve been kind, Caden,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ve been so fucking patient with you.”

My throat tightened. I inhaled, holding it in along with everything else.

“Just go to therapy,” he said softly. “Swallow your pride for once in your life. You’re thirty fucking years old. If you fucking can’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”

Merrick didn’t swear this much—he really was at the end of his rope. There was a long silence where my father just stared up at the sky, a muscle in his jaw twitching.

“Why did you get here early?” I asked.

“I came because the person who has the most to lose is sitting upstairs in her office right now and no one, not even her own father, is looking out for her,” he said. “Least of all, you.”

That hurt. Not the words, but the tone. My brain went into overdrive, completing the sentence without my consent. Least of all…you, you colossal fuck up.

Merrick would never insult me like that. But my brain was so used to hearing it, it finished his sentence with what it thought I deserved.

What I used to think I deserved.

“How did you know I’ve been with her?” I asked.

“You didn’t spend the night with us,” he said. “So either you’re magically cured, or you’ve been sleeping with Circe. Given that I saw her leave your apartment, I’d say it’s the latter.”

I cleared my throat and considered putting up my defenses. I could bite back, throw a cutting remark in his face that I was this way because other people had made me like this. That’s what the old Caden would have done.

Instead, I nodded.

“You’re right, it’s risky,” I said. “And I’m sorry I’ve ignored Gretchen. I’ll call her.”

He was shocked into silence. His cigarette burned down, inches from his mouth.

“And I won’t let anything compromise this mission. I swore to get you what you wanted, and I’ll do anything and everything to keep that promise and complete the deal with Lukas.”

“But you won’t stop sleeping with his daughter,” Merrick said.

I shook my head. “No, I won’t.”

“Why?” He took off his sunglasses and fixed his eyes on me. The emotion there caught me off guard.

“When did you know?” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

He leaned back, staring up at the sky like he didn’t want me to see what he was feeling.

“When all the bullshit in my head went quiet,” he said finally.

He might as well have nailed my coffin shut. If he’d intended on coming here to keep me away from Circe, it was having the opposite effect.

We finished our cigarettes in silence, and he threw the butts in the nearby trash. When he returned to where I still sat on the bike, he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Clara wants to meet her,” he said.

I turned the key, making the Kawasaki purr.

“No,” I said firmly. “We’re just fucking.”

“I know how ‘just fucking’ ends,” he said.

“Oh yeah. Where’s that?”

He laughed quietly. “It ends with you shelling out twenty to thirty grand for engagement jewelry.”

I snorted. “I’m not that traditional.”

His eyes narrowed. “I can’t keep you from being with her, but you’d better give her what she deserves. She’s organization adjacent, so you’re bound by the rules.”

“Is that why you’re here? To make sure I’m compliant to engagement traditions?”

“Do whatever you want.” He pulled open the Audi door. “Just wear a condom.”

“Take it from someone who knows, huh?”

Merrick sighed and sank into the driver’s seat. “I’m not the person to tell you to walk away from her if you have real feelings for her,” he said. “I should have walked away from Clara, but I didn’t. But as your commander, any fallout from this situation is yours to clean up. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” I said.

He drove off, and I took the Kawasaki to the training center. When I’d changed and arrived at the underground shooting range, I found Maelon already there. He was sitting on a bench by the door, boots dug into the sandy ground, staring into the distance.

“Where are the others?” he asked as I walked in.

“No others,” I said, setting my gun case down. “I want to assess you.”

He got up, cracking his neck. “I can’t shoot. There’s no point.”

I unzipped the case and assembled the pistol inside. His eyes widened as I held it out grip first, pointing down. “Let’s go.”

He lifted it and I flinched, sidestepping. Right away, he caught on he’d fucked up.

“Down,” I ordered. “Unless you intend to shoot someone, never point a gun at them. When you mean to kill, you point and shoot.”

“Yes, sir,” he said uncomfortably. “Can I ask you a question, sir?”

I pointed towards the first lane, and he moved ahead, waiting for me to step up behind him. “Sure, kid.”

“Have you killed people?” he asked.

I felt my jaw tighten. “With a gun?”

His eyes darted over me, curious instead of horrified. “Yeah, either.”

“Give me the gun,” I said, taking it from him. “Now stand with your foot here, other foot here. You’re going to want to feel pretty secure, and you’re a tall kid, so make sure the recoil doesn’t fuck you up. Make sense?”

He nodded, his face tight. I could tell he was nervous.

“You have a problem working with guns?” I asked.

He shook his head, eyes flaring up. “No, I’m just better with knives.”

“You can show me that later. I need to know what your natural talent looks like. Now, put your arm up…like that.”

He copied me, keeping his back straight. I circled him to check his form and was surprised by how good it was. He had a strong stance for a beginner, and his eyes were fixed on the target instead of bouncing around the room.

I laid the gun in his palm. “Close your hand. Like that.”

He obeyed, curling his finger instinctively.

“No,” I said. “Finger straight unless you intend on shooting. Control the urge to curl around the trigger. Understood?”

He nodded.

“That’ll be a no sir or yes sir,” I said.

“I meant, yes, sir, I understand,” he said, ears going red.

“Good.”

I moved behind him, locking my hands behind my back. “Shift your finger up and hit the button so that it shows red. That’s your safety. You do not hit that button until you’re ready to shoot. As soon as you’re done, you hit that button again. The safety is not a substitute for trigger discipline. Guns can still go off when the safety is applied. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” he said.

He was learning fast.

“Hit the safety, point, shoot,” I said.

“I…I don’t know how to aim,” he stammered.

“I’m not asking you to aim. I said shoot.”

He faltered, and I narrowed my eyes, studying him. Maybe he wasn’t as scrappy or ballsy as I’d initially thought.

“Maelon,” I said, my voice even. “Hit the safety, point to hit the center of the target, and shoot. This isn’t a test; it’s an assessment of your raw talents. On my mark.”

His spine tensed.

“Go,” I barked.

He hit the safety, shifted the gun, and pulled the trigger. The bullet ripped through the paper target, three inches from the center. My brows shot up, and it took me a second to rearrange my face.

“Empty it,” I said.

He obeyed, shooting five more times in a jagged circle around the center point. Then he lifted his finger, flicked the safety off, and pointed the pistol at the ground before turning around to face me.

“You never answered me, sir,” he said, his tone controlled, like he was trying to stay respectful.

“About what?”

“Killing people,” he said.

I took the gun from him, reaching for a loaded clip. “Yes, I have killed people. With and without guns.”

He was staring at me with glittering eyes, like the curtains had finally parted and everything made sense. My throat tightened and my mouth went dry. My first day at the training center, when I saw Merrick step up to train me, I’d felt the same thing.

My very first sense of being a part of something.

Of belonging.

“Let’s show you how to aim,” I said, passing him the gun. “Then you can really tear shit up in here.”

My ears were ringing by the time I dug the plugs out and headed to the showers. Maelon was quiet as he packed everything up and I showed him where to store it. The two other recruits showed up just as we were leaving, and they started talking together while Yale got the room ready for the next class.

I split off, feeling confused by the memories today had dug up. My chest was raw when I got back to my apartment and opened my computer on the countertop.

Gretchen had resent the assessment.

I ran a hand over my face, poured a cup of coffee, and hit the link.