17. Liam

I’ve always known there’s darkness in me. A shrink might suggest that I’d gone into the FBI because of it. Because I didn’t like it. That I was afraid of it consuming me. In the FBI, any violence perpetrated by me was for good, not a criminal enterprise.

Working for Niko was good too. He’s like my brother. I had to look out for him.

In the end, the darkness has won. And I don’t care that it has. For Kate, I’d burn the world down. I very nearly have. In the last four months, I’ve eliminated anyone who questions my authority. I run the Bratva with an iron fist. No one questions me.

My contact at the FBI ensures that I’m informed and able to avoid any legal entanglements. I pay him handsomely for the help.

The only problem is Babichev is still living and breathing. He’s proving elusive, and it’s driving me mad, pushing me into greater darkness.

I sit at my desk in my penthouse apartment office, going over all the intel I have regarding Babichev. It’s getting late, but I don’t sleep much. Not with Babichev still on the loose.

“Where the fuck are you?” On the one hand, I’m certain he’s afraid of me, and I like that. I hope he’s shitting his pants, looking over his shoulder for me. On the other hand, whatever he’s doing to hide is effective and it pisses me off. Who the fuck is helping him since I’ve pretty much killed everyone who would dare to assist him?

My phone rings. “Rostova.”

“Liam. It’s Donovan.”

My stomach clenches. “What happened? What’s wrong?” I close my eyes as I prepare to hear the worst. Is Kate gone? Have I failed her?

“There was a break-in at Kate’s. She’s fine?—”

“How the fuck did that happen? I trusted you to?—”

“We don’t know. She has the best security. We’ve got protection around the house now. I just… I thought you’d want to know.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I need to meet with you and Niko.”

“We’re handling it?—”

“Not just that. Tomorrow. Can you meet?”

Donovan pauses but then says, “Yeah. Niko is in New Jersey tomorrow at the club.”

“I’ll be there.” Four months ago, asking for Mafia help could have my men questioning my ability to lead. I don’t worry about that now. I’m confident they all are behind me. But if my men want to kill me, let them, but only after Babichev is dead and Kate is safe.

The next day, I stride into Niko’s club in New Jersey, heading upstairs to an office overlooking the bar. Niko and Donovan are already there.

“Sorry I missed the party,” I say, shaking Donovan’s hand. “I had business to attend to.”

He smirks at me, and I know that he’s aware that the real reason I didn’t go was because Kate would be there.

I shake Niko’s hand. “Fatherhood looks good on you.”

“You’ve been busy, Liam.”

I nod, accepting a glass of whisky from Donovan. “But there’s still more to do. That’s why I’m here.”

“You’re not here because of Kate?” Donovan asks.

I do my best not to respond to hearing her name. She’s the past. She has to be for me to have any semblance of sanity.

“I’m here because Babichev is still breathing. That motherfucker is like smoke.”

“I figured as much.” Niko sits behind his desk. I take a seat in the chair offered while Donovan stands, leaning against the wall. He studies me in a way I don’t like. It’s as if he thinks I’m a sonofabitch. He’s right, of course.

“Any chance that’s who broke into Kate’s home?” Saying her name sends the usual stab into my heart. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always have a hole there. It’s fucking hard to learn to live with.

“Anything is possible,” Donovan says. “How good is he at fucking with surveillance?”

“As good as any of us, I imagine.”

“But why now? It’s been four months. You haven’t had contact with her. She’s living a quiet life now. It doesn’t make sense,” Niko says.

“Cops think it was a glitch in the system. Or maybe the wind. There was no sign that anyone was in the home. Our men haven’t seen anything. Could be nothing,” Donovan adds.

I nod. “My intel says Babichev is heading north, to Canada. But he’s a ghost. I don’t want to track him north only to find out he’s here.”

“Can’t blame you for that,” Niko says.

“You know the answer is to accept that you love her and?—”

I shoot Donovan a death glare.

“He’s right.” Niko earns a glare as well.

“Even if that were true, which it’s not, she doesn’t want to live in our world. And I can’t leave it any more than you can, so shut the fuck up about it.”

“Liar,” Donovan says under his breath.

I scowl at him.

“Look, I get it, you want her to live a happy, normal life, but don’t pretend that it’s all a matter of duty that you’ve got a hard-on for her safety. Face it, Liam, you love her.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I sound like a petulant child. “What matters is that Babichev dies. Are you going to help me or not?”

“We’re going to help,” Niko says with a warning glance at Donovan.

Niko’s door opens and Lucy strides in. “I heard you were here.”

I stand, buttoning my coat. “I’m heading out. I’ll be at the casino for the day, so?—”

“What is wrong with you?” Lucy gets in my face. I look to Donovan to control his wife, but he smirks.

“You broke her heart, you fucker.” She pokes a nail into my chest.

I grip her wrist, pushing it away. Donovan straightens from the wall he was leaning on. This meeting is going to hell. I need their help, but right now, all I’m earning is a potential beat down by Donovan.

“You think I had a choice?” I say, releasing her.

“Of course you had a choice. We all have choices. Niko had a choice to love or let Elena go. Elena had a choice to leave or stay with Niko. I had a choice to love Donovan. Donovan had a choice?—”

“It was a no-brainer for me,” Donovan says with a wink to Lucy. “It took some convincing on her part, but it was her choice.”

“The point is?—”

“The point is,” I interrupt Lucy. “Kate wants a peaceful, normal life.”

“That’s what you want for her. Have you ever really asked her what she wants?”

My teeth grind so hard it hurts. “If I have a choice, I’ve made it.”

“Even if she loves you too?”

The words try to wrap around my heart. I flash back to the last time I made love to her. She was asking me to stay. But was that love? And if it was, so what? I’m not good for her.

Lucy gives me a look of disdain. “Right. You just go, Liam. She doesn’t need you. We don’t need you.”

Anger gets the best of me. “What did you expect me to do, Lucy? Drag her to hell with me?”

“Where do you think she is now?” Lucy’s words gut me. I have no idea where Kate is now. I don’t want to know, only because I don’t trust myself not to go to her. I left her enough money to start over, to find the peace and happiness that had been taken from her.

Lucy pats me on the chest. “She looks nearly as miserable as you do.”

God, how I want to see Kate. To know she’s okay. But I’ve made my choice. Maybe Kate’s not happy, but she’s safer without me, that I know for sure.

I look at Niko and Donovan. “If you hear anything, let me know.”

Niko nods. “You too.”

I walk out of his office and straight to my car where Robbie waits for me.

“Meeting go alright?”

“Fine.” I slip into the passenger seat and press my hand over my heart that’s breaking all over again. Something in my pocket catches my attention. I reach in and pull out a piece of paper. Lucy must have slipped it in when she was poking or patting me.

I start to open it and see that it’s an address. I quickly crumple it up and curse her for doing this to me.

Robbie pulls away from the curb. “Artyom called while you were in your meeting. There was a possible sighting of Babichev.”

I’m thrilled at the distraction as I shove the paper back into my pocket. “Where?”

“Buffalo. He’s heading to the border.”

But is that true? I close my eyes, thinking about the paper in my pocket with Kate’s address. Could her recent break-in indicate Babichev is here? Or maybe it was a faulty security system. Could have been a teenager.

If it was Babichev, what is his game? Surely, he’d have wanted me to know it was him.

For the first time in a long time, I’m uncertain as to my next step, which is a big problem because I can’t help but think that the decision I make right now will impact Kate’s life forever.