11. Kate

Terror fills me. First, because I’ve been found. Survival instinct has me firing the gun. The man who grabbed me drops. But he’s not alone. Another knocks the gun from my hand and throws me against the tree. He presses a gun against my temple.

“No!” the man on the ground yells at my would-be killer. Only then does it register. I’ve shot Liam.

“Oh, God, Liam.” I start to move, forgetting the gun at my head in an effort to help him. But my captor doesn’t let me forget.

He shoves me back against the tree. “She shot you, Boss.”

“She didn’t know it was me. It’s my fault.” Liam pulls himself up, his hand over his abdomen. It’s dark, but not so dark that I can’t see blood oozing. “I told her to shoot first and worry about it second.”

The second man who I now realize is Robbie puts his gun down. I run to Liam.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” I chant.

He presses his palm on my cheek.

“We’ve got to get going.” Artyom shows up from somewhere. “What the fuck happened?” he asks when he sees us.

“She shot him.”

Artyom’s gun rises, but Robbie puts a hand on his arm. “Boss says no. I’ll deal with her. You get him to a doctor before he bleeds out.”

“Liam, I…” But before I can finish, Robbie is dragging me out of the woods. “I need to help him.”

“You’ve done enough.”

“I didn’t know. Please, let me help.”

“You a doctor? A nurse?”

“No, but?—”

“Then you’re coming with me.” He manhandles me into an SUV I don’t recognize. It must be from the men who showed up. At first, I try to get out, but the child locks are on. Stuck in the back, I fully take in the scene. Liam’s home is up in flames. There are dead men strewn about. I’ve been in the middle of a war. And I just shot the general.

After barking out a few orders, Robbie climbs into the driver’s seat.

“Please, can’t I stay with him?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because he doesn’t want you.”

The words feel like stabs. Had Liam told him that? Was it because I shot him? Or had Liam’s desire to have me gone manifested because I broke the rules and called Lucy? Horror fills me at the idea that perhaps I’d brought this all on Liam. Had I done something that revealed his location and created this ambush?

The car peels off, and once we’re on the road, he hands a bottle of vodka back to me. “Have some of this. It will calm you down. You’re safe now.”

I take the bottle, not really wanting it but also not wanting to upset him. I take a sip, feeling the heat of it burn down to my stomach.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

He doesn’t respond. His eyes are focused on the road as we drive away. It isn’t long before I realize that we’re likely going to be in the car for a time. The lull of the drive brings intense sleepiness that I work to fight off, but eventually, I lose and I fall asleep.

When I wake, it’s still dark out, but I can see to the east a subtle lightness that suggests the sun will be rising soon. As I look about, it takes me a minute, but I realize we’re around Tarrytown.

“Are we going back to Manhattan?” I’m not sure how I feel about that unless I’m going to Elena’s. Maybe Liam and his men have had enough of me and are just going to dump me off somewhere. That might not be too bad except I don’t have my purse or money or a phone to call for help. Who would I call, anyway? I haven’t heard from my father in months. If whoever is after me isn’t dead tonight, I could be a danger to others. My only recourse would be to reach out to Lucy and Donovan.

“No.” Robbie takes the turn that crosses the bridge from New York to New Jersey and then heads south along the river. Does the Bratva have safehouses here?

Finally, we pull up to a large gate. A man with a gun steps out, and he and Robbie exchange words. The man at the window nods toward someone else, and the gates open.

My nerve endings are on high alert. Where am I? Am I safe?

As we reach the ginormous brick house, the door opens, and Lucy exits with Donovan right behind her. Is this her house? I’d never been here, but as I sift through my memory, I remember learning that Lucy and Donovan have business here. Clearly, whatever nefarious business that is, they do very well. As do Elena and Niko. I’ve always tried not to think too hard about their businesses because I know they’re criminal enterprises. As I think that, I realize that Liam is now a part of it as well.

Robbie stops the SUV, gets out, and opens my door. I nearly fall out in my haste to escape him and into Lucy and Donovan’s protection.

“Come inside,” Donovan tells Robbie, who nods.

“Have you heard from Liam?” I grip Lucy’s forearms.

“You come inside too. Rosalee will show you to your room. You can rest and clean up?—”

“I need to know about Liam.” I’m nearly weeping. “I think I killed him. I didn’t mean to.”

She wraps an arm around me. “I don’t have any new information. Come inside, Kate.” Her tone is a mixture of soothing and yet demanding.

When I get inside the ornate foyer, a middle-aged woman is standing as if waiting. “This is Rosalee. She’s going to show you to your room.”

“You’re not coming with me?”

“I’ll be there in a bit. I need to talk with Robbie. I’ll see what I can learn about Liam. Then you and I will talk. But get some rest. If you’re hungry, Rosalee will get you some food.”

For a moment, I simply stand there feeling so alone. It’s like I’m a child. I have no agency over my own life anymore. Even in the safety of Lucy’s home, whom I consider a friend, I’m being coddled and shoved aside while the grownups deal with the big, bad world.

Then again, what do I know of dealing in the big, bad world? I’ve certainly suffered from it, but don’t know the first thing about how to live in it.

Reluctantly, I go with Rosalee. She takes me upstairs and down a hall.

“Here is the guest room.” Rosalee extends her hand toward the open door.

I step in and feel like I’m in a palace. The room is painted a soft dove color, and in the middle sits a four-poster bed decorated with floral prints in dove and taupe.

One wall is made up of floor to ceiling windows including doors out to a balcony overlooking a large yard with a pool and gazebo.

In the summer, I imagine it’s lush green with beautiful flowers.

Now in the dead of winter, it’s still lovely with the woods surrounding the yard.

“Over there is the ensuite bath. Mrs. Ricci has provided some clothes that I’ve put in the dresser and hung in the closet.”

I look down at my pajamas, wool coat, and sneakers, now dirty and disheveled from hiding in the woods and driving in the car. I wonder if I have gun residue or Liam’s blood on them. That thought makes me want to get out of my clothes and burn them.

“If you’re hungry?—”

“I think I’d like a shower and then rest.”

“Of course. If you need anything, let me know.” She exits the room, shutting the door behind her.

I’m exhausted, and yet I hurriedly take off my clothes and get into the shower. The hot water pelts me but does little to wash away the night. It’s surreal to think I’d had sex with Liam and then later shot him. I hadn’t realized it was him coming around the tree, and yet, I can’t help but wonder if subconsciously, my anger at him and this whole situation got the best of me and I did shoot him on purpose.

I sigh at myself because all this ruminating about my life isn’t getting me anywhere. I have to accept that as of right now, I have no control in my life. I just hope that Lucy and Liam are right in that I’m enduring all this so that someday, I can go back to my safe, uneventful life.

After my shower, I find a pair of yoga pants and a thick sweater. Tugging them on, I lie down on the bed and let sleep overtake me again.

I wake upon hearing a knock on my door.

“Come in.”

It opens and Lucy pops her head in. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

I sit up and stretch. “It’s okay. What time is it?”

“It’s nearly nine.”

I figure I’ve been sleeping for two hours or so.

Lucy enters the room and sits on the edge of the bed. “Are you hungry? Rosalee can bring up coffee and breakfast.”

“I don’t want to be a burden?—”

“As I understand it, you’ve had quite the night. I think a little pampering will be good for you.” She lets out a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t come get you. I should have?—”

I shake my head. “You had no idea what could happen.”

She bites her lip. “Except I did. I mean… I grew up in this world. I knew Liam was protecting you, I just didn’t think anyone would get the jump on him.”

I look down, realizing she knows Liam more than I do. “I don’t understand him.”

She sighs. “It’s not my place to tell Liam’s story. I know that to you, it seems like he’s broken bad. But what he’s doing right now is all for you. What I’d like to know, if you feel up to telling me now, is what happened.”

Is she asking me to reveal my relationship with Liam? Or is she asking about the men showing up and trying to kill us?

I walk through the night with her, from my snooping and finding a phone to the first phone call I made to her, to Liam returning angry. I skip the part about the sex because she’ll read something into it. I mention my second call to her and how I went to bed after that. I explain being awakened by loud bangs and then my window shattered. Next, I was on the floor underneath Liam.

As my story ends, I grip her hand. “I shot him… I didn’t?—”

“I know. You’d never hurt him no matter how angry you got.” She cocks her head to the side. “I believe you love him.”

I look down. “It’s just a stupid infatuation born out of his saving me. Hero worship. It’s gone now.” That last bit is a lie. Even after everything, there’s a place in my heart that still loves him.