Chapter 39

Elanor

Azran is laying sideways next to me on the grass, his head resting on his folded arm, when I blink my eyes open.

“How did you sleep?”

“Good,” I lie as I nestle my face against his chest, soaking up the warmth of his body.

I rest my cheek on his collarbone, breathing in his familiar, comforting scent.

“Ela.”

His vocal chords vibrate as he whispers my name. Unable to resist, I tuck my head into the curve of his neck and brush my lips against his skin. Being near him is its own reward, but I have to face the reality of what’s to come.

“The nightmares. They’ve changed,” I let out.

“Tell me,” he says, stroking my hair. “What do you see?”

“Fire and a dark figure in its midst.” I close my eyes, trying to remember and escape at the same time. “A horned warrior with a weapon at his side, staring at me.”

“I see the fire too.” I lift my head to face him and grow still, waiting to hear more. “Your nightmares. What were they like before? What did you see?”

I swallow the lump in my throat and prop myself on my elbows.

“I saw Adria, a battlefield full of charred bodies, fire climbing to the sky, and ashes everywhere.”

I manage to keep my voice steady, but it’s pointless. My grief and guilt scream down the bond.

His hand goes to my cheek, gently rubbing with his thumb.

“You did everything you could, Ela. Never forget that.”

“There was another nightmare.”

I stare back into his hazel eyes and find no trace of judgment. Part of me knows he would go to the ends of the earth for me, he’s proven it countless times, but somehow, I can’t entirely believe that anyone, let alone him, would drop everything in the blink of an eye for me.

A blissful rush courses down the bond, almost in response, and I close my eyes for just a moment, letting myself indulge in his undying love.

“Another battlefield, torn bodies at my feet, blood dripping from the two swords in my hands, and a voice. Someone is calling for me, but I can never turn around to find out who.”

“Cal. It was Cal.”

“How can you—”

“It was my dream. We share more than our lives, little one.”

“How?”

He brushes over my sternum and near my heart, hinting at the bond between us.

“Our power comes at a price. Through nightmares, it shows us our worst selves, what we can do, what we did, and what has happened or may happen.” He taps my skin gently. “And this, connects us, lets us gaze into each other’s souls.” My mouth drops open slightly at his words. “At least, that’s my best working theory.”

His chuckle fills the air. A sound I so rarely heard before that he is now gifting me, but that I can barely receive. I can’t get the horned warrior out of my head.

My heart sinks. If I saw Adria’s future, then it means he is real and he’s out there waiting for me.

My mood instantly sours. There is no escaping this chaos. No matter what I do, what madness I escape, another hell awaits. But this time it’s different because I have something to lose.

Goosebumps erupt all over my skin and Az tightens his hold on me.

“What do you think it means?” I ask.

“Which part?”

“The horned warrior and the fire.”

“I don’t know. What does your power tell you? What does it feel like when you’re there?” The crimson returns to his irises as he scans my face for a hint, his fear mirroring mine. “Death?”

“No. I mean, yes, but it’s different. I feel Death everywhere, always, especially in my dreams, but there’s something else. Something more intentional.”

I take a deep breath and everything clicks.

“It feels like war, brutality, and bloodlust,” I say. “It feels like you.”

He nods cautiously as he stands, his face a perfect mask, his fears mastered while mine take over. Darkness flares inside me and I jump to my feet as my power begs for release and calls for revenge.

“How can you be so calm?” I ask, staring at my palms. “How do you keep the raging beast at bay?”

“He’s right here, always lurking beneath the surface,” Azran answers, his eyes blazing with intensity. “I’ve had more time to train and learn to hide it, that’s all. And right now, there’s nothing we can do. We need to stay focused.”

Comforting heat radiates from my hands, calling me to battle, calling for the flames of Hell. A halo of light circles my palms, turning the skin orange, revealing the bones and veins underneath.

“There are more ways than one to seek revenge,” Azran says as his hand covers mine, pressing gently. “After spending a lifetime suffering from the blind rage of others, I learned there is only one response.”

I slowly release the hold on my power, letting darkness retreat and his features soften.

“Promises,” he adds.

“Promises?” I squint in response.

“That’s the only way I found to remain sane while powerless. Oaths to your future self.” His fingers intertwine with mine and all traces of anger leave me. “I promised myself many things growing up.”

I tilt my head, eagerly waiting for more.

“Never to let anyone touch me, belittle me, hurt me the way my father did. Never open my heart to anyone. Never cut my hair.”

He lets go of my hand to run his through his short hair.

“Why?” I blurt out, unable to tame the pain flaring in my heart as his irises glisten with hurt.

When he meets my gaze again, his eyes are cloudy, lost in some distant memory.

“My father forbade me to grow my hair,” he explains. “One year, I refused to cut it, so he shaved my head himself with a sharp razor, discovering yet another way to inflict pain and humiliate me.” One corner of his lips lifts into a half-smile. “Cuts on the scalp take a long time to heal. Another way for him to control me.”

Though no tears roll down his face, his hazel eyes well with anguish that overflows with each slow blink and I stand there, listening with trembling hands, afraid to reach for him and see him break.

“The moment I left Morilanthe, I started growing my hair out. I swore to never cut it, and I kept that promise as long as I could.”

As the words reach my ears, I picture it. Az as a child, longing for love and safety, only to have it forever held out of reach by a wretched being.

Azran’s eyes scan my face for a sign, pleading for relief and comfort, and I step forward to embrace him.

His arms wrap around my waist as he pulls me close and I bury my face against his chest.

“However ridiculous this may sound, it was the only way I found to regain control over my life at the time. Every time I looked in a mirror, I saw who I had become, how strong this made me, and I swore never to let anyone take that away from me.”

His grip on my back tightens and I let out a shaky breath.

“It’s not ridiculous.” Tears pool in my eyes, threatening to spill. “I had no idea, Az. When I met you, I thought you were some entitled Fae, and I treated you terribly. I’m sorry.”

He pulls back, and I manage to keep the tears at bay long enough to blink them away.

“I deserved it.”

“You never did.” I shake my head as the words leave my mouth. “Thank you for letting me see this side of you.”

He offers me his brightest smile in response, one that reaches his hazel eyes and creates dimples in his cheeks.

“We’re both on a path, little one. We’ve both known darkness.”

I nod as I cup his cheeks, stroking the skin curving above his smile.

“No one will ever know the violence it took for you to be this gentle, but I do.”

Azran tilts his head, pressing into my hand.

“I know.”

The sun is setting when Az and I eat the last rations of dried meat and prepare to ride out. We’re packed in seconds, only carrying our weapons with us.

“We should be in Ryfa by dawn,” he says, as he mounts the horse and extends his arm towards me.

My hand goes to his and I take position between his legs. With his strong chest against my back instilling warmth in my body, I lean back as he guides us away.

“Let’s hope Calen is still waiting for us,” I whisper.

“He will be.”

The horse breaks into a trot, and with the last light of day, we disappear into the night.