Chapter 35

Azran

Ela’s arms, tightly secured around my middle, press on my broken ribs, but I’m simply content caressing her damp hair, reveling in her touch.

She hasn’t uttered a single word, but what else is left for her to say? She said enough in the dungeons. Her damning words have not left me, nor has her accusatory tone. I don’t blame her, only myself. Only the truth has the power to scar me, and she spoke no lies then.

I pull back when the temperature of her body finally registers. Her arms are frozen and her skin is covered in goosebumps.

“Are you cold?” I reach for her face to wipe the tears drying on her reddened cheeks.

She shakes her head and, when I let go of her, her brows furrow together. A sliver of hurt travels her irises as she pinches her lips in annoyance before her features harden.

Recognizing that look, I know I have mere seconds before the first jab rolls off her tongue.

“I failed you,” I blurt out.

Her mouth opens and closes as she swallows whatever she was about to say.

“What—”

“You said it yourself, back in the cages.” I meet her gaze, letting her see the guilt I’m drowning in. “Alone, I could manage the torture, but when they dragged you into this hell with me, I lost it. My edge. I couldn’t see a way out and I couldn’t risk you getting hurt any further until you found a way.”

“I didn’t mean any of it. I was just—”

“You said enough.” I cut her off sharply. “And you were right.”

“No.” Ela reaches for my hand, but I pull back.

“Ela. You had to save me from the grip of death not once, but twice, because I was too blind to see.”

“That just makes us even.” I cock a brow, not expecting her retort. “You came every time I needed you. I simply returned the favor.” Her confidence wavers slightly. “I couldn’t stay in Averion, alone and wondering what happened to you.”

“I’m sorry I left you.” I screw my eyes shut. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was by your side every hour of every day, fearing for your life and your soul, wondering if you would wake up. If only I had waited a little longer, I could have saved us both this torment.”

“I never blamed you, Az.” Ela steps closer to me. “For any of it.”

She won’t admit it. She’s refusing to see the truth, but I’ll make her.

“Airdan got me the second I stepped into the palace. I had given up by the time you arrived, but sensing your presence within his grasp drove me to the brink of madness. I broke out of my cell. Only, I failed you again, miserably, exposing you and getting us both caught.” I straighten my back and lock eyes with her. “I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t keep my promise.”

“Stop talking like that. What is wrong with you?” Her anger radiates down the bond, teasing mine. “You’re holding yourself to standards I never set.”

Her widened eyes scan my face, trying to make sense of it all.

I bare my teeth at her in a snarl, releasing my power and letting her feel the unstable beast beneath the surface. She needs to see me for who I am.

Whatever quality she saw in me was nothing but an act. I ran from the horrors of my childhood and suppressed my own emotions behind a steel wall. I became controlling and calculating so as to never feel again, until she came into my life and changed everything. And I ended up right back in a cell, weak and powerless. All of this was for nothing. I failed again. I couldn’t free myself or her, the one person I would give my life for in a heartbeat.

Ela’s rage pulses down the bond, although she’s doing a good job keeping it in check. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her show this much restraint, certainly not with me.

“I almost lost you,” I whisper.

“I’m right here,” she answers, guiding my palm to her heart and laying it flat against her heart. “Right here.”

Her heartbeat flutters beneath my fingers, but it’s her broken body sprawled over the stones of her cage I see, and I pull my hand away.

“Airdan told me everything he did to you, just to have the pleasure of seeing me break. When your body was brought before my eyes, bloody and torn apart, all I could do was stare as you laid unconscious on the floor, his words echoing in my mind.”

Tears return to Ela’s beautiful eyes, but I keep going.

“Then I betrayed you again. I tried stopping you. I didn’t believe in you. I was too scared to lose you.”

“Enough.” She shoves me until I hit the table behind me, her voice trembling with rage.

I lean down, bringing my face inches from hers, and her breath hitches in her throat. Ever so slowly, my fingers go to the scars on her arms, caressing each cut and bruise.

“Why can’t you see these are my doing? This is all on me.”

“And I’d take each of them again in a heartbeat, if it meant finding my way back to you.”

Her mouth is moving, but I don’t hear the words. Nothing she could say would save me from this crushing guilt.

“You’ve faced more horrors in this life than most, and yet you can’t recognize when a monster stands before you.”

“But you’re my monster.”

Her voice breaks and her words find their target, shattering and healing my heart at once.

I’d stopped hoping for her love, and yet here I have it. I know the courage it must have taken her to utter this simple word to me, hers, making her acknowledgment and absolution my most prized valuables.

My resolve shatters when she leans in to deposit a kiss on my mouth with trembling lips.

“You know nothing of what I’ve done, little one. Why would you want something that’s broken?”

“There’s beauty in broken things. You taught me that, just like you taught me I was worth fighting for.”

On her tip toes, she rests her forehead on mine, inhaling deeply before continuing.

“Why won’t you extend the same grace to yourself? Why can’t you see what I see?”

“Because no one ever did, until now.” I relax under her touch, letting go of some of the shame I’ve been holding onto. “I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

“Under one condition,” she taunts, her voice no more than a whisper.

“Anything.”

“Let me in,” she says as her warm breath caresses my face. “We fucking deserve this.”

Her voice falters, hazel eyes glazing until wetness pools in mine too.

A smile tugs my lips and I nod before dropping a kiss on hers. She swallows my hesitancy in a heartbeat, pressing her mouth to mine.

Tears roll on her face, wetting mine, and my hands go to her waist to pull her closer still. Wrapping my arms tightly around her frame, my lips crash against hers once more.

I leave a trail of kisses down her cheeks, rediscovering her face until her tears are no more. Each brush of my mouth against her skin tastes like salvation, each chuckle tearing from her throat is like absolution for every tortured hour apart. I’ve missed her so damn much. I’ve missed her like warm sunlight after endless winter nights.

“Say it,” I whisper against her skin.

She doesn’t answer right away, so I hover over her ear, letting my breath tease her.

“Say it,” I repeat, need fueling my voice.

The corner of her mouth lifts into a knowing smile.

“You’re mine,” she says. I close my eyes, willing time to suspend as her words tear through the last of my resistance, eclipsing the shame and disintegrating the shackles of guilt on my wrists. “And I am yours.”

A wall I didn’t realize stood between us crumbles and the bond takes form in my mind. Strings of light intertwine, connecting us as she accepts the bond for the first time, as she accepts me as her mate. An unbreakable link, stronger than steel, everlasting, shines between us in symbol of our commitment to each other.

When I open my eyes again, I know she feels this change too, its reciprocity and intensity. Our connection is so strikingly clear, it’s all I can see as the room around us disappears.

“Kiss me again,” Ela says against my mouth, her eagerness palpable. “Kiss me until I can’t feel my lips anymore.”

I close the distance between us.

A rush of heat travels down my middle when her tongue meets mine. My hands shake with the need to feel her shatter under me, while hers travel my chest.

It takes my entire resolve to tear myself from her touch, but I do.

She lifts her head, pure hunger filling her gaze, her chest rising rapidly.

“We need to go. Ren will be back any minute.”

She grunts before pulling back.

“Eat something.” I glance towards the kitchen skylight as its light dims. “Nightfall is close.”

She nods before reluctantly seating herself at the table and picking at the food in front her. I sag against a kitchen cabinet, still trying to tame the need in my core.

“Az,” Ela breathes, the single syllable laden with aching want.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say my name like that,” I whisper.

Turning around, she reveals the fire burning in her gaze, filled with pure animalistic need.

“And I’ll never get tired of you looking at me like that.”

A grin crosses my face as memories of her body beneath mine flood my mind. Her eyes travel my body from a distance.

“Enjoying the view?” I ask.

She straightens in her chair before flashing me a devilish smile.

“Very much.”

A chuckle tears from my throat as I move closer.

Cupping her face, I run my thumb over her cheek and lips until her eyes veil with angst and a pit opens in my stomach.

“What is it?”

“Don’t ever push me away like that again, or you’ll find out the true meaning of rage.”

My heart expands tenfold to find more room for my love for her, as if it could be contained by flesh and blood, and the corners of my mouth lift into a wide smile.

Pulling out the chair next to her to sit down, my mouth opens, but the promise never leaves my tongue.

Her eyes widen, meeting mine, when scratches against the door reach my ears.

I glance to the side as she stands as quietly as possible and blows out the candle on the table.

Seconds later, she meets me by the cupboard where I’ve already snatched my two bladed-sword. She grips Nahtar and her irises darken instantly.

The room is plunged into utter silence and darkness as we take position on either side of the door.

Ela gathers her shadows and I hold my breath, waiting for the door to open.

A silhouette slides through the opening before it closes again and Ela raises her sword a little higher.

A glint of emerald shines under the moon rays streaming from the skylight, and my blade twists.

“It’s me.”

The voice pierces the bloodlust and I freeze.

“Were you followed?” I ask, lowering my blade as Ren walks in wearing Airdan’s colors.

“No. I have our way out.” She points to the armor on her chest. “And news.”

“Sit.” I motion towards the table, but Ren shakes her head.

“We don’t have much time.”

I nod to her, both in acknowledgement and thanks.

“Reward is being offered in exchange for information about you. Anyone found wandering after dark is tortured into confessing imaginary crimes and hanged by dawn. Soldiers are conducting raids and terrorizing the city.”

“These people have nothing to do with us.” Ela’s anger echoes through the bond as she turns to me. “We have to do something.”

I shake my head before addressing Rensyl again.

“Thank you. The risks you’re taking do not go unnoticed.”

“High Lord.” She bows and eyes the weapons still in our hands. “We need to go.”

I cock my head towards her armor.

“This is how we’re getting out of here?”

A devilish grin forms on her face.

“Follow me.”