Chapter 15

Calen

“Looking for your next nighttime read?” I ask, and her eyebrows shoot towards her hairline.

“I don’t need books to stay busy after sundown,” she answers without missing a beat.

I clear my throat and muster a tight smile. I earned that one.

“Is the High Guard ready for the winter solstice celebration?”

The festival is just a few days away, and although the High Lord is usually the one parading through the city, celebrating with its citizens and exchanging well wishes, this year the responsibility falls on me.

“Of course. Patrols have been assigned.”

“Come with me.”

“Where?”

“To the solstice.”

She turns back to study the bookshelf.

“I’ll be the one in armor, watching the crowd around you.”

I bite back a snarky comment and approach her, putting my hand over hers.

“That’s not what I meant.” I lower my voice and gaze into her eyes. “Walk alongside me.”

“No.” She pulls her hand back and increases the distance between us.

“It’s just a celebration.”

“A celebration where I would just be paraded around Averion. A celebration where the Captain of the High Guard would just appear to be pining over her superior.”

“That’s not true.” I’m tempted to reach for her hand again, but something stops me. “I know this is not what—”

“You don’t think I hear the gossip?” She scoffs. “They can judge me all they want, my life is my own, but I won’t jeopardize my career. I won’t fuel a new rumor about the General fucking his captain.”

She spits out the last words with such force that I take a step back. My misguided attempt to connect with her at least earned me clarity on the night we shared.

“Vesta, I would never let that happen.”

“I said no.”

As her voice raises almost imperceptibly, letting go crosses my mind before revolt follows, and I decide to stand my ground.

“You can push me away all you want, but I’m not giving up.” With her silence the only hint that doubt is seeping through her mind, time suspends between us as I look for a way to get through to her. “I know what you’ve been through. I know the loss and heartbreak you’ve endured. I know you—”

“If you know me so well, then you should know not to get any ideas about us. I don’t do commitment.”

She pinches her lips together and the door slams shut behind her seconds later, leaving me to drown in a sea of regret as her soul-piercing words echo in my mind.

Sinking into one of the leather couches, I whisper to the empty room.

“I would never hurt you, Dove.”

But the walls don’t answer.

I shouldn’t have been so insistent, but I guess a treacherous hope had already nested in my heart after our night together.

Vesta will forever be a free spirit, and I’d rather die than attempt to cage her. I won’t force her hand anymore. She can have whatever she wants from me, and if it’s nothing she seeks, I’ll give her that, too.

Laying down on the sofa, I close my eyes for a few hours before burying myself in the mountain of paperwork I still need to get through to avoid thinking.

When my eyes tire again, I get up and help myself to Azran’s liquor cabinet. I twirl the amber liquid in the glass while looking out the window into the courtyard.

My trained eyes narrow on a rider approaching the palace gates.

I’m out of the office in seconds, making for the stairs to meet the messenger outside the palace.

I’ve been waiting weeks for a word from Brimora. Queen Aanor has been reluctant to engage in talks with us and refuses offer after offer.

The missive is either from her or Zetrea. Either way, I cannot spare a second.

The first light of day shines its soft light on the white paving stones of the courtyard as I exit the palace and descend the stairs.

With my attention focused on the rider coming through the gates, I almost don’t notice a furtive shape enter the garrison on the other side of the courtyard. I only get a glimpse of the soldier sneaking back to their quarters, but it tells me all I need to know. With long red hair and a short black dress, Vesta disappears behind a door in the blink of an eye.

Clenching my jaw, I return my focus to the horse trotting on the cobblestones. The rider hops off their mount a few feet from me.

“General.”

They hand me a missive with a quick bow.

“At ease.”

I dismiss the tired Fae with a smile and break the seal on the letter. It’s from Brimora.

My eyes dart to the piece of paper and the words traced on it. A grunt tears from my throat by the time I finish reading.

Queen Aanor wants to see Ela. She won’t agree to a meet unless the human-turned-Fae attends, and their army will stand their ground until they’ve confirmed we present no imminent threat.

That’s going to prove a tad difficult, given Ela’s current situation. I hope to the gods she finds Az and that her big mouth doesn’t land us in even bigger troubles.

My mood is souring further by the day as I wait for news and I’m left behind to deal with Braern’s aftermath.

***

Averion’s streets buzz with activity for the solstice.

I usually enjoy this day, but this year feels different. We still haven’t received word from Ela, although she’s been in Nyths for almost two weeks. I’ve been in shit positions far too many times to not recognize the feeling forming in my heart.

I put up a brave front nonetheless, smiling, greeting, and engaging with our citizens like I always have.

Vesta is never far behind me, silent and focused on scanning our surroundings.

The cold afternoon doesn’t deter anyone and the crowded streets overflow with merchants, musicians, and flowers. The aroma of sweets and pastries coats the air as I go from stall to stall, shaking hands and complimenting the sellers on their products.

The celebration goes well into the night with gift exchanges and dancing, two traditions of this solstice. And when the night falls, the city lights up and the fun begins. Lanterns and candles adorn each doorstep and window, with some inhabitants even putting up light garlands between buildings.

Cheers erupt all around us at intervals as offerings are made to bring luck for the coming year.

Families smile back at me, blissfully ignorant to the menacing storm brewing across seas and to our southern borders. Each wave takes a chunk out of my heart. Each smile is a reminder of what I don’t have and that the only family I’ve ever known is far away, in danger.

I used to torture myself wondering why I couldn’t have what everyone else does. A partner. Someone to share my life with. Someone to love and be loved by.

Before losing my family in the unifying wars, the only thing I was ever praised for as a child was my fighting skills. For a time I believed that if I became the best at it, my parents would finally see me. But they never did, and I ended up finding Az, betraying them, and earning a lethal skill set in the process. My parents passed and never rescinded their banishment. The day I gained a brother, they lost a son.

I don’t regret doing what I did, but some actions simply have soul-altering consequences. I now understand why I can never walk the path of life with someone by my side. The blood coating my hands can never be washed, and I can never be worthy of the love I used to seek.

It’s well after midnight when I make it back to the palace, exhausted and numb from the buzz of the city. I dismiss my guards and head straight to my room, ready to crash on my bed and forget the weight that’s dragging me down. I slip under the covers naked, too tired to bother with a shirt.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I wake a couple of hours later in the darkness. My eyes beg to close again, stinging and in pain from what little sleep I managed to get.

I turn in bed, laying on my side to try and steal a couple more hours of rest. I feel myself falling when a scratch on my door startles me.

Fingernails are slowly rasping on the door, intentionally.

My palm closes around my knife before letting go.

Someone is adeptly and quietly working to gain entry, their stealthy movements barely discernible.

Vesta’s shape comes into view moments later as she closes the door behind her.

“Good evening, Dove.”

She freezes, probably letting her eyes adjust as I sit on the bed, the covers already pushed back.

She walks up to me until she stands between my legs, her skin almost touching mine.

“All my other friends call me V.”

My hands shoot up, finding purchase around her waist and ass, locking her in.

“All your other friends will be six feet under if you mention them again, Dove.”

A growl forms in my throat and her crystal laugh fills the room in response.