Chapter 5

When I wake up, however, I find myself curled up against something—no, someone—quite warm, soft, and sturdy. For a moment, I forget where I am and what happened last night. Then the wedding comes flooding back, and I jolt awake.

A big arm is lying underneath my neck like a pillow, and another is sprawled across my waist. My bare legs are pressed against his furry ones, and they’re plush under my skin. I can smell Jakol all around me, and it’s a musky, sweet scent that I don’t find nearly as repulsive as I expected. It’s full and thick and comforting, like a well-used blanket.

I pull away, and Jakol’s arm falls to his side. He’s still fast asleep with his head turned toward me on the pillow, horns just grazing the ornate headboard. I wonder if he pulled me close during the night or if I’m the one who rolled toward his heat. With his eyes closed like this, the Burbarre looks gentle and peaceful and not at all like the conqueror who arrived a few weeks ago.

Rolling onto my back, I cover my face with my hands and try to breathe deeply. Everything about this is wrong. I shouldn’t feel so at ease, so comforted by a monster like him being in my bed.

I slide out of the covers, and that’s when he wakes up. Jakol yawns, exposing both rows of white teeth. The canines are just a little sharp, a little more protruding than mine, but his tongue is the exact same pink. When he registers me moving away from the bed, he smiles a broad smile.

“You don’t have to go.” Languidly he reaches one arm toward me. “Come on. Just a little longer. You’re tired after yesterday, aren’t you?”

I shake my head rapidly and dive into my closet, calling over my shoulder, “Sorry. Lots to do today.”

I change out of my gown as fast as possible, vowing to get something else I can wear to sleep that’s less revealing. When I emerge in my day clothes of a fitted shirt and pants, Jakol is still in bed, and he looks surprised.

“You dress like a man,” he says. His dark eyes take me in from head to foot. “I mean that in a good way. It’s practical. I like it.”

I can’t stop the blush that floods my face. I don’t need to be hearing this.

“This is what I wear daily unless I have to make a public appearance.” And no one will be expecting the newlywed couple to be appearing anywhere for a few days at least. Then we’ll be off on our scheduled “honeymoon,” which is an absurd concept, really. I need to be here running my kingdom, not gallivanting around the countryside with my beast of a husband. It’s not as if we’ll enjoy it the way a traditional couple might, anyway.

“Hmm,” Jakol says as he sits up. The covers fall down, exposing his full, muscled chest. Then he gets out of bed as well, and that’s when I realize that he slept next to me absolutely naked, and I just couldn’t tell with the fur that runs down his hips and legs. His tail flicks from side to side as he searches the floor for something.

I don’t know what I expected. A big, furry penis, I suppose. But instead, there’s just a large lump between his legs with a splash of white fur at the front. When he notices me looking at him, the white fur parts to either side and the tip of what looks like a cock starts to emerge. It’s the same color as the rest of his skin—a bright tan, with a soft, pink head.

So that’s how it works. It’s hidden under there unless summoned. I’m too fascinated to look away, so Jakol hastily covers himself and turns around.

“Damn,” he hisses. “I’m sorry. I didn’t... I didn’t want that to happen.” He kneels down, grabs the ceremonial coil he wore yesterday, and puts it around himself. Immediately I turn away, too, and my entire body must be bright, ruby red.

I can’t believe I was just staring at him like that. And yet, part of me wanted to know—to understand—what I’m dealing with under there. I hate that I didn’t find it disgusting. No, I wanted to keep watching. I wanted to see what it would become.

“No, I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean... I didn’t mean to...”

A gentle hand lands on my shoulder. I spin around, intending to jerk away, but Jakol is there gazing down at me with a soft look that stops me in my tracks.

“It’s all right, you know.” His hand travels up my neck and stops to rest at my jaw. “We’re married. It’s okay to look.”

I take a few sudden steps back. “I-I just?—”

“You’re not ready yet.” He nods, and his hand falls to his side. “I’ll be here when you are.”

I don’t want to tell him that time will never come, that I’ll never want anything to do with his naked body or that... whatever it was. “Right,” is all I say, and I head to the door. “I’m going to get breakfast.”

And before he can answer, I’m headed outside, trying to get as far away from the naked Burbarre as I can.

But there’s no escaping him, not anymore. He joins me at the dining table, and the cooks bring us all the eggs, bacon, and potatoes that anyone could want. I’m always surprised at how delicately Jakol eats. He probably has better table manners than I do.

An air of awkwardness hangs between us, quiet and thick. I’ve grown accustomed to Jakol always making some jovial remark to ease the tension in the room, but I guess it’s up to me this time.

“How did you learn all of our customs?” He acts like a natural in the royal palace. “You have such good manners.”

“I studied your ways for a long time,” he says, finally taking his eyes off his plate of food. “I wanted to know how to live alongside you.”

“Sure, of course,” I say matter-of-factly, but I am a little surprised to hear it. How long has he been thinking about me? How long has he wanted to marry me? It’s a baffling thing to imagine that I’ve filled his thoughts for years—long enough to understand and learn our customs, while I had never once thought of his.

“What will you do today?” Jakol asks.

“My job.” I’ve been so occupied with the wedding the last few weeks that many important tasks have fallen by the wayside. “I have a lot to catch up on.”

“Can I help you?” He looks eager, like a young dog waiting to be given a task.

“No.” I get up from the table, not quite finished with my food but quite finished with the conversation.

Jakol sighs. “Eventually, we will have to rule together.” He traps my eyes with his, and I know that he’s right. But today, I’m too frazzled to give anyone a lay of the land. I just want to be by myself for a while.

“Yes, of course.” I neaten my shirt. “I’m sorry, but today I have too much to do.” And with that, I pivot and leave the dining room, headed straight for my study.

Arnwell is already at his own desk that sits across the room from mine. He jumps when I storm inside and shut the door behind me.

“I wasn’t expecting you today, Your Majesty.” He looks surprised. “You had quite the day yesterday.”

“All the more reason I need to be here. There’s a lot I left undone.”

He just smiles at me. “I took care of it for you. What I could, anyway. There are a few notes of congratulations from some of the regional leaders.” Those who could not attend the wedding have sent the various letters and gifts that now adorn my desk.

“I’ll thank them right away.” That gives me something immediate to do, at least. I lose myself in it as long as I can, but when I’m done, Arnwell is just watching me.

“May I ask a personal question?”

“Of course.”

“Do you think you can be happy?” he asks. “With the Burbarre prince. I mean, king.”

I’m not sure what I had expected, but it wasn’t that. My eyes drop to the floor because I don’t want to look my friend in the eyes as I lie to him. “Sure. Why not?”

“Do you think you can ever love him?”

Now the questions are feeling too personal. Of course, I’ll never love a monster.

I just shake my head in silence.

“I see,” says Arnwell with a long sigh. “I hope that he is kind to you, at least.”

After last night and this morning, I have hope that he will be. For now, Jakol seems intent on keeping a polite distance, at least while we’re awake.

“Yes. He is.”

I see the relief on Arnwell’s face. “Good. That is the least we can ask for.”

I search for other things to do, but my advisor really has finished the majority of the hard work for me. All that’s left are a few decisions that require a higher level of authority—mine, specifically. I authorize a new trade route and allocate funds for more guards to be stationed near the Burbarre camps to prevent any fighting between their people and mine.

“We will have to find something to do with them,” Arnwell says. “We should consider integrating them into our society.”

“Integrating them?” I’m aghast. “But many don’t even speak our language. We don’t know if they can be trusted.”

“You married their king,” he points out. “Eventually, you will have to trust them. Perhaps inviting them into our society could create some goodwill—and perhaps trust, down the line.”

Usually, I don’t mind so much when he’s right, and I’m wrong, but I feel short-tempered and frustrated. I don’t want everything to change, especially not this fast. I just want to rewind to before the Burbarre ever showed up—and when my life, while stressful, all made sense to me.

“Fine,” I say, some petulance in my voice. He presents a good argument. “Authorize locations where they can build, near human settlements but not too close. Don’t take away anything that belongs to one of our people. We will have the regional leaders send additional supplies for them to build with.” I tap a pile of papers together on the desk. “Please draft the necessary missives.”

“That’s very generous of you, Your Majesty. I think it will be received well by your new husband.”

My husband.

It drives a neat little stake into my heart. This man—this animal—is my husband now, and there’s nothing I can do about it.