1. Shiro

1

Shiro

S ince I was small, I came to understand that a haven never lasts. For me and my kind—the beastkin—a marginalized race of humans with small animal characteristics, a haven was always short-lived, accompanied by an intersperse of fear and terror. But no matter how fleeting that feeling of safety was, we’d make the most of it, enjoy it while it lasted.

And it never, ever lasted. Darkness and nightmares were always at the ready to step in, taking over the reins at a moment’s notice.

Now, that moment had come, unexpectedly, like always. Another nightmare had just stepped in, robbing away any thought of happiness and freedom from me, from my adopted brothers, from our future.

I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed with shock as I stared numbly at my mother lying there on the floor, a pool of blood around her. I was kneeling by her side; my rag of clothing, too, was covered in her blood.

“Shiro,” her soft, gentle voice called out to me .

I felt tears welling in my eyes as my body shook, a mixture of emotions overwhelming me—shock, confusion, fear, sadness—a sort of pain I had yet to fully understand and register.

I refocused my vision on her, forcing myself to pay attention on what she was saying instead of staring blindly at that knife. It was sticking out the side of her stomach, and I wanted to pull it out. I wanted to relieve her of the pain it was causing her, but I knew I couldn’t because it’d only lead to more bleeding.

I knew at that moment that I was never going to see her again, and I felt something inside me die.

“Mama,” I cried, fear overwhelming me, paralyzing me. “Mama, please be all right.” But deep down, I knew she was never going to be all right. Ever.

She grabbed my hand, her own cold and bloody. “Run… You must go… Leave this place.”

I furiously shook my head, tears flowing down my cheeks. “I won’t leave, not without you.”

“I don’t have long… Please, you have to go…” She coughed out blood, and the sight scared me senseless.

I leaned closer, crying; I hadn’t a clue what I should do. What could a ten-year-old foxkin child do when his mother was beaten and then stabbed?

“Please, Shiro,” she begged again. “Get out of here before they come… Remember, don’t get caught by the institute.”

I shook my head as I sobbed weakly. “Mama.”

She looked to Kuro and Aka, my adopted brothers Mama had picked up from the streets. “Look after each other, my children. ”

“Mama,” Kuro said, crying. “Please, you’ll be all right. I’ll get a doctor. You’ll be all right.”

Aka nodded his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. “You’ll be all right, Mama.”

“Please, you all must go,” she managed to say, and then her breathing became short and heavy, and I knew she wasn’t going to last, and fear once again overwhelmed me as I just sat there, frozen. “I love you… I love you all.” Then she shut her eyes and she was gone, her hand limp in mine.

I stared at her—dead—and then I burst out crying—howling in sadness and sorrow and loss.

Kuro grabbed me and Aka into his arms and hugged us tightly, and we cried—all three of us little foxkin—for the loss of our Mama.

Loud noises of vehicles came in the distance, followed by men shouting and then guns firing, catching our attention. Screams—of fear and terror—echoed across the neighborhood. The institute had arrived, and they wouldn’t let us escape.

Kuro rose and said urgently, “We have to go. If they catch us, they’ll kill us.”

Aka asked, his voice shaking in fright, “But where are we going to go?”

“I don’t know, but we have to get out of here. Mama wants us to be safe,” Kuro said. He caught mine and Aka’s wrists and pulled us up. “Mama loves us, and we have to do what she says…”

I knew Kuro was right, and I reluctantly nodded my head as I wiped tears from my eyes with the back of my hand .

As we moved to the door, I strayed my gaze to Mama again, her cold body lying there on the floor. I felt my heart breaking at just leaving her there, and my body shook as tears once again threatened to pour out of my eyes.

Aka slipped his hand into mine, and he said, “It’s going to be all right, Shiro.”

I nodded, but little do we know that nothing was ever going to be all right. It never was for us. Life had been fun and wonderful living with the other foxkin in this district, hidden away from the world for a short while. That night, however, our lives changed. That night, our nightmares began.

Eight Years Later

I had always hated running. For me, running wasn’t a pleasurable pursuit, a fitness routine for keeping fit or training to compete for a marathon. I wasn’t born that lucky. For us beastkin, we were never that lucky. For me and my kind, running was invariably tied closely with life. Running, in my life, meant that I was being hunted and I had to escape at all costs.

The only thing I hated more than running itself was when I had to run when I was this feeble. I hadn’t eaten for days and there was no way I could last much longer. Fuck, my legs were ready to give out, and my heart and lungs, not to mention sides, were aching.

Shit! How long had I been running? When would those bastards have enough and stop chasing me? In reality, I knew they would never stop until they got what they wanted.

Me.

They wanted me. They wanted to beat me up and…

A shudder of fear passed down my spine.

There was no way I’d let them catch me. Not this time.

The sound of their footsteps on the concrete was loud in my ears, and it only caused my stomach to knot in dread even more.

Shit! Shit! Shit! They were getting closer.

“Don’t think you can escape, little fox,” Tony’s voice came at me loudly and merrily from the distance. “Oh, beautiful little foxkin, you know you can’t hide. You know you can’t outrun us,” he continued. This was followed by band of laughter from his lackeys.

I wasn’t listening to them. I refused to listen to them. Their banter wasn’t going to frighten me out of my wits and make me lose my senses again. No, my mind was focused on only one thing. Escape!

I sprinted faster, but fuck, my heart and lungs were getting even more painful now. It was getting difficult to breathe properly, too. My chest was hurting like crazy.

I rounded a corner, thinking that this was it, my way out of this shit mess. My hope, however, was unmercifully dashed and I widened my eyes in horror.

“Fuck!” I cursed, staring at the wall looming over me as I slowed down. “Fuck!” I swore again, panic seizing me.

I had reached a dead end.

I turned around to retrace my steps in hope of finding another route, but I was too late. Tony and his bastard underlings had already caught up to me, blocking my exit.

I fisted my hands, my body tense as my mind raced.

Fuck! What do I do? What do I do?

“Well, well, well,” Tony said. “I can’t believe you led us in a merry chase again.” He sighed. “It’s exhausting, you know.”

“Fuck off, Tony,” I said, my voice shaking. “You know I didn’t do anything. I didn’t steal anything from you or your gang. Not this time.”

After that terrible lesson I’d learned from him and his gang when I had first arrived here, I’d rather starve than steal from them, or anyone else for that matter. I scavenged now; I did not steal.

Tony smacked his fist against his palm as he walked toward me in that threatening manner, a sign I knew well. He was restless and looking for a release, for a fight. And more.

The fight. Yeah, I could handle that. I had gotten used to being beaten up, with ribs and limbs broken, face and other body parts covered in bruises. But the more, that I could never get used to, even after years of being submitted to it night after night with different men.

Again, I felt that dread in the pit of my stomach.

Shit. Shit. Shit. I had to figure a way out of this. I just had to .

Tony was only inches from me now, and I stepped back, keeping a distance between us, my heart racing.

“You know it’s not about that,” he said, a dark grin on his face, his eyes narrowing.

Before he could get any closer, I sidestepped him and hit the ground running, hoping against hope I’d be able to slip through the three gang members behind him.

Those louts wouldn’t let me past them, and two seized me and threw me back before I could escape.

I stumbled and then fell onto my butt on the ground.

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Before I could scramble onto my feet again, Tony got to me. He caught me roughly by the arm, hauled me up, and thrust me back until I was pinned against the wall of the alleyway. His other hand came to my throat and wrapped around it.

I tried to bash him with my free hands, but he got me tight, his bulky body against me, imprisoning me in place.

“Please… let… me… go…” I choked out, tears in my eyes.

“You’re fucking beautiful when you beg,” he said, chuckling. “I never saw such a beautiful foxkin like you. You must be specifically bred, right? To look like that?” He pressed his body even closer against me, squeezing me against the wall as he released his hand from my arm and moved to touch my hair. “So silky and soft.” Then he brushed his hand against my cheek, his eyes staring deep into mine.

I glared at him, seething. Fuck, I wanted him off me. I wanted his hands off me. I hated this .

“So blue…” he said, as if mesmerized. “I’ve never seen eyes so blue like yours.” His eyes turned dull and dark, and I fucking knew what was going to happen next.

I held my breath as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine and demandingly kissed me as he tightened his hand around my throat.

I choked out, gasping for breath. I opened my mouth, attempting to take in some air for my starved lungs. The bastard plunged his tongue into my mouth without my consent, and I saw red.

Get your fucking tongue out of my mouth!

I struggled against him as he began to deeply kiss me. Then he loosened his hand around my throat, too focused on the kiss. I took the opportunity and snapped my fox fangs against his tongue.

Tony let out a loud yelp as he released me at lightning speed. “Argh!”

Falling to the ground on my knees, I wiped my lips, tasting his blood.

Tony was cupping his hand over his mouth and glaring at me, blood oozing out as he pointed a finger at me. “You! You little bastard…”

I didn’t have time to wait around for him to finish his sentence. Escape was the only thing on my mind. I got up, and started running again.

“Get him!” Tony shouted to his lackeys.

Instantly, I was surrounded again, and two lunged at me, one sending his fist into my face while another punched me in the stomach. I collapsed back on the ground, pain soaring through my body like a raging inferno .

I gasped and heaved, and before I could gather myself up, I felt a foot kicking my side repeatedly and relentlessly.

“You bastard! You sick little foxkin bastard!” Tony vented as he continued to furiously kick me. “You piece of dirt. You piece of trash. You scum.”

From years of experience of being beaten, I rolled over and hugged myself into a ball while my hands covered my head and face to protect my most vulnerable areas.

Tony continued to kick me, his boots bashing my forearms and legs. I endured this for how long I didn’t know. Being kicked and bashed felt like an eternity no matter how short or long the beating was. One always wished it ended soon, but that soon always felt like forever. Sometimes, that soon never came. Sometimes, you passed out before it came.

I just knew I had to endure it until Tony had enough. Until it was no longer fun for him. Until he got tired of it. Or until I passed out, which I didn’t want. I knew if I were to pass out, he’d take me back to his place and then he’d assault me again. I didn’t want that. Not again. Never again.

Suddenly, there were the sounds of chatter, and I perked my fox ears.

People? Walking past?

Hope soared within me, and I took the opportunity when it came without question. I shouted, my voice hoarse, “Help! Somebody! Anybody! Please help me!”

Tony halted his kicking and snapped in outrage, “You fucking bastard! ”

“Who’s there?” a voice came from the distance. “Who’s there?”

“Tony!” one of the gang members said, looking behind them in concern. “People! We’ve got to go.”

I heard footsteps running this way.

“Help!” I shouted again. “Help! Call the police! A gang is beating up a boy!”

The footsteps were getting louder, and Tony said, “Fuck!” as he backed away. He pointed a finger at me and said, “Next time. I’m going to fuck you good and then kill you, you little fox.” Then he and his gang backed off and started running away.

Alone and still sprawled on the ground, I sighed in relief. Those footsteps were getting louder, and a moment later, feet appeared.

Two young men came to a stop when they saw me.

My body aching all over, I begged, “Please, help me.”

One backed away the moment he realized what I was while the other simply stood there, staring at me as though he was… mesmerized.

The one who had backed away gaped at his friend and said, “He’s a beastkin. Don’t get involved. Let’s go.” When the other one didn’t move, he yanked him by the arm and snapped, “Hey! I said let’s go.”

The other finally nodded. “Yeah. Beastkin. Better not get involved.” And they both turned on their heels and rushed away.

Alone, I took in a deep breath. Then I gathered myself and somehow managed to get onto my feet. Once again, pain coursed through my body like a raging inferno, and I wanted to scream .

Shit! Fuck!

I took in a deep breath and then started walking, or rather staggering, collapsing against the side of the alleyway before I could even manage two steps.

Shit! This was going to take forever, but I had to get out of here. Tony might come back later, with more of his lackeys, and I didn’t want to be here to greet him. This neighborhood was his territory, or at least that was what he had claimed.

I finally managed to get up and then started moving. Oh, hell, but my head was getting dizzy. My legs gave out suddenly, and I collapsed onto the ground again.

Is this it, huh? Am I going to go just like this, right here?

No! Help!

I needed help. Right now, I wanted to survive. Right now, I needed to survive. Kuro and Aka were waiting for me somewhere. I needed to find them. We had promised we’d find each other.

We promised.

Survive. Live.

I continued to stagger through the alleyway, and my legs gave way now and again. But I was persistent. I needed to find someone to help me. I didn’t care who.

Finally, I was close to the road. I could see streetlights in the distance and figures walking along the pathway.

Relief swept through me. There were people. Surely, at least one of them would help me.

I took another step but felt my knees give out again, and I fell to the ground with a thud. Not one to give up so easily, I lifted my head and said weakly, “Help…”

People continued to walk past. A few glanced my way, but the moment they saw my fox ears, they turned away, a look of disgust in their eyes. A few teenage boys pointed fingers and laughed at me.

“Haha! Beastkin,” one said in mirth.

“Scum of the city.” Another chuckled.

“Why isn’t he in the institute?” a woman commented to her friend; both had their eyes on me as they strolled along.

“Disgusting,” her friend said. “Contaminating our neighborhood. Our city will never be rid of them. Parasites.”

I took in a deep breath, trying to ignore the pains—both physical and emotional—soaring through me. I swallowed any pride left within me and begged again, “Please, help…”

Some made a face in repulsion while most pretended I wasn’t here. They pretended I was a piece of trash on the side of the alleyway. Well, to them, I was a piece of trash, I supposed.

I shut my eyes, suddenly feeling the pain overwhelming me. I took in another deep breath, hoping it’d help. It didn’t.

Oh, fuck…

I lifted my head, and it was then that I saw a tall, lean figure standing there a little distance away. Hope soared within me. This was it. My only chance. When he turned on his heel, I knew I had to act fast. I said weakly, “Please, help me.”

My pleading must have reached him because he paused and then turned to me once again. I heard a soft “Fuck,” from him before he came over to me .

Kneeling close, I could only stare at him. He was gorgeous, with brown hair, smoky eyes, aquiline nose, high cheekbones, strong jawline, and firm lips—a face carved out of granite.

The moment my gaze met his, I felt this sense of warmth and comfort washing over me, a feeling I hadn’t felt for a long time. A feeling I was sure I had forgotten until that moment.

He gathered me into his arms and then picked me up. Beyond grateful for his kindness, I said, “Thank you.”

He didn’t respond. As he carried me toward the street, his expression was stone-cold. Perhaps he, too, like the others, were repulsive of me because I was a beastkin? Although I could admit I didn’t care.

Along the street, I didn’t miss the fact that people were staring at the man, in admiration and appreciation, and then me, either in astonishment or abhorrence, being carried in the man’s arms. My kind weren’t supposed to be seen out in the open like this. Our place was either behind the wall of the institute or deep in the dark alley of the neighborhood. Me, with my distinctive appearance of white hair, fox ears, and fangs, was an eyesore, which most didn’t appreciate.

Despite that I was not ashamed for being a beastkin, I still found myself hiding my face against the man’s chest nonetheless. Having those intense, disapproving gazes on me always felt too raw and uncomfortable, and I’d rather not endure the unpleasantness of it. As exhausted as I was, I chose to close my eyes, shutting the world out of my sight, out of my mind, and soon, I allowed the darkness to take over me.